Cookbook 2

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more pencil scribblings, splattered with "sauce" dated 27/9/08
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"cazuela del tamal de la rata"

400g shredded city-meat,
beans
salsa
sword sliced tomato
half a block of cheese, hacked into pieces
old, dried up tortilla

cook the meat, mixed it with the beans, put it in tha tortillas, layered them in a frying pan, dump in the salsa and some water, top it with tha tomato.

bring tha whole thing to a boil, then cut up tiny strips of cheese to melt on top after it had reduced a bit.
(( with thanks to Joah, how she learnt to make it escapes me, she don't eat solids . . .))


Grr's Amazing Choc-Chip Can-Cookies
2 cups and 2 tablespoons spelt flour
2/3 cup almond meal
3/4 tsp baking powder
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup white sugar
2/3 cup butter
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp cardamom
1 egg

mush up this lot in a bowl, then add this stuff

1 cup rough chopped dark chocolate
2/3 cup dried cranberries

bake in hottish oven, have a cup of tea, don't let it burn

-note: when makin cookies, go Fleshie, or wear gloves, its fuckin hard ta get it outta fur . . .

Cookbook

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Pencil notes dated 24/9/08
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I'm gunna be cookin in tha Shelter, fer Strong Gal and Snappypants.
thought i'd write some of them down

Grr's ANZAC biscuts
1 cup plain flour
1 cup rolled oats
1 cup desiccated coconut
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup butter
2 tbsp golden syrup
2 tbsp ground ginger
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
2 tbsp boiling water

Grr's City Burger
500g shredded city-meat
1 half onion finely chopped with sword
4 pinches ground coriander
4 pinches paprika powder
a little pepper,
a little salt
1 paw fresh bread crumbs
1 egg lightly shook up

Grr's City Laksa
300g shredded city-meat
1 splash peanut oil
1/2 cup laksa paste
-6-8 long dried red chilies
-8 purple shallots, coarsely chopped
-5 macadamia nuts
-3cm-piece fresh galangal, peeled swordchopped
-2 stems lemon grass, sword chopped
-2 tbs peanut oil
-½ tsp ground turmeric
-1 tsp shrimp paste
-2 tsp fresh ginger
2 x cans coconut milk
3 cups chicken stock
Pinch of salt
500g hokkien noodles
2 paws bean sprouts
2/3 paaw loosely packed Vietnamese mint leaves
2 tbs fried shallots

Grr's Damper
4 cups self-raising flour
3/4 - 1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons sugar
2 tablespoons butter at room temperature
1 cup milk
1/2 cup water
paw full of raisins

Strong Gal and Mr Britt

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Pencil note dated 20/9/08, with lyrics in blue ink
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I was DJin, doin my Toxic Breaky Show, from Haven this time, when i saw Snappypants wanderin about lookin well, as lost as someone as suave as him CAN look. Her Ladyship was there, and Spirit Gal. They were dancin tha dawn off. I like tha early morn, its quiet, and those i love are still about.

My solid mate Tobermory popped in and after havin a bit of a stalk and perch, kinda slid his way over ta Snappypants. Like goes ta like, to old predators havin a civil chat like. Tha waves of class could almost be seen. They were all "i must meet your tailor" and "do you prefer Egyptian cotton or Assyrian?" Was real bloody good ta see. It'd be a damn shame if Tob's impressions of tha Fangers of Tox all came from tha KA. Instead he charmed Snappypants, and made Her Ladyship smile and not a fur was ruffled. Times like this that make it clear ta me that tha figtin between Fangers and Furs is tradition, not instinct.

Then Strong Gal came in, and i knew i needed ta do somethin. Those two, Snappypants and Strong Gal, again, they break tha views about Fangers and Fleshies. Fer tha better. Its important to me ta see, because, well, how i've come ta feel about that kinda thing. It dont look like i'm gunna find a breedin mate in Tox, not that i was ever lookin, place like this, but that dont say nothin about tha heart. I've been blessed, three times now. Each time with someone who's not of my Kin. Its difficult, but, what isn't thats worth somethin?

Anyways, i saw tha two of em, and knew i had ta do somethin fer em. I dont have gentle words but i do got a good head fer song, so i cued this one up and played it fer em. Here's tha words, i copied down from a music-code book i asked tha Library fer. I left all tha squiggles out and just copied tha words.


Fer Strong Gal and Mr Britt . . . .
*************************
Abney Park - The Only One

I wake each night into this nightmare
Only to find that the worst is clear
I have to spend each day without you
And spend each night dreamin'
that it's not true
Dreamin' that it's not true....

My life is one constant catastrophe
everything works but means nothin to me
All of my life I gave you my soul I lived for you,
but you had another goal
You had another goal...

There's only one thing you can't ask of me
It's not in my power to stop loving you can't you see?
I would give you the moon or the stars or the sun
But you hold my heart and you are the only one

You are the only one,
You are the only one...
*****************************

Spirit Gal, Succubus and Shadows, oh my!

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Pencil note in a messy scribble dated 17/9/08
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I was listening ta Blue doin a stint on KTOX, on my headset, and dancing away in front of tha fireplace, just kinda a shuffling slow dance, watchin tha fire a bit, and closing my eyes fer tha rest, just swimming in tha music, feelin grounded. Feelin real relaxed, after all tha Shadow visits and talk, I needed ta chill out, so a few hours shuffling without bein bothered had done me wonders. Hearin Blue’s voice, over my comms is weird though. Sleepin in her warm spot on my cushion was weird too, but, tha hospitality of tha Library extends ta all. Still, all their comins and goind had gotten me right nervous. That Feline-makin-curse has seriously messed with their heads, made some of them, right pleasant. That makes me nervous, cause I don’t understand them any more. All of a sudden though, I get this “boo!” from behind. Like I said I’m a nervous critter, it belies my feral side. I spook easy, but it keeps me alive. I’m not a coward, I aint afraid of danger and death, I just don’t like surprises.

Surprises usually mean a trip across tha Wide River in a bucket. SO I lashed out. All instinct. I heard tha noise of tha “boo!” and dropped to all fours on tha ground, swept out a leg at knee hight trying to collect the back of tha legs of who ever it was and snapped back a paw, ready ta claw tha crap out of whoever, or what ever it was. Time always seems ta slow down when this happens, I felt my hinleg connect, and sweep tha person over, and as I finished my spin, claws up, ready ta set to it, I see Spirit Gal fallin backwards. I make a grab fer her, but she clomps down on her butt.

