Fear and loathing in TC

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pencil entry, extra messy, obviously stopping and starting several times, dated 15/10/2008
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I had a visit from Coyote. Tha bastard. Actually, I went ta visit Him, but when Coyote calls, well. . . I got a talkin to, about tha nature of things. About tha Maker. Then I got dumped back at tha Library, tha room spinnin, me clutchin tha floor so I didn't fly off and a splittin headache. Later on when I had slept it off some, I tried ta explain to Her Ladyship, Spirit Gal, Star and Bright Gal.

About Coyote, well, i was rantin ta Tha Maker i was rantin about good and evil, and light and dark, chaos and order, and how Coyote is balance. and doesnt CARE about any of that, Coyote only cares about . . .well . . Coyote and i kinda got inta my deal . . .and before i knew it YOINK! im in tha Flux Realm and tha big C is at tha wheel, bottle of tequila in one paw, and a cheeseburger in tha other.

Spirit Gal frowned a bit at Star as he belched fire. "What is the Flux Realm, Grr?” I stoped and waggled a claw at Star for fallin inta tha flood water "fire demons and water are bad, mate err, Flux? thats . . .well, its tha place where all tha Other meets, Coyote's Home." Spirit Gal looked thoughtfully at me fer a moment. "Have you . . . seen . . . Coyote?" its kinda an odd question. So many Fleshies, post-Fleshies and ex-Fleshies, they cut themselves off from the Other, they are surrounded by it, and Them, but they refuse ta see them in eversday life. "its . . .err, not good fer tha brain of someone not . . .err . . .already kinda . . .off so, tha big C was drivin tha Caddy, tequilla in one Paw, cheeseburger in tha other, and he turns ta me and fixes me with a look, right? and then he looks in tha back seet, and i look too and there in tha back, who ya think i saw? "Spirit Gal shook her head. "Who?"

"Tha Lightbringer, big as shit, fancy suit, Raybans, smokin a cigar and gettin blown, so i looked back at Coyote, and he takes a swig, hands me tha bottle and nods to tha other side, behind me and whatcha think i did then?" Spirit Gal kept listenin, her face got kinda clouded with puzzlement. "Drank with them?” so I went on. "well, i took a swig, cause ya should never EVER refuse a gift from Coyote and i turned aroud to pass on tha bottle. 'cause ya never welch on a offer from Coyote with greed" At that her eyes went wide. ”You offered a drink to the Beautiful Liar?” I just shook my head. "nope, to tha guy behind ME, tha Lightbringer was sittin behind Coyote" Star looked up from his belly button gazin, or swhatever demons do if they don’t got a belly button "okay .. so WHO was behind you?" Spirit Gal piped up too "Yes, Grr . . . who was behind you?"

I nodded, fer them a much as fer me "tha One. Stuffy looking fella, fussin over a map, wore tweed and a tie and was lookin at a itinerary." Spirit Gal waited and listened and Star looked at her "and they say Alfred Hitchkock was a tease" She frowned at Star again, I think she was as baffled as me who Alfred Hitchcock is. She turns in her chair to face me. "I offered him tha bottle, and tha Lightbringer snatched it sayin "he dont LIKE ta have fun . . ." Star groaned and rolled eyes. "i looked back to Coyote, who shrugged then we hit a tree and i got dumped back here. fuckin Coyote. it was about tha Maker.

Spirit Gal spoke up "I . . . I don't understand, Grr. Severus was sitting behind you?" its confusin fer me and I was there. I know I don't talk good, and I gotta say, bein yanked by Coyote , then dumped back just as, well, drunkenly didn't help none. "no. tha One was. its tha Three"

Spirit Gal got it then, I think. "The One? . . . Oh. The One. But . . .Severus doesn't serve the One." I nodded, she went on "And even the One . . . can be tender and passionate . . . can create with a breath and a word . . . And the Lightbringer? Oh . . I'm sorry. Go ahead.." I nodded again, its hard ta get it all straight, thing with tha One is, its His way, or tha highway. "well . ..thats true but Its all about order, and doin things tha RIGHT way, Proper like, It prefers Order, ta growth, two by two, Spirit gal, two by two, anyway. destruction, corruption, breakin things down again. which is where tha Maker is stuck. its not his true Nature, hes trapped"

I could see she was getting it "Oh . . you mean . . . his nature is . . . order, creation . . . But because he serves the Beautiful Liar . . . his will is bent to destruction." She got it! Bright Gal came in, and got right inta it. "Speaking about Sev?" Spirit Gal smiled at Bright Gal lookin at her with great fondness and nodded. She drops into a chair, her usually immaculate outfit soakin wet. Star got a look of understanding dawnin on his face as things fell inta place.

"com'in sit, Bright Gal, i met yer Boss. . .. kinda. essentially, tha Maker has gotten snatched by tha LightBringer, whos a greedy fuck." Bright Gal closed her eyes, her clothes, her skin omitting gentle waves of steam and leans back as I kept talkin "and tha One, well, is too tied up in tha PLAN ta stop ta taste tha good things in life." I looked over at tha Bright Gal and nodded as she steamed dry "see, i gotta SHAKE fer that . . ." she grined at that as Spirit Gal had a thought. "He . . . is too wounded . . . I think." I wondered who she meant this time "tha One? just looks too wound up ta me" but she didn't let me hang "No, Grr. Severus.."

