Madness

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Pencil entry, dated 16/2/2009
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Three things, all connected, all feedin off each other, all separate. Havin one, is bad, each time ya add another, it makes both worse.

Darkness and Madness, thats two.

There are things that mortal minds just ain't meant ta know. Tha terrible will and thoughts of tha gods are two. There are some sights what will do same thing. Some folks will snap at things other folks do fer fun. Some folks will bear all kind of punishment and die before crackin. In tha 7RAR-L the taught us, and trained us how ta resist and how inflict. Madness is a weapon if ya know how ta wield it. A deep trap, I know.

I know real fuckin good. I've been there twice now, in Toxia. First time was after a dose of Blue-Shadow's blood. Three days of halucinatin I was back in Timor, tha nights leadin up ta me getting shelled and blown ta shit. Then there was tha Horsemen. I lost my marbles good when I lost first Spirit Gal, then Her Ladyship to them. Her Ladyship goin to them, of Her own free will, goin ta War, what She opposed most, conflict and violence. Tha things i've struggled so much ta grow from, in Her service. It broke me as sure as Her fist did as she grieved tha Huntress, and put me down as easy as Her sleeper hold did.

But both thes were just mortal trauma. Tha madness that comes from tha Wet Sleepin God, that's somethin else entirely. Madness and terror are its servants. Call it instinct, backed by some fast readin. There is a reason tha dark of deep water fills me with tha fear. Things live there. Put me in a river or a lake, or even a bay, I’m right. I can swim ok, its nice even. I've hunted salt water croc's bare pawed. Not my cup of tea, I respect those buggers.

I guess if I saw a shark comin fer me I could fuck it up too, if I didn't loose a limb to quick. That’s tha thing though, things from tha Deep, they come from below. They lurk and slither, and slink in. There is a reason tha Wet Sleepin God, his fuckin minions like Dagon and even tha writins about them lead ta madness and terror. Because they are things that no one who walks on land should ever have ta fuckin know. N o wonder tha Navy is full of bloody nut-jobs. A critter needs dirt under his paws.