All after incinerators . . .?

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Pencil entry, messily scribbled, there are food stains on the pages, dated 12/4/2009
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Tha winds of change, they kinda stink, sometimes. This time, though, I got a wiff before tha real stink hit, and tha stink was of death. Time ta bug out. Time ta enact “Grr’s Evac plan #3”. Needed to get do some “shoppin” fer that. Why were we buggin out? Well, tha nasty critter that had gotten loose, run amuck and brought down tha heat from tha Septic Federal’s. Agent Men, wanderin about, huntin. Tha good citizens of Tox, well, they did what they do best, and after tha smoke cleared, and tha agents had been BBQ’d at tha stake, their helio shot down, and tha reprisal strike by ship ta ship missile on tha supply barge, I knew it was only a matter of time till they came back in force. I talked with some of tha Pack, who were determined ta stay, and fight fer their territory, angry pups who’ve never seen battlefield combat with a well trained and equipped military.

Between that, and the breakup of tha Institute, and everythin else that had been goin on there, tha waters were already lookin choppy, but like I say, tha wind brought tha scent of death, and even tha Messenger was absent. When tha Valkyrie depart, its time ta bug out. Didn’t have too much time, but enough ta do what needed ta be done. I collected tha tools of my trade, and set out shoppin. Huntin, is more accurate, though.

My first target was ta be tha easier of tha two, I just put my nose to tha ground, and sniffed about till I found tha right kind of scent. Male, Shifter, new to town. Alone. Spent a while till I tracked him down, then some more time observin. Stayin down wind, stayin outta sight, and sound. Casual, like, not makin it feel like a stalkin, in case his instincts were good. Turns out, though, he was just another turned Fleshie, stumbling about in his War-Form, like he was finding his paws. Poor bastard, well, him or me, I win out every time. I checked tha surrounds, didn’t want any witnesses for this, or tha whole jig was up. The look in his eyes was hardest, when tha first three round burst caught him in tha middle of tha pelvis. Silver hollow-points, make em myself. I keep a couple of 5.56 clips of them handy, just in case. Silver is a sacred metal, and is due tha respect my kin give it. I craft it with prayer and blessin, because there is only one reason for me ta use it. To take my own kind over tha Wide River.

Those three rounds hit him and shattered tha heavy bone of his pelvis, and hopefully, his spine too, I saw his legs bucklin even as tha second burst took him mid-chest, a little high and left of solar plexus, but, I wasn’t at too much distance, and tha MoA was only slight. Heart shot, rather than another spine hit, but, hollow-points make a mess, even subsonic 5.56’s. Tha trick is ta make a big hole, and not over-penetrate, leave that blood-metal in tha wound ta do its work. I kept whisperin my Prayer fer tha Departin, as he jerked and twitched, bodymass dropping him as his hips cracked wider, fallin in slow motion, impacts ta his chest, rib shards and silver mushrooms sproutin in his lungs and heart. His head turned to me, as he dropped, reflexes and canine hearin getting triangulation on tha second burst, even suppressed. That’s when tha third burst landed. His eyes landed on my position, in tha bushes by tha tattoo parlour, and he opened his mouth to try to howl for help.

Even lung-shot, my kin can let out a howl loud enough ta be heard by all those who would listen, fer quite a ways, and as it happens, I was ready, in case that happened, but, fallin as he was, mouth opening ta howl, my third burst found tha mark I gave them, mouth is as good as throat, and he ate at least two of tha three rounds. He crumpled, and lay still, back of his head a wet mess, where bone fragments and silver shards punched through tha back of his skull. I had ta move fast, in case I gotr spotted, but tha hours I keep, and picked, made that pretty easy, no one much is ever about when I am, so, I was in luck. I gathered my brass, slung my weapon, and double timed it over to him. I wondered what his name was, but, Coyote knows, and will add it to my tally. I reached him ,saw his tattered clothes and realised how young he must be, maybe his second moon as Kin, not even old enough ta know how ta deal with clothes. Too bad fer him. Dog eat Dog. I whipped out a poncho liner and rolled him onto it, tied him in, and threw him over my shoulder, and got my tail back to the Library.

I got him in, unseen again, I think, and stashed him in tha store room, before changing, and re-equippin myself fer my second item. A couple of hours had passed, not sure how much longer we had, and with tha time tickin away in my head. I got myself together, and headed back out. As I wandered, I got word that a supply ship had been spotted comin in, and we were expected ta make a show of gatherin intel. Well, that’s what we do, and it’d have raised more attention if I hadn’t. Her Ladyship was still out, makin her own arrangements. So, it was up to me. I passed tha crowd, squablin over booze and eats, as they stood about tha docks, all tha while, I was scanning bodies. Size and shape, needed ta be Fleshie, if this was gunna work. There were folks talking about tha critter, and that it had been loaded up ta be shipped off. I boarded tha barge, and poked about, myself, even whe nit pulled away, I kept lookin through what was left. Folks on tha shore yelled ta get back, that I’d get taken, but, I just waved cheerily, seemed ta me like them seein I was finding a way of tha island fer a holiday wasn’t a bad thing, would add to tha confusion, and if there were repercussions? Well, all tha better, blame tha Mainalnders fer what they were gunna find, later on.

I disembarked as tha barge turned tha corner near tha harbour, out of eye-line from tha docks. Double backed through tha sea wall, past tha Pit, and towards tha Park, tha fountain. Always one by tha fountain, or at least, in tha old days. I was in luck. All alone, again, bloody good fortune, pardon tha pun, and I set up quickly in tha rubble behind tha Vet Clinic, under tha toxic vat. I had my M-70 this time, and a different load. Folks think that bein in tha Institute is all about reading books, and filin reports. What they forget is that we larn everythin, we collect everythn, we never throw anything away. As Praetor, I had access, and knowledge.

I had tha anti-Fanger Serum, to de-Fanger folks, as used in tha Fanger-Lycan War, two strains, actually, because we had developed our own, too, a legacy of Shiny, Lyra tha Furf. I had taken that, and loaded it up into tranq darts, tha same kind that used ta get used on me, when I was in tha zoo, when I was learnin ta think like a Fleshie, in tha 7RAR-L. Tha same I’ve used on my own kin ta drop them when they go moon-struck. I had two of each strain, and had them on paw, just in case.

Tha female was not big, but she moved with tha fluid power that comes with tha Fangers, sex on a stick and as cool as a Melbourne eve. Her hair wasn’t dark, wasn’t light, so I was hopin it was tha right colour, but in tha end, that’s just icin on tha cake. I lined up as she fed from tha trough, tha fountain I helped build. At least she had tha grace ta use a cup, Her Ladyship would have been pleased ta know. I was pretty sure she didn’t have a clue I was there, again, I wasn’t that far off, and this could get messy if I bullocked it up.
Tha first dart hit her in tha back, about kidney height, she flinched, and spat her mouthful out and wheeled on tha spot and looked around fer what had hit her. Not seein anything, she reached back to grab at the dart, and struggled to reach it. I loaded up tha second kind, and drew another bead on her, and tagged her, upper right chest, above her teats, below collarbone. When she took that one, she staggered a little, off balance from reaching fer tha first dart.

When she plucked it and looked at it, tha look of contempt and spite that crossed her face was something outta tha movies. Classic Fanger rage face, fangs dropped, predator’s snarl, and she was on tha road ta revenge. She heard tha second shot, too, just like my kin had, and came at me, or at least, my way, a keening call made its way out of her mouth, as she ran towards tha vat I was under, I expect that she thought she’d zip under, and tear out tha throat of tha fool who tried to dart her, like some mortal. Well, I was hopin tha serum was fast actin, and that a mixed double dose would do tha trick, because tha next round I loaded was just a regular copper jacketed steel core. She had crossed tha park in good time, rounded tha tank, and was getting ready to vault tha chainlink fence I was behind, when she slowed. Makin tha jump, she only got half way up tha fence, and with a look of rage, and anger, had ta go hand over hand up it.

I took that as a sign my plan, and tha serums, had worked, and unloaded tha third round, mid-chest, iron sighted. Tha full military load cracked hard, kicked hard, and did it’s job. She was still goin up, but when that round punched through her chest, she just crumpled and sagged mid-air, and dropped off tha fence into a heap, behind tha vat. She wasn’t quite dead, makin that raspy, wheezy sound folks make when they are getting ready ta Cross, after takin one to tha lungs. I re-chambered, gathered my brass, and slipped around tha fence, at-shoulder, keeping her covered, in case tha serum wore off sudden-like whilst she was still kickin. I looked her in tha eyes as tha life went out of her, and whispered tha same prayer I had fer tha first target. She might have deserved ta die, but she wasn’t even my enemy, just needed her fer tha plan. Another name on Coyote’s list. Rolled her ta see that it was a through and through shot, then bagged her too, and after slingin my weapon, carried her as swift as i could without lookin like I was runnin with fresh meat, back to tha Library.

I got back, and again, as it often was, these days, found it empty, dumped tha almost-Fanger in tha store room, and got tha rest of what I needed. Clothes. Two sets, mine and Hers. I stripped tha two bodies, and changed them, hard work when ya think about it, harder ta do, even more so when they are all bloody and fucked up like these two were. I managed, I had to, time was tickin down on us something fierce. I dragged tha two bodies out, and Her Ladyship was there, ready, and lookin . . . grim. She nodded to me, and looks sadly at the two bodies, dressed like us, but, not us. Tha once-Fanger still had tha fangs, but tha thing that makes them be undead was dead in it, so, she was just in-between. She wasn’t even old enough ta go ta ash, just kinda looked dead and sickly. My kin had gone back to Fleshie form, reverted slowly after tha silver had done its work. I looked at them like so much meat, I had a job ta do, and I was gunna see my mission to tha end.

I reached up and yanked a pawfull of fur out, and tossed it at tha couches and look out my KA-BAR, and lookin away from Her Ladyship, stabbed myself through tha forearm. Whimpered, I did, it’s a hard thing ta do, without rage goadin ya, ta stab yerself, but I did it, and left tha blade in, and spun my arm about a bit, ta spray some blood about. Pulled it out again, and at tha same spot, sliced a chunk outta my arm, skinned a patch tha size of a dog food can lid, growlin as I sawed it off, and tossed it against tha fire place. Tha look in Her Ladyships eyes at me hurtin myself made me feel bad fer doin it, but, I could feel tha regeneration as I got to tha next stage, so, no harm done. Her Ladyship surprised me then, but, and said “I suppose I should offer the same evidence to our pursuers, don’t you think?” and before I could say anything, she bit her wrist and flicked it at tha wall and floor aways from tha bodies. I nodded, and bowed my head in thanks to her forwards thinking.

Last step. I got a metal canister out of my supplies, and slopped tha sticky, stinkin mess out of it, all over tha bodies, makin a mess of it, makin sure I didn’t spread it too far off them, but, its good stuff, made it myself, real thick and sticky. Napalm. Covered tha bodies but not tha Library. I had told tha Library Spirit our plan, and I got tha feelin it was just as unhappy as we were about tha situation, and I got tha feelin it was thinking tha same thing. It had dropped a book, for me when I had first told it about my evac plans, tha book was “You Only Live Twice” by Ian Fleming, a spook book, but I didn’t get ta read it, maybe next time . . .

