Her Ladyship Quenches a Thirst

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Pencil entry dated 4/5/08 More than one pencil has been used
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"You should know Joh, I must feed, to exist.. but I never feed from any, who don't wish me to. Not ever. Do you understand?"
I snap my signalin mirror shut and grin, i'm getting better at targetin in my Crossings. I heel down in tha space between chairs and books. Not bad at all. Helps ta have somethin ta home in on. Her Ladyship looks up at me from her talk and grins, her lips move and I wonder what she's thinkin, but I don't have ta wait too long. I reach up and pull my hair out of tha top-knot I wear when I roam as a Fleshie, gets in everythin otherwise.
I greet her and show her my respect and all sudden like She grins over at me and with an quick motion, leans over to kisses me. Right on the cheek and says "So very, very good to see you m'dear" I kinda get shy which gives her somethin ta chuckle at not unkind like. Tha Feline Joh takes a seat as Her Ladyship keeps chattin with her, and I take my chance look at the couch, and plonk down. Its a rare treat I try ta stay clear most of tha month. I shed. Her Ladyship sits down, on Her seat, smiling at me as tha two of them keep chattin, I watch Her Ladyship and speak up. Its somethin I just kinda noticed, one of those things that kinda sneaks up on me when I get shy and weary. When i'm Fleshie I see colors different. I guess that's what they all see all tha time. Maybe it makes up fer tha smells and sounds they don't get.
So, I pipe up "ya know, there is a whole lot of redish haired people in tha Institute, is that weird or what?"

This puts a smile on Her Ladyships dial "What can I say? I'm a trendsetter." says She, I go on "err, just seems . . . too much fer Chance, is all" I say. Poncho came in some time. I didn't hear him or smell him "Chance needs her cut too" he adds which is great, he -knows-. Her Ladyship goes and finishes with a line about how she just loves tha New Moons which I can feel sets me ta blushin. Poncho saves tha day setting the crate he's luggin, down. Its hefty and has an Omega on its sides, markin it as Hers. There gets ta be some talkin about tha crate, what's in it, I think it was a good size ta pack people in, ya'd have ta butcher them a bit, but ya could pack three or so I guess. As i'm doin that, I look up at Poncho and bam! More red. Its not just a trend, its near tha rule.

Poncho twigs and asks "Grr... it acts like you... but...you look different....a hair cut?" tha fella has style. So I kinda fill him in on tha story, as much as I tell when strangers are about, finishin with tha line "just dont ask me ta get all useful till once its passed". Her Ladyship looked at Pontifex, smiling.. "He looks plenty useful to me." to which he picks up the crate, gives it a loud pat "Well, perhaps a little smiley can do the trick. Anyhow, I just came by to drop this off and head back to my lab. Until later all..." and starts ta walk out but Her Ladyship grins, blows him a kiss and winks. Poncho starts whistlin, but as he goes I can see he's blushin... darker.. Glad it ain't just me that happens ta.

I'm still swiveled watchin him go, sharin tha same grin when I hear Her Ladyship's come right up ta me and says all quiet "You know, it is not your claws or your fangs that make you useful to us.. It is your brain, and.. your heart. And those, you have regardless of your form." Ya coulda knocked me down with a feather. Coulda been word fer word what My-She told me, standin by tha Dock as I snarled and went 5.56 fishing, so long ago. How do they know? What makes them so sure I ain't just a twitch from bein what they tell kiddies ta be good or will come fer em? All I can do is ta reache our my hands to take Hers and thank her. She catches my eyes with hers and i feel tha presence there, tha depth, tha span of life lived. Her words have meanin. "You're very dear to us, GrrBrool." again, all I can do is blink and smile. Then that bloody Portrait of Dimentox pipes up "Get a room already!" which gives me a shock, pisses me off but I give it tha Newcastle Salute as Her Ladyship glances up at, steps back, pullin her hands from mine. Its really startin ta bug me but its good ta know that other folks hear it too. Her Ladyship nods and lets me know I aint alone on that front neither.

