=============================
Pencil entry, in the original bad scribble, dated 13/5/08
=============================
Kin, pack, Blood.
Three little words. So much meanin. When I was in tha 7RAR-L tha words were carved by claw inta tha roof beam of tha mess-hall. Some got it tattoo'd along with tha Regiment'i insignia. Fer me it was three words that first struck me as what I was, and what I was fer. Really fer. They told us we were all tagether. A Unit. We lived tagether, faught tagether, from time ta time died tagether. All tagether in tha mud, tha blood and tha tears. That we were Kin ta each other, that we didn't' have no other family but tha Unit. That tagether we were a Pack. A big Pack. A Pack of Packs. They told us that it was in our Blood. That it was all that we were. That it was what made us mighty. That it was our right ta do what they had us do.
By right of Kinship we were mighty.
By right of Pack we were all we were.
By right of Blood we were savage.
And those words stuck. They stuck deep. They stuck so deep they got me ta thinking. They wouldn't have wanted that, but see, most of their thinkin was in order ta train fresh Two-Legs ta be better Lycans, not ta tell a Four-Legs like me that there was a bigger world out there. I guess I was kinda naïve in those early days. What they didn't count on was me wantin ta know more, about all my Kin. About how few we really were. About how tha different Types came ta be. About our furred cousins Tha Felines, and our wild Kin. I learnt about my own past, as best I could. I knew, already I was from a Zoo, when I got taught ta talk. I learnt about where I came from and that they'd taken me from my dam and littermates.
They didn't think i'd want ta learn about tha Unit, tha Pack they'd given me. Learn tha secrets I wasn't supposed ta know. They made me a better scout than they knew. Belongin ta a pack is in my bones. Followin tha heirarchy is in my nature. What they didn't figure was that i'd take it personal when they started usin my Pack as expendable ordenance. We ain't expendable. We are Pack. We live, hunt, breed and thrive. They were usin us like an M203. Just a bigger weapon. Most of my Packmates just took it on faith. They had superpowers. They were revelin in bein bulletproof killin machines. Pack means ya keep each other alive, ya live and die ta protect yer Pack. Without Pack ya are nothin, without ya, yer Pack is nothin. There are many Packs, but this one was mine. Is mine. Goddess be praised Her Ladyship took me in, I was walkin towards Tha Wide River again, lookin ta take tha long swim. Tha Boatman doesn't carry my kind. We swim wild.
They didn't think i'd care about tha blood. Tha blood we spilled fer their greed, fer tha sake of blood, fer terror and just ta clear tha path fer them. They didn't count on me carin about tha blood my Kin shed fer them. They didn't think i'd see that those we shed blood alongside, that i'd count as close as Kin or Pack. Like that king said "he who sheds his blood with me today, he shall be my brother" it didn't matta. Fight by me and i'll hold yer six, guard as ya sleep and tend ya if ya fall.
Kin, pack, Blood
I consider all tha furred peoples my kin. I don't care if ya howl, yowl, or yip. Ya got ears on tha top of yer head and a tail? Yer one of mine. Reason is, were too few, too divided and too bloody minded. Somewhere along tha line we crossed a limit, where there ain't enough Wildings, and too much Fleshie blood has mucked up tha Balance. My Kin has started ta slide towards oblivion. I won't sit on my tail and watch it. Not when I can help my cousins, my brothers and sisters.
Tha Institute are my pack. They may not think of it back, but they are. Took me in when I was walkabout, welcomed me by their fire and inta their home. Its more than shelter, they talked ta me. Her Ladyship thought i'd bring somethin ta Her Institute. Took me in fer what I am, fer who I am, in spite of what I am, or who I am. They are my pack. In every way, and i'd swim Tha Wide River fer each of them, or for it as a whole
Blood I got plenty of, blood i'll spill and blood i'll shed. Its in my Nature. Ya can only fight Nature so much, and then ya have ta let it take Its course. Ta know a bein deep enough ta not re supprised at tha way they are is ta know em by blood. Blood is our tie ta Tha Goddess. Its life. Ta spill it or shed it should be with tha respect its due. Ta be true ta ya nature is ta follow tha song of yer Blood, ta Dance Tha Goddess' Dance.
It's why I can call Choi my sister. She's Feline. So what? She's kin, she was in Tha Pack when it was MY pack, we've shed blood tagether fer good causes. Tha down side is even tossers and crazies can be Kin. Ya can't choose yer Kin. Jadienne is a perfect example. She seems ta have got herself "bit" and Changed. This is tha same gal who been bounced from Faction ta Faction, who I pulled outa Tha Wide River and came back as a Angel, with her brains all through my fur, then got knocked up, got inta a vendetta with tha fuckin Slaver, and then shaked up with him. So now she's Kin. What’s a Shifter ta do? Lorne's kit, Tandy, I call her Kin too, fer all her "tee-hee, fuckin meow, purr, scritch". She and My-She couldn't be further apart than say, Wulf and me, but gigglin aside, she's Kin, and's worth my care. She makes Lorne happy and he's pack.
Rob, now and once Beta of Tha Pack tried ta recruit me back. Gave me tha same old speeches "come ta us and get tha fear ya deserve, Hunt, kill and eat who ya like, we won’t be evil like tha others was, this time, when tha strong are in charge, it'll be better." What a load of bollocks. Tha gall of tha bastard ta in tha one breath say I should re-up so I can be part of that which that eats own. They got six Felines on their books he says, Feline meat is tha best he said. Humans are cattle ta be ett he said, and he was proud ta say he'd eaten a wolf er two in his time too. Said it'd be good if I took a Betaship. Hinted he'd be happy ta have me as Alpha. What tha fuck would did he think I was doin now? What tha hell did he think, that I wanted ta leave my Family who lived by respect, pride and love of Her Ladyship ta run with, and lead a cannibalistic "bunch of half insane fugatives, bandits, and rogues." His words. Kin they are. Pack they once were. Blood they ain't. I know where I belong.
Kin, pack, Blood. To each be true.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Slaver Claws has come ta Tox
==================================
Pencil entry, also in a neater hand dated 5/5/08 several spots heavily crosssed out, as if there was no eraser handy.
==================================
Zillinger tha Drow, Slaver. Sharp toothed kidnapper. Caused a bit of fuss in Toxia just recently. Lets just get this straight. I don't like Slavers. Maybe its cause I was zoo-born. Maybe its cause it was "fight or die" in tha 7RAR-L. Maybe its cause I don't see a reason ta have slaves.
That must be it. Lemme make that clear. I understand prisoners. I used ta take em. Good fer intel, good fer leaverage, good fer a field expedient meal as needed. I understand servants. Folks as would work fer ya, fer wage, or duty or love. I get that someone could work off a debt ta ya. I understand punishin someone by given them a task as their time. That all makes sense. I suppose ya could call that a Slave. That ain't what I’m talken about. I’m talkin about tha trade of beins as property, fer whatever use they're put ta. There's a difference. Tha ditch-diggin POW is just that, a defeated combatant who's bein kept busy, because outa mercy or strategic need they didn't get deep sixed, and they stay because they're broken, bidin their time or figure they'll get rescued at tha end of tha scrap. Tha oath-sworn butler is there fer a reason, stays fer a reason. Tha Slaver, though, trades in beins like property. They take their prisoner fer profit, and sell them fer profit. They keep their stock broken, ta keep their trade flowin. Their Slaves let em, and worse, stay slaves after they get traded. That’s how fuckin awful Slavers are. A prisoner who stays broken after those what took em pass custody over ta others someone else, well, that’s just fuckin wrong. Freedom ta run as ya will should only be tempered by ya own free will. We had a sayin "when ya can't run, ya walk. When ya can't walk ya crawl. When ya can't crawl ya find someone ta carry ya" because its tha way of tha Wild ta run free.
Submission ta a victor is one thing. Its their right as victor ta expect that. But if it ain't. Fight. Submit ta show respect but live free. A true Slave has lost that. A Slaver trades on that. A Slaver breaks a bein till they lose that will ta run, tha will ta fight, tha will ta die for it. A Slaver feeds off that. They take tha will tha Goddess gave us. Its worse than any torture. Ya can loose yer mind from enough torture, ya can die. Yer sufferin ends then. Ta loose yer will? That’s worse. I been tortured. A bit. I done my fair share too. But I always ended it. Snuffed em or fixed em and loosed them, give em tha feel they had a fighten chance. Usually tha first. Probably better. I never did it fer fun at least. Not like some.
But that ain't my point, my point is that we took em, used em and fer better and worse, but we never made profit off of tha poor bastards. I see all kinds of capture and bindin goin on in Tox. Combatants collarin their vanquished. Tha alpha-types bindin their lessers by vow, fear or Gaes. Some mark their minions so we can all see. Some are more subtle. I can abide them. I don't like it when it interferes with tha Chain of Command, like it did with Wulf and Zoufi, and Hungry too. I wonder about if it woulda gone that way with Nareth and her vassals. Looks like we don't gotta worry about that, but, I worry. It was bad fer Tha Pack. I don't wanna see it happen with tha Institute. I don't care who does what ta who, as long as Her Ladyships word is law.