“holy heyzeus on a stick, Spirit Gal, ya scared tha bollocks off me” I spluttered and I came up close to her as she coughed, started risin and dustin herself off. "I just wondered if I could," she grinned. I reached up and switched off tha radio "that'll learn me . . i'm real sorry there, are ya awright?" She said she was fine, tha she was really fine, but, she’s awful Fleshie, and I’m a bit of a bruiser. Just ta be sure i scooted over close, on all fours and looked her over, paws running quickly over legs and hips, examining her fer claw gouges or shock or whatever.

Spirit Gal smiled at me and tried ta assure me she was good "It's okay, really, At least you didn't spill tea on me like Abi did today."
She was, not contusions, abrasions, lacerations ta speak of. My exam done, I was hardly gunna let a chance fer a feel go unanswered so I grined and kept "examining" all the same "tea burns, nasty, stainy too . . . ." Spirit Gal squirms a bit under the attention. "She was showing off. She meant to dump it all on Blue." Spirit Gal is real close ta Blue. Like Featherpants is close ta her mate, Picket. This makes a complex thing inta a dangerous thing, considerin who and what Blue and Picket are. Shadows. Demons of tha House of Shadows. Picket was born, Blue, turned. I find it kinda hard ta swallow, but, can tha friend of my friend be my enemy?

I understand tha House of Shadows. I know their numbers. I know what the do, and why. I seen it first hand and picked up tha pieces after. Time and again. They’ve tried ta kill me a bunch of times, sometimes outta hand, sometimes personal. They have killed my friends, and Kin. Tortured and mangeled em. Twisted their minds and even recruited em. I know them, and understand them. I trust them ta always be what they are. Tha lot of em. Kishi, Phynix, Quiet, Nuku, Blue, Jason, Kumori, Krazzy. I know them. I know what they do, and why. I trust them ta always be that. Behind every smile is a silver dagger, waitin. Lorne went to them.

So did tha Huntress, and look how THAT turned out. Severus came from them, even Captain Featherpants has done his time with them, and I trust them, don’t i?

I blinked and snapped back to Spirit Gal “Abi really DOES earn her name doesn’t she? "Tha Brat" they call her . . .She's Tha Little One ta me though. Spirit Gal looked thoughtful a moment “Well, to be truthful Grr, she looked a bit afraid when she realized she'd dumped it on me, too. Although I don't know why.” I like tha way she says my name. I see an openin, and I take it, grin wickedly and "examined" up her hips and waist "can't imagine why . . .must be somethin ta do with yer otherworldlyness, maybe she thought ya'd melt”. Spirit Gal lets out a "Hey!" laughed, twistin away a little from my pawin and batted me on the muzzle playful like. "Melt? I'm not sugar. I don't think a little water has ever hurt me.”

I had a bit of a chuckle and stood up, still shufflin on my pads, tha Dance was in me now, no denyin tha Dance. “i'd want ta know too, ya know, just in case, but no, you're more like salt, makes fire go pretty . . . she reached up for my ear bud ta have a listen, but she couldn’t quite reach it. "Salt . . . ." I just licked my lips and nodded to the fireplace, then looks back at her. Salt is far more important than sugar. I might roam hundreds of klicks ta find a salt-lick, and walk right past a fruit tree. Salt is life, sugar is kinda nice. I don’t think she quite understood, but that’s OK, she DID turn a nice blush-colour. Red I expect, I could se tha blush at least.

I leaned down, and offered my earpiece ta show it was silent "i'm not dancin ta music now, just ta life". I shuffled about on my foot-pads slightly, hips swaying, tail wagging, and paws keepin time on my thighs Spirit Gal got a funny look ta her at that, kinda a fond but puzzled expression "To life?" she folded her arms over her chest, studying me. "I don't think I'll understand the things you do, or dance the dance like you." She looks so alone, when she gets like this. She is alone, we’re all alone, and at tha same time, she’s Family, she’s Pack, she’s my friend, she’s never alone. “maybe, Spirit Gal, maybe, i can't say i'll ever understand half of what YOU do or why ya do it, but . . .. it sings, so i dance” All of a sudden, she wraped her arms around my waist and lays her head on my chest. "I don't understand what I do."

"life, Spirit Gal, in all its forms, tha livin, tha dead, those inbetween. sometimes tha Spirits call ta me ta dance, so i dance. . . . . just be glad they aint askin me ta sing . . . hahahaha . . . full moon and all . . . .” Spirit Gal nods. "Full moon . . . and a few things come to light that haven't been seen before." Joah frowns thinking of somethin. I got still, held her, and stroked your hair, shoulders and back. Shuffling about so she have the softest and warmest place to press her head on me. “we all are, what we are, and, what things? ya can talk ta me, i got big ears and broad shoulders”

Spirit Gal buries herself in my arms. I got big arms, good fer holdin small people, or rolling cars over. "Rago was here. He wasn't well. But Abi was . . . too bright, too happy, too strong. We talked about . . . how you can't magick things without paying the price. You know, there has to be an equal exchange, Grr. Things don't come into being from nothingness. And Lorne has warned her about this.” Seems Tha Little One has been stretchin herself thin, and drawin on her lover ta feed tha fires. “ahh, there's trouble with them, Rago is fully down about tha Little One. Tha Other. Its a place, and nothin's free, there or here.

Spirit Gal nodded and went on, its her story. “No . . . nothing's free. I examined him. And Rago? It was more than sadness. And I . . I asked Abi too . . . I saw something, Grr.” I had a feelin I saw where this was goin “like yer Healin . . .right? YOU pay . .he's waistin, aint he?” She nodded, I was spot on. “He is. But she was angry and suspicious of Star and Oreta and left. There's a parasite . . . .” She started tracin tha pattern on my sleeve with her fingertips. I just shrugged, putting tha pieces tagether from what I knew "child of Demon and human woman, who was Raised as a Angel . . . . not too many options there . . . ther's a name fer it too, dunno if its tha right one.” Spirit Gal looked thoughtful “What name would you call it?”

“succubus, fits some of tha profile at least. That'd piss Sev off chronic, that that what ya meant?” She agreed with me. “It would. But you're right. She's drawing payment . . . for the magicks, somehow. I don't know that she even realizes it. And she was talking to someone. I thought her Father, at first. Someone who wasn't there. Now . . . I'm not so certain. I wish the Lady were here..” She wraped her arms tightly around me. “lots of kinds of predators out there, and parasite types too. we all gotta eat . . . "
She goes on “Abi doesn't need this . . . to live, Grr. I'm really not sure she knows she's doing it.” Guess I wasn’t on tha right track
“no, i undertand tha difference she's usin others ta fuel her powers? thats whats buggin ya, right?”

