Killing Joah

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Dark mud smeared pencil note, dated 23/11/2008
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Tracked Spirit Gal's scent to the crane by tha Factory, and up I went, along tha rail line, as saw her sittin on the ledge. A looked at her, and tha Thing glanced up. “well, lookit there . . . far away from tha rest of tha meat?” The Thing said “The meat? I suppose you could call it that....” It just makes me so mad, this bastard, stole my Spirit Gal, wanderin around in her. So I say to it“what i dont get is if yer so old and poowerful, why take a meat body anyway? just make one meat is . . . just meat, after all” The Thing don’t much like that “That is what you think of this one? Just meat? You hurt it, you know.” Bastard. I tried ta get It ta stop gouging tha mind of Raven’s Song, I asked Tha Library ta smack her about a bit. It stopped. “i know i did got yer attention though, didn't i?” Bastard Thing told me “It's shoulder is dislocated. She hurts. I do not.” Not good. So I vaulted over tha rail from tha tracks ta tha crane and told It ta give me her arm, she don’t resist. just looked up at me. I tenderly took her arm, and feels up from the elbow to the shoulder, and closed my eyes, manipulating it. I didn’t dare open myself up ta heal it, in case it came back up tha link ta me, but I still got my trainin, and as tha Govenator said I got “detailed files” on Fleshie anatomy. “and ya know what? ta set her free?” Joah’s body winced in pain as I worked. "What?" It asked. “i'll kill her ta free her from you, if i have to” I opened my eyes and looked as her as I reset tha shoulder with a jerk.


“she may not thank me, they usually don’t but she'd be free. Free” Joah's body grits her teeth. "You think that matters?" it hisses at me, but I know what I’m dealin with by now, I think, “i dont think you have a concept ta compare it ta” The Thing reaches one hand out to the metal bar beside her. She touches it and ice coats it making it brittle. With a snap she tears it off. "You are mistaken, dog. I've watched you before the world." Tha arrogance of these Godlings, that before they were befer so much, they are beyond us, or better than us. It shits me “then ya watched dumb” I said ta It.


Tha Thing disagrees, of course it would "No. I watched with eyes wide open. Ears hearing." Joah takes the broken bar in her hand. "Each of your steps from the primoridal ooze to legs and paws and claws." She raises the bar studying it. “yer a second rate Laybrinth, and ya stole from me, and mine, least tha Huntress offered herself . . . . tha shoulder will be stiff, mind ya work inta full rotation . . . I turn away from It, and started ta climb down. The Thing called after me "I offer no one anything. I am without form." Joah raised tha bar and plunged it inta her chest, heaving Her body shuddered as it was impaled. "Waste. Void." Blood begins to form at her mouth. "See what I do to the body you care so little for, dog."


I screamed at it, and ran back up tha steps as her body began ta slump. The whispers came through her mouth didn't move. "You said you'd kill it. Let me save you the trouble." At some stage I think I tore a toe claw off, but I didn’t notice till after. I just snatched her up, held her tight and jumped off tha crane, inta tha deep water of tha port, into the water, to tha Wide River. In tha eternity between ledge and water-strike I watched the light in Joah's eyes begin ta fade. I called out with all my bein fer tha one I knew could make it there ta help me. Who would hear tha call and feel Spirit Gal’s need as I did. At tha moment we woulda hit tha water, tha oppressive heat and humidity of tha Dark Jungle slamed into us as I trudged down tha backs inta tha to Wide River. “welcome to Death” Her eyes were wide and starin, barely a flicker of life let in them. Blood streamed down her chest from tha wound. The whispers said, "If that is what you wish for her, Coyote. She won't return. The body will be .... destroyed." They echo in many voices.

Fuckin bastard would lie and cheat me of my Spirit Gal, rule one, never believe tha kidnapper with a gun to his own head. I waded in ta tha River lettin the icy dark water wash over, stingin cold in the jungles heat. Tha Thing lay limp in my arms, the voices laughed at me, those Nail-their-God-to-a-Stick folks would call it a Baptisp. I call is a Sacred Rebirth. All birth comes with pain. He heard my Call, and into tha River decended Denethorn, in true Feather Grace. I looked up at my looked up at him, eyes glazing, fur slick with blood and sweat "now!" He heard tha Call, but I guess I need ta work on content “"FB, what is going on and where am I?" he asked curiously, he was looking about, kinda like he knew, but not sure “yer in tha Wide River, Angel-Brother. Death is here.” The Thing: in a rush of whispers that filled tha silent air, "The dog wished this body to die." Joah's lips didn’t move. "He brought it here. To the river of death." Tha laughter seemed ta come up from indise me, and I didn’t like it, not one bit.

“but Death stops here, From here, nothing dies.” I lifted Joah’s body in the water “Death is my ally, here” My Angel-Brother blinked and mutters and does his best to not cry out and speak calmly "I... I am assuming the Tohu has injured, Lady Grace..."
i turned and showed tha iron bar rammed inta Joah's chest “ya could say that”
her eyes flickered as if the light is going out of them. Blood washed from her clothes, spilled from her lips inta that cold, dark water. Featherpants sighed and grumbled "How may I help?" he remains strangely calm, I guess all them years has gotten him use to this... “It tried ta hurt me by hurtin Joah, cause i told it i'd kill her ta free her. Fuckin Ancient Spirits, so much power, so little BALLS. . . . hold her?” and i offered her still body like a precious flower to him. The Thing whispered at us "I have dwelt ever in realms apart from the visible world," the voices lilt. He nodded, and took her from me "I see... Sure..." and he held his hands out to hold the beauty he calls Lady Grace and I Name Spirit Gal, we pass her, passed from one of her lovers to another, from one Brother to another.

“then ya shoulda know better than ta come ta where we can bind ya” I say ta it as her blood swirls in the cold darkness. Here’s a hint. NEVER look under tha waters of tha Wide River, unless ya don’t value yer mind. The voices whisper and the wind rushes. "The River s more ancient than the mountains, and freighted with the memories and the dreams of Time. I am beyond both." Featherpants gives its yammerin a yawn "Stupid fool does not even know I am prince of a forgotten kingdom long dead, I have dwealt in other worlds too..." I take a grip of tha bar in her chest, the icy water numbing and slowing her flesh and mine. The Thing just keeps at it whilst I do my Work. "Life is a hideous thing," the voices laugh. "You didn't want the body. I will take it" I hate It. I hate what It has done, tha contempt It has shown its vessel, my Spirit Gal. There is a covenant between spirit and flesh, and this has been flaunted. Featherpants is getting cranky now and grumbled "Look, stupid, I want the woman and the body back, stop pissing me off and shut yer trap, otherwise I'll shut it fer ya" he growls "And dn't think I can't" which is good, cause now I’m ready.

“before, maybe, but yer in tha River now, you have no idea, Old Spirit , what i sacrifice, for her. you couldn’t. you took her Fire and in this water, i give it BACK” Tha Thing gets one more shot off "Only the silent can tell all that has lain hidden," its whispers mocked. So I played my hand. I reached inta tha water, and fished in my cargo pockets for tha leather bag I had given tha Messenger. She had showed me her lucky coin, and told me she used ta make more fer her master, when she was in a cage. She’d been kind enough ta make two fer me, she knew I aint interested in wealth, and could see that it was a sacred thing fer me. So she did. Two coins fer tha River Crossing. I opened tha bag and took out tha two doubloons. “see these? Tha Messenger made em for me, know what they're for?” my Feathered Brother nodded.

My paw started ta steam and smoke as I held tha coins, I could feel tha burn, and tha tingle of tha Other Side callin. The Thing gurgled. It suddenly KNEW. Maybe Featherpants didn’t but I told themn both, ta make sure It knew. Intent is all. He blinked and told me ta be careful. But I was well past bein fuckin careful. “it burns me. its tha sacred fire of tha sun, given shape and form” I put both coins in one paw and made a fist, tha pain was searin, like a blowtorch, I could hear my paw burnin, seein flames lick between my knuckles. “I see” my Brither said, takin it in. Smoke and steam rose up from me and again, It spoke at us "cold, humorous stars only the dying sun and the pale mournful planets," the voices whisper. Featherpants snarled at it "I SAID... SHUT... UP!!!" I reached out with my other paw and griped the bar. “tha sacred source of life, tha all fire, tha light that drove tha emptiness away.

I yanked tha bar out, I could hear tha wet slurpin sound of it as it came free, runnin over ribs and back outta her meat and lungs, its smooth sides slipping cleanly from the wound and I tossed it like a dart inta tha banks of tha River. The voices lilt in a mirthful laugh. "Prying the bar means death....." Joah's body went right slack. My time was up. I pressed one coin against the wound with my burnin paw and growled out at It. “Nothing. Dies. Here. Death. Stops. Here.” Then I did something I’d have cursed ya out for a fuckin nong if ya would tell me I’d have ever done. I put tha other coin in my mouth. Featherpants smirked and whispered to It"You are wrong also in the aspect that death means nothing to us..." and she convulsed in tha water. My mouth. Oh Goddess, my mouth, it burnt, steam and fire in my mouth, in my lungs, comin outta my nose, as I felt Fetherpants pumpin power inta me from On High. I stopped bein able ta see and moved in close ta find Joah’s face. There was a pop, and I felt fire spillin outta my lips. I know I was makin noises, but all I could think of was ta kick that bastart out of my Spirit Gal.

I bent over, and kissed her, letting tha fire breathe outta me, and inta her. Sacred Flame. Sacred Kiss. Fire of Life. Kiss of Life. Between tha fuck-off pain, tha icy sting of tha River, I barely felt tha tingle of tha Other Side no more, but I knew it was there, callin me, and something else, like shadows beginin ta gather around us. At first, furtive little ones, then bolder ones in dark clouds. I could see bright red through my clenched eyes, goin ta white as Featherpants Came Forth. But then something odd happened, I felt tha River pull away from me, I didn’t move, but tha weight pulled away from my belly, my legs. Tha River was trying to get away from Life as I burned inside and out. Over my own sounds, I geard as gasp, and felt her body move. I felt tha shadows give way, and move off. I heard tha sizzle and pop of me, burnin and tha low lap of tha River, holdin back.

Spirit Gal’s voice. I heard her voice, from so far away. "Grr? D-d-denenthorn?" she was stammerin in a breathy whisper. I opened my eyes and saw, though my tears, that she was lookin up at him, from tha waters where he held her, she looked at me, and tha River washed back over me. I guess I kinds slumped inta it, spittin out that fuckin coin, which was still burnin, musta had parts of me stuck ta it. It hit tha water and boiled on tha way down fer just a second. My muzzle went under, and I heard tha Other Side callin, callin strong. Oh, Goddess, tha fear of that. I got too much ta do, I cant Cross, I owe, I owe big, and I gotta pay off my debt, like in tha deal. I coughed as that icy blackness put tha fires in me out, spultterin and in desperate panic, I scrambled up through the mud up the bank curled up into a ball, shuddering, almost out of my mind in pain, fear and grief. I know that now.

In tha Faraway I heard Featherpants sayin “Name, rank, and smethin about you no one else would know?" and Spirit Gal’s voice askin "What happened?" there was a pause, and th heat of tha Dark Jungle soaked back inta me, burnin in a different way ta tha coins did. "Nothin much, my brother just almost killed himelf to save yer ass..." I heard him yawn. And Spirit Gal, clear as a bell across a valley"Is he alright?" she asks with worry. The wind begins to stir. That was odd. Ain’t no wind by tha River, nor in tha Dark Jungle. But at tha time, all I could do was lift my head, and then I saw it, Tha Wide River. Waitin. I was sprawled on tha back, face down in tha mud and when I looked at tha River I just kicked up and away from it, whimperin and whining.