That’s as should be. She leads, we follow willingly. Free will. Tied we may be, some stronger, some less but we're all in it because its right. So when I get wind of a Slaver operatin in tha City, taken captives and generally bein a menace, it gets my hackles up. I did some investigatin myself: recon and surveiled on him. I saw him fightin with Jadienne. I overheard him down at tha factory tradin barbs with tha Ryder that came gunnin fer him. They got some deep, bad blood. Jadienne even came ta Tha Library wantin ta know if we'd been meetin with him. Not rude, but pryin. It seems I ain't tha only one who thinks that tha bastard is bad news 'cause Steve Badmanners handed his ass ta him it seems. I don't know anythin about Drows. From what I gathered though, Zill was targetin females, which was a big taboo in his own culture. Seems they got a very strict matriarchy. Irony is, it sounds slave-strict.
My-She used ta be a slave. A slave traded by Slavers, not just tha searvin kind. I met tha fella who rescued her. Who became her "Master" I met him and saw tha light in his eyes. Tha man treats her with tha care of a father. That he expects her ta obey, calls her "His Girl" and she shows her respects as I would an alpha. This ain't what i'm talkin about. My-She fairly cringed at tha mention of tha Slaver. Its a window inta a past I didn't expect ta see. I don't know if I can make it better, but I can be there fer her.
Turns out we invited in Zill tha Slaver in ta tea. Now, usually i woulda been all over him, verbally at least, like a pack on a three legged deer. He was gunna get questioned on tha who/what/where and why, and, that he was. I did my best ta be there fer My-She. I was a bit scattered from havin given some relief ta Her Ladyship, and not bouncin back as well a s i mighta if i hadn't been New Moon'd. So in he walked, and got all eyes (or eye-voids) were on him.
He identified himself as a Drow, some kind of "not Dark Elf" and was fairly agitated at bein questioned and scrutinized, layed hands on his weapon. Poisoned blade as i hear. Typical. Lorne, always good with tha subtle word works around Tha Slavers prickles askin "how it is you employ yourself that you are constantly at the ready to bring your weapons to bear?" Zillinger tried ta bluster outa it, but Steve Badmanners came in and called him on bein a murderous bastard. Things kinda got a bit heated, and i wasn't up ta gettin involved. Not normal fer me. I hope I deal better next time. One thing that came up was Tha Slavers ties to tha Shadows which gives an insight "I don't run with the Shadows.... I only like a couple of them.. the rest are pathetic creatures" he said. He then went inta how Pieter or maybe Janiver had done some magics ta his heart ta blackmail him. True enough about tha Shadows, I know they ain;t got no love fer him. I seen him around tha Cybers a lot though, makes ya wonder what they’re up ta. Aurora too, she runs close tat ha line, that one.
He also weaselled outa admittin ta bein a Slaver. Said he was a male Drow and that should be enough. I like answers, so I was getting weary at that point. Tha fella is a liar, or at best, a scoundrel. Joah sumed it up, with a sniff "All I know of drow society is that treachery and lies are expected, and a devastating betrayal is admired. " . My-She said somethin in their tongue, I guess, least, I don't recognise it. Lorne keeps up tha subtle probins, I wonder if tha Slaver realised how much he was givin away.
He kept on tha line that all tha ill he had done was cause Janiver held sway over his heart. He got a fair brow-beatin from Steve who really seems ta have it in fer him. No bad thing I think. Its about then that Kumori came in, and after I pulled her away from a snarlin match with Steve and his missus, Selene, me and her had another of our little talks, which, I think I can say, is startin ta work in my favour, finally. I had ta leave My-She ta do that, though, and I felt conflicted about that. It’s a rough thing ta be stuck in a room with a fear from yer past, but she’s strong, and knew I was just upstairs. She’d asked me ta make sure she didn’t fall back inta being “tha girl” which I knew she meant, ta be slave-like. When I passed her, and we touched, I got tha feel she was doin awright, so I headed up ta have another match with Kumori. Like I say, that looks like it might be workin out. Good fer her, good fer us, good fer me. Another one rescued, I say. She’s like ta be damaged forever, but away from tha Shadows, she might be able ta heal some, and maybe not get too much more damaged in tha process.
I came back down, and found Pieter tha Shadow was there too, talking with Steve and Selene. Now, I don’t like tha fella, more so since I knew he was Mirah’s not so lovin ex. I started my way down in time ta see Lorne graciously excusin My-She, but missed her as she scooted. Too much ta deal with, tha Slaver, Pieter, and me off workin and not there ta be strong fer her. I was still dizzy, but I knew she’d had needed me, and I had been elsewhere. Tha Slaver didn’t like tha extra heat brought ta bear with tha Shadow contingent so close, ‘cause Kumori had hot-footed out when our talks burnt her too close ta tha bone, and with Pieter and tha Badmannerses there too. I duck out after checkin with Lorne that we got all we needed. I’d hate ta have gone through that and not learnt anything, seems he was content with tha intel, so, mission: success. Seein that I ain’t gonna be of any more help, I ducked out, lookin fer My-She, prayin that when I find her, she’s awright. She was, shaken, but not stirred.
Look out City, Slaver Claws has come ta Tox.
Pencil entry, also in a neater hand dated 5/5/08 several spots heavily crosssed out, as if there was no eraser handy.
==================================
Zillinger tha Drow, Slaver. Sharp toothed kidnapper. Caused a bit of fuss in Toxia just recently. Lets just get this straight. I don't like Slavers. Maybe its cause I was zoo-born. Maybe its cause it was "fight or die" in tha 7RAR-L. Maybe its cause I don't see a reason ta have slaves.
That must be it. Lemme make that clear. I understand prisoners. I used ta take em. Good fer intel, good fer leaverage, good fer a field expedient meal as needed. I understand servants. Folks as would work fer ya, fer wage, or duty or love. I get that someone could work off a debt ta ya. I understand punishin someone by given them a task as their time. That all makes sense. I suppose ya could call that a Slave. That ain't what I’m talken about. I’m talkin about tha trade of beins as property, fer whatever use they're put ta. There's a difference. Tha ditch-diggin POW is just that, a defeated combatant who's bein kept busy, because outa mercy or strategic need they didn't get deep sixed, and they stay because they're broken, bidin their time or figure they'll get rescued at tha end of tha scrap. Tha oath-sworn butler is there fer a reason, stays fer a reason. Tha Slaver, though, trades in beins like property. They take their prisoner fer profit, and sell them fer profit. They keep their stock broken, ta keep their trade flowin. Their Slaves let em, and worse, stay slaves after they get traded. That’s how fuckin awful Slavers are. A prisoner who stays broken after those what took em pass custody over ta others someone else, well, that’s just fuckin wrong. Freedom ta run as ya will should only be tempered by ya own free will. We had a sayin "when ya can't run, ya walk. When ya can't walk ya crawl. When ya can't crawl ya find someone ta carry ya" because its tha way of tha Wild ta run free.
Submission ta a victor is one thing. Its their right as victor ta expect that. But if it ain't. Fight. Submit ta show respect but live free. A true Slave has lost that. A Slaver trades on that. A Slaver breaks a bein till they lose that will ta run, tha will ta fight, tha will ta die for it. A Slaver feeds off that. They take tha will tha Goddess gave us. Its worse than any torture. Ya can loose yer mind from enough torture, ya can die. Yer sufferin ends then. Ta loose yer will? That’s worse. I been tortured. A bit. I done my fair share too. But I always ended it. Snuffed em or fixed em and loosed them, give em tha feel they had a fighten chance. Usually tha first. Probably better. I never did it fer fun at least. Not like some.
But that ain't my point, my point is that we took em, used em and fer better and worse, but we never made profit off of tha poor bastards. I see all kinds of capture and bindin goin on in Tox. Combatants collarin their vanquished. Tha alpha-types bindin their lessers by vow, fear or Gaes. Some mark their minions so we can all see. Some are more subtle. I can abide them. I don't like it when it interferes with tha Chain of Command, like it did with Wulf and Zoufi, and Hungry too. I wonder about if it woulda gone that way with Nareth and her vassals. Looks like we don't gotta worry about that, but, I worry. It was bad fer Tha Pack. I don't wanna see it happen with tha Institute. I don't care who does what ta who, as long as Her Ladyships word is law.
That’s as should be. She leads, we follow willingly. Free will. Tied we may be, some stronger, some less but we're all in it because its right. So when I get wind of a Slaver operatin in tha City, taken captives and generally bein a menace, it gets my hackles up. I did some investigatin myself: recon and surveiled on him. I saw him fightin with Jadienne. I overheard him down at tha factory tradin barbs with tha Ryder that came gunnin fer him. They got some deep, bad blood. Jadienne even came ta Tha Library wantin ta know if we'd been meetin with him. Not rude, but pryin. It seems I ain't tha only one who thinks that tha bastard is bad news 'cause Steve Badmanners handed his ass ta him it seems. I don't know anythin about Drows. From what I gathered though, Zill was targetin females, which was a big taboo in his own culture. Seems they got a very strict matriarchy. Irony is, it sounds slave-strict.