Spirit Gal looked up at me, I could see tha trouble behind her eyes “Please don't say anything to anyone, until I've made certain. Grr, Rago's waisting. His hair lightened, like it was turning gray It's like a slow rape of his body, his spirit.” I suggested we could hold a display, get a bunch if tha Will Workers tagether, and do a few tricks each, and have a look ta see where Abi's power COMES from but she thought it was too soon ta tell, she wanted ta research more, fair enough too, if Rago lasted that long. “Feshies aint built ta cope with magic. It's like radiation, little bits here and there dont make no difference . . .too much, too close, or even a little all tha time. . . does stuff . . .”

Spirit Gal got all stiff in my arms. "What do you mean 'does stuff?' I'm flesh, aren't I?" touched a real raw nerve there I think. “UM
well, like tha greyin of his hair, that’s a classic sign and yes, Spirit Gal, ya are flesh, warm ,nice, solid flesh, but that aint tha kinda Fleshie, i meant. i meant tha Homo sapiens sapiens variety, and that, i can fairly surly say, yer not”. Spirit Gal pressed in close again. "I don't know what I am, Grr. I dream of fire and iron." Joah goes quiet, resting in my arms. I’m real glad she finds comfort with me near, it was real hurful when she was all afeared of me after talking about . . .food. Took a long time fer us ta get back that trust. Like I say, trust is about knowin what a thing is, what it does, and when. I’m glad she trusts me again.

“fire and iron are magic in themselves, Spirit Gal most Fleshies think themselves too advanced ta remember that, but us closer to tha ground remember, and know. i dont know what ya are either Spirit Gal, i got a strong feelin, but i dont know, and it dont bother me at tha slightest. , not tha slightest. Ya know i dont Name false. i'm a crafty bugger, but what comes out of my mouth is tha way i see it.” Spirit Gal looked up at me again after liftin her face feom my belly fur "You Name true," she smiled. "And I'm far too serious tonight." I don’t care how serious she gets, as long as there is ease in her heart from my company, I’m doin awright. “it . . . erm . . . its not like most Fleshies would be keen ta lay down beside A shifter, neither, once they knew, , that also kinda makes its own point. yer not cowed but tha Beast. Its in their instincts ta fear tha claw and tooth and fur. I dont know whatcha are, but im walkin beside ya on tha Path”

Tha Goddess would be proud, and I bet Coyote got a chuckle too.

Diplomacy at the end of a weapon

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Pencil note, dated 11/9/08, a large smear is in the middle of the entry, as if a tropical bug was splatted there
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A few weeks ago I was wanderin about, bein, Diplomatic, and came across Razzi tha Top Kat talking with Pix down by tha Voodoo Shop. I padded up as they were talking. Pix smiled and sighed "yeah lots of nice Tony bits" Razzi sighed and shook her head "I don't wanna know about his bit" Gal talk, but I can hardly let that one slide “how ARE Tony's bits, Pix? i ant seen tha fella fer ages it seems” Pix looks across to her left "Grr!!! uhhh I meant his hair" There is a bunch of winkin, gigglin and blushin, and Pix ran over an gave me be big hug, or as big as her little arms could manage. “How ya doin Athos?” I asked her, Athos, one of the three musketeers, that's Pix, tha drunk and angry one. My-She was tha sexy spiritual one, Aramis, and me? Well, i'm Porthos. Half good guy, half pirate, get it? I asked em both about their Families. Diplomacy, see? Bein on good terms with the Faction Heads, its kinda my job.

All seems well with them all, Pix waves some kinda doll at me and tells me ta guess who. A bit abstract fer me. It's a Fleshie Plushie. It smells of Pix. I tell her I can't tell, (they all kinda look tha same, ya know?) she frowned at me and then looked back at tha plushie " umm he kinda looks the same" then Razzi joins in “It's me Grr” crazy Fleshies and their colour specific eyes. “erm . . i dunno, it just smells like you, and .. ahh, i dont see colours in this form too good” but when Razzi speaks up I get thrown. She's female, and Athos said “he”. She goes on, gigglin “She misses me all the time... and made a doll of me” Athos' had enough of tha game and frowned and poked me "it's meant to be my Tony you weird Aussie prat" heh. She called me a pratt, that's great. I miss hearin slang I know, she's from Wales, or somewhere, real like Aussie talk, more so than tha Pomms. She even gets my accent.

So, she's got a Tony doll, and she works in tha Voodoo Shop . . .i tell her ta be careful of it, not ta drop it or stick it with pins or nothing, Sympathetic Magic and stuff . . ."once tagether, always tagether" and "if it looks tha same, it IS tha same" she frowned and gave that some thought "well I won't alter it in any way except....perhaps make some things bigger" seein where's she's goin, I deflect her a bit with “like fingers, it needs fingers” . . . . and she seems ta focus a bit. Screws loose when it comes ta Tony, but she nodded with determination "absolutely" when along strolls Elroy tha Kit, mewlin a greetin ta us. All fine, right up until she pointed at Athos and asked "Fairy?" Big fuckin mistake. Now we'd have ta diffuse this fast, or . . . .

Me and Razzi jump on it right away “erm, no” and "no fairies around here, Elroy" and I stage whispered ta Elroy "dont mention the fairy . . . " Too late though and Athos is all glare and snarl. Elroy just seems too damn thick ta grasp tha drama here. Bloody Felines, always poking. "Well she looks like one.." Goddess! What does it take ta get through ta some folks? “lookit her, shes huge, fairies are like this big” and I spread finger and thumb, makin like that fairies are Coke-can sized. NOT person sized like Athos is. Fer tha record, I don't know what she is, but if I got asked, and DIDN”T know she'd fly off tha handle and go inta a murderous rage? I'd say she was a fairy. Elroy just keeps ploughin deeper “Can't fairies be huge?” Like I said, too late . . .and Athos launched in raisin her voice “and you look like a stupid, stupid unintelligent pussy" Wotan was boundin past, but pulled up at that last comment. Elroy just giggled "Well what ever suits you to call me..." Athos raised her hand as if to push Elroy away "say that again" Like tha daft slapper she is, Elroy just does. “Fairy?” I just pinch my muzzle, I can feel a headache commin on, and I expect blood ta start fallin soon.

Razzi tries ta head off her subordinate off with a word “Elroy knock it off” but gets no where. “What?, Just look at her” Razzi glanced between them "This is my best friend, and she doesnt like that ... so shut up" but its all too late, Athos is riled “What suits me is to call you is a stupid, brainless, " and pauses ta sneer at her pants" stupidly dressed crappy rubbish feline" Time ta try diversion tactics “erm, so, Pix, err, can ya show me a selection of tarot card fer a friend's err . . . name day?” No dice, Elroy's got her back up now. "See that she is calling me names..." groans from all around as Athos leaned over and snarled "with good reason". Maybe Top-Kit can reach Elroy, shakin her head tellin her they'd talk later. Not tha most inspired piece of leadership I've ever seen but it ain't my family.

