All after incinerators . . .?

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Pencil entry, messily scribbled, there are food stains on the pages, dated 12/4/2009
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Tha winds of change, they kinda stink, sometimes. This time, though, I got a wiff before tha real stink hit, and tha stink was of death. Time ta bug out. Time ta enact “Grr’s Evac plan #3”. Needed to get do some “shoppin” fer that. Why were we buggin out? Well, tha nasty critter that had gotten loose, run amuck and brought down tha heat from tha Septic Federal’s. Agent Men, wanderin about, huntin. Tha good citizens of Tox, well, they did what they do best, and after tha smoke cleared, and tha agents had been BBQ’d at tha stake, their helio shot down, and tha reprisal strike by ship ta ship missile on tha supply barge, I knew it was only a matter of time till they came back in force. I talked with some of tha Pack, who were determined ta stay, and fight fer their territory, angry pups who’ve never seen battlefield combat with a well trained and equipped military.

Between that, and the breakup of tha Institute, and everythin else that had been goin on there, tha waters were already lookin choppy, but like I say, tha wind brought tha scent of death, and even tha Messenger was absent. When tha Valkyrie depart, its time ta bug out. Didn’t have too much time, but enough ta do what needed ta be done. I collected tha tools of my trade, and set out shoppin. Huntin, is more accurate, though.

My first target was ta be tha easier of tha two, I just put my nose to tha ground, and sniffed about till I found tha right kind of scent. Male, Shifter, new to town. Alone. Spent a while till I tracked him down, then some more time observin. Stayin down wind, stayin outta sight, and sound. Casual, like, not makin it feel like a stalkin, in case his instincts were good. Turns out, though, he was just another turned Fleshie, stumbling about in his War-Form, like he was finding his paws. Poor bastard, well, him or me, I win out every time. I checked tha surrounds, didn’t want any witnesses for this, or tha whole jig was up. The look in his eyes was hardest, when tha first three round burst caught him in tha middle of tha pelvis. Silver hollow-points, make em myself. I keep a couple of 5.56 clips of them handy, just in case. Silver is a sacred metal, and is due tha respect my kin give it. I craft it with prayer and blessin, because there is only one reason for me ta use it. To take my own kind over tha Wide River.

Those three rounds hit him and shattered tha heavy bone of his pelvis, and hopefully, his spine too, I saw his legs bucklin even as tha second burst took him mid-chest, a little high and left of solar plexus, but, I wasn’t at too much distance, and tha MoA was only slight. Heart shot, rather than another spine hit, but, hollow-points make a mess, even subsonic 5.56’s. Tha trick is ta make a big hole, and not over-penetrate, leave that blood-metal in tha wound ta do its work. I kept whisperin my Prayer fer tha Departin, as he jerked and twitched, bodymass dropping him as his hips cracked wider, fallin in slow motion, impacts ta his chest, rib shards and silver mushrooms sproutin in his lungs and heart. His head turned to me, as he dropped, reflexes and canine hearin getting triangulation on tha second burst, even suppressed. That’s when tha third burst landed. His eyes landed on my position, in tha bushes by tha tattoo parlour, and he opened his mouth to try to howl for help.

Even lung-shot, my kin can let out a howl loud enough ta be heard by all those who would listen, fer quite a ways, and as it happens, I was ready, in case that happened, but, fallin as he was, mouth opening ta howl, my third burst found tha mark I gave them, mouth is as good as throat, and he ate at least two of tha three rounds. He crumpled, and lay still, back of his head a wet mess, where bone fragments and silver shards punched through tha back of his skull. I had ta move fast, in case I gotr spotted, but tha hours I keep, and picked, made that pretty easy, no one much is ever about when I am, so, I was in luck. I gathered my brass, slung my weapon, and double timed it over to him. I wondered what his name was, but, Coyote knows, and will add it to my tally. I reached him ,saw his tattered clothes and realised how young he must be, maybe his second moon as Kin, not even old enough ta know how ta deal with clothes. Too bad fer him. Dog eat Dog. I whipped out a poncho liner and rolled him onto it, tied him in, and threw him over my shoulder, and got my tail back to the Library.

I got him in, unseen again, I think, and stashed him in tha store room, before changing, and re-equippin myself fer my second item. A couple of hours had passed, not sure how much longer we had, and with tha time tickin away in my head. I got myself together, and headed back out. As I wandered, I got word that a supply ship had been spotted comin in, and we were expected ta make a show of gatherin intel. Well, that’s what we do, and it’d have raised more attention if I hadn’t. Her Ladyship was still out, makin her own arrangements. So, it was up to me. I passed tha crowd, squablin over booze and eats, as they stood about tha docks, all tha while, I was scanning bodies. Size and shape, needed ta be Fleshie, if this was gunna work. There were folks talking about tha critter, and that it had been loaded up ta be shipped off. I boarded tha barge, and poked about, myself, even whe nit pulled away, I kept lookin through what was left. Folks on tha shore yelled ta get back, that I’d get taken, but, I just waved cheerily, seemed ta me like them seein I was finding a way of tha island fer a holiday wasn’t a bad thing, would add to tha confusion, and if there were repercussions? Well, all tha better, blame tha Mainalnders fer what they were gunna find, later on.

I disembarked as tha barge turned tha corner near tha harbour, out of eye-line from tha docks. Double backed through tha sea wall, past tha Pit, and towards tha Park, tha fountain. Always one by tha fountain, or at least, in tha old days. I was in luck. All alone, again, bloody good fortune, pardon tha pun, and I set up quickly in tha rubble behind tha Vet Clinic, under tha toxic vat. I had my M-70 this time, and a different load. Folks think that bein in tha Institute is all about reading books, and filin reports. What they forget is that we larn everythin, we collect everythn, we never throw anything away. As Praetor, I had access, and knowledge.

I had tha anti-Fanger Serum, to de-Fanger folks, as used in tha Fanger-Lycan War, two strains, actually, because we had developed our own, too, a legacy of Shiny, Lyra tha Furf. I had taken that, and loaded it up into tranq darts, tha same kind that used ta get used on me, when I was in tha zoo, when I was learnin ta think like a Fleshie, in tha 7RAR-L. Tha same I’ve used on my own kin ta drop them when they go moon-struck. I had two of each strain, and had them on paw, just in case.

Tha female was not big, but she moved with tha fluid power that comes with tha Fangers, sex on a stick and as cool as a Melbourne eve. Her hair wasn’t dark, wasn’t light, so I was hopin it was tha right colour, but in tha end, that’s just icin on tha cake. I lined up as she fed from tha trough, tha fountain I helped build. At least she had tha grace ta use a cup, Her Ladyship would have been pleased ta know. I was pretty sure she didn’t have a clue I was there, again, I wasn’t that far off, and this could get messy if I bullocked it up.
Tha first dart hit her in tha back, about kidney height, she flinched, and spat her mouthful out and wheeled on tha spot and looked around fer what had hit her. Not seein anything, she reached back to grab at the dart, and struggled to reach it. I loaded up tha second kind, and drew another bead on her, and tagged her, upper right chest, above her teats, below collarbone. When she took that one, she staggered a little, off balance from reaching fer tha first dart.

When she plucked it and looked at it, tha look of contempt and spite that crossed her face was something outta tha movies. Classic Fanger rage face, fangs dropped, predator’s snarl, and she was on tha road ta revenge. She heard tha second shot, too, just like my kin had, and came at me, or at least, my way, a keening call made its way out of her mouth, as she ran towards tha vat I was under, I expect that she thought she’d zip under, and tear out tha throat of tha fool who tried to dart her, like some mortal. Well, I was hopin tha serum was fast actin, and that a mixed double dose would do tha trick, because tha next round I loaded was just a regular copper jacketed steel core. She had crossed tha park in good time, rounded tha tank, and was getting ready to vault tha chainlink fence I was behind, when she slowed. Makin tha jump, she only got half way up tha fence, and with a look of rage, and anger, had ta go hand over hand up it.

I took that as a sign my plan, and tha serums, had worked, and unloaded tha third round, mid-chest, iron sighted. Tha full military load cracked hard, kicked hard, and did it’s job. She was still goin up, but when that round punched through her chest, she just crumpled and sagged mid-air, and dropped off tha fence into a heap, behind tha vat. She wasn’t quite dead, makin that raspy, wheezy sound folks make when they are getting ready ta Cross, after takin one to tha lungs. I re-chambered, gathered my brass, and slipped around tha fence, at-shoulder, keeping her covered, in case tha serum wore off sudden-like whilst she was still kickin. I looked her in tha eyes as tha life went out of her, and whispered tha same prayer I had fer tha first target. She might have deserved ta die, but she wasn’t even my enemy, just needed her fer tha plan. Another name on Coyote’s list. Rolled her ta see that it was a through and through shot, then bagged her too, and after slingin my weapon, carried her as swift as i could without lookin like I was runnin with fresh meat, back to tha Library.

I got back, and again, as it often was, these days, found it empty, dumped tha almost-Fanger in tha store room, and got tha rest of what I needed. Clothes. Two sets, mine and Hers. I stripped tha two bodies, and changed them, hard work when ya think about it, harder ta do, even more so when they are all bloody and fucked up like these two were. I managed, I had to, time was tickin down on us something fierce. I dragged tha two bodies out, and Her Ladyship was there, ready, and lookin . . . grim. She nodded to me, and looks sadly at the two bodies, dressed like us, but, not us. Tha once-Fanger still had tha fangs, but tha thing that makes them be undead was dead in it, so, she was just in-between. She wasn’t even old enough ta go ta ash, just kinda looked dead and sickly. My kin had gone back to Fleshie form, reverted slowly after tha silver had done its work. I looked at them like so much meat, I had a job ta do, and I was gunna see my mission to tha end.

I reached up and yanked a pawfull of fur out, and tossed it at tha couches and look out my KA-BAR, and lookin away from Her Ladyship, stabbed myself through tha forearm. Whimpered, I did, it’s a hard thing ta do, without rage goadin ya, ta stab yerself, but I did it, and left tha blade in, and spun my arm about a bit, ta spray some blood about. Pulled it out again, and at tha same spot, sliced a chunk outta my arm, skinned a patch tha size of a dog food can lid, growlin as I sawed it off, and tossed it against tha fire place. Tha look in Her Ladyships eyes at me hurtin myself made me feel bad fer doin it, but, I could feel tha regeneration as I got to tha next stage, so, no harm done. Her Ladyship surprised me then, but, and said “I suppose I should offer the same evidence to our pursuers, don’t you think?” and before I could say anything, she bit her wrist and flicked it at tha wall and floor aways from tha bodies. I nodded, and bowed my head in thanks to her forwards thinking.

Last step. I got a metal canister out of my supplies, and slopped tha sticky, stinkin mess out of it, all over tha bodies, makin a mess of it, makin sure I didn’t spread it too far off them, but, its good stuff, made it myself, real thick and sticky. Napalm. Covered tha bodies but not tha Library. I had told tha Library Spirit our plan, and I got tha feelin it was just as unhappy as we were about tha situation, and I got tha feelin it was thinking tha same thing. It had dropped a book, for me when I had first told it about my evac plans, tha book was “You Only Live Twice” by Ian Fleming, a spook book, but I didn’t get ta read it, maybe next time . . .

We set tha bodies, and with our small bags of things, look out tha grimy windows into to that grimy city fer what was probably tha last time. I reached inta my pouch and fished out my mirror and asked Her Ladyship if she was ready. She smiled, a fierce, determined smile and nodded, I offered my paw, she took it in her smooth as stone hand. “See ya on tha flipside, Library, its been swell, but tha swelling’s gone down” and with that, we flashed outta that place, leavin mystery and misadventure in our wake, misery and muck in our past.

