Tails of recovery

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Pencil entry, dated 5/1/2009, starting off messy, and clears a little, as though writing is remembered
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So much has happened, two times tha moon has hid her face before I write this. Tha last thing I wrote, it was about dealin with tha Horsemen, in Spirit Gal and in Blue Shadow. Then it all went FUBAR. We’re talking serious Charlie Foxtrot. So bad I lost my marbles, I cracked, shell-shock. Its all a bit of a blur, I remember parts, maybe all of it, but it’s all a mess, I can’t say when what happened, and even workin out who said what is hard. Tha faces all blurred, and tha settin seemed ta change. Sometimes its Toxia. Sometimes its Timor, sometimes somewhere else. It took me back ta my old life. Like that’s what kicked in ta keep me alive, tha trainin. Guess those bastards in tha top brass of tha 7RAR-L knew their stuff. I shot tha Messenger. She took two ta tha chest, off-centre, but still. She had run me through, tryin ta snap me outta it, did a fair job, but I managed ta get off a burst. I shot one of my own and she was worried I’d be angry at HER. Kin, pack, Blood. I belong with these people.

But I been tryin ta put it all back tagether, so I went fer a walk, and visited tha Shelter, ta see how Strong Gal was farin, still on garrison duty, her mate, Snappypants not trustin her delicate self out on tha mean streets. Fer good reason too, but, been causin a lot of strife in tha Institute fer it. I know what its like ta be tha beast in tha cage, but at tha same time, sometimes tha bars keep tha bad out, as well as tha beast in. I rocked up and I heard them talking, as mates do. What they were talking about bothered me but didn’t surprise me much. All’s not been well in our Family, and we need ta regroup and tend our casualties.

Snappypants was sayin "normally Denny would be laying on the sidewalk bleeding his excuses just there but since he has served as your adopted dad I did not wish to present you with said spectacle. I will not stand insults like that though baby, I only hold myself back for your sake. Mine... and what he said was just rambling" ta which Strong Gal lisped bewilderedly, "But...his words.... were...untrue..... the words he said, He knows differently....." I padded in, scentin tha air, tha reek of tha plague rats was still gone, I been back since, I even did some food-prep with Strong Gal, taught her how ta make my spice cookies, but still, tha memories were strong, and scent is tha strongest. But they cleaned it good, and it’d been, well, over a moon at least. I smelt no one else, so I poked my head around tha corner Snappypants shook his head slightly "no baby, he does not know better, most of the people that are not us really don't know. they have not been in a similar situation themselves, either because it would be impossible for them or simply because it didn't happen. do not worry yourself with what they come up with and what ideas they have and don't ever think anyone but the two of us can have any educated opinion about our marriage and its state or blessing" he caressed her hair and tailed his fingertips down her neck and buried his head in tha crook of her shoulder.

I announced myself, never enter tha territory of another unannounced unless yer their fer hostile intent, casue they might get tha wrong idea. Good logic. Course, if ya ARE there fer hostile intent, get in quiet and do yer job and get out befer they know they’re dead. Better logic. "err, am I bein an intruder?" I asked, still in tha hallway, lookin around tha corner. Tha walls are thin, but still offer some cover, at least, line of sight cover. Strong Gal looked up and shook her head a negative. She cuddled with Snappypants and waved ta me. "You can come in...we are talking about Denny...who was not kind."

Snappypants looked over ta me too and grined slightly noddin a greetin. Old, he is, old like Her Ladyship, but not as quite. Here’s some more advice. Anythin that lives that long is GOOD at livin that long, that means they’re dangerous. Because there’s plenty out there that looks ta make ya dead, and they evaded, defeated or over come everythin that’s come their way, fer a LONG time. "no intrusion there Grr, has been a while since I last set my eyes on one of the specimens of your kind I do not mind having in my immediate surroundings" he grinned wider and gestures me over. I’m glad him and Her Ladyship make exception fer me. My kin and theirs, we aint exactly bestest of friends. Natural enemies some would say. Predators chasin tha same prey, just not fillin tha same niche. We distress them, cause we’re monsters that tha Fleshies can see, and it makes them wonder about tha ones they –can’t- see, like tha Fangers.