My-She used ta be a slave. A slave traded by Slavers, not just tha searvin kind. I met tha fella who rescued her. Who became her "Master" I met him and saw tha light in his eyes. Tha man treats her with tha care of a father. That he expects her ta obey, calls her "His Girl" and she shows her respects as I would an alpha. This ain't what i'm talkin about. My-She fairly cringed at tha mention of tha Slaver. Its a window inta a past I didn't expect ta see. I don't know if I can make it better, but I can be there fer her.
Turns out we invited in Zill tha Slaver in ta tea. Now, usually i woulda been all over him, verbally at least, like a pack on a three legged deer. He was gunna get questioned on tha who/what/where and why, and, that he was. I did my best ta be there fer My-She. I was a bit scattered from havin given some relief ta Her Ladyship, and not bouncin back as well a s i mighta if i hadn't been New Moon'd. So in he walked, and got all eyes (or eye-voids) were on him.
He identified himself as a Drow, some kind of "not Dark Elf" and was fairly agitated at bein questioned and scrutinized, layed hands on his weapon. Poisoned blade as i hear. Typical. Lorne, always good with tha subtle word works around Tha Slavers prickles askin "how it is you employ yourself that you are constantly at the ready to bring your weapons to bear?" Zillinger tried ta bluster outa it, but Steve Badmanners came in and called him on bein a murderous bastard. Things kinda got a bit heated, and i wasn't up ta gettin involved. Not normal fer me. I hope I deal better next time. One thing that came up was Tha Slavers ties to tha Shadows which gives an insight "I don't run with the Shadows.... I only like a couple of them.. the rest are pathetic creatures" he said. He then went inta how Pieter or maybe Janiver had done some magics ta his heart ta blackmail him. True enough about tha Shadows, I know they ain;t got no love fer him. I seen him around tha Cybers a lot though, makes ya wonder what they’re up ta. Aurora too, she runs close tat ha line, that one.
He also weaselled outa admittin ta bein a Slaver. Said he was a male Drow and that should be enough. I like answers, so I was getting weary at that point. Tha fella is a liar, or at best, a scoundrel. Joah sumed it up, with a sniff "All I know of drow society is that treachery and lies are expected, and a devastating betrayal is admired. " . My-She said somethin in their tongue, I guess, least, I don't recognise it. Lorne keeps up tha subtle probins, I wonder if tha Slaver realised how much he was givin away.
He kept on tha line that all tha ill he had done was cause Janiver held sway over his heart. He got a fair brow-beatin from Steve who really seems ta have it in fer him. No bad thing I think. Its about then that Kumori came in, and after I pulled her away from a snarlin match with Steve and his missus, Selene, me and her had another of our little talks, which, I think I can say, is startin ta work in my favour, finally. I had ta leave My-She ta do that, though, and I felt conflicted about that. It’s a rough thing ta be stuck in a room with a fear from yer past, but she’s strong, and knew I was just upstairs. She’d asked me ta make sure she didn’t fall back inta being “tha girl” which I knew she meant, ta be slave-like. When I passed her, and we touched, I got tha feel she was doin awright, so I headed up ta have another match with Kumori. Like I say, that looks like it might be workin out. Good fer her, good fer us, good fer me. Another one rescued, I say. She’s like ta be damaged forever, but away from tha Shadows, she might be able ta heal some, and maybe not get too much more damaged in tha process.
I came back down, and found Pieter tha Shadow was there too, talking with Steve and Selene. Now, I don’t like tha fella, more so since I knew he was Mirah’s not so lovin ex. I started my way down in time ta see Lorne graciously excusin My-She, but missed her as she scooted. Too much ta deal with, tha Slaver, Pieter, and me off workin and not there ta be strong fer her. I was still dizzy, but I knew she’d had needed me, and I had been elsewhere. Tha Slaver didn’t like tha extra heat brought ta bear with tha Shadow contingent so close, ‘cause Kumori had hot-footed out when our talks burnt her too close ta tha bone, and with Pieter and tha Badmannerses there too. I duck out after checkin with Lorne that we got all we needed. I’d hate ta have gone through that and not learnt anything, seems he was content with tha intel, so, mission: success. Seein that I ain’t gonna be of any more help, I ducked out, lookin fer My-She, prayin that when I find her, she’s awright. She was, shaken, but not stirred.
Look out City, Slaver Claws has come ta Tox.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Her Ladyship Quenches a Thirst
===================================
Pencil entry dated 4/5/08 More than one pencil has been used
===================================
"You should know Joh, I must feed, to exist.. but I never feed from any, who don't wish me to. Not ever. Do you understand?"
I snap my signalin mirror shut and grin, i'm getting better at targetin in my Crossings. I heel down in tha space between chairs and books. Not bad at all. Helps ta have somethin ta home in on. Her Ladyship looks up at me from her talk and grins, her lips move and I wonder what she's thinkin, but I don't have ta wait too long. I reach up and pull my hair out of tha top-knot I wear when I roam as a Fleshie, gets in everythin otherwise.
I greet her and show her my respect and all sudden like She grins over at me and with an quick motion, leans over to kisses me. Right on the cheek and says "So very, very good to see you m'dear" I kinda get shy which gives her somethin ta chuckle at not unkind like. Tha Feline Joh takes a seat as Her Ladyship keeps chattin with her, and I take my chance look at the couch, and plonk down. Its a rare treat I try ta stay clear most of tha month. I shed. Her Ladyship sits down, on Her seat, smiling at me as tha two of them keep chattin, I watch Her Ladyship and speak up. Its somethin I just kinda noticed, one of those things that kinda sneaks up on me when I get shy and weary. When i'm Fleshie I see colors different. I guess that's what they all see all tha time. Maybe it makes up fer tha smells and sounds they don't get.
So, I pipe up "ya know, there is a whole lot of redish haired people in tha Institute, is that weird or what?"
This puts a smile on Her Ladyships dial "What can I say? I'm a trendsetter." says She, I go on "err, just seems . . . too much fer Chance, is all" I say. Poncho came in some time. I didn't hear him or smell him "Chance needs her cut too" he adds which is great, he -knows-. Her Ladyship goes and finishes with a line about how she just loves tha New Moons which I can feel sets me ta blushin. Poncho saves tha day setting the crate he's luggin, down. Its hefty and has an Omega on its sides, markin it as Hers. There gets ta be some talkin about tha crate, what's in it, I think it was a good size ta pack people in, ya'd have ta butcher them a bit, but ya could pack three or so I guess. As i'm doin that, I look up at Poncho and bam! More red. Its not just a trend, its near tha rule.
Poncho twigs and asks "Grr... it acts like you... but...you look different....a hair cut?" tha fella has style. So I kinda fill him in on tha story, as much as I tell when strangers are about, finishin with tha line "just dont ask me ta get all useful till once its passed". Her Ladyship looked at Pontifex, smiling.. "He looks plenty useful to me." to which he picks up the crate, gives it a loud pat "Well, perhaps a little smiley can do the trick. Anyhow, I just came by to drop this off and head back to my lab. Until later all..." and starts ta walk out but Her Ladyship grins, blows him a kiss and winks. Poncho starts whistlin, but as he goes I can see he's blushin... darker.. Glad it ain't just me that happens ta.
I'm still swiveled watchin him go, sharin tha same grin when I hear Her Ladyship's come right up ta me and says all quiet "You know, it is not your claws or your fangs that make you useful to us.. It is your brain, and.. your heart. And those, you have regardless of your form." Ya coulda knocked me down with a feather. Coulda been word fer word what My-She told me, standin by tha Dock as I snarled and went 5.56 fishing, so long ago. How do they know? What makes them so sure I ain't just a twitch from bein what they tell kiddies ta be good or will come fer em? All I can do is ta reache our my hands to take Hers and thank her. She catches my eyes with hers and i feel tha presence there, tha depth, tha span of life lived. Her words have meanin. "You're very dear to us, GrrBrool." again, all I can do is blink and smile. Then that bloody Portrait of Dimentox pipes up "Get a room already!" which gives me a shock, pisses me off but I give it tha Newcastle Salute as Her Ladyship glances up at, steps back, pullin her hands from mine. Its really startin ta bug me but its good ta know that other folks hear it too. Her Ladyship nods and lets me know I aint alone on that front neither.