We set tha bodies, and with our small bags of things, look out tha grimy windows into to that grimy city fer what was probably tha last time. I reached inta my pouch and fished out my mirror and asked Her Ladyship if she was ready. She smiled, a fierce, determined smile and nodded, I offered my paw, she took it in her smooth as stone hand. “See ya on tha flipside, Library, its been swell, but tha swelling’s gone down” and with that, we flashed outta that place, leavin mystery and misadventure in our wake, misery and muck in our past.

Chief Joseph

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a carefully torn out page of a book, pasted into the Journal dated 22/1/2009
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You sound like your forefathers, Coyote
xoxoxo, redd

Tell General Howard I know his heart. What he told me before, I have it in my heart. I am tired of fighting. Our Chiefs are killed; Looking Glass is dead, Ta Hool Hool Shute is dead. The old men are all dead. It is the young men who say yes or no. He who led on the young men is dead. It is cold, and we have no blankets; the little children are freezing to death. My people, some of them, have run away to the hills, and have no blankets, no food. No one knows where they are - perhaps freezing to death. I want to have time to look for my children, and see how many of them I can find. Maybe I shall find them among the dead. Hear me, my Chiefs! I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands I will fight no more forever.
Chief Joseph - Thunder Traveling to the Loftier Mountain Heights - 1877

Nareth returns

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Pencil entrty, dated 12/1/09
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Tha Huntress returned! Well, no, not tha Huntress, that was clear from tha onset. This was Nareth, Childe of Omega, sacrificed in tha Pit to open a door to tha Godling, Labyrinth. Tha Huntress was a bold and fierce creature, without pity or mercy. Tha Nareth who returned from tha dead, from BEYOND death, was not tha same creature. Spirit Gal found her wanderin tha streets in tha snow, out by tha Hospital. I swore to Raven i would ensure Nareth made it over tha Wide River and found peace. But. She was beyond my reach, and i couldn't help her.

At first we thought it was a trick. Tha godling Labyrinth come back ta finish tha job. A ghost, a trick from hell. Wouldn't be tha first time. Then it dawned on me, that it looked the same, smelt tha same and 'felt' the same. She said that tha moment, back in summer when she had tha choice to go to tha Pit, die, and let Labyrinth into tha world, or not, "this" Nareth chose not to.

Some kind of time magic. Guess that kind of thing happens when ya deal with gods. I wonder when in my life i'd like a big reset button. Can't think of any in particular. Maybe runnin from tha 7RAR-L sooner, but maybe it all happens when its meant to. Maybe i make all tha right choices, when i make em. Fuckin unlikely. Too complex. I think i just don't notice.

She was back, but she didn't know when or where. Summer one minute, decided not to get ett at tha Pit, then she was back, in tha snow, weak and confused. Like tha rest of us. I knew. KNEW. That this wasn't tha Huntress no more. Same Fanger, same soul. Different spirit. This was tha Realmwalker, who chose not to be, rather than die and end her Hunt.

This was someone new. Old, still Her Ladyship's only Childe. Not tha Huntress. For Her Ladyship's sake, i'll see to her recovery. For Raven, i will make sure her soul finds peace. For myself? If she turns out to be Labyrinth, i take her fuckin head.

Killing Joah

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Dark mud smeared pencil note, dated 23/11/2008
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Tracked Spirit Gal's scent to the crane by tha Factory, and up I went, along tha rail line, as saw her sittin on the ledge. A looked at her, and tha Thing glanced up. “well, lookit there . . . far away from tha rest of tha meat?” The Thing said “The meat? I suppose you could call it that....” It just makes me so mad, this bastard, stole my Spirit Gal, wanderin around in her. So I say to it“what i dont get is if yer so old and poowerful, why take a meat body anyway? just make one meat is . . . just meat, after all” The Thing don’t much like that “That is what you think of this one? Just meat? You hurt it, you know.” Bastard. I tried ta get It ta stop gouging tha mind of Raven’s Song, I asked Tha Library ta smack her about a bit. It stopped. “i know i did got yer attention though, didn't i?” Bastard Thing told me “It's shoulder is dislocated. She hurts. I do not.” Not good. So I vaulted over tha rail from tha tracks ta tha crane and told It ta give me her arm, she don’t resist. just looked up at me. I tenderly took her arm, and feels up from the elbow to the shoulder, and closed my eyes, manipulating it. I didn’t dare open myself up ta heal it, in case it came back up tha link ta me, but I still got my trainin, and as tha Govenator said I got “detailed files” on Fleshie anatomy. “and ya know what? ta set her free?” Joah’s body winced in pain as I worked. "What?" It asked. “i'll kill her ta free her from you, if i have to” I opened my eyes and looked as her as I reset tha shoulder with a jerk.


“she may not thank me, they usually don’t but she'd be free. Free” Joah's body grits her teeth. "You think that matters?" it hisses at me, but I know what I’m dealin with by now, I think, “i dont think you have a concept ta compare it ta” The Thing reaches one hand out to the metal bar beside her. She touches it and ice coats it making it brittle. With a snap she tears it off. "You are mistaken, dog. I've watched you before the world." Tha arrogance of these Godlings, that before they were befer so much, they are beyond us, or better than us. It shits me “then ya watched dumb” I said ta It.


Tha Thing disagrees, of course it would "No. I watched with eyes wide open. Ears hearing." Joah takes the broken bar in her hand. "Each of your steps from the primoridal ooze to legs and paws and claws." She raises the bar studying it. “yer a second rate Laybrinth, and ya stole from me, and mine, least tha Huntress offered herself . . . . tha shoulder will be stiff, mind ya work inta full rotation . . . I turn away from It, and started ta climb down. The Thing called after me "I offer no one anything. I am without form." Joah raised tha bar and plunged it inta her chest, heaving Her body shuddered as it was impaled. "Waste. Void." Blood begins to form at her mouth. "See what I do to the body you care so little for, dog."


I screamed at it, and ran back up tha steps as her body began ta slump. The whispers came through her mouth didn't move. "You said you'd kill it. Let me save you the trouble." At some stage I think I tore a toe claw off, but I didn’t notice till after. I just snatched her up, held her tight and jumped off tha crane, inta tha deep water of tha port, into the water, to tha Wide River. In tha eternity between ledge and water-strike I watched the light in Joah's eyes begin ta fade. I called out with all my bein fer tha one I knew could make it there ta help me. Who would hear tha call and feel Spirit Gal’s need as I did. At tha moment we woulda hit tha water, tha oppressive heat and humidity of tha Dark Jungle slamed into us as I trudged down tha backs inta tha to Wide River. “welcome to Death” Her eyes were wide and starin, barely a flicker of life let in them. Blood streamed down her chest from tha wound. The whispers said, "If that is what you wish for her, Coyote. She won't return. The body will be .... destroyed." They echo in many voices.

Fuckin bastard would lie and cheat me of my Spirit Gal, rule one, never believe tha kidnapper with a gun to his own head. I waded in ta tha River lettin the icy dark water wash over, stingin cold in the jungles heat. Tha Thing lay limp in my arms, the voices laughed at me, those Nail-their-God-to-a-Stick folks would call it a Baptisp. I call is a Sacred Rebirth. All birth comes with pain. He heard my Call, and into tha River decended Denethorn, in true Feather Grace. I looked up at my looked up at him, eyes glazing, fur slick with blood and sweat "now!" He heard tha Call, but I guess I need ta work on content “"FB, what is going on and where am I?" he asked curiously, he was looking about, kinda like he knew, but not sure “yer in tha Wide River, Angel-Brother. Death is here.” The Thing: in a rush of whispers that filled tha silent air, "The dog wished this body to die." Joah's lips didn’t move. "He brought it here. To the river of death." Tha laughter seemed ta come up from indise me, and I didn’t like it, not one bit.

“but Death stops here, From here, nothing dies.” I lifted Joah’s body in the water “Death is my ally, here” My Angel-Brother blinked and mutters and does his best to not cry out and speak calmly "I... I am assuming the Tohu has injured, Lady Grace..."
i turned and showed tha iron bar rammed inta Joah's chest “ya could say that”
her eyes flickered as if the light is going out of them. Blood washed from her clothes, spilled from her lips inta that cold, dark water. Featherpants sighed and grumbled "How may I help?" he remains strangely calm, I guess all them years has gotten him use to this... “It tried ta hurt me by hurtin Joah, cause i told it i'd kill her ta free her. Fuckin Ancient Spirits, so much power, so little BALLS. . . . hold her?” and i offered her still body like a precious flower to him. The Thing whispered at us "I have dwelt ever in realms apart from the visible world," the voices lilt. He nodded, and took her from me "I see... Sure..." and he held his hands out to hold the beauty he calls Lady Grace and I Name Spirit Gal, we pass her, passed from one of her lovers to another, from one Brother to another.

“then ya shoulda know better than ta come ta where we can bind ya” I say ta it as her blood swirls in the cold darkness. Here’s a hint. NEVER look under tha waters of tha Wide River, unless ya don’t value yer mind. The voices whisper and the wind rushes. "The River s more ancient than the mountains, and freighted with the memories and the dreams of Time. I am beyond both." Featherpants gives its yammerin a yawn "Stupid fool does not even know I am prince of a forgotten kingdom long dead, I have dwealt in other worlds too..." I take a grip of tha bar in her chest, the icy water numbing and slowing her flesh and mine. The Thing just keeps at it whilst I do my Work. "Life is a hideous thing," the voices laugh. "You didn't want the body. I will take it" I hate It. I hate what It has done, tha contempt It has shown its vessel, my Spirit Gal. There is a covenant between spirit and flesh, and this has been flaunted. Featherpants is getting cranky now and grumbled "Look, stupid, I want the woman and the body back, stop pissing me off and shut yer trap, otherwise I'll shut it fer ya" he growls "And dn't think I can't" which is good, cause now I’m ready.

“before, maybe, but yer in tha River now, you have no idea, Old Spirit , what i sacrifice, for her. you couldn’t. you took her Fire and in this water, i give it BACK” Tha Thing gets one more shot off "Only the silent can tell all that has lain hidden," its whispers mocked. So I played my hand. I reached inta tha water, and fished in my cargo pockets for tha leather bag I had given tha Messenger. She had showed me her lucky coin, and told me she used ta make more fer her master, when she was in a cage. She’d been kind enough ta make two fer me, she knew I aint interested in wealth, and could see that it was a sacred thing fer me. So she did. Two coins fer tha River Crossing. I opened tha bag and took out tha two doubloons. “see these? Tha Messenger made em for me, know what they're for?” my Feathered Brother nodded.

My paw started ta steam and smoke as I held tha coins, I could feel tha burn, and tha tingle of tha Other Side callin. The Thing gurgled. It suddenly KNEW. Maybe Featherpants didn’t but I told themn both, ta make sure It knew. Intent is all. He blinked and told me ta be careful. But I was well past bein fuckin careful. “it burns me. its tha sacred fire of tha sun, given shape and form” I put both coins in one paw and made a fist, tha pain was searin, like a blowtorch, I could hear my paw burnin, seein flames lick between my knuckles. “I see” my Brither said, takin it in. Smoke and steam rose up from me and again, It spoke at us "cold, humorous stars only the dying sun and the pale mournful planets," the voices whisper. Featherpants snarled at it "I SAID... SHUT... UP!!!" I reached out with my other paw and griped the bar. “tha sacred source of life, tha all fire, tha light that drove tha emptiness away.