I padded over and hopped onta tha short heavy table in tha lounge, and copped a squat. "I been . . . .broken, in tha head, but, I’m better now, not best, but, better, and . . . I wanted to come and see ya both" even now, its hard ta make sense of it, and harder ta make words ta tell of it. Strong Gal said ta me, "Merry Christmas....and....yah...Merry Christmas." She thought a moment, then answerd her mate "I thought Denny would know better than his words." She asked me if I was well, but I was starin at tha kitchen, and tha floor as tha smell seemed ta come back. "I remember comin, err, before, tha . . .before tha , when there were rats" Strong Gal nodded to me and said "And we made cookies one day not so long ago....they were good cuz you don't cook them." Snappypants caressed his mate’s hair and kept tha ever-present grin on his face listenin to Strong Gal's description "not best you say but better. better is a whole step from worse Grr, glad to hear you are recovering and I hope it is speedy to that best part, mind you"

I looked ta Strong Gal, she’s delicate, fer all her strength, she don’t see things tha way they are either, but not tha way I did. She sees things better. Brighter. She sees new friends, where I saw a target rich environment. She sees a spot fer a picnic, where I saw kill-zones. "cookies, yeah, we baked . . . did you like them? its hard ta get all tha right stuff fer em, but, they're good solid food, tops fer tha body." I asked her, then pondered a bit, and offered my own worries about Featherpants. "Denethorn . . .he's been . . .real cranky, so, I guess we both been burnt by tha fire of his mind recently then .. ." Strong Gal smiled real bright hearin cookies are good tucker, but frowns again about Featherpants "He called Ethan vile things... and.... then he said our marriage was cursed and mentioned divorce!" Her mouth curls into a pout and she blinks wide-eyed before cuddlin Snappypants.

That’s fuckin bat-shit crazy, that is, I know Featherpants and Sanppypants don’t see eye ta eye on a lot of things, especially where mate and adopted pup are concerned, but, that’s daft and I couldn’t get it right in my head "but . . .yer .. .yer mated . . I, why? that don’t make no sense .. ." Snappypants smirked slightly but recovered his grin turnin to Strong Gal "he was either drunk regardless of what he said, or just hurt about some other matter. maybe his girl ran away or he didn't get a girl he wanted... or he was just miserable and could not see straight. really princess, do not trouble yourself with him at this time, besides I told him to stay away from you until he manages not to upset you with his presence"

Bombshell! That’s just fucked up. I know he’s been goin through some fuckin aweful times, he went ta fuckin HELL, and brought Blue-Wife back, at tha cost of parts of his soul, but, I seen him since, I remember it, with one of my kin, courtin, it looked like. He seemed on top of things, at least, getting on with it. But, Snappypants went on "how IS that recovery going though Grr and are there any issues you could need assistance with regarding the recovery?" I try ta answer, but I’m still flash-banged from hearin about what Captain Featherpants said. I look ta Snappypants and then ta Strong Gal, on his lap, in his arms "Mr Brit, you always put tha Corp . . .no, Strong Gal, you always put Strong Gal's good first, right, as she's yer mate?" She looked up at him and back ta me, then kissed him on tha head and said "My beloved always takes care of me, It's why I stay close to him."

Back ta me, and how im recoverin, "ahh, its all . . .my head, I was seein things wrong, like my past was overlayed on my now, and, Her Ladyship, she reminded me, she sang down tha moon for me" Snappypants nodded in response ta my initial question about Strong Gal's good, then tilted his head like he was tryin ta follow my story. I talk funny, at tha best of times, I been told. Go figure, my brain aint wired fer Fleshie thinking, I can do it, butm, it aint tha way I was born, I had ta learn. He asked me "she sang down the moon for you... would you like to elaborate on that one Grr?" turning ta Strong Gal he said soft like ta her "that sounds like more or less of a romantic story" Strong Gal looked up and her eyes went wide. "How can someone sing down the moon?" She touched her mate's hair more as she heard him speak, "Oh yes, please...I wish to hear the story."