Joah comes on down offerin greetins, large as life and healthy and hale. Its good ta see her, I was worried. Prophecy and all. She wanders off, free and easy. Larissa, Neri and My-She wander in, and again i'm surrounded by red or redish hair. Blood and Fire people. All of us. Her Ladyship whispers to Lari somethin my stumpy ears don't catch, Lari comes back with "Well, it IS lonely out there" I figure it was about -her- walkabout. Neri follows My-She out at tha prospect of coffee. Her Ladyship and Lari talk about her havin been away and how We've missed her. They talk about Lari's carriage and how that's goin. Talk turns back to The Institute as Her Ladyship asks “Are you sure I can't persuade you to come back to us?” there is a bit of a silence, so I join in sayin it would be good fer -us- as well as her, fer her ta come back and run with us again. That she's got talent. Lari's turn ta get shy, now, I guess cause she lowered her eyes and kinda half-smiles up at me and says "I had some time for myself. But I missed so many things. I..." She kinda stalls, choked with feelin, so Her Ladyship slips in with “We missed you too, Larissa. And you belong here.” How true that is, I try ta explain ta Lari how much it meant ta me, after my own walkabout, ta have a home ta come to. A good home. “Home, Family, Safe" is all I really manage. She nods, and Her Ladyship beams and first welcome's home Lari, then leans down to whisper a welcome to her baby-belly. Some more, happy cryin, and I make a bit of a stumble on tha couch, no tail fer balance, mind, which brightens tha mood a tad more. Talk runs ta gossip, but Her ladyship's got purpose, and tells Lari that it'll come “all in good time m'dear” and that “I promise we will update you on everything you may desire. For now, however, I have some urgent business to attend to.” And with that, turns and heads up tha stairs. As she walks I get a feelin I'm bein watched, so I look up at tha paintin again and stick my tongue out at it and warn Lari that he's a pain in tha tail hole, and I get rewarded with a response from it “I saw that, ya mangy mutt!” so I say back ta Lari “see” ta prove my point. Her Ladyship, though, stops mid climb and gives it a glare that would perm fur and deadpans “He is no mutt.” looks down over the railin and says “GrrBrool - come upstairs, please” as I'm thankin Her fer stickin up fer me. I stand to, and double time it up the spiral mutterin that I'm gonna find some spraypaint, or maybe a magic marker ta give tha paintin a goatee or glasses, maybe horns.
When I get up there, Her Ladysip is lookin about tha lab, inspectin and sighs “You know, since Joh decided this was worth meddling with.. we shall have to keep a closer eye on it, Heaven knows what she may have done to herself, or us. In any case, that's not what I wanted to to speak to you about and calls me over to tha back where tha crates are. I pad on over, there is some fine soft dust, sawdust, I guess, makes my feet tickle a bit, bare and Fleshie and all. I step to and show her my respects, she sighs, looks at up at me, not tall, but stature ain't always measured in hands. She goes on, funny, she knows ta use my full name, and I suppose, bein of tha Fanger persuasion, she can get away with it in tha way that Fleshies can't. Names have power, but She's not one ta throw that about. “GrrBrool.. I am not sure if Mirah mentioned this to you. You were there when I embraced Nareth - you remember? I just nod carefully, I wasn't right there, I was around, but I got tha story, and its . . well . . . complications. She looks a bit stressed, like maybe She's breakin something to me slow, like “It has had.. consequences I didn't anticipate.” This I know, I seen it, I smelt it, and I can sense her stuggle, inside. And there was her Dream, of tha Fire. More Fire, more Red, but I try ta ease Her worry and tell Her i been watchin , in case, she preses on though sayin “You were there last night, that is not something I would.. ordinarily do.” And She looks to the floor, embarassed..”But the soil, GrrBrool.. it burned me - it burns still. and.. it makes me thirst..” All I can do is nod, and try ta see where she's comin from. She bites Her lip. And mutters “Like a fledgeling. Worse” Ahh, I got it now, I see what botherin her, so I say what comes "its yer Nature, Lady, ya need not be concerened of that, not ta me, least of all" Maybe it was of succur, maybe not. She keeps goin. "This is not a natural thirst. But a thirst it is, nonetheless. And.. I have been fighting it, as much as I can..
but.." she falters a tad, and i'm graspin tha magnitude of Her struggle. This ain't no flakey new pup worried she might mess tha den or eat tha neighbor. This is a Lady of a Line.
I keep noddin to Her so She knows i'm with her as She goes on "You have seen what happens when I lose control." I have. When Poncho lost his throat. When Tha Library booted me, usin Nareth's voice. Tenguska. I seen what happens.
"and yet," I say to Her, "Yer Ladyship, look about ya, we're all still here, comin back even . ." hopin She sees in my eyes how true it is, and remindin her of Lari, just returned. She continues " Yes. I was forgiven. For which I am grateful, I do not wish a repeat of that occurance though.." but I have ta speak up then. not fergiven, Lady, it aint even needed. ya lead, and live as ya like, and . . . ya are The Lady . ... ." I trailed off, words don't do justice ta tha feelin of followin a worthy Alpha. Not my words maybe. I know tha gestures. I can show how I feel, if I were furred, if She could see.
Her Ladyship just shakes her head.. "I would not abuse my position." I can't make myself clear. I try. "we KNOW, no one here i know is bound ta stay, am i right?" She confirms but goes on.
"I do not wish to lose control again.. I would not seek to test those close to me in such a way.. again. So I must take.. measures. I must.." She stops,purses her lips, unsure for a moment how to go on, but She is strong, She finds tha words "I.. I do not feed from the unwilling.." I watch her, i've offered her Units at Haven, I know what she's getting at, and add "nor bags", she goes on, " In fact, before last night.. I have not fed on anyone with whom I wasn't.. very intimately acquainted." I remember back to a secret place, a secret Moot. White and Black and Red. I remember a time I sat on the steps out front of Tha Librars and heard and smelt a Coven leaders offering. I remember and I understand. "But.. this thirst, GrrBrool, it is getting the better of me.." She looks up at me and whispers. "I am afraid of what I might do.." She fears for Her Family, what might happen to them, or what they may be confronted with. She is a Alpha, she cares for Her pack. I don't know how She may react. Our peoples are so different. I reach for Her hand with mine. I ready myself to flee, to roll and show submission, to pay. I reach and touch Her hand. The strike never comes.
She steps forward, puts her hand gently on my shoulder and speaks, whispers again "You.. you don't have to agree to this, GrrBrool. Do you understand?" She asks, She needs to ask. She asks because of who She is, more than what she is. She asks and leans close, strokes my hair, wraps a lock of it in her fingers. I try to tell her but words fail me again for a moment "i, i do, though, its, i, its. . . " fuckin great. All I come up with is a line from trainin, a line they drilled inta us ta make rogue Two-Legs Lycans act like a part of a pack. Maybe it would explain. "to serve is ta live, tha strongest lead, their trusted follow close" it didn't, she tries again "I do not feed from the unwilling.." ah! This time I see tha openin, I find words, from deep. "Lady, i am here because i am willing. have been since ya first showed me what ya were, wether ya knew it or no . . . . out front of tha Haven, Lady, if i can help, i will, fer what its worth." I’m not sure how this was gonna happen. Truth is, I ain't never been bit by a Fanger before. Oh. I been bit by all kinda folks before, some in a nice way, some not so much, but, I never been fed on. I seen it, plenty. Can be as gentle as an old folks cuddle or a savagin like a pack taken down an elk. I didn't know what ta expect, and I didn't much care. I trust. Even if it went bad, like it did fer Poncho. I will endure. Its what I am, i'll not leave Her Ladyship burnin and hurtin. Not while I got light in my eyes. I dunno if She knows that, She don't need ta. Its Nature. She leads, I follow.
Right then though she just nods, acceptin of my offerin and brushes tha hair off my shoulder with Her hand. I got a lotta hair, even mostly bald as a Fleshie, I give her a hand, flickin the whole mane aside with my head. She looks me in tha eyes again, and asks again. I could see its a struggle fer Her, one I don't quite get, more than just Hunger, "you're sure?". Best answer I can give her ain't words, I do! Kinda shuffle one foot sideways, then tha other one, so I lower myself closer to eye to eye with Her, look Her right in tha eye and give a big old nod and a pearly smile. I hear my name get mentioned downstairs, Aurora tha Shifter, some one looks after her. Kinda. Her Ladyship though, was in tha zone and steps close, pressin Her body against me and nuzzles my neck. She's soft. I don't know what I expected ta feel. A statue maybe. Stupid really. I know what Fangers feel like and look like on tha inside, just like tha rest of us, give or take. Musta been in my head. Fer fucks sake, She's tha Lady!. She feels nice. Smells good, this close She smells like she aught to, not like at arms length, stupid bloody Fleshie nose. Right on cue, we get interupted. Gina had come up, probably lookin fer me in fact. Poor luv beat a snappy retreat with a glance from Her Ladyship who looks over my shoulder over her shoulder, before lookin me in tha eye with a smile "never a moment's peace" but we ain't slowed fer long. She nuzzles some more, and i get all tingly, its a real good feelin, ta be so close ta someone who matters, and thinks ya matter, and well, i'm thinkin that as She puts Her hand on tha base of my skull and kinda leans in ta me, i hear Her sniff, and Her body kinda shudders, and then She bites. There is a flash, like a static shock from bein fuzzy on a carpet and touchin yer bunk. I make a noise, but tha feelin that washes over me kinda makes it all go away. Tha Library, tha room, tha City. IT all goes away fer who knows how long. I lean inta Her, I still have kinda an idea whats goin on about me, kinda, and She holds me up. I'm big, even as a Fleshie and i feel like i'm floatin in Her arms. I feel Her growl onta my throat, as she runs Her hands over me, tracin my quiverin muscles. I breathe, i relax, i see myself from outside. I'm havin a Vision of myself, as i feed Her. I'm outside myself as i flow inta Her, and i know its awright. Part of tha Cycle. More so, 'cause i'm aidin someone dear ta me. I watch my hands work their way over Her back, waist, hips, a caress, close, warm, carin. I see Her diggin nails in as tha blood she is given by me hits her core. i feel myself and see myself nuzzle in, and i rush back inta my own body. She pulls her head back, gently poppin her fangs outta me, another shock, then a warm glow as she kisses each little wound. I can feel her tremblin as she hold me at arms length, lookin at me. I felt kinda dazed, like a flash bang had gone off too close. Just none of tha bad that goes with it. I wobbled a bit, i know, but deep inside, i knew i;d done right by Her, and tha Goddess. She proped me up a sec, and stands up on tiptoes ta kiss me on tha lips proper and thanks me. Well, i never been one ta turn down thanks. I share that brief, gentle light kiss and taste myself on her lips. Thats ok, its a flavour i know well. I lick my wounds. I look Her in tha eyes and stand as proud and tall as i can and tell her that its what i do.