Joah comes on down offerin greetins, large as life and healthy and hale. Its good ta see her, I was worried. Prophecy and all. She wanders off, free and easy. Larissa, Neri and My-She wander in, and again i'm surrounded by red or redish hair. Blood and Fire people. All of us. Her Ladyship whispers to Lari somethin my stumpy ears don't catch, Lari comes back with "Well, it IS lonely out there" I figure it was about -her- walkabout. Neri follows My-She out at tha prospect of coffee. Her Ladyship and Lari talk about her havin been away and how We've missed her. They talk about Lari's carriage and how that's goin. Talk turns back to The Institute as Her Ladyship asks “Are you sure I can't persuade you to come back to us?” there is a bit of a silence, so I join in sayin it would be good fer -us- as well as her, fer her ta come back and run with us again. That she's got talent. Lari's turn ta get shy, now, I guess cause she lowered her eyes and kinda half-smiles up at me and says "I had some time for myself. But I missed so many things. I..." She kinda stalls, choked with feelin, so Her Ladyship slips in with “We missed you too, Larissa. And you belong here.” How true that is, I try ta explain ta Lari how much it meant ta me, after my own walkabout, ta have a home ta come to. A good home. “Home, Family, Safe" is all I really manage. She nods, and Her Ladyship beams and first welcome's home Lari, then leans down to whisper a welcome to her baby-belly. Some more, happy cryin, and I make a bit of a stumble on tha couch, no tail fer balance, mind, which brightens tha mood a tad more. Talk runs ta gossip, but Her ladyship's got purpose, and tells Lari that it'll come “all in good time m'dear” and that “I promise we will update you on everything you may desire. For now, however, I have some urgent business to attend to.” And with that, turns and heads up tha stairs. As she walks I get a feelin I'm bein watched, so I look up at tha paintin again and stick my tongue out at it and warn Lari that he's a pain in tha tail hole, and I get rewarded with a response from it “I saw that, ya mangy mutt!” so I say back ta Lari “see” ta prove my point. Her Ladyship, though, stops mid climb and gives it a glare that would perm fur and deadpans “He is no mutt.” looks down over the railin and says “GrrBrool - come upstairs, please” as I'm thankin Her fer stickin up fer me. I stand to, and double time it up the spiral mutterin that I'm gonna find some spraypaint, or maybe a magic marker ta give tha paintin a goatee or glasses, maybe horns.

When I get up there, Her Ladysip is lookin about tha lab, inspectin and sighs “You know, since Joh decided this was worth meddling with.. we shall have to keep a closer eye on it, Heaven knows what she may have done to herself, or us. In any case, that's not what I wanted to to speak to you about and calls me over to tha back where tha crates are. I pad on over, there is some fine soft dust, sawdust, I guess, makes my feet tickle a bit, bare and Fleshie and all. I step to and show her my respects, she sighs, looks at up at me, not tall, but stature ain't always measured in hands. She goes on, funny, she knows ta use my full name, and I suppose, bein of tha Fanger persuasion, she can get away with it in tha way that Fleshies can't. Names have power, but She's not one ta throw that about. “GrrBrool.. I am not sure if Mirah mentioned this to you. You were there when I embraced Nareth - you remember? I just nod carefully, I wasn't right there, I was around, but I got tha story, and its . . well . . . complications. She looks a bit stressed, like maybe She's breakin something to me slow, like “It has had.. consequences I didn't anticipate.” This I know, I seen it, I smelt it, and I can sense her stuggle, inside. And there was her Dream, of tha Fire. More Fire, more Red, but I try ta ease Her worry and tell Her i been watchin , in case, she preses on though sayin “You were there last night, that is not something I would.. ordinarily do.” And She looks to the floor, embarassed..”But the soil, GrrBrool.. it burned me - it burns still. and.. it makes me thirst..” All I can do is nod, and try ta see where she's comin from. She bites Her lip. And mutters “Like a fledgeling. Worse” Ahh, I got it now, I see what botherin her, so I say what comes "its yer Nature, Lady, ya need not be concerened of that, not ta me, least of all" Maybe it was of succur, maybe not. She keeps goin. "This is not a natural thirst. But a thirst it is, nonetheless. And.. I have been fighting it, as much as I can..
but.." she falters a tad, and i'm graspin tha magnitude of Her struggle. This ain't no flakey new pup worried she might mess tha den or eat tha neighbor. This is a Lady of a Line.