The Lady Walks

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Pencil entry, dated 26/3/2009, there is a deep red smear in one corner
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Through the darkened streets She walked, crunching over the concrete gravel and spent casings. Standing tall and upright, but I could see Her shoulders were low, as if some weight were on Her, something, I couldn’t see what. But She walked on, and I followed. Knew I was there, I’m sure, I had made no secret of it, but, when She needs to stroll to think, I’m happier if I know there are extra friendly eyes Watchin. She don’t need much in tha way of protectin, there’s not much more I can do, that an Ancient Fanger, as She is, couldn’t handle. Still, makes me feel better knowin She aint wanderin all alone, and I think She finds it warmin that I tag along sometimes, either in arms reach, or like now, from across tha street.

I sing a little song to myself as we walk, Her where She would go, me, watching her “6”. It’s a song from home, called “Thorns”. One verse catches me, especially as She walks, and I think I understand what is happening.

No point complaining, I've been here before,
The same old same old you know the score,
Faces unfeeling, look down on me,
Eyes cut from stone shine with no sympathy,
This silent of silence, this river of pain,
And here I am walking down her streets again,
On thorns...

She walks through the city, not a straight line “walk with a mission”, just, walking. From tha Library I follow her to tha Garage, tha Ryders took off, just roared into tha night, and no one’s heard much from them since, there are still a couple of folks about, but they don’t wear the Colours, so I figure they’re strays. They don’t even look up from their scavengin as Her Ladyship passes, and pauses to look over the near empty stronghold. Its not till She is passed that they look up, and look to one another and nod at Her back. One stands, and they make to move on what looks to be an easy mark, a Lady, in fine clothes, walking in the dark, alone. Except, She aint. I saw them through the window, and as they step up ta make a move towards Her, I pad to tha open Garage doorway. Lookin in from my crouch, tall even with my paws close to the ground, I give a snarl to let them know She is not prey for them, they go silent, looked to the floor, and I move off.

The Pit, that fucking place. Power and terror, fear and rage. I’ll be glad to see the back of that place, some of my Timor dreams are matched by the ones I have from that place. She walks up the long ramp and pauses, staring inwards and shakes her head, not a negative, but disappointed, and walks back down, and away. I Watch from the back of tha Shelter, ready as ever to go in for Her, as I have in tha past, when She was confronted by tha Shadows, seeking reparation for Nareth’s being ett. Not this time though, tha Pit was as silent as tha Graveyard, which was Her next destination. We walked, Her down the middle of the street, me, dartin from cover to cover, past the Shelter, past the hospital, to tha Church of tha Righteous, and tha Graveyard.

Still, silent. She moves into tha Church, and down tha aisles. I could hear her heels on tha boards, and tha echo was telling. Tha graves were as still and silent as ever, tha muck and mist givin no sign of bein disturbed for some time, no couples scrumpin, no Fangers, fangin, nothing. Dead. Ironic, that. I hang back as I hear Her return, lettin Her walk as She will. South again. Past Haven, past tha Diner, to tha Park.

Tha Park where we did a great Work. Where the willing bled and a great betrayal was struck. She stands by tha Pool, now clotted and leaf-blown, tha Alliance of Her kin seem to have never givin it care and neglect shows, its healing power is diminished, and it smells. Her Ladyship stopped and sighed. I saw her look up to the trees that grew right around it, trees planted from seeds of Her garden, Goddess knows how old they would have been. Fruit that is blood-rich, and good ta eat fer Fanger and Fleshie alike. Plums that taste kind of like salty melon. Deep red and hardy enough to even grow in Toxia. Untasted, it seems, because tha branches are full of fruit, maybe tha season change did them good. It was a hard winter. She sighs again, and walks back towards tha Library.

I pause, from across the street, and as She leaves the park, I enter it, and go to the trees. I stare at the fruit, and at the pool, and back over the city. Was it all wasted? Were all the efforts fer nothing? We’ve lost so much, so many of our people have already fled. Tha comin of Cthulhu and Dagon was tha turning point, I think. Even tha rats are hard to come by. At least my Kin in tha Pack are thrivin, but, fer how long?

I looked to the trees, and made up my mind. I picked half of tha fruit, every second one, and put them in my pouch, dozens of blood-plums, lucky my pouch is a lot bigger on tha inside than it is on tha outside, or at least, where it goes is. I harvested tha fruits, because, if this place falls, or if we go, this at least won’t be wasted. I headed back to tha Library, and stroked tha walls, letting tha Library Spirit know that I was home, fer now.

A song with two voices

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a CD lyric sheet, rescued from the dumpster, cleaned and pasted into the journal
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Will I fall again into dismay?
Will I be ashamed of crying?
And I know it's never been the way that I described
But I am afraid of trying
She's the one who keeps me all excited
She keeps me begging for more
She's the one who deems me uninvited
Now it's over

Never leave me, and don't deceive me
I'll keep on crawling my friend
Never tease me and don't leave me here
It's all the same in the end

Now I find that I am weaker fair
That I am ashamed of lying
And I know things never feel the way that's right inside
And I am afraid of dying
'Cause you're the one who keeps me all excited
You keep me begging for more
You're the one who keeps me uninvited
Now it's over
Never leave me, and don't deceive me
I'll keep on crawling my friend....

It's only a symbol

You've got me falling away
And I am afraid
Take back what I said

Never leave me, and don't deceive me
I'll keep on crawling my friend
Never tease me and don't leave me here
It's all the same in the end [x2]

It's all the same in the end
It's all the same in the end
It's all the same in the end
It's only a symbol

-Seether: Never Leave

When the mighty treat with the magnificent

"I have a task for you, My Coyote" Her Ladyship came to me as i was sittin in tha Library, by tha fire. All she ever need do was ask. "Yes, Yer Ladyship, what do ya need?" She smiled, a flash of fang and a twinkle of an eye. "There is a document, a rather special document, that is in danger, and i wish for you to secure it for the Institute, GrrBrool." I nodded, awaiting further instruction. "When the British Empire encountered these people, it was at the height of its power. It was the mightiest force the world had known and one group of savages, on the far side of the planet, put up such a tenacious struggle, a treaty had to be struck. A copy of that treaty, is at risk of being lost."

She meant tha Maori, tha indig's of New Zealand. With wooden clubs and stone axes, they fought tha Red Coats and tha Royal Navy to a standstill, fought em so hard it was easier fer tha Poms ta shake their hand than try ta beat em down, like they had done ta every other culture they had ever ran inta, or since. They got a platoon of tribal leaders ta all agree ta terms, and they all signed. The signed with a representative, of tha Crown, ta share, on terms, tha land that tha Poms woulda just taken form anybody else.

Seems tha powers that be in Kiwi-land felt it was time ta do away with tha past, and purge some inconvenient records, like treaties they have had ta deal with fer a couple of hundred years. SO i packed some essentials, left some stuff behind, and took one of tha clandestine boats that Duckie gets in, off Tox, and to tha mainland. From there it was stowage-class, and undercover, pressurized cargo flights across tha Pacific, and eventually, ta Kiwi-land. Not comfortable way ta travel, but, beats bein snagged by tha government, any government, and handed back to tha 7RAR-L, in a cage or in a bucket.


I got into tha city, Wellington, little port town, hardly any toxic sludge or firefights in tha street, civil unrest though, looks like tha Maori population kinda objects to somethin tha Anglo run leadership is doin. Figures. Fleshies do this kinda thing all tha time, one tribe against another, even when tha original trouble was gone generations ago. Tha poor stay poor and tha rich get richer, usually its tha locals, tha ones who's land got taken over, that are still on tha bottom, and still pissed off about it. That and tha way that tha different tribes seem ta always settle out. This time, same as tha last time, tha Anglo's got tha tech, and tha Maori got tha balls. Good luck to them, again.


Not my problem, though, i was after a document, simple snatch and recovery. I found tha museum, it woulda been pretty impressive a couple of decades ago, but now it was old and shabby, not maintained well. Security on tha doors, cameras, some of tha glass frontage was walled up with steel plate to cover damage. I scoped it out for a while, tryin ta avoid bein picked off by either tha gangs or tha government dragoons, and planned my entry. I was gunna hit tha archives, tha briefin Her Ladyship had given me stated that it was under lock and key in tha basement, in a room i had tha number fer. So, insertion. I found a side that was sheltered, and in a service access only area, Changed inta my War-Form , and bounded up tha slopin wall, to tha roof. From there, i popped a lock, and slipped in, paddin my way through tha inners of tha place, till i made it to tha basement.

Didn't figure on guards, but. I mean, guards? in a Museum? who steals from a museum? Oh, well, apart from me . . . Just Fleshies, one skinny old dude, tha other some kinda fat young guy. I woulda thought they'd have some big hulkin Maori fellas or sheilas guardin it, with those awesome face-tats, but, nope, just those two. I came t them from tha side, after i scoped them out, and realised they weren't goin anywhere fast. One was leanin on a counter, tha fat one, sittin at a desk. Both smelt of coffee and bad food. Neither smelt of fear, they didn't know i was there, or didn't care. I'm guessin tha former. Didn't stop ta ask. I bounded in, and kicked tha old fella in tha back of tha knee. It kinda did that snap-crackle-pop thing old bones do, he made a noise, and then fell over, and passed out pretty fast, then his leg hit tha ground. Feel a bit bad about that, Fleshies don't heal too good, worse when they are old. Tha fat kid was just starin at me, and reachin fer tha tazer on his hip when i came over tha desk, all fur and fang, and flat-palmed him on tha forehead, off his chair, and popped him one to tha side of tha head. Out like a light too.

I searched em both, and checked their vitals, i even gave tha old fella a bit of Coyote's Light, and fixed up tha bones in his leg. Keys were tha prize though and i got them right smart, and off to tha store rooms. Fuck me, there were a lot of things in there, good thing i had a serial number, or i would never have found tha damn thing. There is was thought, Her Ladyship's intel was spot on. I popped the case, and took out tha document. It was in a plastic sheet, so i rolled it up, careful like, and slipped it inta tha hard plastic map-tube i'd brought, and piss-bolted outta there. Just in time too, on my way off tha roof, i saw a van, unmarked, but with spook-lookin goons roll up, and pop tha back doors of the place, looks like i got there just in time, or maybe that had made me, either way, i didn't stick around ta find out.

Back home tha same kinda way, in tha belly of big planes, and on tha smuggler-ships, but i made it, not a worry, and slipped back inta tha Library. I read tha treaty, or tried, its in wavy writin, and not proper English, old-talk, i guess, but its powerful stuff. When tha Might of the British Empire nodded its head to tha Magnificence of tha Warrior Nation of tha Maori. Now, its safe in Her Ladyships keepin, in tha Library, tha Institute. Where Sacred learnins aint burnt cause they aint popular no more.

Well done them. We're still gunna take em in tha rugby, but. This year . . .

Her Moon- OOC - not in the journal

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the following piece is a of a sensitive and sensual nature. If you may be offended, please stop now.

it is not a story as recorded in Grr's journal, but was written as a glimpse into his life, as seen by the Library Spirit and its inhabitants.
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The icy night air snaps at Grr's furless form as he bounces into the building he has thought of, if not called as home for almost a whole year. Hands tucked into armpits he briefly shakes first one bare foot then the other from the slush that coats them and frowns "fuckin un-natural." In the dimness of the library and wearing the shape of a man, Grr does not smell Her. He would not have heard Her even had he been in a more natural skin. He saw Her hair, pale skin and scarlet dress. Colour, the only redeeming feature of being in this shape. Even had he wished to, pulling his eyes from Her would have been difficult.