She lets me go, careful like, maybe a touch slower than she needed ta, i dunno, dazed, remember, and smiles that smile again, and tells me that "I beleive you have people waiting for you." She turns, and walks off away. There mighta been a spring in Her step. I sure hope so. As She walks, she looks out tha window ta Tha Haven and smiles again, with a nod. I figure she'd go see MY-She, ta make sure all's well. I look about, as my vision centers again, and Kumori is awready waitin ta talk. Aurora is downstairs. Joah is still lookin fer gossip. It was gonna be a long day, and i felt kinda weird awready.
Bu i wouldn't have traded it fer tha world. I did a good thing. I matter ta those around me.
She likes me.
Pencil entry dated 4/5/08 More than one pencil has been used
===================================
"You should know Joh, I must feed, to exist.. but I never feed from any, who don't wish me to. Not ever. Do you understand?"
I snap my signalin mirror shut and grin, i'm getting better at targetin in my Crossings. I heel down in tha space between chairs and books. Not bad at all. Helps ta have somethin ta home in on. Her Ladyship looks up at me from her talk and grins, her lips move and I wonder what she's thinkin, but I don't have ta wait too long. I reach up and pull my hair out of tha top-knot I wear when I roam as a Fleshie, gets in everythin otherwise.
I greet her and show her my respect and all sudden like She grins over at me and with an quick motion, leans over to kisses me. Right on the cheek and says "So very, very good to see you m'dear" I kinda get shy which gives her somethin ta chuckle at not unkind like. Tha Feline Joh takes a seat as Her Ladyship keeps chattin with her, and I take my chance look at the couch, and plonk down. Its a rare treat I try ta stay clear most of tha month. I shed. Her Ladyship sits down, on Her seat, smiling at me as tha two of them keep chattin, I watch Her Ladyship and speak up. Its somethin I just kinda noticed, one of those things that kinda sneaks up on me when I get shy and weary. When i'm Fleshie I see colors different. I guess that's what they all see all tha time. Maybe it makes up fer tha smells and sounds they don't get.
So, I pipe up "ya know, there is a whole lot of redish haired people in tha Institute, is that weird or what?"
This puts a smile on Her Ladyships dial "What can I say? I'm a trendsetter." says She, I go on "err, just seems . . . too much fer Chance, is all" I say. Poncho came in some time. I didn't hear him or smell him "Chance needs her cut too" he adds which is great, he -knows-. Her Ladyship goes and finishes with a line about how she just loves tha New Moons which I can feel sets me ta blushin. Poncho saves tha day setting the crate he's luggin, down. Its hefty and has an Omega on its sides, markin it as Hers. There gets ta be some talkin about tha crate, what's in it, I think it was a good size ta pack people in, ya'd have ta butcher them a bit, but ya could pack three or so I guess. As i'm doin that, I look up at Poncho and bam! More red. Its not just a trend, its near tha rule.
Poncho twigs and asks "Grr... it acts like you... but...you look different....a hair cut?" tha fella has style. So I kinda fill him in on tha story, as much as I tell when strangers are about, finishin with tha line "just dont ask me ta get all useful till once its passed". Her Ladyship looked at Pontifex, smiling.. "He looks plenty useful to me." to which he picks up the crate, gives it a loud pat "Well, perhaps a little smiley can do the trick. Anyhow, I just came by to drop this off and head back to my lab. Until later all..." and starts ta walk out but Her Ladyship grins, blows him a kiss and winks. Poncho starts whistlin, but as he goes I can see he's blushin... darker.. Glad it ain't just me that happens ta.
I'm still swiveled watchin him go, sharin tha same grin when I hear Her Ladyship's come right up ta me and says all quiet "You know, it is not your claws or your fangs that make you useful to us.. It is your brain, and.. your heart. And those, you have regardless of your form." Ya coulda knocked me down with a feather. Coulda been word fer word what My-She told me, standin by tha Dock as I snarled and went 5.56 fishing, so long ago. How do they know? What makes them so sure I ain't just a twitch from bein what they tell kiddies ta be good or will come fer em? All I can do is ta reache our my hands to take Hers and thank her. She catches my eyes with hers and i feel tha presence there, tha depth, tha span of life lived. Her words have meanin. "You're very dear to us, GrrBrool." again, all I can do is blink and smile. Then that bloody Portrait of Dimentox pipes up "Get a room already!" which gives me a shock, pisses me off but I give it tha Newcastle Salute as Her Ladyship glances up at, steps back, pullin her hands from mine. Its really startin ta bug me but its good ta know that other folks hear it too. Her Ladyship nods and lets me know I aint alone on that front neither.
Joah comes on down offerin greetins, large as life and healthy and hale. Its good ta see her, I was worried. Prophecy and all. She wanders off, free and easy. Larissa, Neri and My-She wander in, and again i'm surrounded by red or redish hair. Blood and Fire people. All of us. Her Ladyship whispers to Lari somethin my stumpy ears don't catch, Lari comes back with "Well, it IS lonely out there" I figure it was about -her- walkabout. Neri follows My-She out at tha prospect of coffee. Her Ladyship and Lari talk about her havin been away and how We've missed her. They talk about Lari's carriage and how that's goin. Talk turns back to The Institute as Her Ladyship asks “Are you sure I can't persuade you to come back to us?” there is a bit of a silence, so I join in sayin it would be good fer -us- as well as her, fer her ta come back and run with us again. That she's got talent. Lari's turn ta get shy, now, I guess cause she lowered her eyes and kinda half-smiles up at me and says "I had some time for myself. But I missed so many things. I..." She kinda stalls, choked with feelin, so Her Ladyship slips in with “We missed you too, Larissa. And you belong here.” How true that is, I try ta explain ta Lari how much it meant ta me, after my own walkabout, ta have a home ta come to. A good home. “Home, Family, Safe" is all I really manage. She nods, and Her Ladyship beams and first welcome's home Lari, then leans down to whisper a welcome to her baby-belly. Some more, happy cryin, and I make a bit of a stumble on tha couch, no tail fer balance, mind, which brightens tha mood a tad more. Talk runs ta gossip, but Her ladyship's got purpose, and tells Lari that it'll come “all in good time m'dear” and that “I promise we will update you on everything you may desire. For now, however, I have some urgent business to attend to.” And with that, turns and heads up tha stairs. As she walks I get a feelin I'm bein watched, so I look up at tha paintin again and stick my tongue out at it and warn Lari that he's a pain in tha tail hole, and I get rewarded with a response from it “I saw that, ya mangy mutt!” so I say back ta Lari “see” ta prove my point. Her Ladyship, though, stops mid climb and gives it a glare that would perm fur and deadpans “He is no mutt.” looks down over the railin and says “GrrBrool - come upstairs, please” as I'm thankin Her fer stickin up fer me. I stand to, and double time it up the spiral mutterin that I'm gonna find some spraypaint, or maybe a magic marker ta give tha paintin a goatee or glasses, maybe horns.