Featherpants snarled I don’t know who to "He better be, otherwise I'm gonna hunt Tohu va Bahu and utterly destroy his soul and send it to Lucifer..." musta been ta Spirit Gal, I hear her too, I try to dig a foxhole in tha mud. Everythin’s better when yer in yer hole. They can’t see ya when yer in yer hole. Tha shrapnel will miss you when yer in yer hole. Sometimes. "Take me to him...please," Joah begged. I hear their feet as they crunch and mush over to me, someone knelt next ta me and I felt a hand "Come on, FB, it's ok you did wonderful..." I looked up, saw their faces as I lay there, lookin down at me and it all came rushin back. THa firefight at tha Firebase, tha Felines comin over tha barricades, and heard tha whine, tha shrill wine of tha shell that took me here tha first time. I bet my eyes just rolled wildly from face ta face and then back at tha River, I could see my feet, pushin away from it and started clutchin my belly and chest. Tha burnin, tha burnin inside me.

I heard Spirit Gal kneelin by me too, leanin over me. The wind roared loud, the trees bent in tha wind. No wind in tha Dark Jungle, no wind by tha Wide River, it’s a still, still place. "My brother you are ok, you sacrifice much and now tat sacrifice is over and Joah is here to protect you as am I..." I opened my muzzle ta warn him, ta warn her, but I was burt too bad, all I could do was ta make a keein noise, cracked and raw and just cry, runnin paws over my old wounds and stare at tha River. Featherpants stood up, tha mud not stickin ta him and he looked down at us both and sighed as he grabbed his cane outta no-where and just guardin, like we was his most precious treasures. Spirit Gal was cryin, and holdin me. I like her eyes. She’s got nice eyes, and she always smelt good. Like fresh dress uniform. I wished I coulda smelt her then, but all I could smell was burnt me and mud. The wind began ta howl, her hair whips back, the trees bend low ta the ground.

Its time, I just wanted ta be away. I tried ta close my eyes but when I did, tha Dark comin fer her was there, waitin in my Other Sight, and that was scarier than seein tha River. Just. So I panted, clutchin my belly and Spirit Gal holds me tight, and I feel her fer tha first time, she was pourin herself inta me, takin my burns, takin it inta her. I reatched up, and clung ta her, and grabbed at Featherpant’s leg, holdin them both like I was drownin. I guess I was. A roarin sound is heard as waves from the River pounded into tha shore. "I want it back!" I guess I healed enough ta croak out “Spirit Gal . . .i love you . . .i'll always come for you, Always” as I looked from tha faces of my Brother and Sister-Lover. She looked up inconfusion and pain. "I...beloved...." She twisted her mouth, her face grimaced in pain and her lips sealed tight. It was back, so I told it, lookin from tha River to It "and that . . . that you will never know, will you?" Tha Thing convulsed as the wind howls. "She is MINE," voices say in a rush of whispers. “no, she aint. theft dont make ownership. she is HERS” I pushed myself up ta all fours in tha mud. The Thing stood, lookin from Featherpants ta me. Tha look of worry and concern on her face is off, it aint right. She laughs silently at me, unable to speak.

Featherpants lets go of his own shell as his eyes rolls into the back of his head and a strong boomin voice came outta nowhere and everywhere "Abomination!" it screams "I cal thee forth, it is time to BOW DOWN!" I couldn’t take all this, I go down inta tha mud again. He booms at It "Come out, Tohu, face a King!" as I crawl away, back ta my foxhole scratchin. The Thing turned and followed me nudged me with the toe of her boot, the reared back her foot and kicked me in tha ribs. Bastard. Tha winds seem ta pick up as a storm darker than night came forth and surrounds my Brother. The Thing looked at the sky. I grabbed at Its foot, and yankin it ta topple It, never get inta a mud fight with a jungle fighter but Featherpants trumps me "Away from HIM!" and throws up his hand, castin fuckin Lightning and aiming at Joah' body, seeming to miss by inches as his eyes flick ta me holdin her.

I go back down as tha static gives me a zap but Tha Thing just stands still, grinnin at me. She turned back toward Featherpants and smiled. His True Form, tha Darkstorm spoke "You're fucking with the wrong woman, YOUNG spirit" he held out his hand and growled "Remove you slimy paws from my Kryptonite, Tohu..."I looked up from the mud as Tha Thing stretched her arms out and smiled. The Darkstorm grabbed It by the arm "perhaps it is time for you to enter my nightmare..." The Thing whiped her head around, realisin it was in tha shit now. He looked down me as they began ta fade away, dematerializin into nothing and he whisperd "Allow chaos to handle this, rest and stay away, you will not be able to help her nor I..." I just nodded and pushe myself deeper into my muddy hole.

Even this, fer all tha risk. Fer all tha cost, was worth it, if fer nothing else, It knows what we’re willin ta do ta get her back.

Failin that. I told her.

ain't no place like Home

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Pencil note in a messy hand, ash-smeared in places, dated 7-07-08
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I have a room. A room that’s all mine. Not a bunk, not a corner of a cell. A room. All fer me. Her Ladyship has a new House, and I got a room. All fer me. I don’t have a lot of stuff, not really. Clothes, my good stuff that My-She and Her Ladyship love so much, and all tha shirts I go through. My weapons systems, tha ones that I don’t leave stashed in Tox, just in case, mind you. She had a chest put in, so I can square it all away.

My-She helped me decorate, and so did Her Ladyship. My-She got me a big rug ta lay on, used ta be a bear. Smells of Den. Its soothing. Comfy too. I put up some pictures I got made. My part of tha Great Song. A Picture of My-She. I kinda went crazy with tha walls, and covered one wall with a reccy-pic of Tox, tha other a portrait of us Three, by tha fire. That one’s in colour, so I can see it proper when I walk as Fleshie.

I said I wanted plants, so I could smell tha green, and sleep on my mat easier, and wouldn’t yua know? I came Home one time and Her Ladyship had put grassy flowers in pots all around my mat, makin a little Den fer me. Now I can wake and see plants, not just walls when I open my eyes.

So many of my Pack are there, Her Ladyship, and Hers; Poncho and Denny, Ry has tha room next ta me. Merma stays with Poncho. Jon comes by often. My-She is only a Song away, with her own home ta keep, where I feel just as welcome by her and hers.

I'll likely still bed-down in tha Library fairly often too, in case i'm needed, just curl up here by tha side of tha Fire. But i got a room of my own. Its fer me. No bars ta cage me in, I come and go as I please. I don’t know how often I’ll be stayin there, but when I do, I know I can call it Home.

Gone Fishin

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Pencil note on water spotted paper, with greasy spots smelling of creole spices dated 16/6/08
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I tracked My-She's scent through South Tox to tha bay, and off by tha breakwater I saw her, sittin starin out over tha breakers so I took a swim. Tha water in tha bay is oily, but tha surf keeps it from bein too stagnant. On tha way over, as I paddle as quiet as I can, I spy some movement under me. "Always take an easy meal" my drill instructors used ta say. So I duck-dive, pullin my short sword free as I do and hit bottom. It ain't natural, a Shifter in War-Form on tha sandy bottom of a bay in amoungst tha rocks, but then again a shark would have ta have some -big- balls ta try me. Croc's too, they're tasty. But taday I had crab in my sights. A fast thrust and press and my prey was well and truly McFucked. Half way down my blade and wrigglin as I surfaced and clamboured up tha rocks to My-She.

I shook tha water off and brandished my trophy, my food offerin ta My-She.
"err, i got dinner . . ." She smiled ""is it ok if i want my share cooked?" I told her i can do that too, My-She looked past me at somethin "walking on water... i thought only one guy in history did that." I asked "Bob?" as Sorenz nodded a greeting to us, the fishing couple as he put it. My-She greeted him whilst I wrestled with the big blue crab " hi Sorenz, how are you?" he said he was fine and asked if there were any bites?. I waved my crab on the sword "just tha one, but i fucked his shit RIGHT up." he said that it looked right tasty and if we weœe gonna steam it or broil it. My-She laughed and told him we were gunna
bbq it.

"i got drift wood, and cyclohex tabs" as I sheathed my sword holdin tha crab in one paw fishin in my pack. My-She asked "cyclowhat?", so I told her "fire starters" and she got a funny look in her eyes "um.. my One?, my most amazing One? um.. see..." I frowned and bashed the crab, tryin ta make a break for it "im a witch.. right?" she went on as I was distracted "mmm? Wait, which?"
She went on "um.. one thing i can do is .. start a fire" Obvious. What a drongo, of course she can! So i grined and ploped the deadish crab on the driftwood. She just looked at the wood and it burst into flame, then glancin at me says "such is....."
and I finish fer her "YOUR awesome power!" SIMAP. Tha true source of force. Understandin tha part Will plays in makin shit happen. She nods and cackles "ok.. chalk up another use for me.. good for when the power goes out . I poked at the sizzlin crab on the cackling driftwood fer a bit. Tha shades of tha flames were really. I bet they were pretty colours too.

"ya know, My-She, this is a really beautiful spot ya invited me ta dinner at" go me pullin out tha smooth lines. My-She reached into a pouch and pulled out a palmful of Old Bay Seasoning and sprinkles it on the crab, which sets me ta droolin as she says " t'was a good spot to come think" I want ta make it over her walls, not bust through em. Infiltrate, not assault. I, really, really think I love her. At least, I think that’s what this feelin is. I don't know what I wouldn't do fer her. don’t know what i'd do without her. "I, erm, like bein here with ya" stunnin wit again from tha Shifter. She smiled "i like being anywhere you are" a keep at it, "almost looks peaceful, dont it?" She looks back over my way, ta Tox. "it is peaceful, i havent heard gunfire all day" almost there, I try one more, "it is, now, with ya here, and some sizzly crab". My-She sighs "i'm sorry i stomped off, my One, just being a moody bitch.. i really am sorry" I think of somethin quick, point up at the sky, "see that glow?, thats tha moon . . . ha. truuuust me, i get it. My-She looks and sighs again "the full moon is still more than 2 days off"

"I get pissy fer worse reasons than some snooty trouble maker who was pusshin EVERYBODYS buttons" My-She looks at me "wasn't Spa..and she best not be thinking i left because of her self importance" but I try ta keep tha talk flowin. "I meant Kaine.." not tha right answer either. "oh I’m not upset at him either." I take a moment ta flip the crispy crab, singin my paw in tha process as she goes on "about what was offered him, yes" she catches me burnin myself "goofy mutt it's hot" which leads ta tha inevitable "thats what that stuff is right?" she looks at tha crab then at me, lickin my paw. "the red stuff is spices" so I blow a raspberry and steal a crispy leg "or are you meaning the fire...." I wink "yeah tha MOVIN hot stuff, ha." I pop tha whole leg, shell and all inta my mouth and munch it. All goodness, and go on. "so, whats tha trouble with kaines possition?" My-She breaks off a leg and snaps the end from it .. sucking the meat and juices and spices from it "ages ago.. while I was still a coven member.. i offered.. to Miss and to Tony.. to help run the coven.. my offer was turned down so i end up in the haven... which was a happy thing because we met there and now in the OI.. where im sorry but i feel less than useless much of the time. and kaine gets asked to go to the coven to help run it" we pause ta eat more legs as they cook

"yer dream post, goin ta loser after loser, fuck, thats tough" My-She is a tough kitty though, just shrugs "not my dream post.. but at least something i might be useful at" so I try ta lighten her mood as best as I can, barracks-style "well . . . . maybe if he had . . . .an accident . . . 'oops, Kaine's fuckin head fell off and got hit by a tree chipper' . . . ha" but she looks at me with a mock witherin stare "you know better than that. there is a reason there are no chippershredder things in Toxia, they wont let you have THAT much fun, sorry, my One". Well what can I say ta that, but I think my ploy worked. I grab the crab, snaps it in two with a flick of my wrist and claws and pass one steaming spicy half over, the more spiced and less burnt half.