It don't stop Elroy's mouth from flappin though. "I'm just saying you look like an Fairy what is wrong with that?" thing is there IS. My turn ta try "Elroy, isit? now, if i came up ta ya and asked "wow, lookit tha moggie, want some kitty litter . . ." but my analogy just slid right off her “ Athos growled "I do not look like a fairy and I am not a fairy. You look like a slut... are you one?” Ever see lava roll inta tha sea? Tha sea boils, and spits, but isn't going anywhere, tha lava? It flares, and crackles, but just keeps ploughing on. That's what this was like, I swear, we need stupid-police with snipers to sort this shit out. “Well in my eyes you do sorry can't change that to me you look like one. I said look like not are one.” Elroy was just labouring. I couldn't tell if she was spoilin fer a fight and wouldn't back down, or just dumb. I turned ta Athos again, tryin ta trick or reason her outta this, give her an out, ta save face. “err, um, Pix, can we g inside and lookit some tarot cards now?” still no dice. Pix smirks "and to me you look like a stupid slut who sells their body..sorry but hey ...that's the way you look" befor she turned ta me and tried ta brush me off “later Grr, kinda busy” but I wasn;t gunna let it go, so I told her “i see ya are, but, also, see, i got this urgent need . . . .” all tha while, Wotan stood there gapin, as useful as ever. I swear, he's tha epitome of Feline maleness; pretty, buff and good at standin in fire exits.


"That is just the way you look at me but doesn't have to be so." tha Feline counters ta which Athos replied "exactly, so to you I might look a certain way but I'm not, however, I don't wander Toxia shouting that you are a slut, although I'm sure I could” My fur began to rise. This was gunna lead ta blood soon, I could tell. “and i'm not shouting you are an fairy.” Said Elroy, and I tried ta get in befor tha inevitable and sighed . . ."no one's shoutin nothin . . . ." just in time for Athos ta yell “Elroy will do you for nothing - prices negotiable” and rised her foot and pushed towards Elroy "you have a problem with me?" Elroy is startin ta understand what she's gotten herself into. Athos gets crazy about this shit. “Wow... you are taking things way out of it proportions.” Athos shook her head "you offended me" and started ta draw her sword. I looked sidelong at Razzi and said “maybe some distance, hey? Razzi?” as
Elroy kept prattling on “I was just saying what i saw and you are making a big problem of it are you sick or something?” Razzi glances at Grr "yeh?" as Athos just growled louder "I'm not the sick one here" and pulled her sword "what did you call me again?" I addressed tha small crowd “lovely day NOT ta get splattered with blood in tha street dontcha think?” Elroy just laughed and said “I said you look like and fairy.” Wotan made room and Razzi glanced at me, keepen eyes on tha two now armin up "You wanna get in the middle of those two hot heads?" which I do.

Pix glared across at Elroy and smirked "you really have no intelligence" but befer she answered that one, Elroy has a goa at her own Faction Head “I'm an hot head? She is the one making threats not me.” Who NOW tried ta cool em off “Alright ... enough already .... both of you I like having both of you in one piece I will talk to her... but I don't think a n insult like that is worth blood”, she said Athos just stamped her foot, wavin her big assed sword at Elroy "she called me a fairy, she deserves to be in a thousand pieces...and I'm the one to do it " I have another go “Pix, lluv, let it go, ya cant turn tha tide by yellin at it, its just tha sea, ya know?” just in time for that rusty tosspot Zoltar to pipe up dispensing wisdom like tha backside of a cholera victim “There is an evil tendency underlying all our technology - the tendency to do what is reasonable even when it isn't any good.” I give it a good glare “its just . . . .Athos, c'mon, ya dont wanta risk gettin yer new Tony Doll splattered, now do ya?” She cuddles her doll and kisses it "nope, but I could give it to you for safe keeping"

I put a paw on her sword, just in time for Elroy ta shout “Pix is an Fairy...” so of course Athos growls "that's it" I give my self a moment to "harden tha fuck up, snowflake", with a prayer to tha goddess mutterin aloud "oh fer fucks sake" as Athos states "Prepare yourself Kitten - you are under attack" Here is where tha line between drinkin buddies and real mates comes in. I stood up, all tha way up, and I know how tall I am, that’s one reason why I crouch so much, and I step between them as they square off on tha street Elroy unslings her guns "hold tha fuck up Pix" I told her. Not askin anymore. growlin close and low "now, do ya think ya wanna let tha Kit have tha braggin rights that they taunted ya inta a street brawl fer THIS?" Athos snarled "she asked for it" as Razzi hung her head and sighed and Elroy tried ta say it was ok "You started with the insults you brought it on youre self if you just explained calmy you where not an fairy this would never have to happen." Athos looked around my shoulder "I can take her" maybe she could, if she was in her right mind. She wasn't. So I half turned and pointed a claw at Elroy and held it up signialing to pause. She had tha piece of mind at least not cross me. That woulda pissed me off bigtime. "this is fuckin dumbassed, Pix" Zoltar coughed and rattled and spoke some more, now, THAT pissed me off "shut . . .tha .. . .fuck . . up . . . Zoltar" Athos snarled and tried ta maneuver around me, but I kept her in check. She was snarlin sayin "lemme at her". As if. "no. Its stupid."

I looked over my shoulder ta Elroy"you shoot me in tha back and i'll be pissed, right?" she's daft, did I mention that? "why would i shoot you in the back?" Athos gets it though, loopy as she is. "you get outta the way and I won't shoot you Grr go sleep" she kew I was tired. It hadn's slept since Her Ladyship had been cursed at tha Blood Ritual. Four days. I aint leavin though i'm pissed off at how dumb this is, i told them ta put up their fuckin weapons Athos growls "She called me a fairy" Elroy pipes up, still wavin her piece, "not until she lowers hers.." i told her that she had called Elroy a slut back, and that it was all just words. Athos just shook her head "she looks like one" and Elroy, like a bobble-toy, bounces back with "And you look like an fairy..." and that was it tha fightin started.

