Tha Messenger's thoughts

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Pencil entry, dated 14/11/2008
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I woke up and wandered out from my sleeping place in tha Library, and found tha Messenger hangin about. Been a whiles since I seen her, so I thought I'd get a status update. Turns out she's been havin more troubles with her Gift, and workin on understandin what it is she does, and how. “I've been busy with researching tings. I figure I may as well learn about what it is 'appening to moi. Da messenger's been around. I can feel her sometimes. Like on da surface. Is weird you know. I thought I knew myself pretty well. Now I'm not so sure."

She had a look out tha windows, it was quiet, been quiet these few days, and its been makin us a bit jumpy, like we're waitin fer tha smack of tha round ya don't hear. I try ta give her some peace of mind “well, no one ever knows everythin, Messenger . .” but she's a deep thinker, our Messenger, “you must have similar feelings. Like where do you end and the other side of you begin.” I just nodded and held out my paws “at tha end of my claws, Luv, at tha end of my claws”

A look crosses her face, and I think I got too mystical at her “Da aether experiments 'ave been working out finally. I 'ad finished one right before da flood receeded, but didn't 'ave a use for it afterwards. I've only been able to peer into it momentarily. da basis of thought, matter, dreams. Is like a form waiting to me shaped. It boarders worlds, gives spirits form. It explains how I was once able to create duplicates of tings from what I thought was nothing.” Ya see, tha Messenger is a willworker, she's got tha ability ta shape and mould tha Other, and bring it forth. Like tha Maker, but her powers come from herself, and tha stuff she shapes comes from tha Other, not tha other way around.

I nodded again and looked slyly over "more than meets tha eye in ya, Messenger, it was a great gift, yer comin to us ahh, well, we'r etha tinkerers, tha lookers, tha learners tha Watchers, Messenger" It's my plan that we can train up tha Messenger ta understand herself, and when we do,she'll be a better soldier fer tha Measure of tha Change. I like that idea, ta sharpen tha claws of Raven's Messenger. She went on fer a bit more“Makes sense in some tings. I knew very little about it and 'ad no idea I could shape it. Not before dis. I never questioned how it worked. I can feel da presence of whatever it is dat's growing closer within da aether. Is like an child with a new toy, making is dreams walk in our world. I dun get how to stop someting dat's just playing with our reality.”

Godlings piss me off, always tryin ta take on tha world. Like its their right. Maybe its their rite ta try, but its tha arrogance that anythin can actually take away from tha Great Spirits what they Shaped, Named and Carved from tha Other. “well, we have had ta deal with godlings befer, Messenger, i find that as long as ya stay just off to tha side, ya can get them ta run in circles till they piss off on their own. trick is, to poke them with tha right kind of stick. maybe yer gunna teach us what kinda stick ta use.”

I thought I could give her some cheer, some direction, after she said ”I 'ope so. I'll do what I can anyway.” I gave her an image ta think on “well, its that or build a catapult to shoot me at it out of” She got ta chuckling . . “Let's hope to keep dat one as a last resort. I dun tink dis world is ready or a flying Grr.” Funny thing is, tha world's awready seen a flyin me. “ha, well, i got my paratrooper wings . . . hell, i still have a chute, i nicked” She was grinning wide by that stage and went on “Then as long we dun aim at a building you should be alright."

I gotta say, that is tha part about fallin I like tha least, and I tried ta explain it tat ha Spirit Gal, too, when she took her jump off tha balcony. Damn near put a white streak on my fur, that did. “err, yeah . . .i prefer ta stay one of the three shapse i got awready . . round and lumpy aint my plan, but im serious. ya might be tha edge we need, ya can feel it, ya got a handle on the nature of tha Other. This brings us back ta tha comin of Tha Messenger ta Tox just when I was callen fer guidance of Raven. Not that aspect that lives in Lorne or rather tha Thing that is Legion.

That reminds me, it was a bit rough of me ta not tell Tha Messenger about that, when she found out I was glad that I was there, and some things need ta be found out by yerself. She handled it pretty good.
only passed out fer a little while, could still talk after and such. Trick is ta get it clear in yer head that meetin an aspect of a Great Spirit aint tha same as meetin them in person. No more than meetin a tank is meetin tha army. Tha Messenger knows her comin ain't an accident. "Oui, is too.. coincidental. I walked around da city for hours trying to find out where da bad feeling was coming from, even off to da pit, and is what it is. Was da weak barrier between worlds in dis city and I could feel it on da other side."

I pointed at her and got very dramatic sayin in my best TV quote voice "unless it is YOU" Tha Messenger smirked, "Dat would be irony, no? Dat trip to get Joah from da dreamlands really stirred someting in me. Since then I've felt more connected. I created an aetheric transducer for experimentation because I couldn't find one anywhere. Maybe is not been invented. Is to record and shape how da aether works. I've been meaning to try it out on myself when da Messenger takes over, but I'll 'ave to get someone else." She took off her glasses and cleaned them on her shirt, "I can't imagine what kind of readings dat would 'ave."

Possession creaps me out, i'm all fer channelin tha Powers through me. Its how I do most of my Workins but i'm always me through it, even if I take on some of their aspects, its still me at tha wheel. "huh, maybe ya need some of tha Institute ta scan ya over some times" Tha Messenger nodded, "Dats what I 'ad in mind. How often do you get da chance to study possession on yourself?" Like I say, creeps me right out. Especially if tha Walkin ain't friendly or welcomed in. Its hard ta explain "err . . .well . . .i try and stay clear of it, myself. . .ha eerrr, madness is as close as i get, and lets not go there again any time soon" Tha Messenger, crazy like a sun drunk drongo grined, "Well it could be worse. I might be in all sorts of trouble if someting else was influencing moi. Part of dat curse I was born with. At least with da messenger on da influencial side, keeps other strong minded tings from taking advantage of moi. In da past I.. dirtied my 'ands because of it. Raven probably knew of me for a while." Raven tends its Messengers. Coyote lets us get hit by trucks but Raven will startle tha Murder befor is jams its way through. I told her as much "probably, thats what tha Great Spirits do, they keep eyes on their chosen fer a while"

Tha Messenger seems ta take this in her stride, "Maybe dis way I can work toward someting good. I've never really been in charge of my own life. Creation is a powerful gift. People will kill over it and die over it. Is da story of my life. I guess I 'ave first 'and experience." Seems all of us in Tha Institute got some kinda broken past we're either runnin from or makin up fer. Or both "yer awready workin towards somethin good, Messenger, i seen that in ya"

Tha Messenger took out an old coin tucked away under the top of her glove, "Dis was da start of my
glint I got tha fear. Gold. I kinda pulled away from her. I dunno if she noticed. She fliped it and tucked it back inta her glove, "When my foster parents were murdered, my master used my gift to make endless amounts of gold. Dis just 'appens to be da original one. I could be wealthy, but is only ever brought me pain. I only need what I can carry with me."

Thank fuck for that. I like tha Messenger. I hope we can keep her safe from what ever it is out there that she's seein. In my experience, if ya can see a Spirit in tha Other, its been seein ya fer longer. Its good ta know I don't got ta worry about too many surprises if I have ta pull her outta tha fire sometime.