"did i explain about the dead dinos?" She gave me a shirt. I kill shirts. This one read "tha dinos, I kilied them" she picked a large juicy hunk of crab meat from her half.. and holded them out for me to nibble. Typical, she's so good ta me. "naw, ya didn't, .please?" so, she does. "well..there is this sex toy.. called an eroscillator, it's one of those things a guy should never ever guy his lady. because they are so amazing as to render the guy completely unneeded. apart from cooking and cleaning, taking the garbage out, and um.. dead things..yeah, so anyway.." I butt in"can ya smash spiders with it?" stoppin her fer a moment "i um.. have said device.. um.. if i was inclined to get THAT close to a spider... maybe." more chance fer mistchief. "i get weekends off for beer and sport! And make my yobbo face. "wait wait wait, what kind of sport?" woops. She's got me now. I don’t no anythin. " uhh...cricket?"
My-She looks amazed "do you actually understand that game?" but that gives me a out "ahaha, NO ONE understands that game thats why it takes three fuckin DAYS, ta TEST . . .ahhaahah" My-She looks amused. I win. "brits.. what do you expect, anyyyyyyyyyyyyway i have the aforementioned device and at one point in time... used it on my dearest friend Kaj. who now lives in utter terror of it.. so.. the other day.. we were all standing and talking.. and somehow.. she brought up the eroscillator... and i had to sadly explain that it was dead... that i had killed it... she goes "you killed your erosothingie? and Master... almost as goofy as you can be... goes.. "wait!!! you killed a velociraptor??" hence.. the tshirt. I just burst out lauguin.

I almost roll inta tha bay as she mutters ta herself "it made more sense in my head at the time..." but i'm awready plannin, "oh, i cant wait to show them, thats CLASSIC "she killed it . . .with her PUSSY" " and she laughs "i knew right then that a) i would make the tshirt and b) you of all people would truly enjoy wearing it once you knew the back story" so I keed at it "i'd be afraid, but im too aroused" which causes her ta giggle "afraid of a pussy??" wind up, "hell YES, if it can kill a velociraptor, whats it gonna do to ME" which makes her cough "the question really is.. do you care that much? you would die happy...after all.. they did.." she wrinkled her nose "can i keep you alive instead?" so I tell her I prefer option TWO and she agrees, claimin the only use for a dead wuff is as a rug, and they STILL shed, that i give good hug and i cook and i make her smile. so alive it is, ok? I pipe up "or even undead" which she answers "either or" but then frowned .. thinkin. "but you aren't... so... planning to become undead?"

"err, no. i like bein me. and brains .. . kinda bland and mushy" I make a zombie face. She leans over and kisses me, face and all "i kinda like you being you too. lets catch more crabs and cook them over the fire in tha library, feed tha Family" I flick out my short sword with a flourish, she told me ta be careful with it in her face and grinnin we went swimmin and crabbin. I wanted to give Choi crabs, so she could take them back to share with Jon. I’m a givin critter.

Mission: accomplished!

Dimentox's Gift, Omega's Delight.

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A pencil entry, in a very messy hand, messier than normal dated 13-06-08
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It was a quiet night by tha fire. I was sittin listenin ta small talk when with a flurry Her Ladyship and Ry come in in a swirl of smiles. Brings a leap ta my heart ta see Her so pleased. A strong and happy Leader makes fer a strong and happy Family. Their small-talk is easy and light, matchin thier moods. Ry and me got a good thing goin. Him and My-She are like cousins. I like tha big lion. He's got style and my low sense of humour. He makes Her and She happy. What else could a critter ask fer in a brother? Tha peace don't last long though.

Beaumont, one of Dimentox's sprogs sauntered in with a snear and a waft of vaseline. Charmin fella. Considerin his Sire killed one of my Kin in tha Haven outta hand ta send a message i guess my opinion is coloured. Still. Tha contempt from tha man was thick in tha air. He comes in disdainfully sits and -tells- Her Ladyship we need more chairs, cause last time him and his brood-mates met, one of tha dears had ta stand. Do em good I say. Not like they work tha fields or anythin.

He makes some jibes ta Her Ladyship about tha company She keeps. How tedious it must be fer Her ta be surrounded by "flash in tha pan" bein's like me, Ry and all us "mortals". I remind him of tha sayin "tha candle that burns twice as bright..." cause he rankles my hackles. I know he could wipe tha floor with me, if he felt like it. His Sire's power surges through him. I can sense it. But I don't like tha assuption of superiority. Power don't make a better Bein. Her Ladyship made comment on how Dimentox had been content with how She ran things in Her House well before -he- had appeared "unsaught and unannounced"

Then he makes a tellin mistake. Like I say. I might not be his peer, but neither is he, Her peer. He remembered aloud that he had a message and a Gift fer Her from Dimentox, and crossed tha space from where he sat ta Her. Reached out ta touch Her. I outta respect fer Her, and ta show She didn't need any guards, but that she had them, I looked away. Left him ta do what he would. So I didn't see what happened. I just hear Her Ladyship call out "do NOT touch me, Childer", and he was rebuffed.

Now I watched him as he stood, glowerin for a moment, before turning his eyes on me and sayin ta her "fine then, I will give it to yer mutt instead." and zapped me. With, somethin. I felt like i'd had a bucket of warm water poured slow over me, warmin me. There was a smell of sudden blood. Tha smell ya get when someone next ta ya gets a fist sized hole shot outta their chest by a sniper, or if ya tear someones arm off. That blood spray smell. I sat, and wondered if I was dead but didn't know it yet. I sat for a second or two. Just breathin and blinkin. Was only a few days since I got Healed. I got stuff ta do, I don’t got tha time nor luxury of bein dead.

Beaumont sits back down as Her Ladyship goes off Her nut at him. Callin him fer touchin me, he backed outta that sayin he didn't -touch- me, which he didn't. He -zapped- me. She asked if I was awright. Ry looked nervously between us all. He's got spirit, my Lion-brother does, but this was heavier shit than he was expectin. Someone asked how I felt, if I was ok. I let em know I wasn't hurt, but I was pissed. Pissed and desperate not ta shame Her Ladyship by startin some shit in Tha Library of all places. So I stood up. Took my time. Casual as I could show. I reached and pushed Ry ta one side, partially ta give me clear line of sight, partially ta get him clear of tha danger zone and partially ta make a point ta Beaumont that his "gift" was ta no crazed mutt, but a Praetor of Tha Omega Institute, a proud and free Lycan.

I took a pad closer and addressed him as formal as I could. Thanked him fer Dimentox's Gift. Let him know it was appreciated, as was tha gesture and that I hoped his Sire would be happy it had been bestowed on a mear mortal, just a Lycan, and that in a few short years when I was dead and dust, the memory of tha Gift would still be cherished fer what it was. I stood, waitin, waitin, as Her Ladyship suggested in terms as sharp as tha onion chopper I wear at my side, just how much She thought of his stunt, that if Dimentox wanted ta send Gifts he was always welcome, as he ever had been, and had no need to send messenger boys.

Beaumont musta got tha hint. Got in a huff too, and told us Dimentox was too busy. That pretty much summed up his visit. Shortly after he made a break fer it and left us in peace. Once he did I sat back down and told em all again I was ok. Which I was. Felt kinda funny, but I was ok. Seemed tha effect of tha zappin had worked its way ta Her Ladyship roundabouts, must have been tha smell, cause as soon as She stopped bein angry, She headed fer tha stairs, callin ta Ry ta join Her, commenten in a husky voice that tha smell of blood had kinda distracted her. I quietly kept tha others occupied, givin Ry a sidelong smile and a wink. Talkin ta tha faces that came and went.

All too soon though, Rh had ta flit, a Pet's duties were never done, it seemed and it was with edgy steps that I heard Her Ladyship return, still distracted and restless. She walked past us all over ta tha far window and looked out. I caught Her eye and was a touch worried. I left tha others ta tha talk of Tha Reckonin, and their plans and motivations. Crossin tha floor I paused ta look ta both doors.
Force of habit. Never can be too careful. I pad over to tha far window where She waits. She's absent mindedly touchin tha window frame, lookin pailer than normal. I'm guessin that She didn't get much of a feed.

"Did you smell it? Smell the blood? It filled the room" I nod to Her. I more than smelt it, I felt it. She looks at me, and I get swept up in tha depth of Her history. Not age. History. I see tha Predator in Her, but know no fear in it. Its one way we're equals. I heard gossip that Her Ladyship feeds on all Her Praetors, but actually She don't. It ain't a part of tha job. She only feeds on a handfull all told. Several have held that Rank. Some never would. I don't know how She decides. I think its different fer each. But She only feeds from willin, healthy folks. She don't share. She's not over fond of, animals neither. I guess I’m kinda an exception. I always been in my Fleslie form for Her, previous. I see Her need. I feel it. It don't scare me, even though I seen what can happen. Tenguska. Poncho's throat all but torn out.

I pad up and asked Her if She wanted me ta Shift. She shook Her head. Fergettin, I figure, that it don't hurt me not a bit anymore. Just waves me close and holds me. She's warm, but less so than a Fleshie. Tha Fire-Within. Pale though, very pale. I offer her my hand, rollin wrist up ta show where my fur is thinist. Hair, hoof or horn. Don't bother me none, but Her Ladyship is discernin. With a sigh she looks up and asks. She always asks. Always asks and always uses my Name. I strengthen tha Family with my body and blood. I feed a friend, who I trust, and love. Its a bond of a pack. Ta share. Ta give.

She takes my wrist ta Her mouth and with a final look, ta my nod, She bit down. Here's tha thing. Ya take from life what it gives ya. At Her bite I hear tha wind in tha tall grass,that endless woosh of free scrub. Tha soft earth under paw, tha chase with tail held high. As I was, in my War-Form, I get big. I'm healin almost as fast as She's feedin. Tha call of tha wind is tha reminder as we leant against tha window. I'm still scannin, chow time's a perfect ambush time. Princess Miss strides by and I answer her grin and wave with a sleepy nod of my own. Her hunger is deep, but not urgent and I ain't fadin, not like durin tha New Moon.

Clingin, once She's had Her fill, I wrap Her in my arms, lettin tha feelin make itself known more than my crappy talkin can. I had clawed tha wall sometime as She had fed. Four gouges in tha stone, fresh and raw. I had marked Tha Library. I looked at my wrist, damp from Her mouth and red with a trickle of my blood. I knew in a flash what to do. Dippin a claw in my blood I started ta scribble in tha gouges my message. Footsteps, scent, voices.

My-She has come. I turned and grinned lazily ta her as tha two of them embraced. I kept scribblin as Her Ladyship told My-She that She'd just had a very sweet drop, and wondered if she'd like a taste herself. I winked ta My-She and kept scribin my message. Had ta be quick, or else it'd dry. I'd already fully healed. They kissed, deeply and My-She did get a taste of me from Her Ladyships still bloody lips. When they parted, both of em looked at me, nodding, as I finished my marks, then back to each other. Her Ladyship wondered aloud what My-She might taste of. "fire and spice, Lady" came the answer. Tha lights of passion were in both their eyes and my nose flared at tha smell of My-She's arrousal. Again, She asked, and My-She made it very clear she too, wanted to give, nurture and be Known by taste. Its our Way. In our Natures.

Her Ladyship held My-She close again, cradlin her head in one hand and slippin tha other down her spine ta tha base of her tail. Ta that sweet spot where ass meets tail and tail becomes spine. Tha hollow. Her Ladyship stretches up as My-She leans in and mouth meets neck. Fangs I know are there do their job and I see tha shudder roll through her. I finished my scribble and turn propper around, and take tha step ta touchin range, and wrap them both in my arms. Close, warm, and held. I got long arms, and even though i'm not as meaty as some of my Kin, not too boney. Tha fur helps too, I been told. Her Ladyship is gentle. She ain't have a reason ta rush, She's savourin and My-She knows it too, I think. Eventually they break and for a moment we just stand, held and holdin before Her Ladyship moves and with a smile moves off, ta take her seat passin Belshazaroth, who I think was pissy at not bein seen as a snacky-treat fer Her Ladyships amusement.