I yanked tha bar out, I could hear tha wet slurpin sound of it as it came free, runnin over ribs and back outta her meat and lungs, its smooth sides slipping cleanly from the wound and I tossed it like a dart inta tha banks of tha River. The voices lilt in a mirthful laugh. "Prying the bar means death....." Joah's body went right slack. My time was up. I pressed one coin against the wound with my burnin paw and growled out at It. “Nothing. Dies. Here. Death. Stops. Here.” Then I did something I’d have cursed ya out for a fuckin nong if ya would tell me I’d have ever done. I put tha other coin in my mouth. Featherpants smirked and whispered to It"You are wrong also in the aspect that death means nothing to us..." and she convulsed in tha water. My mouth. Oh Goddess, my mouth, it burnt, steam and fire in my mouth, in my lungs, comin outta my nose, as I felt Fetherpants pumpin power inta me from On High. I stopped bein able ta see and moved in close ta find Joah’s face. There was a pop, and I felt fire spillin outta my lips. I know I was makin noises, but all I could think of was ta kick that bastart out of my Spirit Gal.

I bent over, and kissed her, letting tha fire breathe outta me, and inta her. Sacred Flame. Sacred Kiss. Fire of Life. Kiss of Life. Between tha fuck-off pain, tha icy sting of tha River, I barely felt tha tingle of tha Other Side no more, but I knew it was there, callin me, and something else, like shadows beginin ta gather around us. At first, furtive little ones, then bolder ones in dark clouds. I could see bright red through my clenched eyes, goin ta white as Featherpants Came Forth. But then something odd happened, I felt tha River pull away from me, I didn’t move, but tha weight pulled away from my belly, my legs. Tha River was trying to get away from Life as I burned inside and out. Over my own sounds, I geard as gasp, and felt her body move. I felt tha shadows give way, and move off. I heard tha sizzle and pop of me, burnin and tha low lap of tha River, holdin back.

Spirit Gal’s voice. I heard her voice, from so far away. "Grr? D-d-denenthorn?" she was stammerin in a breathy whisper. I opened my eyes and saw, though my tears, that she was lookin up at him, from tha waters where he held her, she looked at me, and tha River washed back over me. I guess I kinds slumped inta it, spittin out that fuckin coin, which was still burnin, musta had parts of me stuck ta it. It hit tha water and boiled on tha way down fer just a second. My muzzle went under, and I heard tha Other Side callin, callin strong. Oh, Goddess, tha fear of that. I got too much ta do, I cant Cross, I owe, I owe big, and I gotta pay off my debt, like in tha deal. I coughed as that icy blackness put tha fires in me out, spultterin and in desperate panic, I scrambled up through the mud up the bank curled up into a ball, shuddering, almost out of my mind in pain, fear and grief. I know that now.

In tha Faraway I heard Featherpants sayin “Name, rank, and smethin about you no one else would know?" and Spirit Gal’s voice askin "What happened?" there was a pause, and th heat of tha Dark Jungle soaked back inta me, burnin in a different way ta tha coins did. "Nothin much, my brother just almost killed himelf to save yer ass..." I heard him yawn. And Spirit Gal, clear as a bell across a valley"Is he alright?" she asks with worry. The wind begins to stir. That was odd. Ain’t no wind by tha River, nor in tha Dark Jungle. But at tha time, all I could do was lift my head, and then I saw it, Tha Wide River. Waitin. I was sprawled on tha back, face down in tha mud and when I looked at tha River I just kicked up and away from it, whimperin and whining.

Featherpants snarled I don’t know who to "He better be, otherwise I'm gonna hunt Tohu va Bahu and utterly destroy his soul and send it to Lucifer..." musta been ta Spirit Gal, I hear her too, I try to dig a foxhole in tha mud. Everythin’s better when yer in yer hole. They can’t see ya when yer in yer hole. Tha shrapnel will miss you when yer in yer hole. Sometimes. "Take me to him...please," Joah begged. I hear their feet as they crunch and mush over to me, someone knelt next ta me and I felt a hand "Come on, FB, it's ok you did wonderful..." I looked up, saw their faces as I lay there, lookin down at me and it all came rushin back. THa firefight at tha Firebase, tha Felines comin over tha barricades, and heard tha whine, tha shrill wine of tha shell that took me here tha first time. I bet my eyes just rolled wildly from face ta face and then back at tha River, I could see my feet, pushin away from it and started clutchin my belly and chest. Tha burnin, tha burnin inside me.

I heard Spirit Gal kneelin by me too, leanin over me. The wind roared loud, the trees bent in tha wind. No wind in tha Dark Jungle, no wind by tha Wide River, it’s a still, still place. "My brother you are ok, you sacrifice much and now tat sacrifice is over and Joah is here to protect you as am I..." I opened my muzzle ta warn him, ta warn her, but I was burt too bad, all I could do was ta make a keein noise, cracked and raw and just cry, runnin paws over my old wounds and stare at tha River. Featherpants stood up, tha mud not stickin ta him and he looked down at us both and sighed as he grabbed his cane outta no-where and just guardin, like we was his most precious treasures. Spirit Gal was cryin, and holdin me. I like her eyes. She’s got nice eyes, and she always smelt good. Like fresh dress uniform. I wished I coulda smelt her then, but all I could smell was burnt me and mud. The wind began ta howl, her hair whips back, the trees bend low ta the ground.

Its time, I just wanted ta be away. I tried ta close my eyes but when I did, tha Dark comin fer her was there, waitin in my Other Sight, and that was scarier than seein tha River. Just. So I panted, clutchin my belly and Spirit Gal holds me tight, and I feel her fer tha first time, she was pourin herself inta me, takin my burns, takin it inta her. I reatched up, and clung ta her, and grabbed at Featherpant’s leg, holdin them both like I was drownin. I guess I was. A roarin sound is heard as waves from the River pounded into tha shore. "I want it back!" I guess I healed enough ta croak out “Spirit Gal . . .i love you . . .i'll always come for you, Always” as I looked from tha faces of my Brother and Sister-Lover. She looked up inconfusion and pain. "I...beloved...." She twisted her mouth, her face grimaced in pain and her lips sealed tight. It was back, so I told it, lookin from tha River to It "and that . . . that you will never know, will you?" Tha Thing convulsed as the wind howls. "She is MINE," voices say in a rush of whispers. “no, she aint. theft dont make ownership. she is HERS” I pushed myself up ta all fours in tha mud. The Thing stood, lookin from Featherpants ta me. Tha look of worry and concern on her face is off, it aint right. She laughs silently at me, unable to speak.

Featherpants lets go of his own shell as his eyes rolls into the back of his head and a strong boomin voice came outta nowhere and everywhere "Abomination!" it screams "I cal thee forth, it is time to BOW DOWN!" I couldn’t take all this, I go down inta tha mud again. He booms at It "Come out, Tohu, face a King!" as I crawl away, back ta my foxhole scratchin. The Thing turned and followed me nudged me with the toe of her boot, the reared back her foot and kicked me in tha ribs. Bastard. Tha winds seem ta pick up as a storm darker than night came forth and surrounds my Brother. The Thing looked at the sky. I grabbed at Its foot, and yankin it ta topple It, never get inta a mud fight with a jungle fighter but Featherpants trumps me "Away from HIM!" and throws up his hand, castin fuckin Lightning and aiming at Joah' body, seeming to miss by inches as his eyes flick ta me holdin her.

I go back down as tha static gives me a zap but Tha Thing just stands still, grinnin at me. She turned back toward Featherpants and smiled. His True Form, tha Darkstorm spoke "You're fucking with the wrong woman, YOUNG spirit" he held out his hand and growled "Remove you slimy paws from my Kryptonite, Tohu..."I looked up from the mud as Tha Thing stretched her arms out and smiled. The Darkstorm grabbed It by the arm "perhaps it is time for you to enter my nightmare..." The Thing whiped her head around, realisin it was in tha shit now. He looked down me as they began ta fade away, dematerializin into nothing and he whisperd "Allow chaos to handle this, rest and stay away, you will not be able to help her nor I..." I just nodded and pushe myself deeper into my muddy hole.

Even this, fer all tha risk. Fer all tha cost, was worth it, if fer nothing else, It knows what we’re willin ta do ta get her back.

Failin that. I told her.

How to cook Tofu

====================================
Pencil entry, dated 21/11/2008
====================================

Bastard thing is in my Spirit Gal.
Her Ladyship is away.
Captain Featherpants is actin screw-loose still from bein in Hell.

Raven's Song and me shunted it outta tha Messenger, and it went ta Spirit Gal when no one was Watchin.

No one but me.

Bastard thing. You cant hide from tha Watcher.

I told it ta get out, it laughed at me.
I told it if it hurt her, i'd Hunt it, and it sneared at me.

Told me it was older than Death, older than tha World.
Well, Bastard thing with no Mother, do i got a surprise for you.

Once together, Always together.
Once in a place, Always in a place.
If a thing looks like something, it IS that thing.

I just Changed the rules. Now you're in MY sandbox.
Welcome to the Flux Realm, fucker, where nothing stays Bound.


((100th post, yay me!))

Old Faces

=================================
Pencil note, dated 31/10/2008
=================================

New Moon, Old faces

I was in tha Library, and in walked Quillis. Quillis tha Elder, Quillis former Pack Omega, Pack Beta, Pack Alpha. Walked right in and cuddled up with Del tha Demon. Just cuddled right up.

Odd.

Turns out that Del and Quillis have known each other fer a long time. a LOOOONG time. Like, thousands of years long. Yep, thats right. Quillis my Kin is four and a fuckin half MILLENIA old.

Now, where's tha problem ya ask. Well. none, really. Except this. How long am i gunna live? Are all Lycan's born equal? Tha files i read on me from tha Army were sayin that they thought Lycans lived about tha same as Fleshies. they been wrong about other stuff to, but hen again, they were RIGHT about a lot as well. How long did tha Goddess give ta Lycans, if we didnt get killed by each other, or by Fleshies in huntin parties, or tha pther beasties that roamed tha world.

Quillis and Del were chattin about tha "old days" before iron and steel, when Fleshie huntin was with wood and bone, stone and bronze. Was she just lucky? Was it cause her sire's sire was tha Great Wolf? Did tha Goddess gift her line with long life because of their glorious start?

Her Ladyship is old too, real old, i dont know exactly how old, but i got a good idea. Was that older than Quillis and Del, older than Featherpants or tha Maker? i dont know. I know a lot of real old beings. Not many young ones. Strong Gal, Cookie, tha Little One (she's a special case though) and maybe Rago.

I been an adult fer 13 years, but was only born three years befor that. I dont got a lot of years under my belt, just a lot of campaigns. Guess that makes me old. Seasoned. I guess. Thirteen years of soldierin. Lot of lives taken, lot of souls sent over tha Wide River, rent, shot, burnt, blown up. Lot of debt. Well. Maybe i dont get that thousands of years life time that Quillis got.

maybe i do.

Coyote said "done" and its done. I'd like ta curl up with my loved ones in tha way distant future, when AC we in tha history books, and lay by tha holo-fire with Spirit Gal, and look up at Her Ladyship, and remember back ta when we all lived in Tox, and wasn't is so bloody dirty and crude. I just dont know. My littermates are all dead of old age already, but i was tha only Shifter in tha litter.