So I started my telling. "well, when I was broken, I could talk, and think, but if I touched what was broken, I couldn’t talk, if I thought about it? I couldn't say, I was trapped in my head. but I could sing. my breed, we're called tha singin dog, we sing to tha mood on tha nights when she's lonely. I think in tha way back, we upset her, so now we sing to make her happy. so even with my brain broken, I could still sing my heart. Strong Gal listened, but looked up and asked "You mean the moon...is a she?" I looked over and could see she was strugglin to understand. I just rolled my head side to side cause it was a strange question but I remember, "yep, she’s a she, tha Lady Phoebe, or Mother Luna, she's a she . . ." Snappypants runs his hands down Strong Gal’s back "I think it is a mannerism but the moon is often referred to as a she. now if it is a female indeed or the big orb floating in space is called a she for example's sake is rather irrelevant. what is important is, is Luna has an effect on Grr and his ancestors it seems what the sung communication goes" then thinking on my words and turned ta her "there you have your answer" She looked out tha window ta see tha thin crescent of tha Moon that hung there, givin me back tha gift of Change, which, right now, let me wear my furm, and be warm.

So I went on "I sang and I sang, and no one understood me, except tha Spook, Dryl, she sang a little back to me, but, she had ta go away, and I couldn't give her enough song, folks asked me what was wrong, they told me I was crazy, tha nasty angel lady said they should put me down, they laughed, or cried, but couldn't listen to my songs. they HEARD my songs, but they couldn’t listen to them" Strong Gal blink blinked a few times, like she was rememberin and puffed her cheeks. "I thought you were just singing...." Someone wandered in and got a bowl of chilli and sat eatin. I went on with my story. "I know, its awright, Strong Gal, I don’t mind none, but, there were times I just wanted ta die, I was . . .trapped, and broken, and no good ta no one"

Snappypants looked over his shoulder and nods in his usual greeting at tha eatin one, then turns back to me "sometimes we have to break hard, so we can rise and know we are whole again but it is rather healthy not to have the need of that often..." he hushed to hear the story continue, so I did "I stood my Watch, like I was ordered, I guarded War, like it pleased Her, I stood and I starved, and I sang. Then War went away, Death went away, Pestilence went away, and there was just me, broken, locked in my head, singin fer help. then . . . then . . .. Her ladyship came back ta me, I didn’t rightly know when, or how, but, She was back, and She loved me. So tired, She was, so, I fed her, and she held me, and loved me, not cause I fed her, but because I would, because I will Always, Always, be there fer Her, as long as Coyote gives me breath and blood ta live, and, maybe longer, because tha Wide River hold no mystery from me"

Strong Gal ran her fingers through Snappypant's hair rememberin something . She buried her face against his hair, a few blinks and she pulled back ta look at her mate. Snappypants blinkd once at the 'fed her' part and looks my neck and wrist, then looks back down trying not to stare for too long. Don’t know what he was expectin ta see, he leaves his bites on Strong Gal, plain enough, but, I got fur, and I heal, real fast. "but I was still broke, even fer all tha love and care, fer all their guilty thoughts, and such, my head was broke. they fought, tha folk in tha Library, about how ta make me better. They wanted ta magic me, I had folks rummage in my thoughts, pokin and proddin, and all I could do was sing" Snappypants nodded letting his head hang a bit "sometimes people come with the best of intentions and all but examine you to death searching for an approach that really touches your being" he smirks and clenches his fist momentarily like he knew what he is talking about, from personal experience.

"but, eventually, Her Ladyship listened to my songs, she heard, and she listened and I sang ta her, a song of us, and she knew." Strong Gal asked me what I meant about them tryin ta magic me. As Bohny tha Feline came in talking ta tha new folks "they were wanting ta use magic, and MAKE me better, ta fix my head like they thought it should be, I only got a small brain, Strong Gal, and a thick skull, and it was pretty messed up in there, I don’t think even if they tried, none of em seemed ta get that I aint a man, dressed as a dog, im a wolf, given tha shape of a man. As Bohny chatted, then wandered off, I was watchin her, old instincts and memories bubblin up, she wandered off, and I muttered, watchin her tail go "she's got good breedin hips . . . .err . . ."