The army field manual stated that vampires were naturally attractive, that that was as much a feeding adaptation as his mottled golden fur allowing him to blend into dry grass and desert was. Her prey would be drawn to that beauty as easily as his would oblivious to him. "do come in from the cold GrrBrool, I wouldn't want you to catch your death" He walked over and dropped to one knee beside Her. "ah, I do so love the New moon". He rolled his eyes as She spoke, their joke. "Yer Ladyship..." was all he said, voice and enunciation clearer without a mouth full of fangs.

There were many reasons a casual observer might have found the scene amusing. The tall man in beautiful, if a little worse for wear clothes, the delicate seeming woman, regal in Her finery, one kneeling before the other, unshod even as snowflakes melted in his hair. Or at the way She looked carefully, observed and reached forwards to preen him, plucking a brier from his coat and straightening his long copper-gold hair. A casual observer would see this and perhaps think "what a mismatched couple."

A keen observer would see far more startling reasons to think this. The extra set of buttons at the back of his trousers at the belt line, who goes out with bare feet in the snow. The deathly stillness of Her countenance and pallor. His inhuman golden eyes. This was a couple of beings who were traditionally foes. Yet here the were. Grr leaned into the preening and opened his eyes "well I suppose there are two good things about bein Fleshie". She pauses for a moment and smiles, "and what would they be, my Coyote?" A flash of a broad smile, not innocent but guileless, crosses Grr's human face. "colours and tha look in yer eyes, Yer Ladyship."

Her laugh was musical and long. "thank heavens for small blessings then". A blush creeps over his face and he drops his gaze for a moment but as he does She extends a hand hand and lifts his chin, Her fingers as cool, smooth and hard as porcelain. As his gaze lifted they exchanged a look. For a moment not woman and man, not Lady and Praetor, for a moment, as She locked eyes with him, two predators saw into each other. A serious exchange that again, the casual observer would miss. Yet when She allowed the slightest curl of a smile to cross Her lips, he lifted his head high, the blush faded and broke out into a broad, lopsided, toothy smile.

Taking Her hand from his chin Grr held it for a moment and looked at it. Turning it over in his own, he studied it as She looked on bemused. "what is ... " She began as he pulled the hand to his chest, pressing it flat to his breast. "yer hand is cool, Yer Ladyship, not as cold as air or stone, for ya have fire in ya, but let me offer warmth." With this he shuffled forwards until he bumped his thighs . He placed his hands on the arms of Her char, and tilted his head, leaving his eyes on Her, and offered his neck to Her."Warm yerself?, my Lady?" A more than casual observer, would see this not simply as a thrall offering blood-service to a mistress, but, given the man's hidden, animal self, an act of deep trusting submission, as left her hand on his chest, and bared his throat to her. Knowingly, willingly. She sighed, wistful, or perhaps simply content.

"What a mismatched couple." some might think, but as She cradled his head, and leaned forwards, to place Her red lips against his neck, tracing the lines of his throat with the gentlest of kisses, before pressing Her mouth more firmly against Grr's throat. He winced for a moment, then breathed deeply, and relaxed into the embrace, with an undulating moan. She held him, one hand on the back of his neck, fingers twined through his long loose hair, the other on his chest and drank in his warmth, scent and as she swallowed, the very water of his life.

Holding him, the Lady kept Her lips to his throat, gently massaging the back of his head, still leaving Her other hand upon his chest. Grr knelt at the chair, human looking hands upon the armrests, eyes open, Watching. He saw the expression upon Her face, the gentle rapture of feeding. He watched as colour crept into pale skin. Swaying gently at her touch, and from the Kiss, Grr was focusing on the woman in red to whom he had offered his throat. The hand upon his chest slid upwards, and with a quiet tinkle, finds the bronze amulet that hangs around Grr's neck, and a solid bronze circlet. The slender ring has no latch or catch, and runs continuously around his neck. Her lips still pressed firmly to his neck, She swallows slowly, it is apparent there is no rush, no frantic need, only an intimate, shared moment.

Pulling her lips softly from his neck, She pauses to inspect the mark, and deftly licks with the tip of her tongue, each of the punctures, then licks the skin around them free from bloody smudges. Releasing the hold on the back of his head, She runs Her fingers through Grr's hair once more, straightening a loose strand, still cupping the amulet in the other hand. "I am very pleased to have you at my side, my coyote". Grr blinks several times, and wobbles slightly. She has not drunk deeply, but it is not mere biology that makes him swoon. "i would stay at yer side, Always, Yer Ladyship, or any other place ya would have me" He flashes another broad grin, eyes twinkling between swift blinking as he strove to remain still. She matches his smile, and hooking a finger through the circlet, draws his face to Hers.

She kisses him deeply, and Grr moans again, feeling the chill fading from Her lips, as the heat from his own blood flows through Her. Hotter than human, fueled further by Her own particular nature with each successive beat of Her heart.Their kiss is as passionate and filled with longing as any may be. A brief eternity passes, and She pulls back, he waits, and with a sly smile, She asks "at my side or and place I would have you, is it?". The thought registers in Grr, and
he straightens as he kneels beside the Lady, grins, and not needing words, nods enthusiastically. She releases the grip on the token he wears, and stands, taking his hand leading him away, upstairs.

They move silently, Her pace making little sound on the stone floors, more from ages of practice than any attempt at stealth, Grr's bare human looking feet are rough, but he moves with a simple animal grace, holding hands as they cross the floor, up one set of stairs, then another and across the open floor to Her private office. They slip inside, and the door is closed. They look about the sparse room and move to the couch. Reaching it, She releases his hand, and unbuttons his jacket, and pushes it off his shoulders. With no shirt under it, the broad crisscrossing scars that cover his torso and arm and trace down into his waistline are plain to see. Grr starts to look
bashfully at his body, but She clicks Her tongue and smirks, tracing one scar to another, and reaches up to unfasten the shoulder of her gown. Any sign of shyness is washed from Grr and the dress starts to slip away. Without moving his gaze from the Lady, now a pillar of white, standing in a crimson pool of fabric, red hair spilling over shoulders and back, he unfastens the belt that his too-large-trousers on. They slip away and he steps out of them.

Standing like this, in the dimness of an office, in a winters night, two naked people, one petite, pale and blemish less, the other tall and lithe, in prime condition, but covered in wide, jagged scarring, again, a casual observer might think "what a mismatched couple". They could not be further from the truth.

Grr sways slightly in the cool night air, his skin raised in goosebumps as they stand together, hands just lightly touching as they simply look at one another. Through the closed blinds colourful lights of the Haven twinkle through gaps, the faint sounds from outside add to the setting, in only the slightest of ways. The light that does enter plays off their skins, and still, both watch, and drink in the sights of the other. She reaches up and traces the line of his temple, running fingers through his hair behind his ear. In kind, he dips and rolls his head at the touch. His hands are already on Her as She, takes the half step closer to him, tracing waist and back. Skin meets skin, freshly fed coolness to feverish metabolism's heat. It was not the chill that gave either the stiffening nipples, however, nor the dark that dilated their pupils.

They kissed, and the affection was obvious to any who might have seen, predatory, hungry, but deeply caring of the needs and feelings of the other. Kisses becomes an embrace, the embrace wobbles, and they sit down heavily on the couch. Grr caresses the Lady, but She pushes his hand aside, and puts a hand again on his chest and none to gently pushes him back into the chair. Again, a casual observer would see nothing unusual here, yet a keen observer would notice the shove, slight as it was, moved both Grr and the couch. Once pinned, he squirms once, then stills, as She traces a fingertip over his chest, eliciting a gasp, and more squirming as he is tickled. This amuses Her, and it is continued, working lower and lower. It was not by accident that She brushing Her breasts against him whilst this was happening, thighs and knees to begin with, and as his twitching and squirming built, higher and higher, until She felt his arousal, in very tangible fashion, bumping and rubbing against Her.

At that touch, Grr jolted and let out an almost strangled sigh. His Lady chuckled and asked "oh, My Coyote, should I stop, was that uncomfortable?" The look of shock that crossed his face was exactly as hoped, and his desperate head shaking the reward She was seeking. Pulling back slightly he moved to follow, but the next action She took froze him in place. Dropping arms over his thighs, palms resting on hips, She pulled his legs in with Her elbows till they rested against her flanks. Cool breasts lay on his thighs and his breathing had picked up, but only until She smiled, not Her pleasant, social smile, nor the threatening snarling smile, this was a wicked, and enamoured grin, with bright flames burning in Her eyes, and fangs bared. Grr's breathing stopped. Not fear. He felt no fear in Her presence, vulnerable, yes. Exposed and aroused, yes, but not fear, never fear. He too, was rewarded. She descended and with the barest brush of fang, showed that there was more to Her hunger than blood.

Time stopped, or it seemed to, from Grr's perspective, and the world seemed to fade away, as the Lady took her time, and made him sing. The noises Grr made, the warbling, undulating moans and squeaks pleased Her, and this in turn pleased him. Sweating now, against the cold, he ran finger tips over Her arms, shoulders, ears, and the back of Her neck. Trembling touches, twitching touches, clawing gently at Her with human looking hands. With a last, shudder inducing motion, She pulls away, and up, causing Grr's taught body to drop back to the couch as though he were a puppet with his strings gone slack. Grinning still, She stood up and stepping forwards, straddled him, putting hands on his shoulders. Looking each other in the eyes, She asked "My Coyote, is this what you seek?" As if the answer was ever in doubt, the formality, the askance, the offering and ritual, gave the scene an air of the sacred. And sacred it was. Down through the ages, this offering has been made, and understanding is as clear to Grr, as is his need, and desire. Sacred. "Goddess, yes."

Sliding against him, eyes on each others, She presses Her lips to his, Her breasts to his pumping chest, and both strive, bend, meet and join. Both cry out gently, weather from the sensation, the delight taken in the other, or as further offering to some greater power, none could say. What was true, in all regards, was that as these two came together it was as was meant to be. More than two beings of such different origins. More than Lady and Her man. These were two flames that burnt all the stronger for being together.

Nareth returns

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Pencil entrty, dated 12/1/09
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Tha Huntress returned! Well, no, not tha Huntress, that was clear from tha onset. This was Nareth, Childe of Omega, sacrificed in tha Pit to open a door to tha Godling, Labyrinth. Tha Huntress was a bold and fierce creature, without pity or mercy. Tha Nareth who returned from tha dead, from BEYOND death, was not tha same creature. Spirit Gal found her wanderin tha streets in tha snow, out by tha Hospital. I swore to Raven i would ensure Nareth made it over tha Wide River and found peace. But. She was beyond my reach, and i couldn't help her.

At first we thought it was a trick. Tha godling Labyrinth come back ta finish tha job. A ghost, a trick from hell. Wouldn't be tha first time. Then it dawned on me, that it looked the same, smelt tha same and 'felt' the same. She said that tha moment, back in summer when she had tha choice to go to tha Pit, die, and let Labyrinth into tha world, or not, "this" Nareth chose not to.

Some kind of time magic. Guess that kind of thing happens when ya deal with gods. I wonder when in my life i'd like a big reset button. Can't think of any in particular. Maybe runnin from tha 7RAR-L sooner, but maybe it all happens when its meant to. Maybe i make all tha right choices, when i make em. Fuckin unlikely. Too complex. I think i just don't notice.

She was back, but she didn't know when or where. Summer one minute, decided not to get ett at tha Pit, then she was back, in tha snow, weak and confused. Like tha rest of us. I knew. KNEW. That this wasn't tha Huntress no more. Same Fanger, same soul. Different spirit. This was tha Realmwalker, who chose not to be, rather than die and end her Hunt.