I kept between em as best i could, i wore rounds from both, i took blade cuts from both. I felt tha burn and blast of magics. One of then stunned mec good, and i dropped to a knee. By tha time i shook my head, Athos was layin in tha gutter, and Elroy was staggerin off, mouthin how hard done by she was. Athos laid there groanin as i stumbled over. I'd caught a lot of lead, steel and hex. Truth be told, that was pretty close ta droppin me, closer than i been fer a while. Calleigh tha Covenite glanced over ta Athos and sighed hopelessly then back to Elroy. "Alright guys, seriously this needs to stop. Can't have each other being torn appart just due to name calling. We're not in elementrary school here." Athos looked up and slaped tha floor she was bleedin everwhere, but she wasn't broken "I'm not a fairy" i had managed ta scramble over and lays paws on her, willing her ta mend. Elroy looked at Razzi a little sad "You call that an friend?", Calleigh frowned. "Pix, stop already..." as Razzi just shook her head "You taunted her, Elroy and you know it" at least Athos rested under my paws as i called forth Coyote's healin Athos smiled up at me, "I'm sorry " then looks to Calleigh "I guess that it's an old thing" she sighed again as she rose up then wraped her little arms around me "mmm you care" Calleigh smiled weakly. "I know, I've seen it a million times Pix..." She crosses her arms and looks to me, noddin in thanks. Athos just pulled back a little and looked at me, waiting, so i summed it all up with "course i fuckin care, ya cared fer me just as good when i had nothin, think nothin of it, Athos and hell, i been shot and stabbed plenty of times by folks i liked less" she snuggled me again "love ya Grr"

you too, Athos, you too


ya hear that Coyote? ha, tick another one off my list, healed in yer name, felt good ta put my body in harms way for somethin worthwhile.

The Gift

Come they called me, ta tum ta tum tum

A brave new year to see, ta tum ta tum tum

My finest gifts to bring, ta tum ta tum tum

As to lay before a Queen, ta tum ta tum tum

ta tum ta tum tum , ta tum ta tum tum ,

So to honor Her, ta tum ta tum tum ,

When we come.

My Lady, ta tum ta tum tum

I am a poor one though, ta tum ta tum tum

I have no gift to bring, ta tum ta tum tum

That's fit to give a Queen, ta tum ta tum tum ,

ta tum ta tum tum , ta tum ta tum tum ,

Shall I stay by you, ta tum ta tum tum ,

For all of my time?

The Lady nodded, ta tum ta tum tum

The sea and fire kept time, ta tum ta tum tum

I walk the line for Her, ta tum ta tum tum

I serve my best for Her, ta tum ta tum tum ,

ta tum ta tum tum , ta tum ta tum tum ,

Then She smiled at me, ta tum ta tum tum

Me and my time.

Lay with me? In a field of stone . . . .

=====================================
Pencil entry, dated 5/9/08 in a nervous, scratchy hand
=====================================

I snapped my mirror shut and looks about quietly as I materialised in Tha Library. Mr Brit is there, Ethan Snappypants, he’s bundled up by tha fire with Strong Gal herself, and there, at my paws, was Spirit Gal, also sprawled out. HE nods ta me and gives me tha “hush” sign, and whispered "I believe there was some need for rest... and for your own good.. stay out of the garage for the moment..." Spirit Gal is dreaming, I can tell, tha fire violet sparks play , twirling and swirling into a violet and lavender jungle flower. I watch it, tryin ta read its augury and looked between her and tha Strong-Gal / Ethan pile. Strong Gal makes another grab fer Snappypants claimin him and havin a bit more of a pash. Nice.

I crouch down, comfortable fer me, I like havin my head down low, feel, much more natural, and give Spirit Gal a stroke, makin sure she’s awright, and sleepin sound. She stirs a bit a my touch, then turned, opened her eyes and grabed me around the neck pullin me down to her. "You smell even better than he does," she sighed. Snappypants shook his head... "I warned you to be silent" but couldn’t move or do too much at the time, entangled in Strong Gal as he was. So I sinks down and joined Spirit Gal, but I did it with tha gentle hesitation of something much longed for and feared at tha same time. Somethin in tha way tha two Gals was actin gave me pause though (get it, pause!) I want it so much, but, somethin wasn’t right. That and, well, two things. I really want to and not fuck it up wit hSpirit Gal, and second, err, I want her ta be in her right mind, in case, well, in case something in her system takes me out. Fine way ta go, I’ve been told, but, all tha same, I’d like her ta be able ta medic me is I go down twitchin. That’d put a stop ta further attempts, and would suck. Her Ladyship would be mighty pissed if I died. Can’t have that.

Spirit Gal rubed her face against my muzzle, and then gestures with her eyes toward Snappypants. "He smells good, and his hair . . . mmmm . . but he said he would lie down with me and then he didn't," She pouted. She never pouts. Not right. "Will you lie with me?” Then she asked. She ASKED. Now, lets not all jump ta conclusions. But when a non-sibling member of tha pack is in heat and presents, mate, you jump to. Its instinct. Pure and simple. It was bloody hard not ta just tear open her clothes and mount her right then, but, something wasn’t right, and, I’d feel bad if she ended up NOT havin wanted me. Its, I know it’s a big taboo fer Fleshies . . . Fur. Animals. Tha Righteous even got Laws in their Big Book Of Truth about that kinda thing. Prudes. Point is though, Spirit Gal and me, we’ve been getting close, and I wanna make sure she knows what she’s askin fer. So, I just let loose a shuddering sigh of long held breath, and say "yes Spirit Gal, I will" and cuddle up behind her. Its tha truth. On lots of levels. I always tell tha truth to my Family.

Strong Gal is all over Snappypants, which is, unusual fer her, she’s kinda playfully needy, but, this is getting quite a lot more. I wondered. So I sang a song that came ta mind, My-She played it fer me once. It was really nice. I thought it might speak ta Spirit Gal, remind her of Tha Path.

“in a field of stone, if yer needs were strong,
I would lay with you"

Spirit Gal stroked my fur and gazed at him with wide, gentle black eyes. She stroked my ruff, openin her lips to kiss me gently, drawin inta me. I leaned in and offered my muzzle to tha kiss and returned it, in the fashion of canines, with as delicate and deft a touch as I could "Anywhere?" she sighs. Strong Gal is still beggin Snappypants fer more kisses, which he is struggling ta provide. Its funny, at least, its not dangerous, but its far from normal. I kept on singin soft like.