We'll see.

I dont mind bein tha youngest. its hard ta weigh up against tha Ancients i run with at times, though. tha only major world events i been at, have been in Tox, or are classified, and "never happened" cause, they're attrocities.

Tha Dance

===================================
Pencil note, hastily jotted, as if on the move, dated 22/10/2008
===================================
come dance by the fire,
come dance by the sea,
come dance for our loved ones,
come, dance beside me.

Song fer tha present

==========================
album cover, torn, and stuck in the journal with tape
==========================
On a gathering storm comes
a tall handsome man
In a dusty black coat with
a red right hand

He'll wrap you in his arms,
tell you that you've been a good boy
He'll rekindle all the dreams
it took you a lifetime to destroy
He'll reach deep into the hole,
heal your shrinking soul
Hey buddy, you know you're
never ever coming back
He's a god, he's a man,
he's a ghost, he's a guru
They're whispering his name
through this disappearing land
But hidden in his coat
is a red right hand

Song fer tha past

=========================
album cover torn out and pasted into the the journal
=========================

I felt the power
Of death over life
I orphaned his children
I widowed his wife
I begged their forgiveness
I wish I was dead
I hung my head
I hung my head

I hung my head
I hung my head

Early one morning
With time to kill
I see the gallows
Up on a hill
And out in the distance
A trick of the brain
I see a lone rider
Crossing the plain

And he'd come to fetch me
To see what they'd done
And we'd ride together
To kingdom come
I prayed for god's mercy
For soon I'd be dead
I hung my head
I hung my head

Fear and loathing in TC

======================
pencil entry, extra messy, obviously stopping and starting several times, dated 15/10/2008
======================


I had a visit from Coyote. Tha bastard. Actually, I went ta visit Him, but when Coyote calls, well. . . I got a talkin to, about tha nature of things. About tha Maker. Then I got dumped back at tha Library, tha room spinnin, me clutchin tha floor so I didn't fly off and a splittin headache. Later on when I had slept it off some, I tried ta explain to Her Ladyship, Spirit Gal, Star and Bright Gal.

About Coyote, well, i was rantin ta Tha Maker i was rantin about good and evil, and light and dark, chaos and order, and how Coyote is balance. and doesnt CARE about any of that, Coyote only cares about . . .well . . Coyote and i kinda got inta my deal . . .and before i knew it YOINK! im in tha Flux Realm and tha big C is at tha wheel, bottle of tequila in one paw, and a cheeseburger in tha other.

Spirit Gal frowned a bit at Star as he belched fire. "What is the Flux Realm, Grr?” I stoped and waggled a claw at Star for fallin inta tha flood water "fire demons and water are bad, mate err, Flux? thats . . .well, its tha place where all tha Other meets, Coyote's Home." Spirit Gal looked thoughtfully at me fer a moment. "Have you . . . seen . . . Coyote?" its kinda an odd question. So many Fleshies, post-Fleshies and ex-Fleshies, they cut themselves off from the Other, they are surrounded by it, and Them, but they refuse ta see them in eversday life. "its . . .err, not good fer tha brain of someone not . . .err . . .already kinda . . .off so, tha big C was drivin tha Caddy, tequilla in one Paw, cheeseburger in tha other, and he turns ta me and fixes me with a look, right? and then he looks in tha back seet, and i look too and there in tha back, who ya think i saw? "Spirit Gal shook her head. "Who?"

"Tha Lightbringer, big as shit, fancy suit, Raybans, smokin a cigar and gettin blown, so i looked back at Coyote, and he takes a swig, hands me tha bottle and nods to tha other side, behind me and whatcha think i did then?" Spirit Gal kept listenin, her face got kinda clouded with puzzlement. "Drank with them?” so I went on. "well, i took a swig, cause ya should never EVER refuse a gift from Coyote and i turned aroud to pass on tha bottle. 'cause ya never welch on a offer from Coyote with greed" At that her eyes went wide. ”You offered a drink to the Beautiful Liar?” I just shook my head. "nope, to tha guy behind ME, tha Lightbringer was sittin behind Coyote" Star looked up from his belly button gazin, or swhatever demons do if they don’t got a belly button "okay .. so WHO was behind you?" Spirit Gal piped up too "Yes, Grr . . . who was behind you?"

I nodded, fer them a much as fer me "tha One. Stuffy looking fella, fussin over a map, wore tweed and a tie and was lookin at a itinerary." Spirit Gal waited and listened and Star looked at her "and they say Alfred Hitchkock was a tease" She frowned at Star again, I think she was as baffled as me who Alfred Hitchcock is. She turns in her chair to face me. "I offered him tha bottle, and tha Lightbringer snatched it sayin "he dont LIKE ta have fun . . ." Star groaned and rolled eyes. "i looked back to Coyote, who shrugged then we hit a tree and i got dumped back here. fuckin Coyote. it was about tha Maker.

Spirit Gal spoke up "I . . . I don't understand, Grr. Severus was sitting behind you?" its confusin fer me and I was there. I know I don't talk good, and I gotta say, bein yanked by Coyote , then dumped back just as, well, drunkenly didn't help none. "no. tha One was. its tha Three"

Spirit Gal got it then, I think. "The One? . . . Oh. The One. But . . .Severus doesn't serve the One." I nodded, she went on "And even the One . . . can be tender and passionate . . . can create with a breath and a word . . . And the Lightbringer? Oh . . I'm sorry. Go ahead.." I nodded again, its hard ta get it all straight, thing with tha One is, its His way, or tha highway. "well . ..thats true but Its all about order, and doin things tha RIGHT way, Proper like, It prefers Order, ta growth, two by two, Spirit gal, two by two, anyway. destruction, corruption, breakin things down again. which is where tha Maker is stuck. its not his true Nature, hes trapped"

I could see she was getting it "Oh . . you mean . . . his nature is . . . order, creation . . . But because he serves the Beautiful Liar . . . his will is bent to destruction." She got it! Bright Gal came in, and got right inta it. "Speaking about Sev?" Spirit Gal smiled at Bright Gal lookin at her with great fondness and nodded. She drops into a chair, her usually immaculate outfit soakin wet. Star got a look of understanding dawnin on his face as things fell inta place.

"com'in sit, Bright Gal, i met yer Boss. . .. kinda. essentially, tha Maker has gotten snatched by tha LightBringer, whos a greedy fuck." Bright Gal closed her eyes, her clothes, her skin omitting gentle waves of steam and leans back as I kept talkin "and tha One, well, is too tied up in tha PLAN ta stop ta taste tha good things in life." I looked over at tha Bright Gal and nodded as she steamed dry "see, i gotta SHAKE fer that . . ." she grined at that as Spirit Gal had a thought. "He . . . is too wounded . . . I think." I wondered who she meant this time "tha One? just looks too wound up ta me" but she didn't let me hang "No, Grr. Severus.."

"ahh, yeah see, HES tha tequila and tha lesson? there's aways a lesson . .." but tha Spirit Gal frowned, "Sometimes there's no lesson. It's just a pointless exercise . . . in futility.” Even this was a lesson but. And I think I got it. "don't be fuckin around with tha bottle in tha backseat if yer fuckin meant ta be drivin! Coyote's always got a lesson. tha bottle didnt get a say where it went, Spirit Gal, its just doin tha rounds" she lookea at me, not frowning or laughing, that old familiar closed off expression crossin her face. "Sev . . is . . . the bottle.So . . . there is no choice. Then it's pointless to try to help him. To help anyone." Star grined at Star Gal "unles you get the bottle" Bright Gal breathed in. "It is not pointless to help him help himself" This is where I sorta need ta think more about how I do what’s best fer Tha Maker "nah, it aint that, not at all this was about Severous, this wasn't a vague, sweepin message, i got YANKED"

Spirit Gal was pissed now "He can't, if he's a bottle. He's only there to be used up.Then tossed out on the side of the road." i needed ta let her know, this wasn't a message of no hope, it was a message ta know tha difference between what can be and what we can do ourselves "aha, see, wait, ya've missed somethin, tha bottle came from Coyote, Spirit Gal. he didn't pass tha cheeseburger. Tequila has sacred meaning. there's ALWAYS more" Spirit Gal snapped "And what is that, Grr?" How do i get it across "trick is, ta get tha Lightbringer ta either pass it on, or forget about it he wanted it cause i was tryin ta give it ta tha One, dontcah see?"

"What I see . . . is a beautiful, cruel, joyless being . . .Who can have anything he wants.At any time. And it never fills So he'll never let go. And as for Severus . . . I don't think he wants to be free." I gotta agree with that, but there is more to it "he dont get ta keep it ferever, Spirit Gal" Tha LightBringer. Coyote might be a bastard, but he means well. Well, he don't mean harm, at least. "No . . . he prefers smashing the bottle . . . if he can't keep it. drinks like ta get drunk, bottles like ta be filled and emtied, and filled, its what bottles do, tha Three, they dont think of us as them, we're just things, most of tha time, if tha Lightbringer had chucked tha bottle overtha side, ya can betcha ass that Coyote woulda just pulled tha same bottle outta his side-door or tha One mighta been sittin in a crate of em, carefully meeterin them out, makin sure it was properly recycled. its a system. they got a system Spirit Gal all this, this . .. it all works cause of that"

Bright Gal sighs leaning forward and opens her eyes, clearing her throat, blinking. "He is punished and he takes it. However he can. There is word about chaos, word about order. You would think the demons represent chaos. Severus is an example of hell's cruelest order." We all sat fer a bit, then Spirit Gal spoke up "Perhaps," she says. "I read one of their Books." she begins to quote, 'How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing! ' They do not sound like bureaucrats, to me." Star's voice drones 'its a cycle chaos to order, back to chaos to make order again'

"Creator, Shaper, Culler: Flux, Pattern, Entropy: Change, Order, Decay : i didnt get any ANSWERS, Spirit Gal Coyote dont give ANSWERS he gives paths and questions insight but not understandin" At least i got Spirit Gals focus back "Apparently none of them do. Or at the very least, they answer the questions you should be asking but don't." Bright Gal added, with her crossed fingers and eyes closed again. "There is but one thing Joah. You can always pray" I nodded, and added with a grin "or kick tha shit outta Severous untill he listens ta reason, or BOTH but, that's too easy"

Star drones on, i guess he's bored with all this, demons get that way "if i understand corretly, they gide you, they don't give you answers" Spirit Gal agreed with him " Well . . . in the book, the One says: Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength." just time time for Bright Gal ta open her eyes as Tha Maker appeared. "aha! SUMMONED! SIMAP" i love it when that happens! It interrupted Spirit Gal "So . . . perhaps they'd be willing to . . ." He just stood there glowerin as i beamed at my own cleverness.