This was someone new. Old, still Her Ladyship's only Childe. Not tha Huntress. For Her Ladyship's sake, i'll see to her recovery. For Raven, i will make sure her soul finds peace. For myself? If she turns out to be Labyrinth, i take her fuckin head.

Tails of recovery

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Pencil entry, dated 5/1/2009, starting off messy, and clears a little, as though writing is remembered
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So much has happened, two times tha moon has hid her face before I write this. Tha last thing I wrote, it was about dealin with tha Horsemen, in Spirit Gal and in Blue Shadow. Then it all went FUBAR. We’re talking serious Charlie Foxtrot. So bad I lost my marbles, I cracked, shell-shock. Its all a bit of a blur, I remember parts, maybe all of it, but it’s all a mess, I can’t say when what happened, and even workin out who said what is hard. Tha faces all blurred, and tha settin seemed ta change. Sometimes its Toxia. Sometimes its Timor, sometimes somewhere else. It took me back ta my old life. Like that’s what kicked in ta keep me alive, tha trainin. Guess those bastards in tha top brass of tha 7RAR-L knew their stuff. I shot tha Messenger. She took two ta tha chest, off-centre, but still. She had run me through, tryin ta snap me outta it, did a fair job, but I managed ta get off a burst. I shot one of my own and she was worried I’d be angry at HER. Kin, pack, Blood. I belong with these people.

But I been tryin ta put it all back tagether, so I went fer a walk, and visited tha Shelter, ta see how Strong Gal was farin, still on garrison duty, her mate, Snappypants not trustin her delicate self out on tha mean streets. Fer good reason too, but, been causin a lot of strife in tha Institute fer it. I know what its like ta be tha beast in tha cage, but at tha same time, sometimes tha bars keep tha bad out, as well as tha beast in. I rocked up and I heard them talking, as mates do. What they were talking about bothered me but didn’t surprise me much. All’s not been well in our Family, and we need ta regroup and tend our casualties.

Snappypants was sayin "normally Denny would be laying on the sidewalk bleeding his excuses just there but since he has served as your adopted dad I did not wish to present you with said spectacle. I will not stand insults like that though baby, I only hold myself back for your sake. Mine... and what he said was just rambling" ta which Strong Gal lisped bewilderedly, "But...his words.... were...untrue..... the words he said, He knows differently....." I padded in, scentin tha air, tha reek of tha plague rats was still gone, I been back since, I even did some food-prep with Strong Gal, taught her how ta make my spice cookies, but still, tha memories were strong, and scent is tha strongest. But they cleaned it good, and it’d been, well, over a moon at least. I smelt no one else, so I poked my head around tha corner Snappypants shook his head slightly "no baby, he does not know better, most of the people that are not us really don't know. they have not been in a similar situation themselves, either because it would be impossible for them or simply because it didn't happen. do not worry yourself with what they come up with and what ideas they have and don't ever think anyone but the two of us can have any educated opinion about our marriage and its state or blessing" he caressed her hair and tailed his fingertips down her neck and buried his head in tha crook of her shoulder.

I announced myself, never enter tha territory of another unannounced unless yer their fer hostile intent, casue they might get tha wrong idea. Good logic. Course, if ya ARE there fer hostile intent, get in quiet and do yer job and get out befer they know they’re dead. Better logic. "err, am I bein an intruder?" I asked, still in tha hallway, lookin around tha corner. Tha walls are thin, but still offer some cover, at least, line of sight cover. Strong Gal looked up and shook her head a negative. She cuddled with Snappypants and waved ta me. "You can come in...we are talking about Denny...who was not kind."

Snappypants looked over ta me too and grined slightly noddin a greetin. Old, he is, old like Her Ladyship, but not as quite. Here’s some more advice. Anythin that lives that long is GOOD at livin that long, that means they’re dangerous. Because there’s plenty out there that looks ta make ya dead, and they evaded, defeated or over come everythin that’s come their way, fer a LONG time. "no intrusion there Grr, has been a while since I last set my eyes on one of the specimens of your kind I do not mind having in my immediate surroundings" he grinned wider and gestures me over. I’m glad him and Her Ladyship make exception fer me. My kin and theirs, we aint exactly bestest of friends. Natural enemies some would say. Predators chasin tha same prey, just not fillin tha same niche. We distress them, cause we’re monsters that tha Fleshies can see, and it makes them wonder about tha ones they –can’t- see, like tha Fangers.

I padded over and hopped onta tha short heavy table in tha lounge, and copped a squat. "I been . . . .broken, in tha head, but, I’m better now, not best, but, better, and . . . I wanted to come and see ya both" even now, its hard ta make sense of it, and harder ta make words ta tell of it. Strong Gal said ta me, "Merry Christmas....and....yah...Merry Christmas." She thought a moment, then answerd her mate "I thought Denny would know better than his words." She asked me if I was well, but I was starin at tha kitchen, and tha floor as tha smell seemed ta come back. "I remember comin, err, before, tha . . .before tha , when there were rats" Strong Gal nodded to me and said "And we made cookies one day not so long ago....they were good cuz you don't cook them." Snappypants caressed his mate’s hair and kept tha ever-present grin on his face listenin to Strong Gal's description "not best you say but better. better is a whole step from worse Grr, glad to hear you are recovering and I hope it is speedy to that best part, mind you"

I looked ta Strong Gal, she’s delicate, fer all her strength, she don’t see things tha way they are either, but not tha way I did. She sees things better. Brighter. She sees new friends, where I saw a target rich environment. She sees a spot fer a picnic, where I saw kill-zones. "cookies, yeah, we baked . . . did you like them? its hard ta get all tha right stuff fer em, but, they're good solid food, tops fer tha body." I asked her, then pondered a bit, and offered my own worries about Featherpants. "Denethorn . . .he's been . . .real cranky, so, I guess we both been burnt by tha fire of his mind recently then .. ." Strong Gal smiled real bright hearin cookies are good tucker, but frowns again about Featherpants "He called Ethan vile things... and.... then he said our marriage was cursed and mentioned divorce!" Her mouth curls into a pout and she blinks wide-eyed before cuddlin Snappypants.

That’s fuckin bat-shit crazy, that is, I know Featherpants and Sanppypants don’t see eye ta eye on a lot of things, especially where mate and adopted pup are concerned, but, that’s daft and I couldn’t get it right in my head "but . . .yer .. .yer mated . . I, why? that don’t make no sense .. ." Snappypants smirked slightly but recovered his grin turnin to Strong Gal "he was either drunk regardless of what he said, or just hurt about some other matter. maybe his girl ran away or he didn't get a girl he wanted... or he was just miserable and could not see straight. really princess, do not trouble yourself with him at this time, besides I told him to stay away from you until he manages not to upset you with his presence"

Bombshell! That’s just fucked up. I know he’s been goin through some fuckin aweful times, he went ta fuckin HELL, and brought Blue-Wife back, at tha cost of parts of his soul, but, I seen him since, I remember it, with one of my kin, courtin, it looked like. He seemed on top of things, at least, getting on with it. But, Snappypants went on "how IS that recovery going though Grr and are there any issues you could need assistance with regarding the recovery?" I try ta answer, but I’m still flash-banged from hearin about what Captain Featherpants said. I look ta Snappypants and then ta Strong Gal, on his lap, in his arms "Mr Brit, you always put tha Corp . . .no, Strong Gal, you always put Strong Gal's good first, right, as she's yer mate?" She looked up at him and back ta me, then kissed him on tha head and said "My beloved always takes care of me, It's why I stay close to him."

Back ta me, and how im recoverin, "ahh, its all . . .my head, I was seein things wrong, like my past was overlayed on my now, and, Her Ladyship, she reminded me, she sang down tha moon for me" Snappypants nodded in response ta my initial question about Strong Gal's good, then tilted his head like he was tryin ta follow my story. I talk funny, at tha best of times, I been told. Go figure, my brain aint wired fer Fleshie thinking, I can do it, butm, it aint tha way I was born, I had ta learn. He asked me "she sang down the moon for you... would you like to elaborate on that one Grr?" turning ta Strong Gal he said soft like ta her "that sounds like more or less of a romantic story" Strong Gal looked up and her eyes went wide. "How can someone sing down the moon?" She touched her mate's hair more as she heard him speak, "Oh yes, please...I wish to hear the story."

So I started my telling. "well, when I was broken, I could talk, and think, but if I touched what was broken, I couldn’t talk, if I thought about it? I couldn't say, I was trapped in my head. but I could sing. my breed, we're called tha singin dog, we sing to tha mood on tha nights when she's lonely. I think in tha way back, we upset her, so now we sing to make her happy. so even with my brain broken, I could still sing my heart. Strong Gal listened, but looked up and asked "You mean the moon...is a she?" I looked over and could see she was strugglin to understand. I just rolled my head side to side cause it was a strange question but I remember, "yep, she’s a she, tha Lady Phoebe, or Mother Luna, she's a she . . ." Snappypants runs his hands down Strong Gal’s back "I think it is a mannerism but the moon is often referred to as a she. now if it is a female indeed or the big orb floating in space is called a she for example's sake is rather irrelevant. what is important is, is Luna has an effect on Grr and his ancestors it seems what the sung communication goes" then thinking on my words and turned ta her "there you have your answer" She looked out tha window ta see tha thin crescent of tha Moon that hung there, givin me back tha gift of Change, which, right now, let me wear my furm, and be warm.

So I went on "I sang and I sang, and no one understood me, except tha Spook, Dryl, she sang a little back to me, but, she had ta go away, and I couldn't give her enough song, folks asked me what was wrong, they told me I was crazy, tha nasty angel lady said they should put me down, they laughed, or cried, but couldn't listen to my songs. they HEARD my songs, but they couldn’t listen to them" Strong Gal blink blinked a few times, like she was rememberin and puffed her cheeks. "I thought you were just singing...." Someone wandered in and got a bowl of chilli and sat eatin. I went on with my story. "I know, its awright, Strong Gal, I don’t mind none, but, there were times I just wanted ta die, I was . . .trapped, and broken, and no good ta no one"

Snappypants looked over his shoulder and nods in his usual greeting at tha eatin one, then turns back to me "sometimes we have to break hard, so we can rise and know we are whole again but it is rather healthy not to have the need of that often..." he hushed to hear the story continue, so I did "I stood my Watch, like I was ordered, I guarded War, like it pleased Her, I stood and I starved, and I sang. Then War went away, Death went away, Pestilence went away, and there was just me, broken, locked in my head, singin fer help. then . . . then . . .. Her ladyship came back ta me, I didn’t rightly know when, or how, but, She was back, and She loved me. So tired, She was, so, I fed her, and she held me, and loved me, not cause I fed her, but because I would, because I will Always, Always, be there fer Her, as long as Coyote gives me breath and blood ta live, and, maybe longer, because tha Wide River hold no mystery from me"

Strong Gal ran her fingers through Snappypant's hair rememberin something . She buried her face against his hair, a few blinks and she pulled back ta look at her mate. Snappypants blinkd once at the 'fed her' part and looks my neck and wrist, then looks back down trying not to stare for too long. Don’t know what he was expectin ta see, he leaves his bites on Strong Gal, plain enough, but, I got fur, and I heal, real fast. "but I was still broke, even fer all tha love and care, fer all their guilty thoughts, and such, my head was broke. they fought, tha folk in tha Library, about how ta make me better. They wanted ta magic me, I had folks rummage in my thoughts, pokin and proddin, and all I could do was sing" Snappypants nodded letting his head hang a bit "sometimes people come with the best of intentions and all but examine you to death searching for an approach that really touches your being" he smirks and clenches his fist momentarily like he knew what he is talking about, from personal experience.