Like I said awready, She is paticular about who She feeds offa. Her Praetors ain't meal-tickets. She only takes what’s given. She don't drink from bags nor communal sources, be they Pools or Blood Dolls like Bel. I don't know why she choses some and not others. Ain't my business. My business is ta see ta tha needs, safety and security of my Family. I do so outta love, respect and instinct.

I was starvin. Whatever Dim's sprog had zapped me with was reduced ta a throb by Her Ladyship, so I suggested a trp to tha Diner for my special burgers. My-She, Blaze and me weœe gonna eat, Her Ladyship would join us for earthy company, and a feelin of tagetherness. Ta make sure My-She and me looked after our needs too. Which we did, burgers. Then fixed a gas-leak. Ask Choi about that sometime.

What did I scribe in my fresh, Dimentox-boosted blood inta tha livin stone of Tha Library? Tha start of somethin bigger. A warnin. A Mark.

I am GrrBrool.
I am a protector of this place
Bring no ill will,
Know no dread.

Healing Old Wounds

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Pencil entry dated 9/6/08 Two different pencils had to be used due to the length
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Dear ratty old notebook, I got some bloody brilliant news. i been runnin about doin stuff, feelin good, livin life to busy ta write about my amazin good fortune. My amazin friends. My amazin Family. My amazin love.

Last week I got a call that a body had been found, second one like it, and another set of eyes would be useful. I arrive as Jon, Poncho and Her Ladyship are talking quietly. They fill me in but there isn't much to tell about what was already a cleaned scene. "err, i think i need ta see tha first body . . i might be able ta tell somethin from it . ..bodies i know . . ." Poncho looks over to Her Ladyship to confirm, who nods. Poncho looks over "First body is in the morgue, follow me" Her Ladyship agrees "Yes, I think that is a wise idea" and we head over. When we get there I look about and speak quietly "Ladyship . . ." She answers, She always uses my Name. "Yes, GrrBrool?" I go on as I slide open the cabinet I smell fresh kill on, even with my Fleshie nose. "ya know, i hid out in here fer a while . . . always quiet in here, no one tryin ta Hunt, AND, tha smell masks mine . . ." I look at the body "so, whatcha gonna show me, meaty-chunks?"

Poncho hands me a folder, "Heres what we've recieved thus far." he's a good fella, sharp, deed seein, good head on his shoulders. A Leader. I look through the file. A letter. Crazy stuff. I look back at tha body. "huh. cut, fast slash, right ta left, sharp, maybe claw, could be a serrated knife, oooohkay. ya been gutted, aintcha? missin some liver, . . .good eatin in liver . .. looks like some of tha ribcage came away, thats some serious force . . . other organs just kinda shredded. I don't get fazed by meat, unless it's got a face I care about. Poncho nods, taking down the notes, surprised when I stop, hand still in the cavity and look up sharply. He don't have any idea what I got happenings with my hand deep in this dead woman. my whole body stiffens and i slowly pull his hand out, gripping the slab, Tha Pain has set in and I start ta rabbit on "muuk, fer. FUCKS. sshhhhhAKE." I pushe away from the slab, leanst the wall, gripping it, nails raking it "rrrrkkkk" Poncho looks puzzled, turning to Her Ladyship as I slide down the wall to ground level, clutching his chest and belly, smearing the girls blood over me. Her Ladyship raises an eyebrow and looks to Pontifex.. "the New Moon nears its end.. he changes, perhaps?" Poncho nods, "Nareth will be hunting again..."

I leaned my face agaisnt the cold wall panting, sweating . Bloody inconsiderate “ggguuuukhhhhccchhhh"
I punch the door of the next slab, breaking fingers like an idiot. Tha Pain. Not good. Her Ladyship steps forward, unsure what to do to help. I arch my back, and a sickenin poppin sounds out briefly. Her Ladyship tilts her head, eyes widening. She's not seen my Moon-Shift before. I’ve managed ta be elsewhere. No such luck this time. Too eager ta be useful. Failin at that too. " grrrruuh, rrruuuhhhaahhhh" Then it stops i stop shuddering, still panting, sweating, now clutching my banged up hand. "fuck this shit" I look up at Her Ladyship and Poncho "fuckin sorry, folks, guess we're occilatin. Moon must be wigglin on tha equator. fuckin Newton" Poncho is caught off guard by his own chuckle. I guess he's laughin with me, not at me. I just look pained, and feel embarassed. "I, i think i broke somethin. usually come good by now"
I hold up a swelling left hand, split knuckles. "erm, i think i better get some ice" Her Ladyship nods, I look to the body but She cuts me off. "Let's get you sorted out, hmm? We can finish this later - she's not going anywhere." but I can sum it up. she was gutted, awright, fer food, er ritual, hard ta say, though. i feel tha right plonker. bad timin, that. Her Ladyship shakes her head.. I grin, in spite of things, then flex my hand and frown. its broke, two fingers i think. I duck off, leavin Ponch with His Lady, lookin fer ice, mutterin to myself "great . . .now yer a wus AND a freak"


Later on, there was a bunch of us in Tha Library. We've been talkin Gods and Mortals. Dreams come up. I let slip about mine. Must be Tha Pain.Lari regards me "Are you fighting nightmares?" as My-She banters with Kaine "you can choose to refute hope and give up on dreams... or you can choose to chase them.. search for them.. find them... my choice is to chase them till they are mine" I tell Lari that I dream about Timor as Pix stares into the fire "sometimes dreams are all there is" My-She catches my line, bites her bottom lip and whispers "we will take care of part of that soon, my One.. today maybe.."
I just make a face "cant take away what i did, My-She" as Lari asks "Timor?" My-She reached over and wraps around me tightly ..whispering fiercely "being the most beautiful Being i know" I know. I go on though "yeah, Lari, little place north of Australia" Kaine still continues to sing to himself, I press on "lovely place, where children would dance and play and sing, and loving mothers bring cool drinks ta their loved ones . . .oh, wait, we killed them all" I shut up with a frown. Lari nods. "Your past hunts you, then?"
I try ta apologize "sorry, all, ya didnt need me ta say that" no one wants ta hear about tha monster I used ta be.My-She looks at me eyes aching with my pain "wasnt you, my One.. was The Soldier.."

Kaine pipes up too "I think I may take my leave.... I suddenly wish to forget the bitter taste of forsaken dreams" Her Ladyship nods solemnly to him. Lari gasps quietly, and nods, standing up, and crouching beside me She strokes his chin and made me look into her eyes so I lean forward and bumps heads with her then look up, catching Laris eyes in my own. bright yellow matching hers. We feel tha touch of minds. Her Ladyship sighs a little, looking concerned.."There is not one of us here without a little regret over the past, GrrBrool.." my eyes go wide as Lari touches my mind. My-She looked over my head, to Lady Omega.. biting her bottom lip as Pix silently nods in agreement, staring into the fire.

"gerk" Tha Pain has come back. I blink rapidly at Lari, and shudder as she just stares, her skin, even her eyes glowing, pulsing as she breathes. She keeps on staring after he blinks, still holding my chin. I know what’s coming. I try ta leave, ta spare them tha spectacle. I try to lift myself up on my broken hand and rolls to one side. Idiot. "gakh, aww, fuckkkiittt." can’t get away. Lari winces, and reaches to hold me up so I don't tumble too hard. My face screws up, I started twitching, jaw clenched tight. Her Ladyship sighs, watching. My-She watches.. helpless. "ahhhrrrrhkkkk" real captivatin speech. I just twitched and writhed, clutchin my chest and belly Some one I love calls "Grr????" I can’t tell who, it hurts too much. Lari glows even stronger, holding me gently by an arm, watching I shudder, calming, breathin slows to normal. Lari's doin. as she stared into my eyes, so she slowly disappeared, takin a trip in me. Then with a sudden burst, fur sprouts, bones shift, spine rolls, tail grows, joints pop and roll the way only a Shifters can, and I just curl inta a ball. I can hear My-She start to reach for me, then tha creak of tendons as she pulls back. Her Ladyship winces at my pain. I hear it over my pantin I relax, steamin, and sit up.

Pix's smile is wary. She's seen it before. My-She whispers so so so softly "please help me to fix this, Goddess, please.." I padded carefully to her, drapin an arm and she nuzzled softly against me. I looked over to Her Ladyship and around tha room. "i'm so sorry ya all saw that". Well, that set My-She right off. "will you STOP apologising for this!!??!!?? each and every one of us loves you, you goofy mutt. LOVES. not just .. yeah ok, hes a nice enough guy. LOVES, so stop being a nit". I could just barely nod. Pix chimes in "She's right Grr, and you know it" I tried ta make my self clear. "well, thats why i dont want ya ta see it, yeah?" My-She croons to me "baby" before Lari grined to My-She "Well he is just modest." I feel I gotta explain. I ain't groppin fer sympathy or pitty. "what kinda sick thing ya think i am, huh?" but its Her Ladyship's turn "Should I apologise, GrrBrool, for being a Vampire? Would you like me to offer you an apology for that?"

Lari tilts a head to Omega, laughing. Pix kicks in "Grr, all of that is part of who you are, just like Lar can show you her wings and I can yell at you. We love you" Makes me feel worse, it ain't what I mean at all. " no, Yer Ladyship, I just dont want ta show all that pain." My-She gets fierce at me "then tough guy.. allow me to try to take that pain away?" Her Ladyship is on a roll though, "And what of Mirah. Look at her! Whiskers sprouting from her cute face. Should she apologise? Perhaps Pix might apologise for her wings." She shakes Her head. I reply real low. "I, um, it aint tha Change i'm sorry fer." My-She mutters "whiskers tickle" Pix agrees, "wings are useless". I go on real quiet. They ain't heard me. "Please. dont make me show this anymore, please." but Her Ladyship is riled "It's an insult to all of us, to think we would require an apology. Because you feel pain. And should we hide from you, then? Our pains, our joys? I whimpered "i dont want ya ta see it" My-She "oh my One... the very last thing any of us want is for you to be in pain, ever, but share it with you, we will. until we can make it disappear. and i am going to try to do that" I just balled up, curled up, putting my arms over my head. Her Ladyship noded to her, and she went on. "i would love to see you live your Changes in the joy they used to be for you" then she reached into a small pouch and pulled out a couple tiny metal balls, and rolled them onto the rug.

"may i show you what i am thinking...? these metal balls are not the same composition of metals as the shrapnel.. but." I relaxed again, and looked as My-She's eyes seem to change .. almost looking metallic.. her gaze is into some distant place, then I peaked at tha balls as her lips moved, without sound, and her fingers swirl the air with softly glowing streaks. Pix carefully walked up to me smiling gently and kisses the top of my head "rest easy, we all love you" before rising and walking away "take care all". At first I didn't see anything happening to tha balls but gradually their edges become fuzzy looking.. their smoothness was gone. more quickly, they seemed ta erode from all sides, becoming smaller.. paler... dimmer..until they disappear. I watched intently as My-She leaned back, breathing softly, her eyes changing to their normal bright colour." it isn't exactly the same... but.. like that, much much more care of course.. this is inside you..." I looked from her to Her Ladyship and back. I saw tha approval in Her eyes. "and much healing and patching needs to be done too and scar tissue to heal..but.. i can .. i think"

I curled into My-She's lap "do it, when yer ready, do it, i don't love my pain, i hate it. i hate it cause it stops me from bein . . me, it huts ta see ya all hurtin, do it. i'm more afraid of tha looks in yer eyes than what might happen. Do it." She stroked my fur softly and whispered "here.. now.. you in my lap.. our Lady at our sides? what of the penance you seek?". "fuck penance. my pain aint gonna hurt no one else." She kept strokin my fur.. "alright... but i have one request first" I can smell her tears. And feel Her Ladyships gaze. "kiss me first?" how could I refuse?