When I get up there, Her Ladysip is lookin about tha lab, inspectin and sighs “You know, since Joh decided this was worth meddling with.. we shall have to keep a closer eye on it, Heaven knows what she may have done to herself, or us. In any case, that's not what I wanted to to speak to you about and calls me over to tha back where tha crates are. I pad on over, there is some fine soft dust, sawdust, I guess, makes my feet tickle a bit, bare and Fleshie and all. I step to and show her my respects, she sighs, looks at up at me, not tall, but stature ain't always measured in hands. She goes on, funny, she knows ta use my full name, and I suppose, bein of tha Fanger persuasion, she can get away with it in tha way that Fleshies can't. Names have power, but She's not one ta throw that about. “GrrBrool.. I am not sure if Mirah mentioned this to you. You were there when I embraced Nareth - you remember? I just nod carefully, I wasn't right there, I was around, but I got tha story, and its . . well . . . complications. She looks a bit stressed, like maybe She's breakin something to me slow, like “It has had.. consequences I didn't anticipate.” This I know, I seen it, I smelt it, and I can sense her stuggle, inside. And there was her Dream, of tha Fire. More Fire, more Red, but I try ta ease Her worry and tell Her i been watchin , in case, she preses on though sayin “You were there last night, that is not something I would.. ordinarily do.” And She looks to the floor, embarassed..”But the soil, GrrBrool.. it burned me - it burns still. and.. it makes me thirst..” All I can do is nod, and try ta see where she's comin from. She bites Her lip. And mutters “Like a fledgeling. Worse” Ahh, I got it now, I see what botherin her, so I say what comes "its yer Nature, Lady, ya need not be concerened of that, not ta me, least of all" Maybe it was of succur, maybe not. She keeps goin. "This is not a natural thirst. But a thirst it is, nonetheless. And.. I have been fighting it, as much as I can..
but.." she falters a tad, and i'm graspin tha magnitude of Her struggle. This ain't no flakey new pup worried she might mess tha den or eat tha neighbor. This is a Lady of a Line.
I keep noddin to Her so She knows i'm with her as She goes on "You have seen what happens when I lose control." I have. When Poncho lost his throat. When Tha Library booted me, usin Nareth's voice. Tenguska. I seen what happens.
"and yet," I say to Her, "Yer Ladyship, look about ya, we're all still here, comin back even . ." hopin She sees in my eyes how true it is, and remindin her of Lari, just returned. She continues " Yes. I was forgiven. For which I am grateful, I do not wish a repeat of that occurance though.." but I have ta speak up then. not fergiven, Lady, it aint even needed. ya lead, and live as ya like, and . . . ya are The Lady . ... ." I trailed off, words don't do justice ta tha feelin of followin a worthy Alpha. Not my words maybe. I know tha gestures. I can show how I feel, if I were furred, if She could see.
Her Ladyship just shakes her head.. "I would not abuse my position." I can't make myself clear. I try. "we KNOW, no one here i know is bound ta stay, am i right?" She confirms but goes on.
"I do not wish to lose control again.. I would not seek to test those close to me in such a way.. again. So I must take.. measures. I must.." She stops,purses her lips, unsure for a moment how to go on, but She is strong, She finds tha words "I.. I do not feed from the unwilling.." I watch her, i've offered her Units at Haven, I know what she's getting at, and add "nor bags", she goes on, " In fact, before last night.. I have not fed on anyone with whom I wasn't.. very intimately acquainted." I remember back to a secret place, a secret Moot. White and Black and Red. I remember a time I sat on the steps out front of Tha Librars and heard and smelt a Coven leaders offering. I remember and I understand. "But.. this thirst, GrrBrool, it is getting the better of me.." She looks up at me and whispers. "I am afraid of what I might do.." She fears for Her Family, what might happen to them, or what they may be confronted with. She is a Alpha, she cares for Her pack. I don't know how She may react. Our peoples are so different. I reach for Her hand with mine. I ready myself to flee, to roll and show submission, to pay. I reach and touch Her hand. The strike never comes.
She steps forward, puts her hand gently on my shoulder and speaks, whispers again "You.. you don't have to agree to this, GrrBrool. Do you understand?" She asks, She needs to ask. She asks because of who She is, more than what she is. She asks and leans close, strokes my hair, wraps a lock of it in her fingers. I try to tell her but words fail me again for a moment "i, i do, though, its, i, its. . . " fuckin great. All I come up with is a line from trainin, a line they drilled inta us ta make rogue Two-Legs Lycans act like a part of a pack. Maybe it would explain. "to serve is ta live, tha strongest lead, their trusted follow close" it didn't, she tries again "I do not feed from the unwilling.." ah! This time I see tha openin, I find words, from deep. "Lady, i am here because i am willing. have been since ya first showed me what ya were, wether ya knew it or no . . . . out front of tha Haven, Lady, if i can help, i will, fer what its worth." I’m not sure how this was gonna happen. Truth is, I ain't never been bit by a Fanger before. Oh. I been bit by all kinda folks before, some in a nice way, some not so much, but, I never been fed on. I seen it, plenty. Can be as gentle as an old folks cuddle or a savagin like a pack taken down an elk. I didn't know what ta expect, and I didn't much care. I trust. Even if it went bad, like it did fer Poncho. I will endure. Its what I am, i'll not leave Her Ladyship burnin and hurtin. Not while I got light in my eyes. I dunno if She knows that, She don't need ta. Its Nature. She leads, I follow.
Right then though she just nods, acceptin of my offerin and brushes tha hair off my shoulder with Her hand. I got a lotta hair, even mostly bald as a Fleshie, I give her a hand, flickin the whole mane aside with my head. She looks me in tha eyes again, and asks again. I could see its a struggle fer Her, one I don't quite get, more than just Hunger, "you're sure?". Best answer I can give her ain't words, I do! Kinda shuffle one foot sideways, then tha other one, so I lower myself closer to eye to eye with Her, look Her right in tha eye and give a big old nod and a pearly smile. I hear my name get mentioned downstairs, Aurora tha Shifter, some one looks after her. Kinda. Her Ladyship though, was in tha zone and steps close, pressin Her body against me and nuzzles my neck. She's soft. I don't know what I expected ta feel. A statue maybe. Stupid really. I know what Fangers feel like and look like on tha inside, just like tha rest of us, give or take. Musta been in my head. Fer fucks sake, She's tha Lady!. She feels nice. Smells good, this close She smells like she aught to, not like at arms length, stupid bloody Fleshie nose. Right on cue, we get interupted. Gina had come up, probably lookin fer me in fact. Poor luv beat a snappy retreat with a glance from Her Ladyship who looks over my shoulder over her shoulder, before lookin me in tha eye with a smile "never a moment's peace" but we ain't slowed fer long. She nuzzles some more, and i get all tingly, its a real good feelin, ta be so close ta someone who matters, and thinks ya matter, and well, i'm thinkin that as She puts Her hand on tha base of my skull and kinda leans in ta me, i hear Her sniff, and Her body kinda shudders, and then She bites. There is a flash, like a static shock from bein fuzzy on a carpet and touchin yer bunk. I make a noise, but tha feelin that washes over me kinda makes it all go away. Tha Library, tha room, tha City. IT all goes away fer who knows how long. I lean inta Her, I still have kinda an idea whats goin on about me, kinda, and She holds me up. I'm big, even as a Fleshie and i feel like i'm floatin in Her arms. I feel Her growl onta my throat, as she runs Her hands over me, tracin my quiverin muscles. I breathe, i relax, i see myself from outside. I'm havin a Vision of myself, as i feed Her. I'm outside myself as i flow inta Her, and i know its awright. Part of tha Cycle. More so, 'cause i'm aidin someone dear ta me. I watch my hands work their way over Her back, waist, hips, a caress, close, warm, carin. I see Her diggin nails in as tha blood she is given by me hits her core. i feel myself and see myself nuzzle in, and i rush back inta my own body. She pulls her head back, gently poppin her fangs outta me, another shock, then a warm glow as she kisses each little wound. I can feel her tremblin as she hold me at arms length, lookin at me. I felt kinda dazed, like a flash bang had gone off too close. Just none of tha bad that goes with it. I wobbled a bit, i know, but deep inside, i knew i;d done right by Her, and tha Goddess. She proped me up a sec, and stands up on tiptoes ta kiss me on tha lips proper and thanks me. Well, i never been one ta turn down thanks. I share that brief, gentle light kiss and taste myself on her lips. Thats ok, its a flavour i know well. I lick my wounds. I look Her in tha eyes and stand as proud and tall as i can and tell her that its what i do.
She lets me go, careful like, maybe a touch slower than she needed ta, i dunno, dazed, remember, and smiles that smile again, and tells me that "I beleive you have people waiting for you." She turns, and walks off away. There mighta been a spring in Her step. I sure hope so. As She walks, she looks out tha window ta Tha Haven and smiles again, with a nod. I figure she'd go see MY-She, ta make sure all's well. I look about, as my vision centers again, and Kumori is awready waitin ta talk. Aurora is downstairs. Joah is still lookin fer gossip. It was gonna be a long day, and i felt kinda weird awready.
Bu i wouldn't have traded it fer tha world. I did a good thing. I matter ta those around me.
She likes me.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Pencil doodle
==========================================
untitled pencil doodle
==========================================
==========================================
(adapted from Karen Kalacher's online store http://www.cafepress.com/ozmia, with thanks for their talent!)
ta be free
==========================================
Pencil entry, dated 6/5/08 written in a significantly neater hand, but still obviously the same.
==========================================
I got ta thinkin, about how ta talk about what i am, and why, and how its so important ta me ta be where i am, and with my Family.
I remebered this song from one of tha motivational movies we got ta watch on-base in Timor, and i looked it up in Tha Library. Apart from Dim's paintin bein a smartass, again, tha book i was lookin fer sorta just made itself known. Just kinda fell open fer me. Guess it pays ta have left my firearm burried in tha flowerpot . . .