"but, eventually, Her Ladyship listened to my songs, she heard, and she listened and I sang ta her, a song of us, and she knew." Strong Gal asked me what I meant about them tryin ta magic me. As Bohny tha Feline came in talking ta tha new folks "they were wanting ta use magic, and MAKE me better, ta fix my head like they thought it should be, I only got a small brain, Strong Gal, and a thick skull, and it was pretty messed up in there, I don’t think even if they tried, none of em seemed ta get that I aint a man, dressed as a dog, im a wolf, given tha shape of a man. As Bohny chatted, then wandered off, I was watchin her, old instincts and memories bubblin up, she wandered off, and I muttered, watchin her tail go "she's got good breedin hips . . . .err . . ."

Snappypants tried to keep focused on my story with all the interruptions but I saw him cover his mouth after my comment about good breedin hips "that reminds me of something" he trails the sentence off "but don't let me interrupt" he looks back at the new lookin couple millin about who just got assigned a room "there might be an issue with the beds squeaking but there is an oil can under the sink" Tha fella chuckled and shrugged. "That's fine. At least it's a bed" I grinned and added "not fer internal use" which sent them both giggling and blushin. Tha female was real pale and not bothered at all by tha cold, dressed in, well, not a lot. Fanger, my guess. Strong Gal asked ""You may wish to find some clothing for your beloved....or she will freeze...or someone will think she is like um... maybe... yah..... she needs clothes before she dies of cold." But it sounds like they both knew who, and what, tha female was.

Back ta my story, like I told them, small brain, easy ta get off track, when their aint a task at hand "err, Sergeant Menjou . .no . .. no, Spirit Gal, my Spirit Gal, she saw somethin I was lost without too, and she, she helped me, so much, she took me, or, showed me tha Path, at least, ta tha Forest. tha First Forest, tha Great Wood and, I , we, we went there, I took her. I ran, I RAN, through ta trees, in tha wild, oh, Strong Gal, tha feelin, tha wildness, tha purity, it was . ... primal. I hunted, I cast off all my army stuff and ran barefurred and hunted." Strong Gal keeps listenin ta me, as she directs her charges about and I can see she’s obviously followin what I mean, which is good, we connect more often than we don’t, I thinkwhich is odd ta think, sometimes, I’m all fire and earth, and she is water and air. I keep goin "I killed, and brought my kill back ta Spirit Gal, and we ate, under tha forest sky, we shared my kill, she's, she . . .we're mated too, I’m very lucky ta have tha both of them, they, I need them, tha fire, tha air, tha night, I need them both like fire needs wood and air, like it needs dark ta shine."

Strong Gal gasped happily, "you married Joah????" I just rolled my head side ta side lookin at Strong Gal, she was real excited by what I said, but I didn’t quite know why. Snappypants blinked like he was wonderin how he would explain. I tried, "I walk tha Path with her, wherever it leads, I took her ta tha Wide River and froze and burned fer her, and she'd do tha same. i shared my kill with her under tha open moon, does that mean we're married?" Snappypants gets a real nervous look in his eyes and looks from Strong Gal ta me and back a few times She looked thoughtful fer a moment then said "Well.....if she is your beloved...and you are hers....and you love each other...and are going to stay together...and are dating and god approves, I think it means married....yah?" She looks to Snappypants fer confirmation. Snappypants intentionally looked away checking tha soup and cookie supply before hearing her reply. Yup, fear, ha. "well, I would say that is rather accurate... if all of the above applies at least" he looks over to me biting his lower lip "congatulations then" he worked hard ta give me a happy face, but something was worryin him, not about me and Spirit Gal, but about how he was gunna explain ta Strong Gal tha details, I think.

"err, ta, mate, its nothin new, ya woulda seen me holdin her down when her and Strong Gal here got lust-dusted a whiles back." Strong Gal asked, "Lust-dusted?" and turned, rubbin noses with Snappypants and still playin with his head fur. "well, yeah, there was somethin tha two of ya got exposed ta, somethin that made ya beg fer kisses, and cuddles, remember?" Snappypants reminded her too "when you trashed Deb's bike and Joah and you were rather intensely asking for cuddles and kisses after getting exposed to that stuff in dust form" Sorted. So, I went on "but, err, anyways, Spirit gal reminded me of tha wild, and that let me heal, she made tha big step, and took herself in with it, and put herself at risk ta help me. . .. she, she cant walk between worlds on her own, and, well, she had only hope that when we got there, I wouldnt eat HER, but, love is thicker than madness, yeah? and she healed my spirit there. and in time, we came back here, where my Family is," Strong Gal turned beaming at Grr. "So she saved you....." Nodding, she beamed again and lisped at me "Beloveds do that for each other."

"that she did, Strong Gal, and so, I came back, still broken, but only in tha head, my spirit was mine again, and Spirit Gal was mine again, and that made tha world a better place. but, I was still broken, and I still was trapped in my head, and that’s when Her Ladyship listened to my songs. she listened as I sang of War, tha horror of it, tha pain that comes when ya cant leave it, and at tha same time, tha love I have fer Her. I sang Our song, and that’s when she KNEW, she thought I was askin ta die and be like Her at Her hand, at first, ta be unmade and then eternal, but, that aint it. I wanted Her ta know I would Always, ALWAYS be Hers. fer as long as I have breath and blood, fer as long as my debt ta Coyote lasts, and beyond. And then . . .then . . She sang to ME. She sang, ta ME."

I could feel myself startin ta cry. Big scary werewolf, big tough dog-soldier. Its ok, aint nothing wrong with havin emotions, I am wild, I am free, and holdin that locked up aint good, "She sang of peace, of tha end of War, sang of a long future, song of joy, and . .. She sang, ta ME". Strong Gal hopped up and dashed fer a paper towel thingy ta let me dry my face on, sweet thing she is, I got FUR, but, never poke a gift Fleshie in tha eye. She told me "She sang because she loves you...." Snappypants was tappin his figers on the chair listenin and focused real close on my tale blinking in surprise at tha tears, I saw his eyes open wide but he locked up shop not makin any move or lettin him express himself freely. Bottled up. Maybe that’s why he’s lived so long, but he said "and through this you started healing on the inside again?" I nodded at him, and went on, with hardly a blubber. "She sang down tha moon. Strong Gal, that’s what my kind do, in tha cold of tha night. when we are alone and empty, we sing, and tha moon listens, and comes ta kiss tha ground, and we sing to each other, and find our mates. She sang ta ME. and yeah, She reminded me, She let moon touch ground, and I . . .I .. . un-snapped, with her love, and Spirit Gal's"
Strong Gal goes soft in tha eyes, softer, even, I guess, and "oh’d" softly. She nods understandin and said, "I'm glad you are getting well again." With a glance to Snappypants, she lisped, "I would perish if my beloved did as well."

He looked reall worried fer a second there again, and I aint quite sure why, or I wasn’t at tha time "that is a touching story Grr and it is good to know there are those that care and will go out of their way to reach for you" I thought I needed ta say more though, cause tha tale wasn’t done. "I . . .I almost killed Spirit Gal, ta free her from tha Thing, I burnt with Sacred Fire, and it worked, fer a little while, I took her ta tha Wide River where the dead go, and nothin can die, and . . .it wasnt enough. then tha Things took Her Ladyship, MY Omega, and I stabbed Her, pinned Her through tha heart to tha wall of tha Library, thats when I snapped. thats when it all went crazy. thats why tha Library kicked me out. But, they came back, and they came back fer me. I wasn't left behind again. I wasn’t left in tha crater. with tha bodies, in tha blood, in tha mud" I started ta loose it again, I remembered tha siege at tha Firebase, tha Indo Felines comin over tha wire, tha barrage, tha whistle and tha fire, tha blast, and tha pain, and what came later, in tha hospital . . . after they eventually found me. I musta been starin off fer a while, I realised I was scratchin at tha scars on my chest, that poked through my open jacket.

Strong Gal asked Snappypants "Is this why you do not wish me to go back into the library?" Snappypants stays silent regarding Brit's question for a while then responds "the events Grr described or part of them were definitely a fragment of the reasons I did not wish you on the road alone during those days" he looked back ta me "as I said, not best is fine as long as you are on your way to best and better is a good waypoint towards that". he nodded over to the newcomers "welcome to the shelter" I snapped back tat ha here and now "but they did, both of them, and all my Family, they all loved me, needed me and were there, and now, now I’m better, not best, but better" I looked over my shoulder and waved "g'day folks, warm and safe in here, food in tha pot, chilli taday, its good" then blinked, shook my head and grined "see, some things come natural, some things, tha things close ta my heart, take some doin . . but yeah, im on tha road ta redemtion . . ." Snappypants repeats rather mumbled "redemption" he mouths the word slowly and goes absent minded for quite some while. I looked Snappypants right in tha eye, noddin "I speak true, Mr Brit, I only had a short span, but I need just as much as those with a longer one, and I think ya understand, too, better than most"

Strong Gal asked me "Grr...is...um....the library safe again?" one of the neew folks perked right up and asked where it was, and I told Strong Gal "far as I know, if Blue Shadow aint bled anywhere, I . .. I need ta talk to tha Spirit, yeah mate, its my home, and Strong Gal here's . .. err. Brit's . . OTHER home" She goes on, telling tha new folks "there is a beautiful library...." She looks to Snappypants and back, "But I cannot go there....these days It has a pretty fireplace...and it is warm.... We used to canoodle in front of the fire place way lots....it's very good place to canoodle." Snappypants took a while to respond and then waited for a moment until there was a silent span again looking back at me "I reckon such a thing has nothing to do with the time we have been given but with our drive for it, that can build up rather magnificently in days and weeks and months and doesn't need aeons. I understand you well. maybe better than most would think, Coyote" he turns to Strong Gal and his previous expression fades into a warmer one. looking over at the couch he grins slightly "good we have not found any rat pieces there in a while"

He called me Coyote, too, fer all his stuffy ways, and bein a Fanger and all, I like Snappypants, he is true ta himself, and sees deep. "a critter's gotta eat, and, tha Felines all seem ta prefer fish in cans . . ." Strong Gal lisped, "It would have been like your dream buffet then...cuz they all exploded from the inside out...everywhere." She looked at tha walls, ceilin, and floor. Snappypants shruged in memory of that "whether it tasted good or not, that sight was rather appalling. even the sight of hundreds of chicken exploding uncooked all over the place is not rather good for appetite" he shook the image off "good thing the chilli smells better, too" he points at the pot on the stove. We talked a bit on tha best ways ta make use of city-meat, burgers and peanut satay, they were my favourite ways. Back ta Strong Gal’s question, I told them both "ha Library is safe. though, too safe fer some, these days, tha Library Spirit was well rankled that tha Horsemen could out-strip Her fer power" Strong Gal nibbled her lower lip and peeks at her mate again. She puffed her cheeks slightly and looks thoughtful, then shaking her head, she said, "I'm glad...it is safe again."