I looked up, bright yellow eyes, sparkling, lovingly, as i kissed her, muzzle softly pressing, she responds to the kiss, passionately... pulling away gently, she whispered "I love you GrrBrool" my heart lept. But I stood my ground. I sat up, leant over and hugged Her Ladyship, Omega, around the waist swiftly, leaning up to rub my muzzle agaisnt Her cheek and pulling back to look Her in the eyes. She held me tight, whispered.. "all will be well..."

My-She said softly "you will be awake.. you will see both of us.. here with you.. ok?" as I give a posture of total relaxation, tail wagging slolwy, eyes lidded, hunkered down looking from one to the other, utterly, UTTERLY secure."i will try hard to make sure it wont hurt at all" I tell her. "pain and me .. . got a special two fer one deal, My-She, dont you worry aboiut that one little bit" she goes on some "and i want you to tell me anything you feel ok? i do worry about it.. the last thing on earth i ever want is to hurt you"
I shook out my head, back, arms, my whole body, grabed my bag, and sword, and gently undid them, and sent them skittering under tha couch. I tell My-She i'll see her on tha other side, either way. She growled.. "no talking like that. you will be awake.. here.. talking..." she scooted over.. snuggling me between Her Ladyship and herself.. wrapped her arms around me. "baby.. it will be ok.. YOU arent going ANYwhere. promise" Reminds me how much longer tha two of em have been about. I look from face ta face. I tell them I believe. That I got . . .Faith.

Mirah McGuire smiles at the Lady, and beams at me " i could do this encased in a full ritual..calling the quarters.. setting the wards.. calling the guardians.. but.. there are three of us here..three is the perfect number and She is with us always. i lay still as I can breathng softly, mouthing a prayer ta Coyote and tha Goddess that my body lets her work. That I don't fight her. Merma comes in and greets, open-mouthed. "so.. simply... Mother.. we seek healing for the Being we love, GrrBrool.. i, Your Priestess, ask for Your wisdom, Your healing skill, Your love and Your Blessings in this Work... thus i have prayed, in perfect Love and in perfect Trust.. so mote it Be"

Merma's eyes widened looking around"what happened to grr?" I hear Her Ladyship say "He's fine, Merma.. we heal an old wound." and My-She continues, sparing a smile for Merma as always.. "nothing .. well nothing new... i am .. we are.. seeking to heal old wounds" Merma nods looking between them both "do you need assistance?" My-She stroked her hand softly over my cheek, shaking her head, "not in the actual work, but love and adding to the power would be very welcome" Merma nods and goes the cushion near us "I will pray then." My-She starts the Working. Moving tiny atoms.. patching wounds the doctors could never touch so long ago.. i lay as still as i can, just my ears and tail twitching. I see through Lari's gift as My-She finds a jagged piece of shrapnel.. accepts the agony .. fire.. from the cold iron, and Merma clsoes her eyes praying softly opening her energies for her use. She feels Merma's beautiful spirit along with Lady Omega's... as she slowly .. painfully works not only to disintegrate the cold iron that is tearing at her soul.. but to heal the tears and wounds and scars it's caused inside me. She continues slowly, scanning.. moving tiny atoms.. pushing things back into the shape they should be. Several pieces of shrapnel lodged near and in my spine require very slow close intense concentration... rejoining nerves.. making sure their spark travels as it should.... the pain of the cold iron numbing her extremities now. She whispered soothing words in several different languages.. eyes still far far away.... fingers moving over me body, directing her Work.. Through Lari's ghost eyes I see Her Ladyship hand grip tha arm of the chair as She watches. Merma kept prayin softly with her eyes closed. delicately.. easing a piece of metal away from his spine while healing the flesh as the shrapnel erodes.. filling the hole it leaves with healing flesh and sinew and blood and bone...

I twitches twice, and get still, she slides over the area making sure all the shrapnel around my spine is gone.. that everything seems right.. whispering "GrrBrool, wiggle your toes and fingers please?"
I wriggled fingers, left hand, right hand. I wriggled toes, left foor, left foot. I wriggled my tail. My-She whisperd a soft thank You to Tha Goddess as she continued.. searching my body, healing, the touch of the shrapnel .. the deep numbness is spreading and Lari sees that My-She knows she doesn’t have much more time.. she has to finish healing him before..... before..something. She finds a large piece is against my heart.. so close.. so dangerous.. atom by atom ..slowly eroding it.. agony lancing through her.. to fall off into the dark numbness that is slowly filling her... patching the wound.. healing the Being she loves... Me. Desperate to finish this Work before she cannot continue.. Her Ladyship watches Mirah, her brow furrowing..

My-She, deep in her search whispered "deep breath... tell me .. does it hurt?" She scans his lungs wondering how I survived these wounds... wishing she had been there to help me back then... It hurts, but it’s a healin hurt. Like bein shot, er stabbed. Not tha long ache of an untended wound “rrrr, no, feelin . . .peachy” is all I can muster, I don’t wanna et her feel anything but confidence, and success. She passes hands over me finding one more grouping of shrapnel.. its all she can see... eyes darkening... eroding the pieces with a little less finesse.. healing carefully as she can.... then she whispered try.. “try changing”. Her Ladyship watches intently, her eyes shifting to Merma who whispered softly ta herself. My-She watched me carefully... looking for wounds hidden from sight.. sees none.. Merma looked up still mumbling softly watching mirah intently. I nod. I lay, hesitant, waitin for tha pain as Lari’s eyes show me My-She as tha dark cold fills her .. she clings to awareness.. has to see if im awright. Merma sees it too, moved closer to her askin softly "are you okay?". I get ready, I sighed and rolled inta a ball. My She doesn't answer... watching . feeling.. waiting. I roll tighter inta a ball.

I Changed!

In a flash, a bright, beautiful flash inside my eyes, held from me for years now. I Changed with no pain. I am in my four-leg form so i sat upright wagging tail and panting as My-She lets slip a tear and collapsed. Her Ladyship leans forward in her chair and Merma reaches out to My-She stopping her from hitting the floor, quickly her hand changes colour to black and starry light motes entering her body healing and soothing. I lean in, nuzzles My-She and lick at her cheek, murmuring in my native tongue of growls, yip, and chirps. I whimpere and looked ta Merma and Omega closed my eyes and swiftly Changed again.
Her Ladyship rises swiftly from her chair, leaning over Merma who frowned as beads of sweat show on her forhead "I dont understand.. its not working like it should." Her Ladyship looked to Merma, nodding slightly, decision made.. but I’m faster to act.

I scooped My-She up, she weighs nothing at tha best of times, and now, I have tha rush of life in me and I glow. Literally. Her Ladyship tears a glove off. bites savagely at her right wrist, tearing flesh with her fangs... as I begin ta chant outloud, in tha language of tha Wild. None there would know what I said, and I don’t feel like sharin, but this is what it woulda sounded like in case ya hear it again.

“aashuah nae ruak sheeneaah frrauah cheena han sha newferas nee hans soo alliea ba ne go cha nee whron, cha ne sh vata ne ro vata ne shuan! VATA NE Sh-AHN!”

Tha call was between me, Coyote and Tha Goddess.


Her Ladyship holds her wrist out, nodding to me..”Feed, Mirah..” as I called down the elemental forces of the Wild and started ta glow from within with a golden red light as it filled me. Her Ladyship brought her dripping wrist close to Mirah's lips.. as I made my own Working.

“aashsunaka ara she no ma naeee i sha SHE mana She MATRE SHE”

Again, its between Coyote, Tha Great Mother and me. But I think ya get tha idea what I was askin fer.

The scent... the blood.. the.. other... calls My-She to feed, gasping in agony and beauty as the fire races through her, she leant in Her Ladyship growled low in her throat, her tone commanding.. “FEED.” My-She yowled, an unearthy sound.. and started feedin almost ravenously... I loomed, filled with an essence greater than my body could hold, standing taller and larger than most have seen a mortal do. I breathed in, holding the breath of the room stilled. I breathed out, to the sound of Chinook wind. Her Ladyship snarled, forcing herself to stand still and My-She gasped.. blood dripping down her chin.. and blinked.. eyes open but still unseein. Flames reflected inside her eyes for the briefest second.. then they cleared and she saw Lady Omega standing right there as I held her in my arms, eye ta eye with Her Ladyship, “Lady... is ... he .. is ....” Her Ladyship replies “He's fine Mirah.. just fine..” and I bend my head down to kiss her in my arms, before startin dancin about the room gently with her in his arms. She sees the blood on herself, on Her Ladyship, on my muzzle from the kiss and asks "what...... who .. " then realises the room is whirling and she realised who’s strong arms are holding her.. "Grrrr???" as I lick her face clean of tears and blood and worry.

Her Ladyship steps back, sinking into a chair, cradling her wrist.. as I still dance. My-She catches a glimpse of Lady Omega.. and wiggles out of Grr's arms to race to her, kneeling at her feet “ Lady... oh Goddess, Lady what have You done?.” I can barely contain myself. Its been so long, and the pain is gone. “Nothing, Mirah.. only what I could. You are all right?” My-She cried again, I could smell it "for me?.. i ... " My eyes were still glowing, as I winked to Merma "thanks" as Her Ladyship gives Her blessing “of course for you..for both of you..” The Two are close in talk “i dont know how to thank You” My-She turns to Merma.. “or you.." I gleefully Shifted one more time, back to my native form. One too many, I guess after what I’d been through, after a Summonin, a Channelin, and a Workin. I stood there, standing close on my four paws, wobbling fer a moment as exhaustion kicked in. I kinda made a happy yip, wagged my tail, and did something really sissy. I passed out.

I had had a big day

Slaver Claws has come ta Tox

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Pencil entry, also in a neater hand dated 5/5/08 several spots heavily crosssed out, as if there was no eraser handy.
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Zillinger tha Drow, Slaver. Sharp toothed kidnapper. Caused a bit of fuss in Toxia just recently. Lets just get this straight. I don't like Slavers. Maybe its cause I was zoo-born. Maybe its cause it was "fight or die" in tha 7RAR-L. Maybe its cause I don't see a reason ta have slaves.

That must be it. Lemme make that clear. I understand prisoners. I used ta take em. Good fer intel, good fer leaverage, good fer a field expedient meal as needed. I understand servants. Folks as would work fer ya, fer wage, or duty or love. I get that someone could work off a debt ta ya. I understand punishin someone by given them a task as their time. That all makes sense. I suppose ya could call that a Slave. That ain't what I’m talken about. I’m talkin about tha trade of beins as property, fer whatever use they're put ta. There's a difference. Tha ditch-diggin POW is just that, a defeated combatant who's bein kept busy, because outa mercy or strategic need they didn't get deep sixed, and they stay because they're broken, bidin their time or figure they'll get rescued at tha end of tha scrap. Tha oath-sworn butler is there fer a reason, stays fer a reason. Tha Slaver, though, trades in beins like property. They take their prisoner fer profit, and sell them fer profit. They keep their stock broken, ta keep their trade flowin. Their Slaves let em, and worse, stay slaves after they get traded. That’s how fuckin awful Slavers are. A prisoner who stays broken after those what took em pass custody over ta others someone else, well, that’s just fuckin wrong. Freedom ta run as ya will should only be tempered by ya own free will. We had a sayin "when ya can't run, ya walk. When ya can't walk ya crawl. When ya can't crawl ya find someone ta carry ya" because its tha way of tha Wild ta run free.