"ahh, yeah see, HES tha tequila and tha lesson? there's aways a lesson . .." but tha Spirit Gal frowned, "Sometimes there's no lesson. It's just a pointless exercise . . . in futility.” Even this was a lesson but. And I think I got it. "don't be fuckin around with tha bottle in tha backseat if yer fuckin meant ta be drivin! Coyote's always got a lesson. tha bottle didnt get a say where it went, Spirit Gal, its just doin tha rounds" she lookea at me, not frowning or laughing, that old familiar closed off expression crossin her face. "Sev . . is . . . the bottle.So . . . there is no choice. Then it's pointless to try to help him. To help anyone." Star grined at Star Gal "unles you get the bottle" Bright Gal breathed in. "It is not pointless to help him help himself" This is where I sorta need ta think more about how I do what’s best fer Tha Maker "nah, it aint that, not at all this was about Severous, this wasn't a vague, sweepin message, i got YANKED"

Spirit Gal was pissed now "He can't, if he's a bottle. He's only there to be used up.Then tossed out on the side of the road." i needed ta let her know, this wasn't a message of no hope, it was a message ta know tha difference between what can be and what we can do ourselves "aha, see, wait, ya've missed somethin, tha bottle came from Coyote, Spirit Gal. he didn't pass tha cheeseburger. Tequila has sacred meaning. there's ALWAYS more" Spirit Gal snapped "And what is that, Grr?" How do i get it across "trick is, ta get tha Lightbringer ta either pass it on, or forget about it he wanted it cause i was tryin ta give it ta tha One, dontcah see?"

"What I see . . . is a beautiful, cruel, joyless being . . .Who can have anything he wants.At any time. And it never fills So he'll never let go. And as for Severus . . . I don't think he wants to be free." I gotta agree with that, but there is more to it "he dont get ta keep it ferever, Spirit Gal" Tha LightBringer. Coyote might be a bastard, but he means well. Well, he don't mean harm, at least. "No . . . he prefers smashing the bottle . . . if he can't keep it. drinks like ta get drunk, bottles like ta be filled and emtied, and filled, its what bottles do, tha Three, they dont think of us as them, we're just things, most of tha time, if tha Lightbringer had chucked tha bottle overtha side, ya can betcha ass that Coyote woulda just pulled tha same bottle outta his side-door or tha One mighta been sittin in a crate of em, carefully meeterin them out, makin sure it was properly recycled. its a system. they got a system Spirit Gal all this, this . .. it all works cause of that"

Bright Gal sighs leaning forward and opens her eyes, clearing her throat, blinking. "He is punished and he takes it. However he can. There is word about chaos, word about order. You would think the demons represent chaos. Severus is an example of hell's cruelest order." We all sat fer a bit, then Spirit Gal spoke up "Perhaps," she says. "I read one of their Books." she begins to quote, 'How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing! ' They do not sound like bureaucrats, to me." Star's voice drones 'its a cycle chaos to order, back to chaos to make order again'

"Creator, Shaper, Culler: Flux, Pattern, Entropy: Change, Order, Decay : i didnt get any ANSWERS, Spirit Gal Coyote dont give ANSWERS he gives paths and questions insight but not understandin" At least i got Spirit Gals focus back "Apparently none of them do. Or at the very least, they answer the questions you should be asking but don't." Bright Gal added, with her crossed fingers and eyes closed again. "There is but one thing Joah. You can always pray" I nodded, and added with a grin "or kick tha shit outta Severous untill he listens ta reason, or BOTH but, that's too easy"

Star drones on, i guess he's bored with all this, demons get that way "if i understand corretly, they gide you, they don't give you answers" Spirit Gal agreed with him " Well . . . in the book, the One says: Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength." just time time for Bright Gal ta open her eyes as Tha Maker appeared. "aha! SUMMONED! SIMAP" i love it when that happens! It interrupted Spirit Gal "So . . . perhaps they'd be willing to . . ." He just stood there glowerin as i beamed at my own cleverness.

"we were just discussin my revelation . . ." that got him worried, he asked what it was, as Spirit Gal teased him a bit, askin of his ears were burnin. "i'm gunna be a prophet. this can be my compound. i want beef jerky and . .. no, wait . . ." tha Maker slowly arched a brow, that way he does “shall i get the jim jones kool aid ready?” as Bright Gal gave me a tug on tha ear fer cheek, at least Spirit Gal cracked a half smile. "ya wondered what happened earlier, Maker? with tha flash out, and tha flash in and tha holdin onta tha floor like it was tha wall?" Bright Gal leant back and closed her eyes again. "You should call him Bringer... rather than Maker, no?" Severus nodded slowly "...quite..." but that aint right "no, Bright Gal, Severous is tha Maker, ta me, not tha Bringer, i give credit where credit is due. i don't lie in my Naming"

Spirit Gal looks up at him "Yes . . . though he disavows that aspect of himself . . . he is the Maker." Bright Gal takes her turn ta look him over. I know he hates it, now i know why. "Are you?" she asked. He just snorted derisively... "maker of trifling things..." he shrugged his shoulders slightly "...apparently...its the only thing i'm good for anymore" This is what i need tha change with him. He needs ta appreciate what he IS, what he can DO "ya KNOW ya have more value than ya offer value ta . . ." Bright Gal is upset "How can you loathe creation so?" But i know, now "cause, Bright Gal, he's not in a position ta be able to do anythin else"
She nodded ta me "Apparently he is also able to loathe" He shrugged again "...i see little about me that there isnt to loath" I just nodded ta Bright Gal and looked ta tha Maker "i saw, mate, i saw i understand now, i think"

Thanks Coyote.

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