Snappypants gestures goodbye tat ha new folks, I think they will be stopping in at tha Library soon, seemed, clever too, we should look ta recruit em, if they last long. He looked over at Strong Gal like he was half keepin track of what she just thought and not said. I wonder how close their bond is, they seem ta know each others minds pretty close "maybe I will take you again sometime soon"

I grinned and shook my head as they left "kids .. .ha . .. was I ever that young? hell, im still probably younger even . . " Strong Gal nuzzling Snappypants, smiled sayin, "I'd like that....to go again with you...." She smiled real warmly at the thought and cuddled playfully. Then ta me, she said, "I'm glad you are well again...better.....I would have been very sad.....very sad....if you would have lost your way...." Snappypants added "or if you had perished..." he nods several times after the statement. "after all, you are very set to your sense of duty and no-one can really keep his track constantly without exception, you are rather of the reliable sort when you are not in the worst state, just as long as it is good, better or best" he caresses Strong Gal's hair slowly "we should do that soon"

"well, we'd like that, Strong Gal, Mr Brit, we'd like ta see ya both there, and yeah, Kin, Pack, Blood. Duty ta all three" That got her thinking, and she puzzled over my Words. Tha motto I learnt as my first words. "Kin... Pack.... Blood. Kin is family? Pack... is...... um Blood.... like sharing as I do with Ethan?" Snappypants blinks up at her question and looks ta me with a slightly amused grin on his face "interesting question I would say, though I think the initial meaning was meant to be a bit different" So I tried ta explain so she’s understand. "kin, thats my own kind, tha other shifters, Pack, thats family, like you . . . and blood, that’s, those I would fight for, shed blood for, and beside, my brothers and sisters in arms" Strong Gal, sharp mind she’s got in there, asked me a real good question, something that’s hard ta explain ta civilians. "what is the difference between family and blood?" I give it a shot, in terms I think she’ll follow "Family, is all of those I would protect, who protect me, my future, my dear ones, my Beloveds"

Snappypants coughed unnecessarily to conceal the plural form of the "Beloved" word like he was hoping it went unnoticed, then nodded "family is important to any animal, including humans mind you" he didn’t seem to exclude himself from the animal description and nudges Brit with the side of his cheek, that’s good, that’s what I hoped, and expected ta see, that’s why they are good tagether.
"Blood, are those I respect for their strength, and their sacrifice, their fulfillin of duty with their bodies ahh, yeah, not tha same . . .that, that’s what I would call Pack, in yer case, Strong Gal, you and Mr Brit there, a pack of two." Snappypants grinned wide and repeated me mouthin it slowly "Mr Brit" he turns to her and nudges her again "you see, I am your pack" he looks back to me "you see, I do only work in a pack that big, I could not have a larger pack than that" he looks back ta her "nor will I ever need to" She wonders fer a moment "That is not very many... Perhaps Gweneth is part of the pack." She looks to him and shrugged, "When she is near.... she came when it was important for her to be here Maybe two....is enough... Beloveds rather than a pack, maybe." Ahh, see, this is what Snappypants was wonderin over. "I understand that, its in tha nature of most two-legs ta make a small Family, but, well, I was never like that, I was born in a litter of six, my kind, we'd have big Families, lots of uncles and aunts ta look ta us, and care fer us, but, in tha zoo, there was only us . . ." Strong Gal muses some more. "I only had Pars...then....Denny and the people in the library....then...Ethan." Trailin her fingers through his head fur, she lisped, "And....our marriage is not cursed....and....we will not divorce....... and..... Ethan will always be my beloved...and my one and only. Denny is not usually unkind."

Snappypants shifts a bit uncomfortable in the sofa "Gwen is like adopted family but not pack, it is more like a child, that now is old and is not supposed to live at home anymore staying out there to hunt and be on her own" he shrugged and looks to his mate "you like beloveds more? beloveds it will remain" he shakes his head again "stop thinking about what Denny said, he was just rambling, baby" This is my cue ta tell em how I felt about tha two of them. I was reall worried, when I first noticed Strong Gal, well, becoming Strong Gal, but, I think I see what and why, now "I think yer marriage is one of tha best things thats ever happened in this city" and I can leave it at that.

--unfinished entry--

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Pencil note, dated 24/11/2008, it is unfinished
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this is gettin beyond a joke, im not sure if i can keep tha Institute tagether all by myself like this., We're playin host ta tha fuckin Horsemen of tha Apocalypse, two at least, and one is in Spirit Gal.

Featherpants is who tha fuck knows where recoverin still from losin his marbles and fishin fer Pickett in Hell, and her Ladyship is still outta town

I need their help, i'm not gunna be able ta . . . . . . . . . ..

Rats!

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Ash and blood smeared, water spotted entry dated 23/11/2008
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Tha runner that came from tha Shelter told us "Joah" wanted me, Her Ladyship or Denny ta meet her there, and that she needed a Vessel. Tha runner said someone named Brit was with her.
Tha Messenger said "Is probably a trap.." then as Raven's Song said "Brit?" I just yelled "FUCK" and Tha Messenger gasped "No.." I didn't wait fer nothin, pulled my mirror and did what i'd call a combat-fold. No checkin, no recon, just hopped tha Other in no-time. I flashed in ta tha Shelter lookin face ta face with my target "Hello Strong Gal . . .tha thing that look like Joah, is riding her body." hard intel out, I looked about and looked at her, fer Signs. Strong Gal nibbled her lip and said "Ethan hates bugs." She scratched slightly at a red mark on her chest near her chain. I went on "like a cheep version of what Labyrinth was, through tha Huntress Nareth." Strong Gal nodded and said "Blue did not look so good either...they are looking for a vessel..." I nodded, sniffin and lookin about. I could smell Pestilence. I knew its foul scent now. It was loose. I could scent Death too, a chalky, dusty smell. "no. they are both in our friends. They stole our friends bodies to be tha Four Horsemen." Pestilence was here. "and they can fuck. right. off."

Pestilence tilts her head slightly, her eyes hooded like she was day-dreamin. As she did, there was a skitterin sound, a scratching against the walls. I looked close to Brit's chest, well inside her personal space, and inspects the mark there. I heard Raven's Song come in lookin about cautiously, her body braced and tense at tha sounds; Strong Gal scratched more at the reddish mark. "Who are the other two?" Lookin about at the walls, she looks back to me. "If that is a rat, Ethan is gonna toss a hissy fit. He hired real people to do a toxic sweep of this place for living space."

Pestilence looks at me, mouth open, smiling, lips unmovin as handful of worms tumble from her mouth. "You want to fuck, dog?" tha whispers rasped. The scratchin in the walls got louder. I could hear it in the cabinets in the kitchen, echoing against the wooden drawers and panels. "Strong Gal . . .tha thing tha looks like Joah? its a Rider of tha Apocalypse, its Pestilance, its filth and decay, its undone tha stuff Snappypants paid fer" Tha Messenger walks around the corner, stopping as she see's the others. Raven's Song offered the young femal Fleshie quietly, " If they are, They're not reminants of what had been there. I'm doubting these are even natural... if they are." Strong Gal waved at Lia, “this ... this is Lia ... and she is way nice .... and .. .Lia, this is Grr ... and .... Rhaven .... and ..... that is Faye Li...." Lia said back ta her “I met Grr before. He saved me from a vampire!" Thought I recognized her scent, most Fleshies look alike ta me, ha, as tha sayin goes. Tha Messenger said ta Pestilence “I am the guiding light of death.. and I'll show you the way to yours, filth.” Tha kitchen drawers began ta rattle, the sound tableware clinkin, boxes knocked over in the cabinets...the scurrying in the walls.... I looked at Pestilence, ridin tha body of my Spirit Gal, as Strong Gal woulda said, one of my Beloveds. “fuckin is natural, fuckin is right, fuckin is natures way of makin more nature. you got tha right holes, Thing, but you aint part of nature,like ya said, yer before, so yeah, i want to, and you and me aint gunna. find a demon” Strong Gal was lookin real worried She whispered ta me, "you know Ethan is going to fuss....you know how he gets sometimes...." Raven's Song steadied herself, turnin in on herself as she drew tha Watchtowers, I could tell from tha energies movin around her reachin out to Tha Messenger and me with tendrils of psychic light.

Pestilence laughed. "You said fuck off, dog....I merely made the offer..." As it laughed tha cabinet doors popped open, there was tha sound of drawers bein pushed out, fallin to tha floor. A wave of rats streamed over the counters, around the counters, into the room...the air filled with their fuckin screechin and screein of claws on the tiles. I looked around "oh, nature's bounty . . . ." and I unfurled my new bull-whip and drew my little sword "stand back, meat comin up . . .” Lia gasped as she saw the rats. Palin, she backed up, Raven's Song drew a ward to her, a growin island in the chaos of writhin fur that seems to pile out of nowhere. Strong Gal blinked and looked from one to the other of us. She ran to grab Lia's hand and evaced toward tha little office so she is nearer to a door. Smart thinking, our Strong Gal. Tha Messenger stood her ground, glanced at Strong Gal briefly, showing a slight relieved smile, before glaring back at Pestilence. This was my dance. I spuns and whirled in a song of blood as from my crouch in a furious series of swings of fur and cloth, I sliced and diced tha rat tide with whip and sword. “Never. Pass up. Free. Food.” I was makin a mess. A big red and brown mess. They kept comin, mad in their sickness and hunger, and I kept cutting a swathe. Blade and lash, and little chunks of broken and busted rat.

Pestilence parts her lips, whispering something in that not-Arab language they use. As she did tha remaining rats seemed to collapse where they were, dead on the floor. The smell of rotting flesh begins to permeate the area. I massacred the rats. Pestilence upped tha stakes. Raven's Song continued to draw on the favors of gods and goddesses past, their names whispered in sweet tone under her breath. "Isis... Asate... Dianna... Hecatate..." but tha flesh of the dead rats, the ones that I splattered and the others who died at Pestilences biddin, began ta roil and ripple. The smell in the Shelter almost becomes unbearable.... So I
I stopped and flicked tha gore off his sword and sheathed it, then looks at Pestilence, and cracked my whip at her, snappin it in front of her face so that rat gore sprays her. Fuckin godlings. Least I can show my contempt fer their breakin tha cycle, by paintin them with their own wastage. I see Lia gaggin as she takes in tha scent. Then try ta keep her food down, she slapped a hand over her nose.
I stood amidst the whelter of my gory display and waved the others out "you others, who aint stood knee deep in tha blood of yer kin, out”
Strong Gal blinked in bewilderment, poor luv, she ain’t used ta this kinda SNAFU. She watched as the rat bodies piled up and at the first whiff, she brought her sleeve to her nose and blinked hard.

I saw Raven's Song grimace, trying her best to hold on ta tha contents of her stomach as she contues her chant, "Dimitre... Kali... Inanna." Again and again, she calls upon Goddesses and Watchtowers, buildin her Inner Self to send out in Golden auric waves toward me fer me ta take, and use, as needed. Bloody grateful fer that. No idea what Pestilence was gunna throw at us next. It just tilted her head back, acceptin the spray and smilin. She opened her lips, and tha expression crossin her was like she was is deep in passion. Maggots begin to drip out of her mouth, falling to the floor, rippling through the slain bodies of the multitude of rats lying at her feet. She opened her eyes fuly, looking at Raven’s Song, then at me, and laughed a sparkling, tinkly laugh. I coiled tha bull-whip and coughed, wrinklin my muzzle up, and again, I felt the light of Others reflectin through me, making my fur to glow golden. Tha Messenger glanced at the ones near her, "Come. We don't need it escaping." I slungs my whip over my shoulder and kicked a rat thigh off my paw. “we're gunna need shovels . . .” Lia gagged again even through she was coverin her mouth. Raven's Song 's head came back up and in lighter mimic of Joah's pose, her own in contrary bliss as her chantin continued, gainin in tempo; a sing song of a mantra from a soulful voice. Nice and all, but there mighta been something building. Plague Rats don’t bring much good. “out, all of you's out, this aint tha place fer plant-eaters” Strong Gal looked around at the couple of hundred of dead rats that were brought. Each of them in different levels of decay. "Um....how can we get them out of here....?" Raven's Song blinked, openin her eyes and noddin, backing her way out though still concentratin as Tha Messenger lightly tugs at her arm.