Submission ta a victor is one thing. Its their right as victor ta expect that. But if it ain't. Fight. Submit ta show respect but live free. A true Slave has lost that. A Slaver trades on that. A Slaver breaks a bein till they lose that will ta run, tha will ta fight, tha will ta die for it. A Slaver feeds off that. They take tha will tha Goddess gave us. Its worse than any torture. Ya can loose yer mind from enough torture, ya can die. Yer sufferin ends then. Ta loose yer will? That’s worse. I been tortured. A bit. I done my fair share too. But I always ended it. Snuffed em or fixed em and loosed them, give em tha feel they had a fighten chance. Usually tha first. Probably better. I never did it fer fun at least. Not like some.

But that ain't my point, my point is that we took em, used em and fer better and worse, but we never made profit off of tha poor bastards. I see all kinds of capture and bindin goin on in Tox. Combatants collarin their vanquished. Tha alpha-types bindin their lessers by vow, fear or Gaes. Some mark their minions so we can all see. Some are more subtle. I can abide them. I don't like it when it interferes with tha Chain of Command, like it did with Wulf and Zoufi, and Hungry too. I wonder about if it woulda gone that way with Nareth and her vassals. Looks like we don't gotta worry about that, but, I worry. It was bad fer Tha Pack. I don't wanna see it happen with tha Institute. I don't care who does what ta who, as long as Her Ladyships word is law.

That’s as should be. She leads, we follow willingly. Free will. Tied we may be, some stronger, some less but we're all in it because its right. So when I get wind of a Slaver operatin in tha City, taken captives and generally bein a menace, it gets my hackles up. I did some investigatin myself: recon and surveiled on him. I saw him fightin with Jadienne. I overheard him down at tha factory tradin barbs with tha Ryder that came gunnin fer him. They got some deep, bad blood. Jadienne even came ta Tha Library wantin ta know if we'd been meetin with him. Not rude, but pryin. It seems I ain't tha only one who thinks that tha bastard is bad news 'cause Steve Badmanners handed his ass ta him it seems. I don't know anythin about Drows. From what I gathered though, Zill was targetin females, which was a big taboo in his own culture. Seems they got a very strict matriarchy. Irony is, it sounds slave-strict.

My-She used ta be a slave. A slave traded by Slavers, not just tha searvin kind. I met tha fella who rescued her. Who became her "Master" I met him and saw tha light in his eyes. Tha man treats her with tha care of a father. That he expects her ta obey, calls her "His Girl" and she shows her respects as I would an alpha. This ain't what i'm talkin about. My-She fairly cringed at tha mention of tha Slaver. Its a window inta a past I didn't expect ta see. I don't know if I can make it better, but I can be there fer her.

Turns out we invited in Zill tha Slaver in ta tea. Now, usually i woulda been all over him, verbally at least, like a pack on a three legged deer. He was gunna get questioned on tha who/what/where and why, and, that he was. I did my best ta be there fer My-She. I was a bit scattered from havin given some relief ta Her Ladyship, and not bouncin back as well a s i mighta if i hadn't been New Moon'd. So in he walked, and got all eyes (or eye-voids) were on him.

He identified himself as a Drow, some kind of "not Dark Elf" and was fairly agitated at bein questioned and scrutinized, layed hands on his weapon. Poisoned blade as i hear. Typical. Lorne, always good with tha subtle word works around Tha Slavers prickles askin "how it is you employ yourself that you are constantly at the ready to bring your weapons to bear?" Zillinger tried ta bluster outa it, but Steve Badmanners came in and called him on bein a murderous bastard. Things kinda got a bit heated, and i wasn't up ta gettin involved. Not normal fer me. I hope I deal better next time. One thing that came up was Tha Slavers ties to tha Shadows which gives an insight "I don't run with the Shadows.... I only like a couple of them.. the rest are pathetic creatures" he said. He then went inta how Pieter or maybe Janiver had done some magics ta his heart ta blackmail him. True enough about tha Shadows, I know they ain;t got no love fer him. I seen him around tha Cybers a lot though, makes ya wonder what they’re up ta. Aurora too, she runs close tat ha line, that one.

He also weaselled outa admittin ta bein a Slaver. Said he was a male Drow and that should be enough. I like answers, so I was getting weary at that point. Tha fella is a liar, or at best, a scoundrel. Joah sumed it up, with a sniff "All I know of drow society is that treachery and lies are expected, and a devastating betrayal is admired. " . My-She said somethin in their tongue, I guess, least, I don't recognise it. Lorne keeps up tha subtle probins, I wonder if tha Slaver realised how much he was givin away.

He kept on tha line that all tha ill he had done was cause Janiver held sway over his heart. He got a fair brow-beatin from Steve who really seems ta have it in fer him. No bad thing I think. Its about then that Kumori came in, and after I pulled her away from a snarlin match with Steve and his missus, Selene, me and her had another of our little talks, which, I think I can say, is startin ta work in my favour, finally. I had ta leave My-She ta do that, though, and I felt conflicted about that. It’s a rough thing ta be stuck in a room with a fear from yer past, but she’s strong, and knew I was just upstairs. She’d asked me ta make sure she didn’t fall back inta being “tha girl” which I knew she meant, ta be slave-like. When I passed her, and we touched, I got tha feel she was doin awright, so I headed up ta have another match with Kumori. Like I say, that looks like it might be workin out. Good fer her, good fer us, good fer me. Another one rescued, I say. She’s like ta be damaged forever, but away from tha Shadows, she might be able ta heal some, and maybe not get too much more damaged in tha process.

I came back down, and found Pieter tha Shadow was there too, talking with Steve and Selene. Now, I don’t like tha fella, more so since I knew he was Mirah’s not so lovin ex. I started my way down in time ta see Lorne graciously excusin My-She, but missed her as she scooted. Too much ta deal with, tha Slaver, Pieter, and me off workin and not there ta be strong fer her. I was still dizzy, but I knew she’d had needed me, and I had been elsewhere. Tha Slaver didn’t like tha extra heat brought ta bear with tha Shadow contingent so close, ‘cause Kumori had hot-footed out when our talks burnt her too close ta tha bone, and with Pieter and tha Badmannerses there too. I duck out after checkin with Lorne that we got all we needed. I’d hate ta have gone through that and not learnt anything, seems he was content with tha intel, so, mission: success. Seein that I ain’t gonna be of any more help, I ducked out, lookin fer My-She, prayin that when I find her, she’s awright. She was, shaken, but not stirred.

Look out City, Slaver Claws has come ta Tox.

Her Ladyship Quenches a Thirst

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Pencil entry dated 4/5/08 More than one pencil has been used
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"You should know Joh, I must feed, to exist.. but I never feed from any, who don't wish me to. Not ever. Do you understand?"
I snap my signalin mirror shut and grin, i'm getting better at targetin in my Crossings. I heel down in tha space between chairs and books. Not bad at all. Helps ta have somethin ta home in on. Her Ladyship looks up at me from her talk and grins, her lips move and I wonder what she's thinkin, but I don't have ta wait too long. I reach up and pull my hair out of tha top-knot I wear when I roam as a Fleshie, gets in everythin otherwise.
I greet her and show her my respect and all sudden like She grins over at me and with an quick motion, leans over to kisses me. Right on the cheek and says "So very, very good to see you m'dear" I kinda get shy which gives her somethin ta chuckle at not unkind like. Tha Feline Joh takes a seat as Her Ladyship keeps chattin with her, and I take my chance look at the couch, and plonk down. Its a rare treat I try ta stay clear most of tha month. I shed. Her Ladyship sits down, on Her seat, smiling at me as tha two of them keep chattin, I watch Her Ladyship and speak up. Its somethin I just kinda noticed, one of those things that kinda sneaks up on me when I get shy and weary. When i'm Fleshie I see colors different. I guess that's what they all see all tha time. Maybe it makes up fer tha smells and sounds they don't get.
So, I pipe up "ya know, there is a whole lot of redish haired people in tha Institute, is that weird or what?"

This puts a smile on Her Ladyships dial "What can I say? I'm a trendsetter." says She, I go on "err, just seems . . . too much fer Chance, is all" I say. Poncho came in some time. I didn't hear him or smell him "Chance needs her cut too" he adds which is great, he -knows-. Her Ladyship goes and finishes with a line about how she just loves tha New Moons which I can feel sets me ta blushin. Poncho saves tha day setting the crate he's luggin, down. Its hefty and has an Omega on its sides, markin it as Hers. There gets ta be some talkin about tha crate, what's in it, I think it was a good size ta pack people in, ya'd have ta butcher them a bit, but ya could pack three or so I guess. As i'm doin that, I look up at Poncho and bam! More red. Its not just a trend, its near tha rule.

Poncho twigs and asks "Grr... it acts like you... but...you look different....a hair cut?" tha fella has style. So I kinda fill him in on tha story, as much as I tell when strangers are about, finishin with tha line "just dont ask me ta get all useful till once its passed". Her Ladyship looked at Pontifex, smiling.. "He looks plenty useful to me." to which he picks up the crate, gives it a loud pat "Well, perhaps a little smiley can do the trick. Anyhow, I just came by to drop this off and head back to my lab. Until later all..." and starts ta walk out but Her Ladyship grins, blows him a kiss and winks. Poncho starts whistlin, but as he goes I can see he's blushin... darker.. Glad it ain't just me that happens ta.

I'm still swiveled watchin him go, sharin tha same grin when I hear Her Ladyship's come right up ta me and says all quiet "You know, it is not your claws or your fangs that make you useful to us.. It is your brain, and.. your heart. And those, you have regardless of your form." Ya coulda knocked me down with a feather. Coulda been word fer word what My-She told me, standin by tha Dock as I snarled and went 5.56 fishing, so long ago. How do they know? What makes them so sure I ain't just a twitch from bein what they tell kiddies ta be good or will come fer em? All I can do is ta reache our my hands to take Hers and thank her. She catches my eyes with hers and i feel tha presence there, tha depth, tha span of life lived. Her words have meanin. "You're very dear to us, GrrBrool." again, all I can do is blink and smile. Then that bloody Portrait of Dimentox pipes up "Get a room already!" which gives me a shock, pisses me off but I give it tha Newcastle Salute as Her Ladyship glances up at, steps back, pullin her hands from mine. Its really startin ta bug me but its good ta know that other folks hear it too. Her Ladyship nods and lets me know I aint alone on that front neither.

Joah comes on down offerin greetins, large as life and healthy and hale. Its good ta see her, I was worried. Prophecy and all. She wanders off, free and easy. Larissa, Neri and My-She wander in, and again i'm surrounded by red or redish hair. Blood and Fire people. All of us. Her Ladyship whispers to Lari somethin my stumpy ears don't catch, Lari comes back with "Well, it IS lonely out there" I figure it was about -her- walkabout. Neri follows My-She out at tha prospect of coffee. Her Ladyship and Lari talk about her havin been away and how We've missed her. They talk about Lari's carriage and how that's goin. Talk turns back to The Institute as Her Ladyship asks “Are you sure I can't persuade you to come back to us?” there is a bit of a silence, so I join in sayin it would be good fer -us- as well as her, fer her ta come back and run with us again. That she's got talent. Lari's turn ta get shy, now, I guess cause she lowered her eyes and kinda half-smiles up at me and says "I had some time for myself. But I missed so many things. I..." She kinda stalls, choked with feelin, so Her Ladyship slips in with “We missed you too, Larissa. And you belong here.” How true that is, I try ta explain ta Lari how much it meant ta me, after my own walkabout, ta have a home ta come to. A good home. “Home, Family, Safe" is all I really manage. She nods, and Her Ladyship beams and first welcome's home Lari, then leans down to whisper a welcome to her baby-belly. Some more, happy cryin, and I make a bit of a stumble on tha couch, no tail fer balance, mind, which brightens tha mood a tad more. Talk runs ta gossip, but Her ladyship's got purpose, and tells Lari that it'll come “all in good time m'dear” and that “I promise we will update you on everything you may desire. For now, however, I have some urgent business to attend to.” And with that, turns and heads up tha stairs. As she walks I get a feelin I'm bein watched, so I look up at tha paintin again and stick my tongue out at it and warn Lari that he's a pain in tha tail hole, and I get rewarded with a response from it “I saw that, ya mangy mutt!” so I say back ta Lari “see” ta prove my point. Her Ladyship, though, stops mid climb and gives it a glare that would perm fur and deadpans “He is no mutt.” looks down over the railin and says “GrrBrool - come upstairs, please” as I'm thankin Her fer stickin up fer me. I stand to, and double time it up the spiral mutterin that I'm gonna find some spraypaint, or maybe a magic marker ta give tha paintin a goatee or glasses, maybe horns.