"we were just discussin my revelation . . ." that got him worried, he asked what it was, as Spirit Gal teased him a bit, askin of his ears were burnin. "i'm gunna be a prophet. this can be my compound. i want beef jerky and . .. no, wait . . ." tha Maker slowly arched a brow, that way he does “shall i get the jim jones kool aid ready?” as Bright Gal gave me a tug on tha ear fer cheek, at least Spirit Gal cracked a half smile. "ya wondered what happened earlier, Maker? with tha flash out, and tha flash in and tha holdin onta tha floor like it was tha wall?" Bright Gal leant back and closed her eyes again. "You should call him Bringer... rather than Maker, no?" Severus nodded slowly "...quite..." but that aint right "no, Bright Gal, Severous is tha Maker, ta me, not tha Bringer, i give credit where credit is due. i don't lie in my Naming"

Spirit Gal looks up at him "Yes . . . though he disavows that aspect of himself . . . he is the Maker." Bright Gal takes her turn ta look him over. I know he hates it, now i know why. "Are you?" she asked. He just snorted derisively... "maker of trifling things..." he shrugged his shoulders slightly "...apparently...its the only thing i'm good for anymore" This is what i need tha change with him. He needs ta appreciate what he IS, what he can DO "ya KNOW ya have more value than ya offer value ta . . ." Bright Gal is upset "How can you loathe creation so?" But i know, now "cause, Bright Gal, he's not in a position ta be able to do anythin else"
She nodded ta me "Apparently he is also able to loathe" He shrugged again "...i see little about me that there isnt to loath" I just nodded ta Bright Gal and looked ta tha Maker "i saw, mate, i saw i understand now, i think"

Thanks Coyote.

next time, send a note.

Bonny Omega Institute Boat Bruce

=================================
Pencil entry on soggy paper, dated 13/10/08
=================================

Tha rain keeps comin, just like last year. Its spilled up tha streets and washed through tha city. Tha tides are up, and tha beach was lost days ago. Today it was hip deep on me standin upright. People were sayin "oh won’t it be good if it floods, everythin will get clean." Bloody idiots. Most of em don't remember tha Toxic explosion out front of Haven, when dozens of buried barrels blew and dozens more got rolled inta tha bay. They forget all those tanks at tha factory, slowly leakin away. They forget where Tox-zilla, Boggy and Tha Kraw come from.

Not ta mention our kinda over stacked and under packed graveyard. Coffins float. Even from underground, if tha water gets bad enough. Put all that in tha mix and even tha NORMAL crap ya get in a flood just gets worse. I did a tour befer tha waters rose though. Coven had sandbagged tha Voodoo shop. Good move. The aught ta leave them up, better tactically. At tha Library we had moved all tha supplies, rare and valuables and most of tha books to tha upper floors. Those renovations got finished in good nick.

I did tours of tha Hospital and Shelter, they seemed ta be in good order. Tha Kits were gunna be in trouble though. Same with Haven. Tha Pit is a raised fortress. Tha Den and Continuum Factory are upstairs too. Same with tha K.A. Tha Blood Fountain ain't though. Those dumbasses didn't even put a tent over it. Who knows what fell in there even before it started rainin acid and toxins.

Then tha tide turned, and tha flood came. By tha end of tha first day it was hip-deep like I said. By that night, tha graveyard had puked up its bodies, tha Factors had shat out its toxins and tha waters had washed well over tha Blood Fountain. Folks had awready worked out that that getten dunked meant a fast trip to Hospital, or a float out ta sea. Two of my cousins were awready laid out. Takes a fair bit ta make a Shifter sick.

Hycan was there too. Seemed she had gotten herself Fanger bit, and was starten ta Turn. Eventually I managed ta stop it, and with Coyote's help (awright, alot) I un-Turned her. She was lucky, it was fresh, and a young breed Fanger too. Took ages though, and after, as I waded careful like through tha water back, LadyD and Vish paddled past in a row-boat. It was time ta break out tha runabouts!

We had a few of these made up after tha last floods. Before my time in tha Institute, but well, that’s what sets tha Institute apart from tha other Factions. Watch, Listen, Report, LEARN. How easy is that. Tha runabouts are pretty basic. Little outboard, aluminium seats, kevlar laced rubber body (wont stop a round, but it'll hold against runnin inta debris easy enough) and a plastic embedded waterproof canvas roof and plastic windshield, all stretched over more aluminium pipe. Whole thing, apart from tha outboard, folds inta a big duffle bag.


I call mine "Bruce" after tha shark in Jaws.

Tha OIB Bruce. She's a saucy little thing, drifts a little to tha left. I unpacked and inflated her and set off on a little toodle. As I was cruising at tha breakneck speed of an easy run (what can ya expect from an outboard only as big as my war-form head) i cam across Her Ladyship, standin on top of these long sticks, long, wooden legs! I've never seen that before! She had a pretty, frilly umbrella, and was just stridin over tha water and tha muck. Her Venetian feet, She said. Like it was tha most natural thing ever. I swear. Their ain't much She does that don't make me look about at all tha clods and wonder if everyone in tha past was bigger than life and better too.

Her Ladyship had ta move off, things ta do, mostly ta do with our neutrality agreements, i expect, and just ta survey tha damage. I parked by tha front stair of tha Library, and saw tha Maker there. I called in ta him, but he either didn't hear me, or didn't feel like answerin, hard ta tell with tha Maker. Spirit Gal came out though, and she's by far a nicer person ta share a board on a zodiac with, if ya ask me. I offered her a seat on Bruce, and told them both her name. They both thought it was funny. Spirit Gal, because bruce is a male name, (but boats are girls, im sure thats tha rule, stupid English, don't make no sense) and Her Ladyship thought it was funny that i give tha people i know tha strangest names, and call my boat somethin simple, like "Bruce".

Fleshies, i'll never understand them!

So, Spirit Gal came aboard, and we went fer a cruise. tha Beach, now gone, ta check on tha Sea Wall, which is holdin. We checked out tha Fish Factory, which is a ruin. Tha Pit, and KTOX, which seem ta be ok. Tha Shelter,m which was empty. That was scary, tha streets were so empty, a few folks here and there in boats, or inner-tubes.



We went ta tha Blood Bath. It was a meter under water, and there was a plume of blood washin out from it. Like someone had throated a whale. We went down to tha Church. There was a pile of bodies floatin about, we didn't stay long, Spirit Gal didn't need ta see that, and it brought back too many memories fer me.



Back to tha Library, back inside. Tha ground floor was still dry, but it wouldn't take much. Probably overnight. Don't know much water we're gunna get. Best sleep upstairs. Fire will go out, bit Library will be awright, She's made of sterner stuff. Ha!

Diplomacy at the end of a weapon

===========================
Pencil note, dated 11/9/08, a large smear is in the middle of the entry, as if a tropical bug was splatted there
===========================

A few weeks ago I was wanderin about, bein, Diplomatic, and came across Razzi tha Top Kat talking with Pix down by tha Voodoo Shop. I padded up as they were talking. Pix smiled and sighed "yeah lots of nice Tony bits" Razzi sighed and shook her head "I don't wanna know about his bit" Gal talk, but I can hardly let that one slide “how ARE Tony's bits, Pix? i ant seen tha fella fer ages it seems” Pix looks across to her left "Grr!!! uhhh I meant his hair" There is a bunch of winkin, gigglin and blushin, and Pix ran over an gave me be big hug, or as big as her little arms could manage. “How ya doin Athos?” I asked her, Athos, one of the three musketeers, that's Pix, tha drunk and angry one. My-She was tha sexy spiritual one, Aramis, and me? Well, i'm Porthos. Half good guy, half pirate, get it? I asked em both about their Families. Diplomacy, see? Bein on good terms with the Faction Heads, its kinda my job.

All seems well with them all, Pix waves some kinda doll at me and tells me ta guess who. A bit abstract fer me. It's a Fleshie Plushie. It smells of Pix. I tell her I can't tell, (they all kinda look tha same, ya know?) she frowned at me and then looked back at tha plushie " umm he kinda looks the same" then Razzi joins in “It's me Grr” crazy Fleshies and their colour specific eyes. “erm . . i dunno, it just smells like you, and .. ahh, i dont see colours in this form too good” but when Razzi speaks up I get thrown. She's female, and Athos said “he”. She goes on, gigglin “She misses me all the time... and made a doll of me” Athos' had enough of tha game and frowned and poked me "it's meant to be my Tony you weird Aussie prat" heh. She called me a pratt, that's great. I miss hearin slang I know, she's from Wales, or somewhere, real like Aussie talk, more so than tha Pomms. She even gets my accent.

So, she's got a Tony doll, and she works in tha Voodoo Shop . . .i tell her ta be careful of it, not ta drop it or stick it with pins or nothing, Sympathetic Magic and stuff . . ."once tagether, always tagether" and "if it looks tha same, it IS tha same" she frowned and gave that some thought "well I won't alter it in any way except....perhaps make some things bigger" seein where's she's goin, I deflect her a bit with “like fingers, it needs fingers” . . . . and she seems ta focus a bit. Screws loose when it comes ta Tony, but she nodded with determination "absolutely" when along strolls Elroy tha Kit, mewlin a greetin ta us. All fine, right up until she pointed at Athos and asked "Fairy?" Big fuckin mistake. Now we'd have ta diffuse this fast, or . . . .

Me and Razzi jump on it right away “erm, no” and "no fairies around here, Elroy" and I stage whispered ta Elroy "dont mention the fairy . . . " Too late though and Athos is all glare and snarl. Elroy just seems too damn thick ta grasp tha drama here. Bloody Felines, always poking. "Well she looks like one.." Goddess! What does it take ta get through ta some folks? “lookit her, shes huge, fairies are like this big” and I spread finger and thumb, makin like that fairies are Coke-can sized. NOT person sized like Athos is. Fer tha record, I don't know what she is, but if I got asked, and DIDN”T know she'd fly off tha handle and go inta a murderous rage? I'd say she was a fairy. Elroy just keeps ploughin deeper “Can't fairies be huge?” Like I said, too late . . .and Athos launched in raisin her voice “and you look like a stupid, stupid unintelligent pussy" Wotan was boundin past, but pulled up at that last comment. Elroy just giggled "Well what ever suits you to call me..." Athos raised her hand as if to push Elroy away "say that again" Like tha daft slapper she is, Elroy just does. “Fairy?” I just pinch my muzzle, I can feel a headache commin on, and I expect blood ta start fallin soon.

Razzi tries ta head off her subordinate off with a word “Elroy knock it off” but gets no where. “What?, Just look at her” Razzi glanced between them "This is my best friend, and she doesnt like that ... so shut up" but its all too late, Athos is riled “What suits me is to call you is a stupid, brainless, " and pauses ta sneer at her pants" stupidly dressed crappy rubbish feline" Time ta try diversion tactics “erm, so, Pix, err, can ya show me a selection of tarot card fer a friend's err . . . name day?” No dice, Elroy's got her back up now. "See that she is calling me names..." groans from all around as Athos leaned over and snarled "with good reason". Maybe Top-Kit can reach Elroy, shakin her head tellin her they'd talk later. Not tha most inspired piece of leadership I've ever seen but it ain't my family.