Snappypants tried to keep focused on my story with all the interruptions but I saw him cover his mouth after my comment about good breedin hips "that reminds me of something" he trails the sentence off "but don't let me interrupt" he looks back at the new lookin couple millin about who just got assigned a room "there might be an issue with the beds squeaking but there is an oil can under the sink" Tha fella chuckled and shrugged. "That's fine. At least it's a bed" I grinned and added "not fer internal use" which sent them both giggling and blushin. Tha female was real pale and not bothered at all by tha cold, dressed in, well, not a lot. Fanger, my guess. Strong Gal asked ""You may wish to find some clothing for your beloved....or she will freeze...or someone will think she is like um... maybe... yah..... she needs clothes before she dies of cold." But it sounds like they both knew who, and what, tha female was.

Back ta my story, like I told them, small brain, easy ta get off track, when their aint a task at hand "err, Sergeant Menjou . .no . .. no, Spirit Gal, my Spirit Gal, she saw somethin I was lost without too, and she, she helped me, so much, she took me, or, showed me tha Path, at least, ta tha Forest. tha First Forest, tha Great Wood and, I , we, we went there, I took her. I ran, I RAN, through ta trees, in tha wild, oh, Strong Gal, tha feelin, tha wildness, tha purity, it was . ... primal. I hunted, I cast off all my army stuff and ran barefurred and hunted." Strong Gal keeps listenin ta me, as she directs her charges about and I can see she’s obviously followin what I mean, which is good, we connect more often than we don’t, I thinkwhich is odd ta think, sometimes, I’m all fire and earth, and she is water and air. I keep goin "I killed, and brought my kill back ta Spirit Gal, and we ate, under tha forest sky, we shared my kill, she's, she . . .we're mated too, I’m very lucky ta have tha both of them, they, I need them, tha fire, tha air, tha night, I need them both like fire needs wood and air, like it needs dark ta shine."

Strong Gal gasped happily, "you married Joah????" I just rolled my head side ta side lookin at Strong Gal, she was real excited by what I said, but I didn’t quite know why. Snappypants blinked like he was wonderin how he would explain. I tried, "I walk tha Path with her, wherever it leads, I took her ta tha Wide River and froze and burned fer her, and she'd do tha same. i shared my kill with her under tha open moon, does that mean we're married?" Snappypants gets a real nervous look in his eyes and looks from Strong Gal ta me and back a few times She looked thoughtful fer a moment then said "Well.....if she is your beloved...and you are hers....and you love each other...and are going to stay together...and are dating and god approves, I think it means married....yah?" She looks to Snappypants fer confirmation. Snappypants intentionally looked away checking tha soup and cookie supply before hearing her reply. Yup, fear, ha. "well, I would say that is rather accurate... if all of the above applies at least" he looks over to me biting his lower lip "congatulations then" he worked hard ta give me a happy face, but something was worryin him, not about me and Spirit Gal, but about how he was gunna explain ta Strong Gal tha details, I think.

"err, ta, mate, its nothin new, ya woulda seen me holdin her down when her and Strong Gal here got lust-dusted a whiles back." Strong Gal asked, "Lust-dusted?" and turned, rubbin noses with Snappypants and still playin with his head fur. "well, yeah, there was somethin tha two of ya got exposed ta, somethin that made ya beg fer kisses, and cuddles, remember?" Snappypants reminded her too "when you trashed Deb's bike and Joah and you were rather intensely asking for cuddles and kisses after getting exposed to that stuff in dust form" Sorted. So, I went on "but, err, anyways, Spirit gal reminded me of tha wild, and that let me heal, she made tha big step, and took herself in with it, and put herself at risk ta help me. . .. she, she cant walk between worlds on her own, and, well, she had only hope that when we got there, I wouldnt eat HER, but, love is thicker than madness, yeah? and she healed my spirit there. and in time, we came back here, where my Family is," Strong Gal turned beaming at Grr. "So she saved you....." Nodding, she beamed again and lisped at me "Beloveds do that for each other."