I tell them “shovels, Strong Gal, we'll need shovels but later, now, we need you out, or ya'll get sick” Pestilence bent low, pickin up the bloody corpse of one rat and rubbing it against her cheek. Tha maggots drop from tha little broken body, wrigglin away on the floor. Dropping the rat, Pestilence walked outta tha Shelter without a word. I try ta calm things, now It’s gone “Strong Gal, once this is over, we'll burn these and use tha ash ta make fertiliser fer flowers, hows that sound, nature dont abide waste” Pestilence lookd at tha Messenger as It walked by, saw her weapon and grinned. Tha Messenger glares back, "I'm coming for you."
Tha Messenger stood back. Pestilence stops turning slightly toward me. "Tilt at windmills, dog. Tilt all you like." I give It a hard look, seein if I catch a glimpse of Spirit Gal in there “till my debt is paid, you should know that, i gave my all ta two of yer kin, and i did it good.” Tha Messenger growls, knowing Spirit Gal’s still in there somewhere too. I go on. “ask yer sister how good a servant i was.”

Some fresh Fleshie chick wanders up and get slapped in tha nose with tha smell. stopin short lookin over the floor, " Oh My and i sleep here" I just opened my mirror and got out of there, back home to tha Library. Raven’s Song, and Tha Messenger ran on back after me. I picked fragments of rat off my fur and popped it in my mouth, chewin as I thought. Tha Messenger looks me over again, her eyes were still glowin white like her sword, "Did it flee?" and Raven's Song 's eyes and skin still glow with the light of Inner Self, Watchtowers ain’t something easily called or, as easily, put away. Raven's Song said “We... were up to our eyeballs in Grr's lunch. I don't think it went very far.” Pep talk time “yeah, i think we're startin ta piss it off, nice work, tha lot of ya” I finished picking big globs of rat off myself and moves to inspect the rest of my Family. Tha Messenger nods slightly, "It was.. right there.. but, so is she.." she released the sword back to the aether and the glow left her eyes.

“yeah one lob of a sword, problem solved, and . . .no Spirit Gal” I didn’t like tha thought that I might have ta do that, not thinkin in, not thinking of thinkin of it. And sure as fuck not anyone ELSE thinkin of it neither. Raven's Song sobered a moment, sendin out her Sight before calling, and thanking, the Cardinal Guardians and Goddesses alike... sending them back to their resting places. There as a feelin like altitude change, pressure let off. Blinkin again, she let herself to sink to the ground, trembling in exhaustion. Tha Messenger said “I will not take Joah..” I plucks chunks off Faye, popping each into his mouth nad chomps then away. I gave her a good lookin over, she’s been real stand-up through all this. Raven's Song said “I... I hope it doesn't have to come to that...”
It might though, if it comes ta that, better it were me. She’s make tha trip over tha Wide River better that way, I think, but I got tha feelin that tha Messenger knew what she was doin too. Somethin about that mark she put on my head, and tha Words she spoke. “it aint goin nowhere, if it comes ta that, i'll collect its fuckin head, and see her over tha River myself.” Tha Messenger nods slowly, "I'll go with you.." Raven's Song said “As will I.” I looked at them both shrewdly "you just might at that . . . " Tha Messenger said “You see why it's so hard.. accepting this..”

But I couldn’t let em all taste that cold water. I looked ta Raven’s Song, that bright, glowin gal, young and fresh, full of life and wonder “Raven's Song, no offence intended, but i think yer place is more in tha realm of tha livin. if i judge right. you dont wanna be treadin tha Realms of tha Dead.” I finish snackin off Messenger’s gore coat and moves to Raven’s Song next as Griff tha Righteous Fanger came in “good evening Omegans” Raven's Song gaze lifts ta meet mine "I'm not afraid to face my mortality. I told y'all, once, it's what I do with what I have that matters. I will stay behind, though, if that's what's needed of me." Tha Messenger said “I don't want to take her.. I didn't want to have to ever make that choice.. so I don't accept this, not what I am.” I was bein a bad host, but I managed ta get out ta Griff “not much fuckin good about it, but, hello” as Blake came in too. Raven's Song turned to Blake offering a warm smile. "Hey, boo." Tha Messenger turns, noddin a slight hello to Blake too "Hey.. sight for sore eyes.." Griff raised an eyebrow at me "Grr you look like you’ve been on one hell of a pub crawl" I was splattered with rat, burnt and charred from fightin off tha cold of Death with thermite, and still coated and matted with tha mud from tha Dark Jungle by tha side of tha Wide River where I took Joah, after Tha Thing tried ta end her ta fuckin spite me. Bastard. Tha Messenger walked up ta me, dusting herself off on the way sayin “The blood may wash away, but your blessing is true.”

“yeah, all tha best bars from Bali ta Beirut, Mogadishu ta Baghdad, i'm gunna go swim some, and get kinda clean” I bobbed my head in thanks to Tha Messenger, then puts a paw on Raven’s Song’s shoulder and padded away out the door and around the corner, too tired to walk up and down stairs. Bereft of my Spirit Gal, burnt by Sacred Fire, chilled by tha Wide River, then burnt by science, then frosted by Death Herself, then two combat-folds, and splattered in rotten scavenger as summoned by tha very Thing that stole my Spirit Gal and rode her body. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I wish Her Ladyship would come home soon, I need her strength and her wisdom.

I miss Featherpants. I miss Spirit Gal, I miss Her Ladyship. I need backup.

Fire from the fireworks, up above

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Pencil entry, in a messy, tired hand dated 10/11/2008
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We were sittin in the Library, enjoyin tha relative peace that had settled over Tox these last few days. Rhaven’s Song was there, and Spirit Gal and I were sittin close by tha fireside.She’s got a real affinity fer fire, so do I, I guess. One of tha reasons we get on so well, ha, like a house on fire ya could say. We were sittin, and chillin, Spirit Gal had started preenin me, which I am real grateful fer. We tend ta gravitate ta one another, fer comfort, like that. We understand each other well enough now that we been through so much. She and me have gotten real close, even with our differences, and we been forged inta something strong now. She knows I’ll follow her wherever her journey takes her, and that I will always have her six. She’s Pack ta me, Family, and stronger than blood.

So there we were, sittin, chattin, when tha topic of Strong Gal came up. She’s been kept under heavy guard by Snappypants, her mate. He’s a Fanger, and fer some reason, wants ta keep her as pure and unchanged as he can. Strange that, but I guess its in his nature, never changing himself, ta keep those around him from changein too. Can’t say I agree with that, but thing is, his den, his rules. He’s her mate, and is actin as best he can. I guess. Thing is, Strong Gal aint never gonna be safe just fer bein locked up. She’ll stay safe until there is a moments lapse, and then she’ll be like a new pup in tha open. Blind, mewlin, helpless. Snappypants has made a serious tactical blunder in holing up like he has. It may have worked fer all tha ages he’s been around till now, but he never had a Fleshie wife ta tend before this, neither.

Me and Spirit gal, we see tha risk. Spirit Gal though, she took it personal, and took it inta Snappypant’s face. Thing with Elder Fangers is, though, they don’t generally take kindly ta bein told what ta do, by no one. They have ta survive on their own, their whole un-lives. Its in their nature. Her Ladyship aint hardly too different neither. Well, She’s plenty different, but, well, when ya been one way fer such a long, long time, things tend ta get laid down in habit. It was tis kinda thinking that Spirit Gal fergot when she took Snappypants ta task about Strong Gal’s “security”.

Worse, Her Ladyship had told her to leave it ta Her. Snappypants got irate, and seems ta have locked Strong Gal up even tighter, bu worse when he complained ta Her Ladyship about Spirit Gals “meddlin” She didn’t have anythin ta say ta it. Except when She finally got around ta talking to Spirit Gal about it . . .She wasn’t happy about it. More about bein disobeyed than anything, although, I think She was worried about what Snappy pants might do.

Like I said ta Her ladyship, he was actin way past reason. . . . deep in crazy-land, if ya ask me. Her Ladyship, though, was more interested in makin sure Spirit Gal understood that she needed ta obey Her Ladyships decrees. Reminded her about when She held tha Huntress’ paw in tha fire, till it crisped, when she lied about takin prey she shouldn’t have. Her Ladyship made it very clear ta Spirit Gal that she required obedience. I wouldn’t say She was furious, She hardly raised Her voice, but Spirit Gal got tha message, and did tha kneelin head-down thing that Fleshies do when they are offerin submission. Kinda like rollin ta show yer belly and throat.

I been doin some research too, on tha side, after Strong Gal got harassed by that Pack thug, TC. I knew Snappypants would object ta my regular combat drillin, so I looked fer something he’d consider more “civilised”. Fightin fer ladies. Her Ladyship didn’t seem ta sway either way. She was still on Spirit Gal’s case. See, Spirit Gal’s got a temper, a fiery temper ya could say. Her Ladyship has one too, in fact, fire is something we all have in common. Spirit Gal is a fire-worker, Her Ladyship burns with tha Eden-fire, me and my scars tell of tha fire in me.

Turns out Her Ladyship didn’t feel tha need ta give Spirit Gal any more punishment than a goot hard tongue lashin, yet. Tha threat of more ta come, pendin findin out just what Snappypants has put Strong Gal through. I think that might even be worse. Hard ta live with tha loomin threat of of retribution. Sprit Gal was pretty distraught, but still fightin, its her way. She submitted, but is still . . .persistin. That’s my Spirit Gal, she’s got a cause ta fight for, and she’s gunna fight fer it, even when it means getting under foot of others of us that are tryin ta do tha same thing. Strong leader, whether she knows it or not.

Her Ladyship, she knows it too, I think, knows that Spirit Gal’s insubordination is fuelled by her need ta fight tha wrongs she sees Strong Gal goin through. That don’t make it all fine, but at least she aint buckin tha system fer something petty or stupid. That’s one reason we’re Pretors, we look after our own. Fer tha Institute, fer Her Ladyship, they are Family. Her family. We do it fer love, of Her, of tha work, of the Library. We Watch over.

Kin, pack ,Blood.

Old Faces

=================================
Pencil note, dated 31/10/2008
=================================

New Moon, Old faces

I was in tha Library, and in walked Quillis. Quillis tha Elder, Quillis former Pack Omega, Pack Beta, Pack Alpha. Walked right in and cuddled up with Del tha Demon. Just cuddled right up.

Odd.

Turns out that Del and Quillis have known each other fer a long time. a LOOOONG time. Like, thousands of years long. Yep, thats right. Quillis my Kin is four and a fuckin half MILLENIA old.

Now, where's tha problem ya ask. Well. none, really. Except this. How long am i gunna live? Are all Lycan's born equal? Tha files i read on me from tha Army were sayin that they thought Lycans lived about tha same as Fleshies. they been wrong about other stuff to, but hen again, they were RIGHT about a lot as well. How long did tha Goddess give ta Lycans, if we didnt get killed by each other, or by Fleshies in huntin parties, or tha pther beasties that roamed tha world.

Quillis and Del were chattin about tha "old days" before iron and steel, when Fleshie huntin was with wood and bone, stone and bronze. Was she just lucky? Was it cause her sire's sire was tha Great Wolf? Did tha Goddess gift her line with long life because of their glorious start?

Her Ladyship is old too, real old, i dont know exactly how old, but i got a good idea. Was that older than Quillis and Del, older than Featherpants or tha Maker? i dont know. I know a lot of real old beings. Not many young ones. Strong Gal, Cookie, tha Little One (she's a special case though) and maybe Rago.

I been an adult fer 13 years, but was only born three years befor that. I dont got a lot of years under my belt, just a lot of campaigns. Guess that makes me old. Seasoned. I guess. Thirteen years of soldierin. Lot of lives taken, lot of souls sent over tha Wide River, rent, shot, burnt, blown up. Lot of debt. Well. Maybe i dont get that thousands of years life time that Quillis got.

maybe i do.