“If yer lips grow dry, I would wet them, dear,
in tha midnight hour, if yer lips were dry,
would go with you, to tha Other land,
walk a thousand miles through tha burnin sand,
wipe tha blood away from yer dyin hand
if I gave myself ta you"

Lorne slipped inta tha Library, as he does so much, stoppin before the fire with wash of light I could feel flow through me. He sniffed, it was right about tha time I wriggled sideways and stuck my head beside Spirit Gal’s and looked deeply into her eyes, lockin her grey with my golden, seeing Within, if I could, when I heard Lorne come in I swivelled my ears and sniffs in reply but didn’t look up from Spirit Gal’s eyes and just asked "Lorne or Legion?" Spirit Gal let her hand glide over the tips of Grr's ears, rubbing one between her forefinger and thumb. "I think I like you much better than Ethan," her eyes drift toward Lorne, slightly unfocused. Lorne sniffed slightly more, speakin over the bright light in a man’s voice "Do I smell female?" well, he didn’t, but with him, its hard ta tell. “ya always smell tha same, its tha spirit that changes, but I take it yer Lorne fer now . . . . “ I staid by Spirit Gals side, entwined in her embrace still lookin into her eyes, Watching but I could hear Lorne cock his head at tha two sets of us on tha floor "She does not smell right. I could tell from the street." He’s good, I’ll pay that. “nope . . . somethin's off . . .tha both of em”

Strong Gal pulls back frowning at the teasin kisses. "I want kisses....I want MY kisses." Tha kiss lasts until she needs to breath and she pulls away from his lips with a soft pop. I try ta explain ta Lorne “their shoes smell of grease from tha Garage” Spirit Gal gazes up at Lorne, opening her mouth and licking her lips. "Ethan said he would lie with me, but he didn't," then she wraps her legs around mine. "But Grr smells much better than Ethan." I can’t say I objected, pressed in close behind her, it was really hard, and that’s not all that was getting that way. I try ta tell Lorne tha rest, but, its getting harder and harder tha think clear “and they're both in heat” Snappypants comes to tha rescue "is there something I can help with Lorne? actually, not in heat... more like focused on having something... or at least that is what I gather from Brit..."

Spirit Gal tries to shakes her head, trying to focus on Lorne. "I . . . needed to talk with you about something . . . didn't I? Her fingers trail along my ruff and down toward his chest. I try ta reach her again and sang a bit more.

"will ya bathe with me, in tha stream of life,
when tha moon is full will ya bathe with me?
"will ya still love me when I’m down and out,
in my time of trials will ya stand by me?"

Lorne growls in a very low, and not at all threatening way, he was upset by tha news, I don’t respond to his growl, lowering slightly on His legs.,speaking low "Something else..." Strong Gal continues to crawl all over Ethan covering him with soft kisses Spirit Gal smiles at me, pullin a little away from my hug and looked at Lorne. She breathed deeply. "Mmmm. . . . You smell good too."

"would you lay with me, in a field of stone?
if my lips grow dry would ya wet them dear?"
Would ya bathe with me in tha stream of life?
will ya still love me when I’m down and out"

"There was a feather," Spirit Gal begins, tried to stand up, then sunk back down next ta me again. Lorne begins humming low, and ominous. The light in tha room shifted slightly blue, feeling like the full moon and it felt like an eye staring right at Spirit Gal. His voice echoes slightly "A feather?" Snappypants whispered to Brit "come here..." and pulled her into a passionate kiss, breaking it only to allow her to breath... in that quick pause, he whispers to Lorne "the garage is not the safest place to enter at the moment... or until a while ago." I kept singin ta Spirit Gal, not leavin her eyes, tryin tha old huntin trick lockin her with a predators gaze, been told it can be hypnotic. We used ta use it ta take out Sentries in Timor. I’d lock em, and my SNARL-mates would hit them from tha sides. Fer now though, I tried ta hold her and kept singin soft

"would ya go away ta another land?
walk a thousand miles through tha burnin sand,
wipe tha blood away from my dyin hand,
if I gave myself ta you?"

Spirit Gal shook her head again, and struggled to sit, gazing at tha blue light that was comin from Lorne "Yes . . . it was . . . on the altar . . ." I lay by Spirit Gal, Watching all tha while, learnin from her words and thoughts. Lorne’s light beam flutters away as if going behind clouds and Strong Gal blinks and flops against Snappypants gleefully as her desire is immediately fulfilled. She pounces with another deep kiss, her body pressing lightly with a slight rocking of her hips against him. She pulls against him harder while catching her breath between the kisses.

Spirit Gal kept strokin my leg, gazing at Lorne, I was vaguely aware that Di has walked into he Library, along with a different Lyra. Spirit Gal made ta stand and walk over to Lorne, managin ta hook her finger around the chain at his waist. Lorne raised an arm, positioning it as to connect with the intersection of Joah's collar bones as she comes near. There is a mild jolt as their skin connects. As she got that far I come up, half standin, all instinctive and lock her shoulder in my mouth, my mouth is like an extra paw ta me at tha best of times, but this, this is different. Without biting down, I take hold of Spirit Gal, keepin her from moving too far, held in my jaws. Spirit Gal manages ta talk a bit again "I . . . Di and I . . . there was a feather . . . making people sick," she murmurs. She stops, shuddering at the pressure in her shoulder at the shock across her chest. I look up totha balcony and see Di tryin to look nonchalant.

I know tha effect Lorne can have. He took Tha Huntress and fed her to tha Shadows, of her own free will. Not my Spirit Gal. He might be honestly tryin ta help, but again, instinct took over. He’s an exile. Not-Family, so I just growled softly, and shifts my mass to gently pull her down again, away from him and his touch. I can feel Snappypants looking over at us wonderin whats goin on. He’s occupied. He’s not interuptin, he’s fine. That’s what my instincts told me. I’m watchin Lorne but he just keeps His arm extended at the same length. There is another jolt as the palm comes away from her collar. HE probably didn’t mean fer me ta feel it too, but, I’m kinda attached.

Lorne looks down as something looking vaguely like a watch is pulled free of His coat by Joah's finger hooked in the chain as she comes back with me. As I gently tug her back I swivelled my eyes up to look Lyra over, still holdin Spirit Gal in my jaws and reaches over her to further pin her, I get a real stab as I takes in the hurt that was done Lyra. A Name comes to me, She ain’t “New Kid” any more, she’s “Shiny” now. As I pull Spirit Gal back down tha chain thing pulls from her hand. She breathes deeply, I catch a familiar flame licking in her eyes. She reached up and put one hand on my muzzle, as it holds her shoulder, not pushin me away, restin on me as I hold her "I . . . I'm not quite myself . . . " I kept lookin about the room , holding Spirit Gal’s shoulder pinned with my jaws, carefully scannin tha faces, looking over Snappypants and Strong Gal, winking once to Snappypants and waits . . . Watching. I cant talk with my mouth full of Spirit Gal, but I hope he got that I had her, and it was under control.