"that she did, Strong Gal, and so, I came back, still broken, but only in tha head, my spirit was mine again, and Spirit Gal was mine again, and that made tha world a better place. but, I was still broken, and I still was trapped in my head, and that’s when Her Ladyship listened to my songs. she listened as I sang of War, tha horror of it, tha pain that comes when ya cant leave it, and at tha same time, tha love I have fer Her. I sang Our song, and that’s when she KNEW, she thought I was askin ta die and be like Her at Her hand, at first, ta be unmade and then eternal, but, that aint it. I wanted Her ta know I would Always, ALWAYS be Hers. fer as long as I have breath and blood, fer as long as my debt ta Coyote lasts, and beyond. And then . . .then . . She sang to ME. She sang, ta ME."

I could feel myself startin ta cry. Big scary werewolf, big tough dog-soldier. Its ok, aint nothing wrong with havin emotions, I am wild, I am free, and holdin that locked up aint good, "She sang of peace, of tha end of War, sang of a long future, song of joy, and . .. She sang, ta ME". Strong Gal hopped up and dashed fer a paper towel thingy ta let me dry my face on, sweet thing she is, I got FUR, but, never poke a gift Fleshie in tha eye. She told me "She sang because she loves you...." Snappypants was tappin his figers on the chair listenin and focused real close on my tale blinking in surprise at tha tears, I saw his eyes open wide but he locked up shop not makin any move or lettin him express himself freely. Bottled up. Maybe that’s why he’s lived so long, but he said "and through this you started healing on the inside again?" I nodded at him, and went on, with hardly a blubber. "She sang down tha moon. Strong Gal, that’s what my kind do, in tha cold of tha night. when we are alone and empty, we sing, and tha moon listens, and comes ta kiss tha ground, and we sing to each other, and find our mates. She sang ta ME. and yeah, She reminded me, She let moon touch ground, and I . . .I .. . un-snapped, with her love, and Spirit Gal's"
Strong Gal goes soft in tha eyes, softer, even, I guess, and "oh’d" softly. She nods understandin and said, "I'm glad you are getting well again." With a glance to Snappypants, she lisped, "I would perish if my beloved did as well."

He looked reall worried fer a second there again, and I aint quite sure why, or I wasn’t at tha time "that is a touching story Grr and it is good to know there are those that care and will go out of their way to reach for you" I thought I needed ta say more though, cause tha tale wasn’t done. "I . . .I almost killed Spirit Gal, ta free her from tha Thing, I burnt with Sacred Fire, and it worked, fer a little while, I took her ta tha Wide River where the dead go, and nothin can die, and . . .it wasnt enough. then tha Things took Her Ladyship, MY Omega, and I stabbed Her, pinned Her through tha heart to tha wall of tha Library, thats when I snapped. thats when it all went crazy. thats why tha Library kicked me out. But, they came back, and they came back fer me. I wasn't left behind again. I wasn’t left in tha crater. with tha bodies, in tha blood, in tha mud" I started ta loose it again, I remembered tha siege at tha Firebase, tha Indo Felines comin over tha wire, tha barrage, tha whistle and tha fire, tha blast, and tha pain, and what came later, in tha hospital . . . after they eventually found me. I musta been starin off fer a while, I realised I was scratchin at tha scars on my chest, that poked through my open jacket.