When I get up there, Her Ladysip is lookin about tha lab, inspectin and sighs “You know, since Joh decided this was worth meddling with.. we shall have to keep a closer eye on it, Heaven knows what she may have done to herself, or us. In any case, that's not what I wanted to to speak to you about and calls me over to tha back where tha crates are. I pad on over, there is some fine soft dust, sawdust, I guess, makes my feet tickle a bit, bare and Fleshie and all. I step to and show her my respects, she sighs, looks at up at me, not tall, but stature ain't always measured in hands. She goes on, funny, she knows ta use my full name, and I suppose, bein of tha Fanger persuasion, she can get away with it in tha way that Fleshies can't. Names have power, but She's not one ta throw that about. “GrrBrool.. I am not sure if Mirah mentioned this to you. You were there when I embraced Nareth - you remember? I just nod carefully, I wasn't right there, I was around, but I got tha story, and its . . well . . . complications. She looks a bit stressed, like maybe She's breakin something to me slow, like “It has had.. consequences I didn't anticipate.” This I know, I seen it, I smelt it, and I can sense her stuggle, inside. And there was her Dream, of tha Fire. More Fire, more Red, but I try ta ease Her worry and tell Her i been watchin , in case, she preses on though sayin “You were there last night, that is not something I would.. ordinarily do.” And She looks to the floor, embarassed..”But the soil, GrrBrool.. it burned me - it burns still. and.. it makes me thirst..” All I can do is nod, and try ta see where she's comin from. She bites Her lip. And mutters “Like a fledgeling. Worse” Ahh, I got it now, I see what botherin her, so I say what comes "its yer Nature, Lady, ya need not be concerened of that, not ta me, least of all" Maybe it was of succur, maybe not. She keeps goin. "This is not a natural thirst. But a thirst it is, nonetheless. And.. I have been fighting it, as much as I can..
but.." she falters a tad, and i'm graspin tha magnitude of Her struggle. This ain't no flakey new pup worried she might mess tha den or eat tha neighbor. This is a Lady of a Line.

I keep noddin to Her so She knows i'm with her as She goes on "You have seen what happens when I lose control." I have. When Poncho lost his throat. When Tha Library booted me, usin Nareth's voice. Tenguska. I seen what happens.
"and yet," I say to Her, "Yer Ladyship, look about ya, we're all still here, comin back even . ." hopin She sees in my eyes how true it is, and remindin her of Lari, just returned. She continues " Yes. I was forgiven. For which I am grateful, I do not wish a repeat of that occurance though.." but I have ta speak up then. not fergiven, Lady, it aint even needed. ya lead, and live as ya like, and . . . ya are The Lady . ... ." I trailed off, words don't do justice ta tha feelin of followin a worthy Alpha. Not my words maybe. I know tha gestures. I can show how I feel, if I were furred, if She could see.
Her Ladyship just shakes her head.. "I would not abuse my position." I can't make myself clear. I try. "we KNOW, no one here i know is bound ta stay, am i right?" She confirms but goes on.
"I do not wish to lose control again.. I would not seek to test those close to me in such a way.. again. So I must take.. measures. I must.." She stops,purses her lips, unsure for a moment how to go on, but She is strong, She finds tha words "I.. I do not feed from the unwilling.." I watch her, i've offered her Units at Haven, I know what she's getting at, and add "nor bags", she goes on, " In fact, before last night.. I have not fed on anyone with whom I wasn't.. very intimately acquainted." I remember back to a secret place, a secret Moot. White and Black and Red. I remember a time I sat on the steps out front of Tha Librars and heard and smelt a Coven leaders offering. I remember and I understand. "But.. this thirst, GrrBrool, it is getting the better of me.." She looks up at me and whispers. "I am afraid of what I might do.." She fears for Her Family, what might happen to them, or what they may be confronted with. She is a Alpha, she cares for Her pack. I don't know how She may react. Our peoples are so different. I reach for Her hand with mine. I ready myself to flee, to roll and show submission, to pay. I reach and touch Her hand. The strike never comes.

She steps forward, puts her hand gently on my shoulder and speaks, whispers again "You.. you don't have to agree to this, GrrBrool. Do you understand?" She asks, She needs to ask. She asks because of who She is, more than what she is. She asks and leans close, strokes my hair, wraps a lock of it in her fingers. I try to tell her but words fail me again for a moment "i, i do, though, its, i, its. . . " fuckin great. All I come up with is a line from trainin, a line they drilled inta us ta make rogue Two-Legs Lycans act like a part of a pack. Maybe it would explain. "to serve is ta live, tha strongest lead, their trusted follow close" it didn't, she tries again "I do not feed from the unwilling.." ah! This time I see tha openin, I find words, from deep. "Lady, i am here because i am willing. have been since ya first showed me what ya were, wether ya knew it or no . . . . out front of tha Haven, Lady, if i can help, i will, fer what its worth." I’m not sure how this was gonna happen. Truth is, I ain't never been bit by a Fanger before. Oh. I been bit by all kinda folks before, some in a nice way, some not so much, but, I never been fed on. I seen it, plenty. Can be as gentle as an old folks cuddle or a savagin like a pack taken down an elk. I didn't know what ta expect, and I didn't much care. I trust. Even if it went bad, like it did fer Poncho. I will endure. Its what I am, i'll not leave Her Ladyship burnin and hurtin. Not while I got light in my eyes. I dunno if She knows that, She don't need ta. Its Nature. She leads, I follow.

Right then though she just nods, acceptin of my offerin and brushes tha hair off my shoulder with Her hand. I got a lotta hair, even mostly bald as a Fleshie, I give her a hand, flickin the whole mane aside with my head. She looks me in tha eyes again, and asks again. I could see its a struggle fer Her, one I don't quite get, more than just Hunger, "you're sure?". Best answer I can give her ain't words, I do! Kinda shuffle one foot sideways, then tha other one, so I lower myself closer to eye to eye with Her, look Her right in tha eye and give a big old nod and a pearly smile. I hear my name get mentioned downstairs, Aurora tha Shifter, some one looks after her. Kinda. Her Ladyship though, was in tha zone and steps close, pressin Her body against me and nuzzles my neck. She's soft. I don't know what I expected ta feel. A statue maybe. Stupid really. I know what Fangers feel like and look like on tha inside, just like tha rest of us, give or take. Musta been in my head. Fer fucks sake, She's tha Lady!. She feels nice. Smells good, this close She smells like she aught to, not like at arms length, stupid bloody Fleshie nose. Right on cue, we get interupted. Gina had come up, probably lookin fer me in fact. Poor luv beat a snappy retreat with a glance from Her Ladyship who looks over my shoulder over her shoulder, before lookin me in tha eye with a smile "never a moment's peace" but we ain't slowed fer long. She nuzzles some more, and i get all tingly, its a real good feelin, ta be so close ta someone who matters, and thinks ya matter, and well, i'm thinkin that as She puts Her hand on tha base of my skull and kinda leans in ta me, i hear Her sniff, and Her body kinda shudders, and then She bites. There is a flash, like a static shock from bein fuzzy on a carpet and touchin yer bunk. I make a noise, but tha feelin that washes over me kinda makes it all go away. Tha Library, tha room, tha City. IT all goes away fer who knows how long. I lean inta Her, I still have kinda an idea whats goin on about me, kinda, and She holds me up. I'm big, even as a Fleshie and i feel like i'm floatin in Her arms. I feel Her growl onta my throat, as she runs Her hands over me, tracin my quiverin muscles. I breathe, i relax, i see myself from outside. I'm havin a Vision of myself, as i feed Her. I'm outside myself as i flow inta Her, and i know its awright. Part of tha Cycle. More so, 'cause i'm aidin someone dear ta me. I watch my hands work their way over Her back, waist, hips, a caress, close, warm, carin. I see Her diggin nails in as tha blood she is given by me hits her core. i feel myself and see myself nuzzle in, and i rush back inta my own body. She pulls her head back, gently poppin her fangs outta me, another shock, then a warm glow as she kisses each little wound. I can feel her tremblin as she hold me at arms length, lookin at me. I felt kinda dazed, like a flash bang had gone off too close. Just none of tha bad that goes with it. I wobbled a bit, i know, but deep inside, i knew i;d done right by Her, and tha Goddess. She proped me up a sec, and stands up on tiptoes ta kiss me on tha lips proper and thanks me. Well, i never been one ta turn down thanks. I share that brief, gentle light kiss and taste myself on her lips. Thats ok, its a flavour i know well. I lick my wounds. I look Her in tha eyes and stand as proud and tall as i can and tell her that its what i do.

She lets me go, careful like, maybe a touch slower than she needed ta, i dunno, dazed, remember, and smiles that smile again, and tells me that "I beleive you have people waiting for you." She turns, and walks off away. There mighta been a spring in Her step. I sure hope so. As She walks, she looks out tha window ta Tha Haven and smiles again, with a nod. I figure she'd go see MY-She, ta make sure all's well. I look about, as my vision centers again, and Kumori is awready waitin ta talk. Aurora is downstairs. Joah is still lookin fer gossip. It was gonna be a long day, and i felt kinda weird awready.

Bu i wouldn't have traded it fer tha world. I did a good thing. I matter ta those around me.

She likes me.

"one who goes before"

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A water stained and muddy scrap of page stuck into the journal.
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Praetor was a title granted by the government of Ancient Rome to men acting in one of two official capacities: the commander of an army, either before it was mustered or more typically in the field, or an elected magistrate assigned duties that varied depending on the historical period. Its literal translation is "one who goes before, precedes, who leads the way".

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I don't know what ta write about this. I guess i'll just start with ta facts as I know em. Her Ladyship called me in and I could see from her eyes she was well pleased at somethin. Asked me if my ears had been burnin. Well, if they hadn't before, they sure were now I told her. She let me dangle a moment and asked if she should tell me. I suggested I could be as annoyin as tha worlds biggest five year old, so she was merciful and told me. She had taken tha council of her two nearest and dearest, Poncho and Denny. About me. About me in tha Institute. She had decided ta promote me. This kinda floored me. I only been a card caryin member fer a little while, and it weren't just that long ago Her Ladyship granted me tha boon of Scholarship.

Made me remember back when Her Ladyship and me had talked about how things ran when I was in Tha Pack, as Hunter then Scout Leader. She said i'd lead again one day, which I thought was nice of Her at tha time, I never had aspirations of grandure or nothin. I knew when I stepped through them doors fer tha last time as a packless Outcast, by my own paw or no, I knew i'd have ta fight ta prove myself ta tha high thinkers and sharp tongues of tha Institute. I never gave any thought ta more than bein welcome, ta belong and ta be useful.

Her Ladyship was gonna promote me, said I was a natural leader, said I could keep my head when tha waste hit tha spinnin blades, said I was reliable, and said I was on their side. Well, let me tell ya. That I am, that I am. We got all kinds in tha Institute. Angels, Demons, Fangers, Shifters and Witches. That spread doesn't push us apart, it gives us inisights inta things. Its somethin i'm proud of. Somethin i'd be proud ta serve. Proud ta help lead. Her Ladyship promoted me. Asked me if i'd be a Praetor for Her. Like I said I was floored. Still am. I don't wanna bite off more than I can swallow. I asked Her what I needed ta do, when she finished layin out what Her expetations, I said my paws were Her paws. I never expected ta lead again, but now I will, I can't imagine wantin ta lead anywhere else.