Lorne steps closer to Brit, holdin his hand closer to hisself, and holdin it out again, with some kinda magicin a long peacock feather just suddenly there in his hand. He holds it out within Snappypants’ grasp. he looks up nodding and takes the feather presenting it to Strong Gal "will this do?" he looks back to Lorne nodding once more. Spirit Gal sat real still. A shiver runs through her as she raised a had ta her collar bone. She slowly tracked her head around the Library, and I guess she fully saw Lyra and Di and a stranger at the door. Sinking inta me, she seemed completely herself again, but she staid close. Fer that I was very glad. All tha same I slung an arm over the shoulder I wasn’t holding in my jaws and gently clambers to press his body against Joah, holding her close and covered, from behind, looking about still.

Strong Gal gasps happily as she moves to again straddle Snappypants thighs. She took tha feather and runs it over her fingers. She rans the feather over her hand. Then across her neck. Peeking down at her mate she tickled his nose with it...and kisses lightly. "Bite me here." She pointed to her neck where his bite marks still showed. Spirit Gal raised one hand to her forehead, "I needed to speak with you Lorne . . . about . . . a gift the Shadows gave the Righteous."

Lorne murmurs to Snappypants "Are you certain seclusion is the best thing with a girl who wants everything that crosses her mind, when you are not able to do everything a girl might want?" That’s harsh, Strong Gal has never wanted fer anythin that Snappypants hasn’t been able ta give. Not ever. Except more kisses it seemed. Then Lorne turned to look towards us, cocking His head. Instinct again. I would not be challenged. So I just growled gently and assumed a unmistakably possessive stance, but not anythin more hostile than that. Still had my mouthful, but I wasn’t gonna stand fer lip about what I had ta offer. Spirit Gal proved me right by pushin in more closely ta me as she watches Snappypants begin ta feed, tha lovin mutual kind, that is tha reason tha Fangers are on top of their chain, not just a branch. They CAN share feelins with their food. Strong Gal and Snappypants is all tha proof I’ll ever need. If I’d ever had a doubt about Her Ladyship, lookin at these two always makes me laugh at tha old ancestral worry.

Cause Fangers and Fur shared a common food source. We’ve always been rivals. Tha Fangers learned ta seduce and sip, killin only as need arose, ta maintain stealth. My Kin learned ta take tha straggler, tha lone wanderer, hard, fast and leave no trace but maybe a spray of blood and tha parts ya can’t eat. Like belt buckles. That I can offer a meal ta Her Ladyship, is just as important as any of tha medic-trainin I’ve had, or cookin. A meal from someone on yer side ya can trust can make all tha difference to a soldier on tha edge. And tha best meals are ones ya make yerself. I only offer tha very best I have ta offer to Her Ladyship. Back to tha Library and me growlin Lorne off.

Lorne tried ta hold back a smirk at me, I think he got tha picture that I’m actin as any self respectin canine ought, but his expression seems to soften into something vaguely like resignation as Sanppypants feeds. Slowly, His brow wrinkles, and he turns abruptly to look at them. After a moment, the look leaves his face, he cleared his throat, turned and walked away. When Spirit Gal pressed against me, it was all I could do not ta whimper as she bumped her hind end against me. I think she felt me there, and liked it, cause she kept at it, as I held her in my teeth, and arm draped over her. It was still a difficult thing fer me, NOT to do more, when she was presentin like this. Thing was, then she rubbed her hear against me and my present from tha night at KTOX came back ta bite me.

The bloody earings, my escape hatch, tha last happy friend. I’d decided my life was on track enough that I’d not ever need em, so, cause they are pretty, and ya give pretty things ta gals yer tryin ta make like ya, I gave them ta Spirit Gal. Told her if I was ever gone and she wanted ta be reminded of me, ta wear of em. Double meanin there. Triple if ya include tha other one, that if I’m there, she needn’t wear em. Stupid, that’s male logic fer ya I guess. She’s been wearin them, so, I’m real happy, but at tha sime time, its dangerous. I guess that act as a reminder too, that her blood is dangerout to me. Like tha black and gold stripes on a wasp, they’re like danger signs, so I don’t take too many risks. So heres what happened. She leaned her head inta me, lovin tha feel of me, I figure, bitin, holdin, and, pressed up from behind and tha earrings bit me and I winced slightly shuttin my eyes from tha pain, my bite tightens, but only a fraction, I don’t dare bite too hard, too much a risk, if she’s not awright, from her blood, so I just shift my head away from her neck, tha arm over her other shoulder tighter, and pulls her close about her, I was all but on top of her now. I hope no one smelt tha burn.

I was still holdin Spirit Gal’s shoulder in my jaws, and had my arm over her other shoulder, covering her from behind and all but on top of her, and when I noticed Her Ladyship enter tha building I perked my ears right up and wagged my tail gently in greeting to her. Neri had come in, and was waftin some sort of herbal burning thing about, maybe ta cancel tha effects of whatever tha Gals had gotten mixed up with at tha Ryders hangout. Lorne looks back at us four by tha fire and asked "Is there a holiday I am unaware of?" He takes another whiff of the herbal fumage and Her Ladyship shook her head, still trying to work out what is going on... Snappypants waves at Lorne gesturing he didn’t need a hand "I am fully aware what I am doing actually... and I have to ask everyone to excuse us... we need our rest..." he nods decisively and gestures goodbye to all around. I bowed my head a little ta him as he left, dipping Spirit Gal as well befer swivellin eyes and ears to Her Ladyship, looking very much like a child with a hand I the cookie jar. It was ok though She smiled at me, eyes twinkling with amusement, no harm bein done, nothing ta worry about. I sighed with relief and wagged my tail some more
Snappypants nods once more "thank you for the aid in one way or the other everyone..." he moves out the door slowly making sure to not disturb Strong Gal’s rest as they move towards their resting place Her Ladyship stood up, putting herself between us two and Lorne, gestured ta Her throat, letting out a hoarse whisper. "Something we can assist you with, Lorne?" He sighed, watching the two leave, and turning see Her Ladyship. He stared a moment "You know...I think I may have left the iron..." he turns "It's been three hundred years, it's likely burnt down the entire block by now." He stops at the door, turning about with a hand and finger raised "Oh, yes. What was that about the feather from the altar, Joah?" Spirit Gal stired under me "I need to know . . . whose it came from . . . what it was," she said slowly. "I . . destroyed it . . . in the Pit. It made the Righteous . . . ill. . . ." she struggled for words, sleep heavy in her voice. Her Ladyship looked concernedly to Spirit Gal and turned back to Lorne..
Her Ladyship whispers again, obviously in pain from her throat.. "Perhaps another time?"
Spirit Gal stammered "No . . . Lady . . it's fine . . Lorne cranes his ear slightly nearer to her as she speaks, looking at Omega momentarily as she finishes, then shaking His head "I am not aware of such an occurrence."