Strong Gal asked Snappypants "Is this why you do not wish me to go back into the library?" Snappypants stays silent regarding Brit's question for a while then responds "the events Grr described or part of them were definitely a fragment of the reasons I did not wish you on the road alone during those days" he looked back ta me "as I said, not best is fine as long as you are on your way to best and better is a good waypoint towards that". he nodded over to the newcomers "welcome to the shelter" I snapped back tat ha here and now "but they did, both of them, and all my Family, they all loved me, needed me and were there, and now, now I’m better, not best, but better" I looked over my shoulder and waved "g'day folks, warm and safe in here, food in tha pot, chilli taday, its good" then blinked, shook my head and grined "see, some things come natural, some things, tha things close ta my heart, take some doin . . but yeah, im on tha road ta redemtion . . ." Snappypants repeats rather mumbled "redemption" he mouths the word slowly and goes absent minded for quite some while. I looked Snappypants right in tha eye, noddin "I speak true, Mr Brit, I only had a short span, but I need just as much as those with a longer one, and I think ya understand, too, better than most"

Strong Gal asked me "Grr...is...um....the library safe again?" one of the neew folks perked right up and asked where it was, and I told Strong Gal "far as I know, if Blue Shadow aint bled anywhere, I . .. I need ta talk to tha Spirit, yeah mate, its my home, and Strong Gal here's . .. err. Brit's . . OTHER home" She goes on, telling tha new folks "there is a beautiful library...." She looks to Snappypants and back, "But I cannot go there....these days It has a pretty fireplace...and it is warm.... We used to canoodle in front of the fire place way lots....it's very good place to canoodle." Snappypants took a while to respond and then waited for a moment until there was a silent span again looking back at me "I reckon such a thing has nothing to do with the time we have been given but with our drive for it, that can build up rather magnificently in days and weeks and months and doesn't need aeons. I understand you well. maybe better than most would think, Coyote" he turns to Strong Gal and his previous expression fades into a warmer one. looking over at the couch he grins slightly "good we have not found any rat pieces there in a while"

He called me Coyote, too, fer all his stuffy ways, and bein a Fanger and all, I like Snappypants, he is true ta himself, and sees deep. "a critter's gotta eat, and, tha Felines all seem ta prefer fish in cans . . ." Strong Gal lisped, "It would have been like your dream buffet then...cuz they all exploded from the inside out...everywhere." She looked at tha walls, ceilin, and floor. Snappypants shruged in memory of that "whether it tasted good or not, that sight was rather appalling. even the sight of hundreds of chicken exploding uncooked all over the place is not rather good for appetite" he shook the image off "good thing the chilli smells better, too" he points at the pot on the stove. We talked a bit on tha best ways ta make use of city-meat, burgers and peanut satay, they were my favourite ways. Back ta Strong Gal’s question, I told them both "ha Library is safe. though, too safe fer some, these days, tha Library Spirit was well rankled that tha Horsemen could out-strip Her fer power" Strong Gal nibbled her lower lip and peeks at her mate again. She puffed her cheeks slightly and looks thoughtful, then shaking her head, she said, "I'm glad...it is safe again."

Snappypants gestures goodbye tat ha new folks, I think they will be stopping in at tha Library soon, seemed, clever too, we should look ta recruit em, if they last long. He looked over at Strong Gal like he was half keepin track of what she just thought and not said. I wonder how close their bond is, they seem ta know each others minds pretty close "maybe I will take you again sometime soon"

I grinned and shook my head as they left "kids .. .ha . .. was I ever that young? hell, im still probably younger even . . " Strong Gal nuzzling Snappypants, smiled sayin, "I'd like that....to go again with you...." She smiled real warmly at the thought and cuddled playfully. Then ta me, she said, "I'm glad you are well again...better.....I would have been very sad.....very sad....if you would have lost your way...." Snappypants added "or if you had perished..." he nods several times after the statement. "after all, you are very set to your sense of duty and no-one can really keep his track constantly without exception, you are rather of the reliable sort when you are not in the worst state, just as long as it is good, better or best" he caresses Strong Gal's hair slowly "we should do that soon"

"well, we'd like that, Strong Gal, Mr Brit, we'd like ta see ya both there, and yeah, Kin, Pack, Blood. Duty ta all three" That got her thinking, and she puzzled over my Words. Tha motto I learnt as my first words. "Kin... Pack.... Blood. Kin is family? Pack... is...... um Blood.... like sharing as I do with Ethan?" Snappypants blinks up at her question and looks ta me with a slightly amused grin on his face "interesting question I would say, though I think the initial meaning was meant to be a bit different" So I tried ta explain so she’s understand. "kin, thats my own kind, tha other shifters, Pack, thats family, like you . . . and blood, that’s, those I would fight for, shed blood for, and beside, my brothers and sisters in arms" Strong Gal, sharp mind she’s got in there, asked me a real good question, something that’s hard ta explain ta civilians. "what is the difference between family and blood?" I give it a shot, in terms I think she’ll follow "Family, is all of those I would protect, who protect me, my future, my dear ones, my Beloveds"