THE MINSTREL BOY
by Thomas Moore
The Minstrel Boy to the war is gone
In the ranks of death you will find him;
His father's sword he hath girded on,
And his wild harp slung behind him;"
Land of Song!" said the warrior bard,
"Tho' all the world betrays thee,
One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard,
One faithful harp shall praise thee!"
The Minstrel fell! But the foeman's chain
Could not bring that proud soul under;
The harp he lov'd ne'er spoke again,
For he tore its chords asunder;
And said "No chains shall sully thee,
Thou soul of love and brav'ry!
Thy songs were made for the pure and free,
They shall never sound in slavery!"
Pencil entry, dated 6/5/08 written in a significantly neater hand, but still obviously the same.
==========================================
I got ta thinkin, about how ta talk about what i am, and why, and how its so important ta me ta be where i am, and with my Family.
I remebered this song from one of tha motivational movies we got ta watch on-base in Timor, and i looked it up in Tha Library. Apart from Dim's paintin bein a smartass, again, tha book i was lookin fer sorta just made itself known. Just kinda fell open fer me. Guess it pays ta have left my firearm burried in tha flowerpot . . .
THE MINSTREL BOY
by Thomas Moore
The Minstrel Boy to the war is gone
In the ranks of death you will find him;
His father's sword he hath girded on,
And his wild harp slung behind him;"
Land of Song!" said the warrior bard,
"Tho' all the world betrays thee,
One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard,
One faithful harp shall praise thee!"
The Minstrel fell! But the foeman's chain
Could not bring that proud soul under;
The harp he lov'd ne'er spoke again,
For he tore its chords asunder;
And said "No chains shall sully thee,
Thou soul of love and brav'ry!
Thy songs were made for the pure and free,
They shall never sound in slavery!"
Monday, May 5, 2008
exciting times, part 2
========================
Pencil entry, smeared with blood dated 4-5-08
========================
I heard tha call come in. Healing required at tha Pit. Neri's call. She's been actin awful twitchy recently and I can only imagine that tha mystery threat to tha Nephilim aint helpin none. Especially considerin tha close webs we weave, if ya catch my scent? I'd been doin some PR work, funny I know, but when I got tha call fer "medic" well, tha trainin and instincts kicked in. Folks will tell ya all about how hard they are, shrug off gashes and gouges and gunshots, callin them fleshwounds or tellin ya it's just a scratch. Some (not namin anyone in paticular, Krazzy ya plonker) will stand and take rounds and just pluck em out. Well bollocks ta that. Ya never know when ya might get hit in just tha right way, with just tha right mix of silver, holy water, ashes of tha One True Cross, cold metioric iron or PlayDoh. Whatever. Some folks tell me "oh woah is me, I’m cursed ta never die by tha Devil/God/crazy uncle Sue". Fuck that right off. Ya never know when either ya finally get yer reprieve, someone cracks tha Seventh Seal or just bloody flukes on ya and ya take tha Golden BB. Get inta Real Estate. Buy Tha Farm.
And when tha metal finally meets tha meat? You fucking better call fer tha medics. Cause when ya start ta dip yer toes in tha Wide River Styx, you better hope you got someone strappin yer leakin holes with field dressins or layin on paws or doin somethin more productive than gawkin and preachin. Ya might as well start goin through their pockets fer loose change. Either ta settle up what they owe ya fer beer or ta call yerself a taxi in case they pull through and are pissed ya didn't help. Maybe I’m soft, maybe I don't give enough credit ta my fellow beings and their indifference ta tha harm comin to their one and only bodies.
Maybe. Maybe not. But when I get a call of "medic!" yer getting fuckin seen to. If I catch ya limpin off an untended wound trailin tha scent of blood in yer wake, leadin THEM ta me, yer getting seen to.
Where was I? Were-was I? Ha. Boom Boom. Literally. Nerissa called fer healin. Location: Tha Pit. Do tha maths. We got intel of threats ta our Nephilim. Nerissa's got personal stakes. I know what I expected. I been in three firefights in Tha Pit. I humped tail over there, pounded up that fuckin long ramp where i've dragged my dyin and shredded Packmates down and out, leavin little red rivers. Twice i've done that, and one time we walked out. Was luck that time. This time was not gunna be any different. I could already smell fresh blood and cordite over tha reek of tha lava tang and old meat. I come scootin in, full tactical breach, or as close as I can when on my lonesome. When I get there I see Neri, fucked up and perforated on tha floor. To my supprise there were some others I didn't expect, and none of those I did. Tha Princess was there, and His Ghostlyness. Some others, but no Shadow I recognized. Fuckin odd. I didn't have time fer anythin other than TTA- tactical threat assessment. No one looked ta do me, nor my patient any harm. So I got down ta work. Denny came up behind me, not sure when. Her Ladyship too.
I had given Neri a fast physical, she'd been holed a pawfull of times, through and throughs. I made ta cut through her outers as she was comin to. Not bein a good patient. Kneelin in her blood I kept at it till I got as far as knowin how hard she'd been hit. Hard. Had she'd been a Fleshie, well, i'd have checked fer change. So I get set ta treat and she's startin ta mumble about havin deserved it, how she got what was comin, and tha like, so I keep her talkin, ask her who wacked her. This is when Denny jumps in, all but shoves me off her and tells me he'll do all she needs. Not happy, but, hell, he's got seniority and prior history. I ain't gunna buck that, damned if I will over a bleedin Family member.
So I stalk off ta one side, lookin ta see if I can find some clue. Nothin. Casin's musta fallen through that fuckin grill inta tha fires. Some Shadow comes in an gives Her Ladyship lip. Serious lip. Not good. That’s how blood-baths start. So how could it get worse? Neri gets up and staggers of, drippin blood and coughin froth. Fuckn fantastic. Great patient care. I make a dash out as tha yellin continues. Still plenty of Institute faces ta back Her Ladyship up. What tha fuck happened ta Neri in tha first place, where did Denethorn get to, and why did he let Neri walk out, as fucked up as she was? Maybe they know more than me, but fuck!
I bolt out, tryin ta catch sight or scent of Neri, but I musta zigged as she zagged, and I loose tha track. Down by tha Coven I cross Denethorn and try ta get an answer outa him. No joy. Worse, he fuckin winds me up with a "she gave you the slip? How typical of you." not fuckin helpful, nor inspirin, let me tell ya. So I bite my tongue and keep trackin. Cover tha whole damn city in five, ten minutes. Finally catch both their scents down by tha church, in tha graveyard. She looks stable, not good but stable. I ask if they need or even want any assistance. Denny just looks up and tells me that "She" might need my assistance. I was a bit puzzled by that, and he reminded me which one. Her Ladyship. In Tha Pit. I have a horrible moment where all kinds of visions, memories of what i've seen there. Then i bolt, run as fast as my paws will take me, back across town, straight and hard. I barrel through some pedestrians, pound up tha ramp, and slam my shoulder into the big doors.
They swung with a thud i didn't feel, i stalk in, this time with a purpose i've not felt fer a good long time. My Lady is at risk. My Alpha. I can smell tha anger and impendin violence in tha room, all mixed in with blood, old and new. Neri's new blood. I don't smell her Ladyship. Nor do i intend to. I stride from tha gloom inta tha main room. and glower. I know it may not be much, i put up my firearms when i took on Her service. I wear my short sword, but its more of a tool ta me than a weapon, and really, i don't know what help it would be. Depends on tha situation. I got my claws, and fangs, and i'll put them ta test any time. But most important, i'm big. big, scary, and can soak a lot of what gets thrown my way. Thats what i offer. So there i stood. lookin big and scary, huffin and puffin, ready ta blow their House down. I guess it works, tha feel of tha room shifts, and Her Ladyship waves me back, supported and standin proud again. I waited though, ready ta stand to, if called, or needed. But i ain't, She's on it. Once She passes me, i wait a moment longer, keepin tha pressure on. She calls be back, and i fell back. This is what i want to be able to do, this is what i CAN do.
Pencil entry, smeared with blood dated 4-5-08
========================
I heard tha call come in. Healing required at tha Pit. Neri's call. She's been actin awful twitchy recently and I can only imagine that tha mystery threat to tha Nephilim aint helpin none. Especially considerin tha close webs we weave, if ya catch my scent? I'd been doin some PR work, funny I know, but when I got tha call fer "medic" well, tha trainin and instincts kicked in. Folks will tell ya all about how hard they are, shrug off gashes and gouges and gunshots, callin them fleshwounds or tellin ya it's just a scratch. Some (not namin anyone in paticular, Krazzy ya plonker) will stand and take rounds and just pluck em out. Well bollocks ta that. Ya never know when ya might get hit in just tha right way, with just tha right mix of silver, holy water, ashes of tha One True Cross, cold metioric iron or PlayDoh. Whatever. Some folks tell me "oh woah is me, I’m cursed ta never die by tha Devil/God/crazy uncle Sue". Fuck that right off. Ya never know when either ya finally get yer reprieve, someone cracks tha Seventh Seal or just bloody flukes on ya and ya take tha Golden BB. Get inta Real Estate. Buy Tha Farm.