It don't stop Elroy's mouth from flappin though. "I'm just saying you look like an Fairy what is wrong with that?" thing is there IS. My turn ta try "Elroy, isit? now, if i came up ta ya and asked "wow, lookit tha moggie, want some kitty litter . . ." but my analogy just slid right off her “ Athos growled "I do not look like a fairy and I am not a fairy. You look like a slut... are you one?” Ever see lava roll inta tha sea? Tha sea boils, and spits, but isn't going anywhere, tha lava? It flares, and crackles, but just keeps ploughing on. That's what this was like, I swear, we need stupid-police with snipers to sort this shit out. “Well in my eyes you do sorry can't change that to me you look like one. I said look like not are one.” Elroy was just labouring. I couldn't tell if she was spoilin fer a fight and wouldn't back down, or just dumb. I turned ta Athos again, tryin ta trick or reason her outta this, give her an out, ta save face. “err, um, Pix, can we g inside and lookit some tarot cards now?” still no dice. Pix smirks "and to me you look like a stupid slut who sells their body..sorry but hey ...that's the way you look" befor she turned ta me and tried ta brush me off “later Grr, kinda busy” but I wasn;t gunna let it go, so I told her “i see ya are, but, also, see, i got this urgent need . . . .” all tha while, Wotan stood there gapin, as useful as ever. I swear, he's tha epitome of Feline maleness; pretty, buff and good at standin in fire exits.


"That is just the way you look at me but doesn't have to be so." tha Feline counters ta which Athos replied "exactly, so to you I might look a certain way but I'm not, however, I don't wander Toxia shouting that you are a slut, although I'm sure I could” My fur began to rise. This was gunna lead ta blood soon, I could tell. “and i'm not shouting you are an fairy.” Said Elroy, and I tried ta get in befor tha inevitable and sighed . . ."no one's shoutin nothin . . . ." just in time for Athos ta yell “Elroy will do you for nothing - prices negotiable” and rised her foot and pushed towards Elroy "you have a problem with me?" Elroy is startin ta understand what she's gotten herself into. Athos gets crazy about this shit. “Wow... you are taking things way out of it proportions.” Athos shook her head "you offended me" and started ta draw her sword. I looked sidelong at Razzi and said “maybe some distance, hey? Razzi?” as
Elroy kept prattling on “I was just saying what i saw and you are making a big problem of it are you sick or something?” Razzi glances at Grr "yeh?" as Athos just growled louder "I'm not the sick one here" and pulled her sword "what did you call me again?" I addressed tha small crowd “lovely day NOT ta get splattered with blood in tha street dontcha think?” Elroy just laughed and said “I said you look like and fairy.” Wotan made room and Razzi glanced at me, keepen eyes on tha two now armin up "You wanna get in the middle of those two hot heads?" which I do.

Pix glared across at Elroy and smirked "you really have no intelligence" but befer she answered that one, Elroy has a goa at her own Faction Head “I'm an hot head? She is the one making threats not me.” Who NOW tried ta cool em off “Alright ... enough already .... both of you I like having both of you in one piece I will talk to her... but I don't think a n insult like that is worth blood”, she said Athos just stamped her foot, wavin her big assed sword at Elroy "she called me a fairy, she deserves to be in a thousand pieces...and I'm the one to do it " I have another go “Pix, lluv, let it go, ya cant turn tha tide by yellin at it, its just tha sea, ya know?” just in time for that rusty tosspot Zoltar to pipe up dispensing wisdom like tha backside of a cholera victim “There is an evil tendency underlying all our technology - the tendency to do what is reasonable even when it isn't any good.” I give it a good glare “its just . . . .Athos, c'mon, ya dont wanta risk gettin yer new Tony Doll splattered, now do ya?” She cuddles her doll and kisses it "nope, but I could give it to you for safe keeping"

I put a paw on her sword, just in time for Elroy ta shout “Pix is an Fairy...” so of course Athos growls "that's it" I give my self a moment to "harden tha fuck up, snowflake", with a prayer to tha goddess mutterin aloud "oh fer fucks sake" as Athos states "Prepare yourself Kitten - you are under attack" Here is where tha line between drinkin buddies and real mates comes in. I stood up, all tha way up, and I know how tall I am, that’s one reason why I crouch so much, and I step between them as they square off on tha street Elroy unslings her guns "hold tha fuck up Pix" I told her. Not askin anymore. growlin close and low "now, do ya think ya wanna let tha Kit have tha braggin rights that they taunted ya inta a street brawl fer THIS?" Athos snarled "she asked for it" as Razzi hung her head and sighed and Elroy tried ta say it was ok "You started with the insults you brought it on youre self if you just explained calmy you where not an fairy this would never have to happen." Athos looked around my shoulder "I can take her" maybe she could, if she was in her right mind. She wasn't. So I half turned and pointed a claw at Elroy and held it up signialing to pause. She had tha piece of mind at least not cross me. That woulda pissed me off bigtime. "this is fuckin dumbassed, Pix" Zoltar coughed and rattled and spoke some more, now, THAT pissed me off "shut . . .tha .. . .fuck . . up . . . Zoltar" Athos snarled and tried ta maneuver around me, but I kept her in check. She was snarlin sayin "lemme at her". As if. "no. Its stupid."

I looked over my shoulder ta Elroy"you shoot me in tha back and i'll be pissed, right?" she's daft, did I mention that? "why would i shoot you in the back?" Athos gets it though, loopy as she is. "you get outta the way and I won't shoot you Grr go sleep" she kew I was tired. It hadn's slept since Her Ladyship had been cursed at tha Blood Ritual. Four days. I aint leavin though i'm pissed off at how dumb this is, i told them ta put up their fuckin weapons Athos growls "She called me a fairy" Elroy pipes up, still wavin her piece, "not until she lowers hers.." i told her that she had called Elroy a slut back, and that it was all just words. Athos just shook her head "she looks like one" and Elroy, like a bobble-toy, bounces back with "And you look like an fairy..." and that was it tha fightin started.

I kept between em as best i could, i wore rounds from both, i took blade cuts from both. I felt tha burn and blast of magics. One of then stunned mec good, and i dropped to a knee. By tha time i shook my head, Athos was layin in tha gutter, and Elroy was staggerin off, mouthin how hard done by she was. Athos laid there groanin as i stumbled over. I'd caught a lot of lead, steel and hex. Truth be told, that was pretty close ta droppin me, closer than i been fer a while. Calleigh tha Covenite glanced over ta Athos and sighed hopelessly then back to Elroy. "Alright guys, seriously this needs to stop. Can't have each other being torn appart just due to name calling. We're not in elementrary school here." Athos looked up and slaped tha floor she was bleedin everwhere, but she wasn't broken "I'm not a fairy" i had managed ta scramble over and lays paws on her, willing her ta mend. Elroy looked at Razzi a little sad "You call that an friend?", Calleigh frowned. "Pix, stop already..." as Razzi just shook her head "You taunted her, Elroy and you know it" at least Athos rested under my paws as i called forth Coyote's healin Athos smiled up at me, "I'm sorry " then looks to Calleigh "I guess that it's an old thing" she sighed again as she rose up then wraped her little arms around me "mmm you care" Calleigh smiled weakly. "I know, I've seen it a million times Pix..." She crosses her arms and looks to me, noddin in thanks. Athos just pulled back a little and looked at me, waiting, so i summed it all up with "course i fuckin care, ya cared fer me just as good when i had nothin, think nothin of it, Athos and hell, i been shot and stabbed plenty of times by folks i liked less" she snuggled me again "love ya Grr"

you too, Athos, you too


ya hear that Coyote? ha, tick another one off my list, healed in yer name, felt good ta put my body in harms way for somethin worthwhile.

The Gift

Come they called me, ta tum ta tum tum

A brave new year to see, ta tum ta tum tum

My finest gifts to bring, ta tum ta tum tum

As to lay before a Queen, ta tum ta tum tum

ta tum ta tum tum , ta tum ta tum tum ,

So to honor Her, ta tum ta tum tum ,

When we come.

My Lady, ta tum ta tum tum

I am a poor one though, ta tum ta tum tum

I have no gift to bring, ta tum ta tum tum

That's fit to give a Queen, ta tum ta tum tum ,

ta tum ta tum tum , ta tum ta tum tum ,

Shall I stay by you, ta tum ta tum tum ,

For all of my time?

The Lady nodded, ta tum ta tum tum

The sea and fire kept time, ta tum ta tum tum

I walk the line for Her, ta tum ta tum tum

I serve my best for Her, ta tum ta tum tum ,

ta tum ta tum tum , ta tum ta tum tum ,

Then She smiled at me, ta tum ta tum tum

Me and my time.

Nareth: Huntress, no more

It was already a rough day. Tha tension was cracklin. Figures. Discordia. Perfect weather fer what we were gunna be doin. Only way it coulda been better was if there was thunder and lightning. Some screamin peasants with farmin implements woulda been fitting too, but I’ve seen them befer, and there was still time. Strong-Gal was dancin to tha music in her head when we heard the raspin voice of tha Godling from upstairs. She stopped her dance, and tha wind caught her scent and gave we a snoutfull. Blood. Ethan. She smelled of Ethan’s blood, and sweat. She looked at her self, touched her skin, rubbed it and made a surprised face. She wasn’t hurt, that I could tell, but there was somethin’ off. Fleshies don’t sweat blood unless they got one of tha bleednin-out diseases; Ebola, Marburg, Lassa. Strong-Gal didn’t have none of them, that I could smell, so, at least there was that. She did duck off pretty fast though, maybe she was embarrassed. I followed her upstairs, after telling Pontifex and Her Ladyship that we had company upstairs too.

“Pure iron," Joah murmured ta tha Goddling who told Spirit-Gal she’d done well with tha bot. Now, me and Spirit-Gal have had a rough week, tha two of us. Rougher than most, but with a happier endin than I can remember fer a while. There had been some idle talk on tha floor about food, and someone had brough up what they didn’t eat. Well, there isn’t much I won’t eat, and even less I’ve not tried ta eat. Some things I don’t eat any more. Like talking people. But that didn’t quite make it to tha conversation. What came up was that I’ve eaten Lycan and Feline and Fleshies. Lots of Fleshies. Villages worth. No secret there, in tha 7RAR-L we were on a ground clearing mission, cullin tha population ta make tha region . . .manageable, and they never fed us enough. Hell, they suggested it. Made fer even greater terror. Made fer cheaper logistics. Face it, my Kin were made fer eatin their kills.

That’s not how Spirit Gal saw it though. She just saw tha monster. Tha Beast. She looked at me with eyes that only saw me pickin gristle outa my fangs with a baby’s arm. Those eyes. They ain’t never tha eyes I want see in a friend. Nor Family, nor one in my pack. She asked me “Had I eaten Human?” I said yes. “Would you eat a child?” No says I, would I, not have I. I was glad she asked that way. I wont lie to my Family, I don’t know if I can, even. She asked me “would I eat a friend”, I said “I’d never kill a friend fer food” Tha horror was in her eyes. Tha realization that I was an apex predator, and that maybe I saw everyone walkin about as a mobile buffet was fresh in her mind. She couldn’t accept that she had let herself befriend a monster. A beast. An animal. In a flash, I saw that cross her mind. Damn near broke my heart. I guess just ran. Strong Gal found me, out by tha Den, strange how I ended up that way. Guess tha reek of meat called tha beast. Anyways, Stong-Gal talked to me, held me even and I cried, cried like a lost pup, my Timor memories were aweful fresh after getting Shadow-poisoned so it was fresh fer me. Close. Brutal and close.