Snappypants coughed unnecessarily to conceal the plural form of the "Beloved" word like he was hoping it went unnoticed, then nodded "family is important to any animal, including humans mind you" he didn’t seem to exclude himself from the animal description and nudges Brit with the side of his cheek, that’s good, that’s what I hoped, and expected ta see, that’s why they are good tagether.
"Blood, are those I respect for their strength, and their sacrifice, their fulfillin of duty with their bodies ahh, yeah, not tha same . . .that, that’s what I would call Pack, in yer case, Strong Gal, you and Mr Brit there, a pack of two." Snappypants grinned wide and repeated me mouthin it slowly "Mr Brit" he turns to her and nudges her again "you see, I am your pack" he looks back to me "you see, I do only work in a pack that big, I could not have a larger pack than that" he looks back ta her "nor will I ever need to" She wonders fer a moment "That is not very many... Perhaps Gweneth is part of the pack." She looks to him and shrugged, "When she is near.... she came when it was important for her to be here Maybe two....is enough... Beloveds rather than a pack, maybe." Ahh, see, this is what Snappypants was wonderin over. "I understand that, its in tha nature of most two-legs ta make a small Family, but, well, I was never like that, I was born in a litter of six, my kind, we'd have big Families, lots of uncles and aunts ta look ta us, and care fer us, but, in tha zoo, there was only us . . ." Strong Gal muses some more. "I only had Pars...then....Denny and the people in the library....then...Ethan." Trailin her fingers through his head fur, she lisped, "And....our marriage is not cursed....and....we will not divorce....... and..... Ethan will always be my beloved...and my one and only. Denny is not usually unkind."

Snappypants shifts a bit uncomfortable in the sofa "Gwen is like adopted family but not pack, it is more like a child, that now is old and is not supposed to live at home anymore staying out there to hunt and be on her own" he shrugged and looks to his mate "you like beloveds more? beloveds it will remain" he shakes his head again "stop thinking about what Denny said, he was just rambling, baby" This is my cue ta tell em how I felt about tha two of them. I was reall worried, when I first noticed Strong Gal, well, becoming Strong Gal, but, I think I see what and why, now "I think yer marriage is one of tha best things thats ever happened in this city" and I can leave it at that.

Rats!

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Ash and blood smeared, water spotted entry dated 23/11/2008
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Tha runner that came from tha Shelter told us "Joah" wanted me, Her Ladyship or Denny ta meet her there, and that she needed a Vessel. Tha runner said someone named Brit was with her.
Tha Messenger said "Is probably a trap.." then as Raven's Song said "Brit?" I just yelled "FUCK" and Tha Messenger gasped "No.." I didn't wait fer nothin, pulled my mirror and did what i'd call a combat-fold. No checkin, no recon, just hopped tha Other in no-time. I flashed in ta tha Shelter lookin face ta face with my target "Hello Strong Gal . . .tha thing that look like Joah, is riding her body." hard intel out, I looked about and looked at her, fer Signs. Strong Gal nibbled her lip and said "Ethan hates bugs." She scratched slightly at a red mark on her chest near her chain. I went on "like a cheep version of what Labyrinth was, through tha Huntress Nareth." Strong Gal nodded and said "Blue did not look so good either...they are looking for a vessel..." I nodded, sniffin and lookin about. I could smell Pestilence. I knew its foul scent now. It was loose. I could scent Death too, a chalky, dusty smell. "no. they are both in our friends. They stole our friends bodies to be tha Four Horsemen." Pestilence was here. "and they can fuck. right. off."