I keep noddin to Her so She knows i'm with her as She goes on "You have seen what happens when I lose control." I have. When Poncho lost his throat. When Tha Library booted me, usin Nareth's voice. Tenguska. I seen what happens.
"and yet," I say to Her, "Yer Ladyship, look about ya, we're all still here, comin back even . ." hopin She sees in my eyes how true it is, and remindin her of Lari, just returned. She continues " Yes. I was forgiven. For which I am grateful, I do not wish a repeat of that occurance though.." but I have ta speak up then. not fergiven, Lady, it aint even needed. ya lead, and live as ya like, and . . . ya are The Lady . ... ." I trailed off, words don't do justice ta tha feelin of followin a worthy Alpha. Not my words maybe. I know tha gestures. I can show how I feel, if I were furred, if She could see.
Her Ladyship just shakes her head.. "I would not abuse my position." I can't make myself clear. I try. "we KNOW, no one here i know is bound ta stay, am i right?" She confirms but goes on.
"I do not wish to lose control again.. I would not seek to test those close to me in such a way.. again. So I must take.. measures. I must.." She stops,purses her lips, unsure for a moment how to go on, but She is strong, She finds tha words "I.. I do not feed from the unwilling.." I watch her, i've offered her Units at Haven, I know what she's getting at, and add "nor bags", she goes on, " In fact, before last night.. I have not fed on anyone with whom I wasn't.. very intimately acquainted." I remember back to a secret place, a secret Moot. White and Black and Red. I remember a time I sat on the steps out front of Tha Librars and heard and smelt a Coven leaders offering. I remember and I understand. "But.. this thirst, GrrBrool, it is getting the better of me.." She looks up at me and whispers. "I am afraid of what I might do.." She fears for Her Family, what might happen to them, or what they may be confronted with. She is a Alpha, she cares for Her pack. I don't know how She may react. Our peoples are so different. I reach for Her hand with mine. I ready myself to flee, to roll and show submission, to pay. I reach and touch Her hand. The strike never comes.

She steps forward, puts her hand gently on my shoulder and speaks, whispers again "You.. you don't have to agree to this, GrrBrool. Do you understand?" She asks, She needs to ask. She asks because of who She is, more than what she is. She asks and leans close, strokes my hair, wraps a lock of it in her fingers. I try to tell her but words fail me again for a moment "i, i do, though, its, i, its. . . " fuckin great. All I come up with is a line from trainin, a line they drilled inta us ta make rogue Two-Legs Lycans act like a part of a pack. Maybe it would explain. "to serve is ta live, tha strongest lead, their trusted follow close" it didn't, she tries again "I do not feed from the unwilling.." ah! This time I see tha openin, I find words, from deep. "Lady, i am here because i am willing. have been since ya first showed me what ya were, wether ya knew it or no . . . . out front of tha Haven, Lady, if i can help, i will, fer what its worth." I’m not sure how this was gonna happen. Truth is, I ain't never been bit by a Fanger before. Oh. I been bit by all kinda folks before, some in a nice way, some not so much, but, I never been fed on. I seen it, plenty. Can be as gentle as an old folks cuddle or a savagin like a pack taken down an elk. I didn't know what ta expect, and I didn't much care. I trust. Even if it went bad, like it did fer Poncho. I will endure. Its what I am, i'll not leave Her Ladyship burnin and hurtin. Not while I got light in my eyes. I dunno if She knows that, She don't need ta. Its Nature. She leads, I follow.