And when tha metal finally meets tha meat? You fucking better call fer tha medics. Cause when ya start ta dip yer toes in tha Wide River Styx, you better hope you got someone strappin yer leakin holes with field dressins or layin on paws or doin somethin more productive than gawkin and preachin. Ya might as well start goin through their pockets fer loose change. Either ta settle up what they owe ya fer beer or ta call yerself a taxi in case they pull through and are pissed ya didn't help. Maybe I’m soft, maybe I don't give enough credit ta my fellow beings and their indifference ta tha harm comin to their one and only bodies.
Maybe. Maybe not. But when I get a call of "medic!" yer getting fuckin seen to. If I catch ya limpin off an untended wound trailin tha scent of blood in yer wake, leadin THEM ta me, yer getting seen to.
Where was I? Were-was I? Ha. Boom Boom. Literally. Nerissa called fer healin. Location: Tha Pit. Do tha maths. We got intel of threats ta our Nephilim. Nerissa's got personal stakes. I know what I expected. I been in three firefights in Tha Pit. I humped tail over there, pounded up that fuckin long ramp where i've dragged my dyin and shredded Packmates down and out, leavin little red rivers. Twice i've done that, and one time we walked out. Was luck that time. This time was not gunna be any different. I could already smell fresh blood and cordite over tha reek of tha lava tang and old meat. I come scootin in, full tactical breach, or as close as I can when on my lonesome. When I get there I see Neri, fucked up and perforated on tha floor. To my supprise there were some others I didn't expect, and none of those I did. Tha Princess was there, and His Ghostlyness. Some others, but no Shadow I recognized. Fuckin odd. I didn't have time fer anythin other than TTA- tactical threat assessment. No one looked ta do me, nor my patient any harm. So I got down ta work. Denny came up behind me, not sure when. Her Ladyship too.
I had given Neri a fast physical, she'd been holed a pawfull of times, through and throughs. I made ta cut through her outers as she was comin to. Not bein a good patient. Kneelin in her blood I kept at it till I got as far as knowin how hard she'd been hit. Hard. Had she'd been a Fleshie, well, i'd have checked fer change. So I get set ta treat and she's startin ta mumble about havin deserved it, how she got what was comin, and tha like, so I keep her talkin, ask her who wacked her. This is when Denny jumps in, all but shoves me off her and tells me he'll do all she needs. Not happy, but, hell, he's got seniority and prior history. I ain't gunna buck that, damned if I will over a bleedin Family member.
So I stalk off ta one side, lookin ta see if I can find some clue. Nothin. Casin's musta fallen through that fuckin grill inta tha fires. Some Shadow comes in an gives Her Ladyship lip. Serious lip. Not good. That’s how blood-baths start. So how could it get worse? Neri gets up and staggers of, drippin blood and coughin froth. Fuckn fantastic. Great patient care. I make a dash out as tha yellin continues. Still plenty of Institute faces ta back Her Ladyship up. What tha fuck happened ta Neri in tha first place, where did Denethorn get to, and why did he let Neri walk out, as fucked up as she was? Maybe they know more than me, but fuck!
I bolt out, tryin ta catch sight or scent of Neri, but I musta zigged as she zagged, and I loose tha track. Down by tha Coven I cross Denethorn and try ta get an answer outa him. No joy. Worse, he fuckin winds me up with a "she gave you the slip? How typical of you." not fuckin helpful, nor inspirin, let me tell ya. So I bite my tongue and keep trackin. Cover tha whole damn city in five, ten minutes. Finally catch both their scents down by tha church, in tha graveyard. She looks stable, not good but stable. I ask if they need or even want any assistance. Denny just looks up and tells me that "She" might need my assistance. I was a bit puzzled by that, and he reminded me which one. Her Ladyship. In Tha Pit. I have a horrible moment where all kinds of visions, memories of what i've seen there. Then i bolt, run as fast as my paws will take me, back across town, straight and hard. I barrel through some pedestrians, pound up tha ramp, and slam my shoulder into the big doors.
They swung with a thud i didn't feel, i stalk in, this time with a purpose i've not felt fer a good long time. My Lady is at risk. My Alpha. I can smell tha anger and impendin violence in tha room, all mixed in with blood, old and new. Neri's new blood. I don't smell her Ladyship. Nor do i intend to. I stride from tha gloom inta tha main room. and glower. I know it may not be much, i put up my firearms when i took on Her service. I wear my short sword, but its more of a tool ta me than a weapon, and really, i don't know what help it would be. Depends on tha situation. I got my claws, and fangs, and i'll put them ta test any time. But most important, i'm big. big, scary, and can soak a lot of what gets thrown my way. Thats what i offer. So there i stood. lookin big and scary, huffin and puffin, ready ta blow their House down. I guess it works, tha feel of tha room shifts, and Her Ladyship waves me back, supported and standin proud again. I waited though, ready ta stand to, if called, or needed. But i ain't, She's on it. Once She passes me, i wait a moment longer, keepin tha pressure on. She calls be back, and i fell back. This is what i want to be able to do, this is what i CAN do.
exciting times, part 1
========================
Pencil entry, dated 3-5-08, hastily scrawled and looks like it was written on an uneven surface.
========================
Report came in, someone was targetin one of our Nephilim, didn't say which, nor what, but it sounded like they had tagged our lad. Marked or counted coup I couldn't lift from tha report, but when Demons are involved, ya can never be too careful. I did some snoopin, after tha call came in but came up a blank. From tha descriptions, I didn't get any joy. No known affiliations, Factions nor friends. That makes me think a few options: Lone pair of nutters lookin ta make a name fer themselves, mercs on a contract job or a black op under cover by one of tha Factions. Hell, could even be tha slaver and his chums.
I figure it aint loners, tha report made it sound like more conspiracy than mahem. Terrific. Just what we fuckin need. Mercs or covert ops i'd believe, but who they're actin fer I could only point claws at, without knowin fer sure which of our lads they are targetin. Even then, bloody demons are a closed mouthed bunch, I figure they'd just get all cat-bumed about it and look all stoic and tortured if I pressed any of them. Just cause they got all time ta brood don't help me do my job if they get them selves drawn and quarterd.
On top of that, seems Joah's cold-turkey from Nareth is crumpling her from tha inside. My-She went questing for her, got her spring water from a blessed well. I hope that whatever that will do, did or is doin works, but i'll get ta that. Thing is I figure its all about blood-lines. Joah got tha taste from Nareth, who got tha Gift from Her Ladyship. That’s a story in itself, and i'm fuzzy on tha details myself. Important point is it was not tha usual kinda Giftin. Deeper and Older magicks were in place. I get tha impression that tha Fire I hear My-She and Her Ladyship talkin about. Somethin that burns within. Somethin that’s now burnin in Joah and takin its toll. My-She takes off mid healin, Goddess only knows what fer. I don't need a reason, I know she's doin her Works. It's how we are. Joah takes off some time later, or maybe at tha same time. I dunno. She's bein looked to, so that’s what's important.
Pencil entry, dated 3-5-08, hastily scrawled and looks like it was written on an uneven surface.
========================
Report came in, someone was targetin one of our Nephilim, didn't say which, nor what, but it sounded like they had tagged our lad. Marked or counted coup I couldn't lift from tha report, but when Demons are involved, ya can never be too careful. I did some snoopin, after tha call came in but came up a blank. From tha descriptions, I didn't get any joy. No known affiliations, Factions nor friends. That makes me think a few options: Lone pair of nutters lookin ta make a name fer themselves, mercs on a contract job or a black op under cover by one of tha Factions. Hell, could even be tha slaver and his chums.
I figure it aint loners, tha report made it sound like more conspiracy than mahem. Terrific. Just what we fuckin need. Mercs or covert ops i'd believe, but who they're actin fer I could only point claws at, without knowin fer sure which of our lads they are targetin. Even then, bloody demons are a closed mouthed bunch, I figure they'd just get all cat-bumed about it and look all stoic and tortured if I pressed any of them. Just cause they got all time ta brood don't help me do my job if they get them selves drawn and quarterd.
On top of that, seems Joah's cold-turkey from Nareth is crumpling her from tha inside. My-She went questing for her, got her spring water from a blessed well. I hope that whatever that will do, did or is doin works, but i'll get ta that. Thing is I figure its all about blood-lines. Joah got tha taste from Nareth, who got tha Gift from Her Ladyship. That’s a story in itself, and i'm fuzzy on tha details myself. Important point is it was not tha usual kinda Giftin. Deeper and Older magicks were in place. I get tha impression that tha Fire I hear My-She and Her Ladyship talkin about. Somethin that burns within. Somethin that’s now burnin in Joah and takin its toll. My-She takes off mid healin, Goddess only knows what fer. I don't need a reason, I know she's doin her Works. It's how we are. Joah takes off some time later, or maybe at tha same time. I dunno. She's bein looked to, so that’s what's important.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)