gift of bein merely mortal

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pencil note, with sand wedged in the seams of the notebook, dated 9/07/08
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I been doin some thinkin, deep, proper thinkin. I run in some heady company. Feathers and Fallen, Fangers and tha like. These are beins who live outside tha wheel of years. We have shards of Primal Forces as guests. Hell. My-She is over a century older than me. And she's on tha first of her Nine too. Abigale is tha only one with fewer years than me. Even Britt has been around longer. Although, ta be truthful, I aughta count tha years since I matured.

As tha boffins would say, I been sexually mature and Changed fer 13 years now. My dam will have likely been dead for 8 of those. If any of my litter are still on four legs, they'll be old by now. Real old. We don't kill easy. I'm like a poster cub fer how much punishment a Shifter can take and still Codril on. But fer how long? And against what odds? What am I gunna face when I front up against whatever holds Labyrinth's will? What will happen when next one of tha Reckonin zap me with their mystic blood magic? When I called on Coyote ta keep My-She from payin too high a price fer healin me, I made a deal and tha Wise know ya don’t cheat Coyote on a deal.

I didn't want ta leave debts unpaid. I wanted ta give back all I had taken. Coyote is pretty literal. I've got a feelin He’s holdin my Timor debts in tha balance too. Those ones run deep, and long. It’s a sure thing that He still has some harshness in my future, but ya know, I’ve got a path and I’m stickin to it. Where was I? oh, yeah. I’ve had some pretty heavy hitters havin a go at me, and my Kin, mostly warranted, but on this I think I aughta say something. With a few exceptions, say, Quillis tha 900 year old Elder of tha Pack, (and once Omega, once Beta, Once Alpha, who knows what rank she’ll hold next) and a few others, as best I know, we Shifters live a fairly regular Fleshie lifetime. That’s a mega bonus ta a Four-Legger like me, where at best, in captivity, we live 15 years. Ha, and folks have a go at Fleshies fer bein “fleetin”. If only they knew. Take a walk on tha Wild side, sometime.

Of course, most Shifters end up as a chunky red smear much before old age, its in our nature ta be in tha thick of it, where tha metal, tooth and claw meets tha meat. When I think of all my cousins I have met in Tox, and then either never heard of again, or heard their final howl tearin through tha greasy night, I count myself triple blessed I got my Family ta fall back on. There been some times I was pretty sure I’d end up as a rug either at tha foot of tha throne in tha Pit, or as road pizza. I know I only got tha one life. I know tha long count of my days are numbered. Fer that very reason, I gotta live every day like it was my last, like tha next thing I say is tha LAST thing I say. Like tha next touch is tha last kindness I have ta give or get.

Tha fire that burns twice as bright, burns half as long, they say, and when I look at my Brothers and Sisters, my Cousins and Loved Ones, both blessed and cursed with long lives, eternal, some of them, I can’t help but think, maybe I’m tha lucky one. I will burn hot, so hot that I will melt stone, and, Coyote willin, give them somthin ta remember me by, with a smile, before my days are through. Because that’s how I will leave my mark, eternal as fire-shaped stone.