This is how she thought of me when I padded upstairs and past her and tha Godling, Labyrinth, standin beside tha Bot-Nareth. Pontifex had made it up, as had Her ladyship. I followed Britt’s scent over to the far corner and checked on her. She was washing, and changing clothes. Spirit-Gal said to the little group, my Family, my pack “The time is at hand.” Tha Godling replied, always testin “Is it? Pontifex watched from the sidelines as It turned and scanned tha faces, Spirit Gal started ta smile calmly “You know it is, Aunt Beast. Britt came out having washed down and quirks silently to the gathered group. She rounded tha corner of tha supplies and boxes and up ta me, givin me a questionin look. She sits beside me. She don’t fear what I am. She knows I’m more than what I was. Better. Deeper. She loves a predator, tha old Fanger Ethan, so she has an idea what it is like.

Labyrinth stands still, watching tha bot as Abi ran up tha stairs, breathin heavy. It opened her left hand, showin a small spinnin thing I cant see what it is from this side of tha room, only that its shiny and got lots of sides. I whispered to Britt that I could smell Ethan’s blood in her sweat, and wanted ta be sure she was ok. She thought that maybe I meant she smelt bad, but, weren’t that at all. Just that it wasn’t tha usual scent fer a Fleshie ta have. We both settled ta watch tha show. I knew I would have a part ta play, and I was worried what it would be. “The time...is short...Joah. The time is..now. It's your world...” Spirit Gal turned to look at Her Ladyship, and ta Abi “Omega, will you allow this?” Her Ladyship opened her hands, lookin to tha Godling, Abi starts lookin between tha Bot and Labyrinth, I could smell her cryin start. Spirit Gal waited, this ain’t a time fer rushin. Her Ladyship asked “What do you propose?” Tha Godlin stood there, lookin at tha spinnin thing in its hand, Spirit Gal looked back ta Her Ladyship and said “Bringing Nareth home. Sending Labyrinth back.” Her Ladyship was cold, and, tight voiced “Not my Nareth. This.. construct of yours. Let it be done.” Ya gotta remember, Tha Huntress was Her Ladyships childe. She chose her ta live forever along side Her Ladyship in tha world, in tha future. That’s a bond I don’t know if I can compare anything to. She made Nareth Family, it didn’t just happen. She DID it.

And then, Tha Huntress was gone, dead, possessed and eaten. Now we were lookin ta save her soul, or, something, and put it in a Bot. Labyrinth, tha one who stole Nareth in tha first place spoke again “How.. remarkable. Yessssss....” Ya know, when I am a Godling, I bet I’ll be just as incomprehensible, but I hope that Coyote will clip me up side tha head if I pull some of tha shit that this One did. Spirit Gal started again “There are three parts. Blood. Heart. Soul.” Her Ladyship again, without so much as a frown spoke “this.. abomination you have created has no blood.” All part of tha ritual. Spirit Gal turned and walked slowly up to Her Ladyship, offerin her hand. “Tha blood is yours, Omega. And Yer childe's. Will ya give it?” Her Ladyship nodded and Spirit Gal took Her by the hand and lead her to tha Bot as Tha Godling watched and as Abi opened her eyes and thme move to it, bitin her lip.

I see tha flash of light, painful ta look at, just the smallest spark, but so bright, as Spirit-Gal draws Nareth's sigil, tha Razor, from around her neck, looking questioningly at Omega, then moves ta draw the razor across Her Ladyships wrist. But Her Ladyship stops her with a word “No.” There was a pause. “Not from there. From here.” The shiny thing in Its hand began ta spin again. Her Ladyship tilted her head, stretchin her neck, and closed her eyes. “Cut deep.” Tha Godling Labyrinth crooned “Yesssssss....” and Pontifex, her faithful follower, took a breath, held it fer moment. Spirit Gal nodded, lifted tha razor, and slid it across Her Ladyship’s throat. The blade began to sing. Time slowed down. Fer a horrible moment, I worried it was all a plot, a sham ta finally do over Her Ladyship. What better chance. A willin offerin before a Godling. A collection of powers. A cut to Her hearts blood? All too much ta bear, fer a moment, just a flicker, mind, and i hardly bolted over, but I knew it was time ta stop mopin and get on in there. Still, tha blade sang, it cut deep and Spirit Gal incanted “In the true name of the gods, the older ones. Eris. Azathoth. Tha Godling hears Its name, and responded “Yesssssssss.... I am.” At that moment, Spirit Gal takes her swipe with tha razor, fast, clean down Her Ladyships pale neck cleanly with a swift jerk. She lifted up her free hand and touched her finger so Her Ladyship’s blood streaming freely, coated the tips of her fingers. Tha spinning thing stopped, again.

Spirit Gal wrote something on tha Bot with Her Ladyships blood, Lari came up, and stood with Abby. Which was good. Abby needed comfort. Tha ritual continued on “Your blood, your life to your childe.” Spirit Gal said but Her Ladyship murmured, her eyes leakin blood tears.. “not my childe.. not any more..” but tha ritual is tha Ritual "Your childe," Joah says firmly, but softly, as Abi squeezes Omega's hand and Spirit Gal steped towards tha Godling. “Aunt Beast . . . you know I said I would . . . if I had the chance.” There is no sign of feelin from It, but, ya know, I think It really was invested in us, and our little world. “Yessssssss, I know. And you...will.” she kissed It on tha cheek, then traced her fingers across Its forehead with more of Her Ladyships blood. More letters. Then she does tha damndest thing. She turned towards Pontifex, and pressed tha blade into his hand. “You know how to use it.” Pontifex looked puzzled, and so did I, I never thought she’d hand that thing over ta anyone, let alone Poncho. "My blood as well?" He asked “No. It's . . . a door. "I'm sorry, Lady," Joah whispers as she walks by Her Ladyship. She just stood there, hand clasped to tha wound on Her neck, as She murmurs... “an opening...” Tha Godling spoke again. Goddess, I hoped this worked, “Yesssssss....to the Abyss....To me.” It watched Abi as Spirit Gal asked her if she wanted Nareth back and Abi cried and nodded a yes.

Pontifex nodded, looking at the razor, "Abi...could you come here?" tha Godling just watches “How...very...curious.” I take my cue, and havin stripped awready, and ready fer whatever part I have ta play, I padded up swiftly up and pressed an open field dressing to Her Ladyship’s free hand, closing my paw over her fingers onto it. I needed to make sure that at least she wasn’t gonna bleed out on tha floor whilst everyone was busy. Not on my watch. Her Ladyship looks around, eyeing Joah, Abigel, Pontifex, murmuring..... “your Nareth... yours.. but not mine. “ That’s when I hear Spirit Gal talk. She talked ta me. Seems like . . . . weeks . . .she just whispered "Watcher, keep her safe." Pontifex starts talking ta Abi, but its all gone away. All I hear is Spirit-Gal’s whisper, all I see is Her Ladyship puttin tha dressing against Her neck, staining it red immediately... She watches Pontifex.. and tha Godling Labyrinth lookin at me and smilin softly, a wicked, hungry smile. I whisper, ta myself more than anybody, tha Prayer of tha Watcher. Tha Scout Prayer, "I walk the walls whilst you rest, I guard the line whilst you work, I stand in the dark places that you may have Light, I watch, and hold the Beasts at bay" I caught Its gaze and holds it as I could and whispered again "I know you and honor your part in the wheel" It blinked and looked back to tha Bot. One fer me. I stood, and looked to Her Ladyship, and pressin tha field dressing to her neck, till her own healin closed the deep wound. I thought it did at least.

Round two went ta tha Godling. “How very...unexpected. The ...beast...will take my heart. He has long desired it” That sets Spirit Gal ta spin from watchin Pontifex’s show ta look at It. It just blinked. “You cannot lie.” Said Spirit Gal, unbelieving what It just revealed to her. It just kept on, “Oh can lie. I have had will a long time now. The dancers...and you...gifted it to me. You will do anything...to banish me. But..this I speak true Unless...I lie. The wolf takes...my heart...” Like It knew what I really wanted. Like It could understand. A blank expression crosses Spirit Gal’s face, then she turns to look at me. All her worst fears come true. In flesh and fur, about me. It don’t matter anymore. I have a job ta do, always a job, not that that’s much of an excuse or a need. But, its how I got ta be where I am, and who I am. Her Ladyship don’t mind, she understands, more than most I figure, she turns ta me, holding out a bloodstained hand to my muzzle. Spirit Gal looks at me serious, and whispers “The Watcher” then finds her voice. “Not wolf. Coyote.” But tha Godling speaks again “Beast” I watch It some more intently, not the look of person to person, but hunter to prey. " I am." Is all I say. It cocks her head to one side, “Time grows so short...” I lean my head towards Omegas bloodied hand and lap at it, wearing Her blood proudly on tha fur of my face.

Pontifex incanted. I don’t know what he said. He held the blade up in the air, it got dark, real dark, dark like inside a cave. I hardly heard any of it. Nor Spirit Gal talking to It, nor what Abi said. I had Her taste on my muzzle and tha Hunt in my eyes. Tha Sacred Hunt, mind, tha Ritual was cast, and I felt Coyote’s dance in my muscles, in tha floor, in tha air I breathed. I couldn’t take my eyes of tha Godling now. I was tha Watcher, so named, and so it was. Its what I am, its what I do. Scout. Hunter. Recon. Outrunner. Her Ladyship talks, but I can’t hear Her. Thay ain’t talking ta me, they will call me when they need me. They always do. Its my purpose. Its my place in tha Pack, its my duty. Its what I am.

I feel eyes on me. Spirit Gal’s Tha Godling’s. I hear someone say “Her heart.” By now I’m pacin, paddin about and around carefully, watching It, watching the crowd. Her Ladyship shakes Her head, seeming disoriented... “never a weapon, never our intent” were they talking about me? No. About Nareth, Tha Huntress, soon ta be Nareth tha Bot. Tha Godling turns to face me. I know it sees me as less than even tha other two-leggers here. Nareth did too. Glad ta see That some of tha Huntress rubbed of on tha Godling. That’s irony. "Very well," Spirit Gal whispered. Her Ladyship hissed and tha Godling spoke again, first to Her, then to me “It is only...the truth of it...Omega Beast...thou wilt take the heart in me, It is not mine.” Then It looked down at the hard red plates of It exoskeleton. As It kept speakin at me “You will accept it, and place it in the Joah's...hands. Then...I will diminish .. rapidly” My prey is awaiting, It stands still, my sacred duty approaches. I whisper the prayer again "Wall, Line, Light, Blood, Pack, Kin" I nod to It, letting it know I heard Its instructions. There was a loud crackin sound, and the scales on Labyrinth's chest tear apart, exposing a black heart. “Take it...quickly...”