When My-She found out, she was over tha Moon. I don't use tha term lightly, neither. So excited she took me out shoppin to tha mainland fer a present. Bought me a fine rugged kilt fer me. I'm gonna wear it when Tha Goddess hides Her face and plays her prank. Goes funny with my tail, and i'll be damned if I take a knife ta it ta cut a hole fer me. Its special, it was fer ME, from My-She. She is special. Both of them are special. Fates musta smiled on me fer all tha good stuf thats been comin my way, or just balancin tha score

I went wanderin in tha South, found an old book in one of tha ruins. Encyclopedia . All neglected in a puddle, under debris. Got it out, flipped through it, found what i was lookin fer. So i pasted it in. Means a lot ta me. considerin who and what i am.

One who goes before.

Sums me right up, nose ta tail.

Haven Incident Report

The following is a report written on a Toxian General Hospital Incident Reporting Form, it is, creased and stained, as if it had been found in a semi-ruined filing cabinet, it is written in careful, but messy pencil. It looks like it has been folded, posted, filed, and returned. It is pasted into the journal.
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INCIDENT DESCRIPTION + REMEDIAL ACTION
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16-04-08
I got a note i picked up in a dead-letter drop-spot, a report of an incident at Haven, involving suspicious behavior of someone I know to be both a threat and capable of performing acts either in mischief or malice.
The note spoke of the marking of all common contact surfaces in the Haven by an individual matching the Shadow, Kishi, who, when asked by a witness was quoted as saying "just something to make people crazy". Given her Faction and relations in it, and the recent events of the anti-Lycan and Feline bio-weapon, the Drooling Disease, which lead to hyper-rabid behavior in its victims, as spread by infected body fluid contact, I thought it was a serious threat.
I treated a number of victims of this disease, and witnessed its spread both by the victims, and by “hosts” as a weapon. I believe I was targeted myself, I found a tear in my MOPS suit that smelt of Quiet's drool, after coming in contact with her during the epidemic.

Arriving in The Library, I met with Her Ladyship, and coincidentally she invited me to join her at Haven for a drink. I balked, which was jokingly mistaken as my fear of being turned into a couch, (actually I worry about ending my days as a rug) but instead I warned her that there was a problem, passed her over the note, and told her I'd “have her six” Her Ladyship read the note, brow furrowing and instructed me to go upstairs and grab the blue canisters, with the assurance that together we would sort the situation out.

We arrived in the Haven doorway. I held Her “six”, close behind, with a canister and a sprayer. I surveyed the current patrons, and recognized Benway, Dracken, Gabriele, and Hippi several other unknown patrons were also present.

Her Ladyship greeted the patrons, and asked them to remain where they were. She told them had been notified that the Haven may have been contaminated and that just to be on the safe side we were going to disinfect.

Dracken, Gabriele and Benway all asked what kind of contamination might have occurred, I suggested that it was the “nasty kind” Her Ladyship told them that I was going to spray the area. Hippi mentioned he has felt something unusual after sitting, and Draken took off his pants. Her Ladyship then told them there was nothing to worry about, that it was purely a precaution.

Gabriele asked what is in the spray, I had no idea, never having been told, but I was fairly sure that it was the combined antidote I had heard had been developed. I was also not in the mood for interrupting questions, so gave an answer of “ground unicorns and the cure to cancer, and that it was blue” hoping to stop further interruptions.

Benway demanded an explanation, and suggested he might take action, referring to his flamethrower, as means of removing the problem himself. HE was agitated but did not move to act. I continued my assessment of the area.

Mirah arrived at Haven, dressed in ceremonial clothes closed her eyes and whispered an incantation.

Jadienne approached Her Ladyship, she was distressed and spoke to Her asking if she could speak with Her. Her Ladyship greeted her kindly, but informed her of that we were dealing with a situation, and asked her patience.

Gabriele asked Benway if this was a new thing, he agreed. Dracken commented that iot was strange and he could not remember any contaminants being loosed in the Haven, before , jokingly adding “apart from the alcohol” Gabriele and Jadiene began reacting to the tension from the others. I could smell their fear response. Benway informed Gabriel of the recent Plagues, to which she replied that plague does not worry her. Benway then further added that as he put it the “crazy lycan, Jason Rockpup was dosing people with something that threw them into homicidal rages”

Being reminded of this set my teeth on edge, but I tried to keep my composure as I had a job to do, not a bone to chew and I tried to explain that it wasn't a plague, that it might have been a bioweapon, and that they should stay calm, as it was about to be neutralized. Her Ladyship affirmed that it was just a precaution, to remain calm and that we would be out of their hair in just a moment.

Seeing Mirah was in place, I asked her if she would start the Cleansing she had let me know she would work in parallel to our decontamination, with her starting, I commenced decontamination.

Again, Gabriele asked if the process would harm them, Mirah replied that no harm will come to those who mean no harm to the Haven. Her Ladyship reaffirmed this, adding that were there to help, not to harm. Benway then asked if we knew who might have put it here and how we knew about it to which She replied “We are the Omega Institute, it is our business to know these things.” Benway shrugged and countered that the “Talamasca” said something similar, to which Gabriele laughed and commented that they were a bunch of fakes. Hippi made a series of odd comments regarding his hair.

Mirah McGuire walked through the door of Haven, carrying a stone bowl from which came a cleansing, wafted by the feathers in her other hand, swirls throughout the bar, it seemed to touch and caress each and every surface. I began spraying in tandem with her Works.

Gabriele then asked who the Omega Institute were and Benway looked at Gabriele supprised at her comment on "the Talamasca?" Her Ladyship smiled at Gabriele and suggested she was new in town. Gabriele looked at her with a sideways glance and said nothing, and I catch her eye and simply pointed at Her Ladyship, not feeling the need to explain. Benway spoke up again, stating that Gabriele was indeed new and if Her Ladyship cared to answer her question, to which She simply said She'd like to ensure everyone's safety first if that was all right with him.

To keep him quiet and to take the edge his building frustration, which I could smell I told him we look after lost puppies, and keep the Library books from going missing, he seemed content with that quip.

Mirah continued through the bar, chanting a purification ritual, followed by words of protection, the smoke carried her words, her message, her invocations, upwards and returns with cleansing white light. I could feel the Working, smell its tang in the air.

Jadienne entered and stood looking for a moment until she spotted me and called out to me as I sprayed surfaces. Benway was confused as to who was doing what, and why. One of the unknown patrons began to pray, adding to the Power in the room. Another commented that the combined effects actually felt quite good. Gabriele was still uneasy, and a note of disquiet still rose from her.

Mirah spread the smoke which curled around the chairs, tables, candles. It traced the bar, slides softly over each seat, swirls around and in each tip jar, every bottle, every glass, each container, cup, mug, and goblet. The smoke touched all the cabinets, inside and out, the knobs, levers, the coffeemaker, teapot, blender, sink, lights, shades, fixtures, cleaning cloths, fountains, fridges and everything inside them. The sweet sage smoke caressed everything, every crevice, purifying it.

“ better be safe than sorry” commented Hippi, to which I heartily agreed as I started spraying near him. Dracken: sighed and said he might as well put his pants back on. Benway joked he always thought 'blowing smoke up your ass' was just an expression, which cheered me up as I worked, and replied “no no, pants are bad” and told him he would get double doses, just to be sure.

Gabriele finally smellt the thick cloying smoke, and relieved, commented it was just incense, and I told her that it was ALSO my blue spray. Mirah, still in her Working, told her it was sage and would case no harm The purifying smoke and the words of Mirah's ritual flowed through Haven, wafting over the pool table, balls and cue sticks, chalk, the windows, posters and pictures, floor, ceiling.

Hippi complained that he wouldn't breathe anything that was not air, Benway suggested he just refrain from breathing, Gabriele relaxed and commented laughing, that it was just like the holy men. I told Hippi he was a long way from pure air in Tox, and Dracken hoped aloud that it wasn't not red fire sage he said he was allergic to. Hippi said he liked the Toxian air, preferring it to strange chemicals that strangers were spraying around. I tild him it was too late now, having already sprayed him before he commented and that i wasn't a stranger, i worked in the Haven, and I wanted it to be a safe place to work.

Mirah continued her Work, wafting smoke over the dance stage, cleansing the floor, poles, and tip jars, each and every stool, chair, couch, and loveseat. The smoke rolls over and through the dj booth and all it's equipment, before smiling and moving up the stairs to the second floor, the smoke cleansing the stairway, its walls of rough brick touched by the wisps of sage.

Hippi blurted out with a comment about his trusty gasmask which he had been wearing since I had mentioned the spray, I reassured him that it should be ok, as long as he didn't touch anything in there before he put it on, to which he quipped “or anyone, since i don't have a long stick with me”

Mirah McGuire continues to chant her invocation, fanning the smoke with the feathers. Smoke swirls around the walls, floor, ceiling, the paintings, booths, tables and seats upstairs. Each candle.. each lapdance chair is touched and cleansed by the smoke and the Power being called down.

I kept spraying long and wide upstairs, covering each area after Mirha. From downstairs I heard Her Ladyship tell Draken he should be fine to go now and to have a pleasant evening. She thanked everyone for their cooperation,

Mirah moved back down the stairs.. the smoke flowing everywhere.. the words of her ancient chant filling the space, making my tail tingle, she moved into the back room, tending every cloth, seat, light, mirror, locker and countertop is cleansed as well as all the stored cases of alcohol and people's belongings.

I met Her Ladyship at the door, where she stood speaking to Jadienne, thanking her for waiting, asking her if she would like to talk there, or in The Library. Jadienne said The Library because the incense was getting to her. I padded up to Her Ladyship and handed Herself a swab, capped, in a biohazard bag, telling her it was from before we started. With that we should be able to tell if there really was a contamination or if it was all a sick joke to drive us nuts.

The smoke cleansed the inside and the outside of the Haven, from foundation to roof

Mirah walked to the door of the Haven, whispering "purify and cleanse this place, Sweet Mother, Blessed Father.. return the poison three times three times three from whence it came." I could sense the strain to Mirah so gave her something to lean on, me.

Mirah raised her arms, looked upward, her eyes glowing .. "thus have i prayed in Perfect Love and in Perfect Trust, Sweet Mother. So Mote It Be!" to which I added my own Call to the Mother. Her Ladyship, before leaving with Jadienne, turned to Mirah and thanked her too.

Mirah lowerd her arms, closed her eyes, deeply fatigued, and releases the Power back to the Universe, with a soft word of thanks. The air lost its tang. Mirah stumbled against in her fatigue. Pix arrived and greeted both Mirah and me as we readied to wander over The Library and asks whats going on. I told her we had just decontaminated Haven, Mirah, exhausted, replied "we think Kishi might have poisoned the Haven last night, we just cleansed it..."

Pix raised a brow and asked a bunch of questions. "Kishi did what?, Was that when she was behind the bar? is the whiskey ok?" This raised some eyes and ears in the Haven, and Benway asked me directly who did it and to try to defuse the situation I tell him "the Green Demoness" counting on him not to know who i meant. It works, but he went on to ask me if anywhere else might be affected. I made motions to escort Mirah out, avoiding any more speculation about who did it or why. Pix had already been set off though, but had axes enough of her own to grind, so I didn't need to contain much. I took Mirah over The Library, she wanted to thank Her Ladyship and I wanted to get her off the streets. For several reasons, retaliation not the least.
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FINAL SUMMARY OF EVENT
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Tipoff that Kishi of the Shadows may have been lacing the Haven with poison and/or bioweapon.

Collected sample for assesment of actual threat.

Took precautionary decontamination action both conventional and themeturgical

SPECIAL NOTE: only hours later, personally observed Kishi repeating the reported actions, glibly in full sight of both Mirah and me.
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