Spirit Gal shook her head, trying to focus the events in her mind coherently. She slumped a bit more into me, "Mr. Constantine . . . and a Righteous, Dena . . . came to the Library."
Spirit Gal "Shay . . . said didn't know . . ." she fumbled around for words. "But . . . it was an angel feather . . . and black. . . ." Lorne nodded, straightening again, and looking at Her Ladyship, though speaking to Spirit Gal "I'll see what I can find out." He turns, and steps out of the Library. Her Ladyship watched Lorne leave, then turned to Joah, with a questioning look to me. That’s when Spirit Gal struggles a little against me fer tha first time, but, now all tha Not-Family had gone, and tha danger I felt befer had passed. I felt it was ok "I . . . think I need to walk. . ." she trailed off, a trace of embarrassment in her voice. I really hope I’d done tha right thing, and not made her feel, dirty, or something.

I looked to Her Ladyship and shrugged for a moment, then hugged Spirit Gal close and slowly disengages my bite, with a soft popping sound as my lips come away and a slight pull as teeth that has pressed deep into flesh come free, leaving deep indentations and no doubt bruising to the bone, and, hopefully, not broken the skin enough to have bled. I looked down at the bite makes, six points from his bottom jaw, two large, four small on Joah’s back and works his mouth lips smacking. Now ta see if I pay tha price. I counted in my head 5, 10, 15, 20, still awake, not dead, all good. I clambered up from her, and right smart put a paw to the side of my neck. Hurt like a son of a bitch. Trust me, I know. Lookin at tha marks, I ask “I didn’t hurt ya, Spirit Gal . . .” She hand rises to her shoulder, tender. Her hand came back and she rubbed a little bit of blood between finger and thumb. . . a small bead of blood, close one. "No ... you . . . didn't. . . ." She trailed off again, lookin at the floor.

I fully clambered off her and still touchin her with a paw, turned to Her Ladyship, reportin. "Mr Britt said they got exposed ta somethin from tha Garage, made em .. .. odd" Spirit Gal stood, wobblin, and smoothed out her skirt. She leaned on me a moment, the steps back. Good sign. I’m awright ta lean on. Good sign.” sleep is tha best escape fer ya, I think, Spirit Gal, how about ya sleep where we know ya be safe, yeah?” She considered a moment, and sighed. "Being asked to lie down is what got me into this me . . . I mean . . . " she rubbed her shoulder. "Perhaps you're right, Grr." and glances from me to Her Ladyship. "But I think I need to clear my head first. I . . . I am going to walk. For a while.”

She did come back. She was fine. She remembered it all.

And

She likes me.

Call of tha Wild.

===========================
Pencil note dated 1/9/08 in not too messy writing, a passage has been painfully neatly transcribed
===========================
A book fell from a high shelf. it landed with such a thud i jumped and put my Fleshie hand ta sword. I scanned tha room, lookin fer ninja's, lynch mobs or maraudin Shadows.

Tha Library had a message fer me. A fat book of stories. leather bound and musty.

Call of tha Wild it was

Tha passage tha Library pointed me at (we can always tell) was this:

"But in the end Buck's pertinacity was rewarded; for the wolf,
finding that no harm was intended, finally sniffed noses with him.
Then they became friendly, and played about in the nervous, half-
coy way with which fierce beasts belie their fierceness. After
some time of this the wolf started off at an easy lope in a manner
that plainly showed he was going somewhere. He made it clear to
Buck that he was to come, and they ran side by side through the
sombre twilight, straight up the creek bed, into the gorge from
which it issued, and across the bleak divide where it took its
rise."

there comes a time when a caged critter stops bein a prisoner and starts bein an inmate. When they stop wantin ta be out and become a specimen. That is as much a loss of fear as anything else. When ya loose tha fear of not bein free, when ya accept yer lot as inevitable and eternal, that’s when tha light of tha wild leaves.

Even if ya then build up tha walls of what ya have. Without fear, ya become blind ta tha risks. Blind ta what ya can loose. Blind ta what ya may fail ta gain. Fear. It is my ally. It is a weapon. It is a saviour. Ta be without fear is ta be without hope. Without fear yer without bravery. Fear drives ya beyond failure. Beyond success. Beyond boundaries.

Masterin yer fear makes ya strong. Havin no fear makes ya a liability. I'ue seen it in tha field. Battle Rage. Tha kinda thing that make ya think chargin tha machine guns with just yer claws is a grand idea. Great unless they got silver and there is you not carin getting chopped into hairy hamburger. Worse if ya then do tha same to ya mates. Fear. It keeps ya alive.

Ya can train it outta someone. Ya can cut it outta them too. Ya can drug them or mess with their mind and take it from them. It don't free ya from yer cage though. It just makes tha bars invisible. Some Fleshie leader said "tha only thing ta fear, is fear itself" but he got that ass backwards. Tha world is a scary place filled with all kinds of horrors wantin ta eat ya and use yer skin as a rug.

Its good ta fear that. Its healty ta fear that. Tha only thing ya should NEVER fear, is fear itself. Those that master fear, they got power over themselves. Those without fear? Masters of nothin.

Why am i goin on about this? i like ta think, since comin ta Tox, after Timor, i mastered a bunch of my fears. I was scared ta be alone without my kin. So i joined tha Pack, till i was to disgusted with what they became ta stay. I mastered my fear of not havin a pack. I was scared ta be alone in tha Pit, tha Shadows, i've had good reason ta fear them, over tha moons, but my office in tha Institute required me ta go, so i go. I can still hear tha screams and tha gunfore, tha smell of burnt fur and tha limp weight of my Packmates when i go, but i mastered it, and can stand there without tremblin no more.

Why am i goin on about this? Because i found out somethin tha chilled me to tha marrow. Spirit Gal had gone to Lorne, or Legion, Legion i guess, ta get de-feared. She got her fear, driven, out of her. She was wounded. She said she died. This made me think long and hard about why. I dont really know what Spirit gal is, or where she came from. She ain't Fleshie, not, fully anyway. Magic aside, she'd got venom fer blood. It bothers me i dont know more about her, where she came from, what she IS. Because I dont know more I can't do more. Or maybe, maybe because i didn't know more i feared doing ENOUGH. She died, she said. She had to find her own way back. Finding her own way back drove away her fear.

I need to give her back her fear, or she will die before she knows why. I told her i was gunna walk tha path with her. Its my duty. Its my honour. Its my right and its my joy. Kin, pack, Blood, SHE said to ME. She is Family. She is dear to me. She will not walk alone when i can be walkin with her instead.


I miss My-She.