Coyote said "done" and its done. I'd like ta curl up with my loved ones in tha way distant future, when AC we in tha history books, and lay by tha holo-fire with Spirit Gal, and look up at Her Ladyship, and remember back ta when we all lived in Tox, and wasn't is so bloody dirty and crude. I just dont know. My littermates are all dead of old age already, but i was tha only Shifter in tha litter.

We'll see.

I dont mind bein tha youngest. its hard ta weigh up against tha Ancients i run with at times, though. tha only major world events i been at, have been in Tox, or are classified, and "never happened" cause, they're attrocities.

Song fer tha future

=============================
two verses torn from an album cover, and stuck in the journal with glue
=============================

Its no secret were close
As sweaty velcro
Like latex, fur and feathers
Stuck together
Now

**********

Her and me an her and she and me
An uncrowded couple are we three
Hey we dont care what people say
When walking hand in hand down kings highway
Two for one today

Fear and loathing in TC

======================
pencil entry, extra messy, obviously stopping and starting several times, dated 15/10/2008
======================


I had a visit from Coyote. Tha bastard. Actually, I went ta visit Him, but when Coyote calls, well. . . I got a talkin to, about tha nature of things. About tha Maker. Then I got dumped back at tha Library, tha room spinnin, me clutchin tha floor so I didn't fly off and a splittin headache. Later on when I had slept it off some, I tried ta explain to Her Ladyship, Spirit Gal, Star and Bright Gal.

About Coyote, well, i was rantin ta Tha Maker i was rantin about good and evil, and light and dark, chaos and order, and how Coyote is balance. and doesnt CARE about any of that, Coyote only cares about . . .well . . Coyote and i kinda got inta my deal . . .and before i knew it YOINK! im in tha Flux Realm and tha big C is at tha wheel, bottle of tequila in one paw, and a cheeseburger in tha other.

Spirit Gal frowned a bit at Star as he belched fire. "What is the Flux Realm, Grr?” I stoped and waggled a claw at Star for fallin inta tha flood water "fire demons and water are bad, mate err, Flux? thats . . .well, its tha place where all tha Other meets, Coyote's Home." Spirit Gal looked thoughtfully at me fer a moment. "Have you . . . seen . . . Coyote?" its kinda an odd question. So many Fleshies, post-Fleshies and ex-Fleshies, they cut themselves off from the Other, they are surrounded by it, and Them, but they refuse ta see them in eversday life. "its . . .err, not good fer tha brain of someone not . . .err . . .already kinda . . .off so, tha big C was drivin tha Caddy, tequilla in one Paw, cheeseburger in tha other, and he turns ta me and fixes me with a look, right? and then he looks in tha back seet, and i look too and there in tha back, who ya think i saw? "Spirit Gal shook her head. "Who?"

"Tha Lightbringer, big as shit, fancy suit, Raybans, smokin a cigar and gettin blown, so i looked back at Coyote, and he takes a swig, hands me tha bottle and nods to tha other side, behind me and whatcha think i did then?" Spirit Gal kept listenin, her face got kinda clouded with puzzlement. "Drank with them?” so I went on. "well, i took a swig, cause ya should never EVER refuse a gift from Coyote and i turned aroud to pass on tha bottle. 'cause ya never welch on a offer from Coyote with greed" At that her eyes went wide. ”You offered a drink to the Beautiful Liar?” I just shook my head. "nope, to tha guy behind ME, tha Lightbringer was sittin behind Coyote" Star looked up from his belly button gazin, or swhatever demons do if they don’t got a belly button "okay .. so WHO was behind you?" Spirit Gal piped up too "Yes, Grr . . . who was behind you?"

I nodded, fer them a much as fer me "tha One. Stuffy looking fella, fussin over a map, wore tweed and a tie and was lookin at a itinerary." Spirit Gal waited and listened and Star looked at her "and they say Alfred Hitchkock was a tease" She frowned at Star again, I think she was as baffled as me who Alfred Hitchcock is. She turns in her chair to face me. "I offered him tha bottle, and tha Lightbringer snatched it sayin "he dont LIKE ta have fun . . ." Star groaned and rolled eyes. "i looked back to Coyote, who shrugged then we hit a tree and i got dumped back here. fuckin Coyote. it was about tha Maker.

Spirit Gal spoke up "I . . . I don't understand, Grr. Severus was sitting behind you?" its confusin fer me and I was there. I know I don't talk good, and I gotta say, bein yanked by Coyote , then dumped back just as, well, drunkenly didn't help none. "no. tha One was. its tha Three"

Spirit Gal got it then, I think. "The One? . . . Oh. The One. But . . .Severus doesn't serve the One." I nodded, she went on "And even the One . . . can be tender and passionate . . . can create with a breath and a word . . . And the Lightbringer? Oh . . I'm sorry. Go ahead.." I nodded again, its hard ta get it all straight, thing with tha One is, its His way, or tha highway. "well . ..thats true but Its all about order, and doin things tha RIGHT way, Proper like, It prefers Order, ta growth, two by two, Spirit gal, two by two, anyway. destruction, corruption, breakin things down again. which is where tha Maker is stuck. its not his true Nature, hes trapped"

I could see she was getting it "Oh . . you mean . . . his nature is . . . order, creation . . . But because he serves the Beautiful Liar . . . his will is bent to destruction." She got it! Bright Gal came in, and got right inta it. "Speaking about Sev?" Spirit Gal smiled at Bright Gal lookin at her with great fondness and nodded. She drops into a chair, her usually immaculate outfit soakin wet. Star got a look of understanding dawnin on his face as things fell inta place.

"com'in sit, Bright Gal, i met yer Boss. . .. kinda. essentially, tha Maker has gotten snatched by tha LightBringer, whos a greedy fuck." Bright Gal closed her eyes, her clothes, her skin omitting gentle waves of steam and leans back as I kept talkin "and tha One, well, is too tied up in tha PLAN ta stop ta taste tha good things in life." I looked over at tha Bright Gal and nodded as she steamed dry "see, i gotta SHAKE fer that . . ." she grined at that as Spirit Gal had a thought. "He . . . is too wounded . . . I think." I wondered who she meant this time "tha One? just looks too wound up ta me" but she didn't let me hang "No, Grr. Severus.."

"ahh, yeah see, HES tha tequila and tha lesson? there's aways a lesson . .." but tha Spirit Gal frowned, "Sometimes there's no lesson. It's just a pointless exercise . . . in futility.” Even this was a lesson but. And I think I got it. "don't be fuckin around with tha bottle in tha backseat if yer fuckin meant ta be drivin! Coyote's always got a lesson. tha bottle didnt get a say where it went, Spirit Gal, its just doin tha rounds" she lookea at me, not frowning or laughing, that old familiar closed off expression crossin her face. "Sev . . is . . . the bottle.So . . . there is no choice. Then it's pointless to try to help him. To help anyone." Star grined at Star Gal "unles you get the bottle" Bright Gal breathed in. "It is not pointless to help him help himself" This is where I sorta need ta think more about how I do what’s best fer Tha Maker "nah, it aint that, not at all this was about Severous, this wasn't a vague, sweepin message, i got YANKED"

Spirit Gal was pissed now "He can't, if he's a bottle. He's only there to be used up.Then tossed out on the side of the road." i needed ta let her know, this wasn't a message of no hope, it was a message ta know tha difference between what can be and what we can do ourselves "aha, see, wait, ya've missed somethin, tha bottle came from Coyote, Spirit Gal. he didn't pass tha cheeseburger. Tequila has sacred meaning. there's ALWAYS more" Spirit Gal snapped "And what is that, Grr?" How do i get it across "trick is, ta get tha Lightbringer ta either pass it on, or forget about it he wanted it cause i was tryin ta give it ta tha One, dontcah see?"

"What I see . . . is a beautiful, cruel, joyless being . . .Who can have anything he wants.At any time. And it never fills So he'll never let go. And as for Severus . . . I don't think he wants to be free." I gotta agree with that, but there is more to it "he dont get ta keep it ferever, Spirit Gal" Tha LightBringer. Coyote might be a bastard, but he means well. Well, he don't mean harm, at least. "No . . . he prefers smashing the bottle . . . if he can't keep it. drinks like ta get drunk, bottles like ta be filled and emtied, and filled, its what bottles do, tha Three, they dont think of us as them, we're just things, most of tha time, if tha Lightbringer had chucked tha bottle overtha side, ya can betcha ass that Coyote woulda just pulled tha same bottle outta his side-door or tha One mighta been sittin in a crate of em, carefully meeterin them out, makin sure it was properly recycled. its a system. they got a system Spirit Gal all this, this . .. it all works cause of that"

Bright Gal sighs leaning forward and opens her eyes, clearing her throat, blinking. "He is punished and he takes it. However he can. There is word about chaos, word about order. You would think the demons represent chaos. Severus is an example of hell's cruelest order." We all sat fer a bit, then Spirit Gal spoke up "Perhaps," she says. "I read one of their Books." she begins to quote, 'How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing! ' They do not sound like bureaucrats, to me." Star's voice drones 'its a cycle chaos to order, back to chaos to make order again'

"Creator, Shaper, Culler: Flux, Pattern, Entropy: Change, Order, Decay : i didnt get any ANSWERS, Spirit Gal Coyote dont give ANSWERS he gives paths and questions insight but not understandin" At least i got Spirit Gals focus back "Apparently none of them do. Or at the very least, they answer the questions you should be asking but don't." Bright Gal added, with her crossed fingers and eyes closed again. "There is but one thing Joah. You can always pray" I nodded, and added with a grin "or kick tha shit outta Severous untill he listens ta reason, or BOTH but, that's too easy"

Star drones on, i guess he's bored with all this, demons get that way "if i understand corretly, they gide you, they don't give you answers" Spirit Gal agreed with him " Well . . . in the book, the One says: Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom: I am understanding; I have strength." just time time for Bright Gal ta open her eyes as Tha Maker appeared. "aha! SUMMONED! SIMAP" i love it when that happens! It interrupted Spirit Gal "So . . . perhaps they'd be willing to . . ." He just stood there glowerin as i beamed at my own cleverness.

"we were just discussin my revelation . . ." that got him worried, he asked what it was, as Spirit Gal teased him a bit, askin of his ears were burnin. "i'm gunna be a prophet. this can be my compound. i want beef jerky and . .. no, wait . . ." tha Maker slowly arched a brow, that way he does “shall i get the jim jones kool aid ready?” as Bright Gal gave me a tug on tha ear fer cheek, at least Spirit Gal cracked a half smile. "ya wondered what happened earlier, Maker? with tha flash out, and tha flash in and tha holdin onta tha floor like it was tha wall?" Bright Gal leant back and closed her eyes again. "You should call him Bringer... rather than Maker, no?" Severus nodded slowly "...quite..." but that aint right "no, Bright Gal, Severous is tha Maker, ta me, not tha Bringer, i give credit where credit is due. i don't lie in my Naming"

Spirit Gal looks up at him "Yes . . . though he disavows that aspect of himself . . . he is the Maker." Bright Gal takes her turn ta look him over. I know he hates it, now i know why. "Are you?" she asked. He just snorted derisively... "maker of trifling things..." he shrugged his shoulders slightly "...apparently...its the only thing i'm good for anymore" This is what i need tha change with him. He needs ta appreciate what he IS, what he can DO "ya KNOW ya have more value than ya offer value ta . . ." Bright Gal is upset "How can you loathe creation so?" But i know, now "cause, Bright Gal, he's not in a position ta be able to do anythin else"
She nodded ta me "Apparently he is also able to loathe" He shrugged again "...i see little about me that there isnt to loath" I just nodded ta Bright Gal and looked ta tha Maker "i saw, mate, i saw i understand now, i think"

Thanks Coyote.

next time, send a note.