Instinct takes over and I lunged forwards, speed of the predator in me that none there had witnessed, and fer that I am grateful. I slammed my sharp clawed fist into Labyrinths chest, shuddering us both. I knew I wouldn’t bowl over tha Godling, but I wanted It ta know, know deep in its fibers that this was done without a shred of fear for myself. You can never show fear to the Spirits when you touch them. Respect. Awe, but never fear, or they rule you. I growled. a deep, growl that would have send shivers through the spines of any who were born Fleshie, the instinctive fear of the wolf, and with a yank, I tore out the still, vampiric heart and paused, huffin, and crouched, blood splattered and gory, held it, before lifting it up for all ta see, for tha Sun, tha Moon, tha Stars and the Spirits ta see and I called out in tha ancient form. Not my native tongue, not tha way I call tha Spirits, but tha ancient way ta take tha Heart Offerin, "tonacayotl : nextlahualli : macehualli: Huitzilopochtli! Tezcatlipoca! Co-llo-tlh! For the sake of all the world. We take this debt payment. For the sake of we who owe Life to the Gods; the Sun, warrior. Night, destiny and Coyote, bringer of change. Tha words were foreign ta me, but I knew , I knew , tha forms had ta be met. I shuddered at tha implications of what I was doin. I handed over tha heart, cold and bloody, ta Spirit Gal. Even then, full of tha Coyote dance, its hard fer me ta look Spirit Gal in tha eye. Knowing what I know, and seeing her look at me, but I did, I handing the heart over still with a lingerin glow to my fur. Her Ladyships blood on my muzzle, and tha blood of the body that was keeping the heart of Nareth on my arms and chest.

Tha Godling staggers, but stands, gaspin fer a moment. “The Stars...were not yet...rightl. I am. I am Labyrinth. I am...even in this fallen..small..world. I am Eris Discordia. So..named....Azathoth among the Outer Gods.”. That’s when Spirit Gal took tha heart, blood drippin down her wrists. She stood watchin tha bleedin Godling as she talks some more “I am the Whisperer in...Darkness. I will await Nyarlathotep's coming. Her Ladyship steped up ta Spirit Gal, placed a hand on tha heart. I had one more sacred duty ta perform. Ta offer back to tha Prey for its offerin. So I looked up ta tha Godling, Labyrinth and ask It formally "Forgive me." As Labyrinth speaks, Joah lifts the heart to Omega. The Godling looked at me. It actually looked at ME, this time, not just tha fur and claws, fangs and tail “No...regret...beast. No regret. You serve me.” I just nodded and backed away to tha corner. My duty done, for now. I do not serve Tha Void. I do not serve Entropy. I do not serve tha Emptyness. I serve tha Change, tha Reshaper. Coyote the Creator, and fer then, my work was done.

The others did their parts. I sat, covered in splatter. Waiting. Watching. Till it was done, and they brought Nareth back. Kinda. Sorta. Not Tha Huntress. Not Her Ladyships childe. Something of her. Enough. Enough that I can send it over tha Wide River if it needed. Enough ta guide to tha Final Place. Denny and me argued about that, it pained him ta see what they had made. What I helped make happen. Fer my part, I woulda brought Nareth back in any way I could. Raven charged me ta do that. Maybe it was Legion. Maybe it was Lorne. I don’t care. I see tha workins of Raven, and Coyote, in their actions too. Nareth deserved ta reach tha Happy Huntin grounds. Even if not fer her, than fer Her Ladyship.

One last thing. One last duty then I could run, run from the eyes. I am tha Watcher. I guard tha threshold. Footsteps on tha stairwell to be confronted, each in their own way. Some, like Artemisia, come ta bring comfort and warmth to tha newborn, give it, her, Bot-Nareth, groundin. I told her when she asked that we brought home tha Huntress, but Her Ladyship looked over her shoulder, blood soaked and pained and corrected me ”not the Huntress.. she is gone...but there is this...” She’s right. Tha Huntress is gone. Too much damage and loss. Others came, not all of em as comfortin and warmin. I think them and me will be havin further words . . . .

"ezekiel 25:17"

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Pencil note, dated 15/7/08, with a torn out page from a glossy book pasted in
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Tha book fell onto tha floor of tha Library as I was sittin lookin at tha fire, it was late, or early, tha Hour of the Wolf. Even in a place like Tox, folks bunker down when that time hits. Tha streets were empty. Tha Library was still. Just me and tha Fire. Tha book fell, and so I stirred. Rats maybe. Or bloody spooks. I didn’t smell anybody, nor rats. Even tha rats know better, and I can always make more burgers. Its been almost a month now, and still tha Library is . . . empty. Tha Spirit we summoned has not shown itself, not ta me, at least. Tha book fell, so I went ta get it. Its what I do, its Respect. Same as when I touch tha stone walls as I come or go. It Knows, I know it does. It cares. It deserves our respect.

I get tha book, and as I pick it up from where it fell, a page falls out. I go ta shove it back in place, and I get a surprise. Tha page is already there! Tha loose page is fer ME. Tha Library gave me a page. Its back! I swear, if anyone had happened by as I was dancin about and caryin on like a . well. Wild thing . .ha. they would have had quite tha show fer free. Once I finish dancing about, book in one paw, spare page in tha other, I shelve tha book, and walk over to tha patch on tha wall where I gouged clawmarks in tha stone, and signed a pact with it in my Dimentox-charged blood. I rest my paw on the spot and close my eyes, thankin tha Spirits fer givin us tha strength ta bring it back.

So I have a look at tha page. Its tha way tha Library has always spoke ta me, well, since that one time with Nareth . . . I shudder still at that day . . . Tenguska . . . Her Ladyships rage, Poncho, throat all but torn out, Denny’s fury, Lari’s compassion, Legion, inhabitin Lorne, voicin its scorn and me, cowerin behind tha pillar, transfixed by tha forces these beins called forth. Flame and Ice, Wind and Light.

Tha smell of so much blood as so many stood around and did nothin. It wasn’t my place ta interfere. They weren’t my Family, just those that lent me a spot by their fire and generally bore me ta be around. Now Lorne is gone, followin Legion’s pull, ta tha Shadows. Arcann, gone to tha Coven, where he sits doin whatever it is he does, and threatinin those who used ta be his own. Lari dead and back again as an Angel, Poncho, vanished after what happened with Nareth.

Nareth. Huntress. She never liked me. Omega’s Childer. Her Ladyships Own Blood. It doesn’t matter if she did or not. Tha loss of Nareth, it wasn’t good. For all of us. Fer Her Ladyship tha most. I know that sting. Labyrinth came forth. Nareth was . . ett. Tha Shadows ett her. Ritual they say, ta bring forth Labyrinth. Nareth’s will, that say. She wanted it. Labyrinth says its Eris.

Eris is a goddess. Goddess of strife. A primal force, conflict, breakin. Things fallin and lost. Nareth is lost in Labyrinth. Gone, says Labyrinth, but ya can never trust tha word of a godling. Unless yer its equal, and I aint. But I know somethin that Labyrinth don’t, or is too high and mighty ta consider. Foolish Beast, it calls me. Nareth used ta call me names too. Both are right. I am a Beast. I am a Fool. I am a creature of tha Wyld.

I opened my paw. Opened my eyes and looked at tha page tha Library had given me.

"Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness. For he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children."

Tha words that spring forth. There is a black guy with a gun and bad hair. Looks like that Jedi in that movie. Tha words hit me like tha fist of, well, we all know which fist I’m thinking of. Tha meanin is doubly powerful when I remember Legions ghostly whispers words from tha beak of Raven, that same eve.

"We shall love you to ferry her elsewhere. We shall adore your being for bringing her from darkness to happy hunting grounds, or dreaming time We shall beg you to bring her from the cold and lonely night...."

Labyrinth says Nareth is no more, that she’s gone. Dead and gone. That’s just what Eris WOULD say. And I don’t fuckin believe it. I made an oath ta Coyote, when My-She freed me from my sufferin. I made an Oath to tha Library, in part payment of that. It don’t bother me none. I am a Shaman of Gaia. I have a debt ta pay fer all i was before. A debt i will never pay off. Ya know what? that dont bother me none, neither. I'm gunna ease Nareths Passage. Bring her back to Her Ladyship, if i can, send her onwards if that is all i can do.

But she ain't gettin left behind in tha Maze. I know better than ta take on a Godling in a game i can't win, but i have a gift. Somethin It don't. I offered ta help It, It dont get why. I am Free. i have my own Will. If It understood that, maybe It would understand WHY i'd help free it, fer all its done, fer all it could do. I am not tha cowerin outcast i once was. I am not a lot of things i once was.

I will find tha lost Ones, and guide them where they need ta go. I am a Scout. I am a Shaman. I am beloved and love. I am Free. I am a creature of tha Wyld and need not fear tha Void. Cause if it takes me, then it wont be tha Void no more. And won't Coyote laugh then? Coyote can't abide a Void. Always gotta poke a paw in and stir up His Own flavour of trouble, one Eris aught ta remember.

gift of bein merely mortal

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pencil note, with sand wedged in the seams of the notebook, dated 9/07/08
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I been doin some thinkin, deep, proper thinkin. I run in some heady company. Feathers and Fallen, Fangers and tha like. These are beins who live outside tha wheel of years. We have shards of Primal Forces as guests. Hell. My-She is over a century older than me. And she's on tha first of her Nine too. Abigale is tha only one with fewer years than me. Even Britt has been around longer. Although, ta be truthful, I aughta count tha years since I matured.

As tha boffins would say, I been sexually mature and Changed fer 13 years now. My dam will have likely been dead for 8 of those. If any of my litter are still on four legs, they'll be old by now. Real old. We don't kill easy. I'm like a poster cub fer how much punishment a Shifter can take and still Codril on. But fer how long? And against what odds? What am I gunna face when I front up against whatever holds Labyrinth's will? What will happen when next one of tha Reckonin zap me with their mystic blood magic? When I called on Coyote ta keep My-She from payin too high a price fer healin me, I made a deal and tha Wise know ya don’t cheat Coyote on a deal.

I didn't want ta leave debts unpaid. I wanted ta give back all I had taken. Coyote is pretty literal. I've got a feelin He’s holdin my Timor debts in tha balance too. Those ones run deep, and long. It’s a sure thing that He still has some harshness in my future, but ya know, I’ve got a path and I’m stickin to it. Where was I? oh, yeah. I’ve had some pretty heavy hitters havin a go at me, and my Kin, mostly warranted, but on this I think I aughta say something. With a few exceptions, say, Quillis tha 900 year old Elder of tha Pack, (and once Omega, once Beta, Once Alpha, who knows what rank she’ll hold next) and a few others, as best I know, we Shifters live a fairly regular Fleshie lifetime. That’s a mega bonus ta a Four-Legger like me, where at best, in captivity, we live 15 years. Ha, and folks have a go at Fleshies fer bein “fleetin”. If only they knew. Take a walk on tha Wild side, sometime.

Of course, most Shifters end up as a chunky red smear much before old age, its in our nature ta be in tha thick of it, where tha metal, tooth and claw meets tha meat. When I think of all my cousins I have met in Tox, and then either never heard of again, or heard their final howl tearin through tha greasy night, I count myself triple blessed I got my Family ta fall back on. There been some times I was pretty sure I’d end up as a rug either at tha foot of tha throne in tha Pit, or as road pizza. I know I only got tha one life. I know tha long count of my days are numbered. Fer that very reason, I gotta live every day like it was my last, like tha next thing I say is tha LAST thing I say. Like tha next touch is tha last kindness I have ta give or get.

Tha fire that burns twice as bright, burns half as long, they say, and when I look at my Brothers and Sisters, my Cousins and Loved Ones, both blessed and cursed with long lives, eternal, some of them, I can’t help but think, maybe I’m tha lucky one. I will burn hot, so hot that I will melt stone, and, Coyote willin, give them somthin ta remember me by, with a smile, before my days are through. Because that’s how I will leave my mark, eternal as fire-shaped stone.