Right then though she just nods, acceptin of my offerin and brushes tha hair off my shoulder with Her hand. I got a lotta hair, even mostly bald as a Fleshie, I give her a hand, flickin the whole mane aside with my head. She looks me in tha eyes again, and asks again. I could see its a struggle fer Her, one I don't quite get, more than just Hunger, "you're sure?". Best answer I can give her ain't words, I do! Kinda shuffle one foot sideways, then tha other one, so I lower myself closer to eye to eye with Her, look Her right in tha eye and give a big old nod and a pearly smile. I hear my name get mentioned downstairs, Aurora tha Shifter, some one looks after her. Kinda. Her Ladyship though, was in tha zone and steps close, pressin Her body against me and nuzzles my neck. She's soft. I don't know what I expected ta feel. A statue maybe. Stupid really. I know what Fangers feel like and look like on tha inside, just like tha rest of us, give or take. Musta been in my head. Fer fucks sake, She's tha Lady!. She feels nice. Smells good, this close She smells like she aught to, not like at arms length, stupid bloody Fleshie nose. Right on cue, we get interupted. Gina had come up, probably lookin fer me in fact. Poor luv beat a snappy retreat with a glance from Her Ladyship who looks over my shoulder over her shoulder, before lookin me in tha eye with a smile "never a moment's peace" but we ain't slowed fer long. She nuzzles some more, and i get all tingly, its a real good feelin, ta be so close ta someone who matters, and thinks ya matter, and well, i'm thinkin that as She puts Her hand on tha base of my skull and kinda leans in ta me, i hear Her sniff, and Her body kinda shudders, and then She bites. There is a flash, like a static shock from bein fuzzy on a carpet and touchin yer bunk. I make a noise, but tha feelin that washes over me kinda makes it all go away. Tha Library, tha room, tha City. IT all goes away fer who knows how long. I lean inta Her, I still have kinda an idea whats goin on about me, kinda, and She holds me up. I'm big, even as a Fleshie and i feel like i'm floatin in Her arms. I feel Her growl onta my throat, as she runs Her hands over me, tracin my quiverin muscles. I breathe, i relax, i see myself from outside. I'm havin a Vision of myself, as i feed Her. I'm outside myself as i flow inta Her, and i know its awright. Part of tha Cycle. More so, 'cause i'm aidin someone dear ta me. I watch my hands work their way over Her back, waist, hips, a caress, close, warm, carin. I see Her diggin nails in as tha blood she is given by me hits her core. i feel myself and see myself nuzzle in, and i rush back inta my own body. She pulls her head back, gently poppin her fangs outta me, another shock, then a warm glow as she kisses each little wound. I can feel her tremblin as she hold me at arms length, lookin at me. I felt kinda dazed, like a flash bang had gone off too close. Just none of tha bad that goes with it. I wobbled a bit, i know, but deep inside, i knew i;d done right by Her, and tha Goddess. She proped me up a sec, and stands up on tiptoes ta kiss me on tha lips proper and thanks me. Well, i never been one ta turn down thanks. I share that brief, gentle light kiss and taste myself on her lips. Thats ok, its a flavour i know well. I lick my wounds. I look Her in tha eyes and stand as proud and tall as i can and tell her that its what i do.

She lets me go, careful like, maybe a touch slower than she needed ta, i dunno, dazed, remember, and smiles that smile again, and tells me that "I beleive you have people waiting for you." She turns, and walks off away. There mighta been a spring in Her step. I sure hope so. As She walks, she looks out tha window ta Tha Haven and smiles again, with a nod. I figure she'd go see MY-She, ta make sure all's well. I look about, as my vision centers again, and Kumori is awready waitin ta talk. Aurora is downstairs. Joah is still lookin fer gossip. It was gonna be a long day, and i felt kinda weird awready.

Bu i wouldn't have traded it fer tha world. I did a good thing. I matter ta those around me.

She likes me.