Pestilence tilts her head slightly, her eyes hooded like she was day-dreamin. As she did, there was a skitterin sound, a scratching against the walls. I looked close to Brit's chest, well inside her personal space, and inspects the mark there. I heard Raven's Song come in lookin about cautiously, her body braced and tense at tha sounds; Strong Gal scratched more at the reddish mark. "Who are the other two?" Lookin about at the walls, she looks back to me. "If that is a rat, Ethan is gonna toss a hissy fit. He hired real people to do a toxic sweep of this place for living space."

Pestilence looks at me, mouth open, smiling, lips unmovin as handful of worms tumble from her mouth. "You want to fuck, dog?" tha whispers rasped. The scratchin in the walls got louder. I could hear it in the cabinets in the kitchen, echoing against the wooden drawers and panels. "Strong Gal . . .tha thing tha looks like Joah? its a Rider of tha Apocalypse, its Pestilance, its filth and decay, its undone tha stuff Snappypants paid fer" Tha Messenger walks around the corner, stopping as she see's the others. Raven's Song offered the young femal Fleshie quietly, " If they are, They're not reminants of what had been there. I'm doubting these are even natural... if they are." Strong Gal waved at Lia, “this ... this is Lia ... and she is way nice .... and .. .Lia, this is Grr ... and .... Rhaven .... and ..... that is Faye Li...." Lia said back ta her “I met Grr before. He saved me from a vampire!" Thought I recognized her scent, most Fleshies look alike ta me, ha, as tha sayin goes. Tha Messenger said ta Pestilence “I am the guiding light of death.. and I'll show you the way to yours, filth.” Tha kitchen drawers began ta rattle, the sound tableware clinkin, boxes knocked over in the cabinets...the scurrying in the walls.... I looked at Pestilence, ridin tha body of my Spirit Gal, as Strong Gal woulda said, one of my Beloveds. “fuckin is natural, fuckin is right, fuckin is natures way of makin more nature. you got tha right holes, Thing, but you aint part of nature,like ya said, yer before, so yeah, i want to, and you and me aint gunna. find a demon” Strong Gal was lookin real worried She whispered ta me, "you know Ethan is going to fuss....you know how he gets sometimes...." Raven's Song steadied herself, turnin in on herself as she drew tha Watchtowers, I could tell from tha energies movin around her reachin out to Tha Messenger and me with tendrils of psychic light.

Pestilence laughed. "You said fuck off, dog....I merely made the offer..." As it laughed tha cabinet doors popped open, there was tha sound of drawers bein pushed out, fallin to tha floor. A wave of rats streamed over the counters, around the counters, into the room...the air filled with their fuckin screechin and screein of claws on the tiles. I looked around "oh, nature's bounty . . . ." and I unfurled my new bull-whip and drew my little sword "stand back, meat comin up . . .” Lia gasped as she saw the rats. Palin, she backed up, Raven's Song drew a ward to her, a growin island in the chaos of writhin fur that seems to pile out of nowhere. Strong Gal blinked and looked from one to the other of us. She ran to grab Lia's hand and evaced toward tha little office so she is nearer to a door. Smart thinking, our Strong Gal. Tha Messenger stood her ground, glanced at Strong Gal briefly, showing a slight relieved smile, before glaring back at Pestilence. This was my dance. I spuns and whirled in a song of blood as from my crouch in a furious series of swings of fur and cloth, I sliced and diced tha rat tide with whip and sword. “Never. Pass up. Free. Food.” I was makin a mess. A big red and brown mess. They kept comin, mad in their sickness and hunger, and I kept cutting a swathe. Blade and lash, and little chunks of broken and busted rat.

Pestilence parts her lips, whispering something in that not-Arab language they use. As she did tha remaining rats seemed to collapse where they were, dead on the floor. The smell of rotting flesh begins to permeate the area. I massacred the rats. Pestilence upped tha stakes. Raven's Song continued to draw on the favors of gods and goddesses past, their names whispered in sweet tone under her breath. "Isis... Asate... Dianna... Hecatate..." but tha flesh of the dead rats, the ones that I splattered and the others who died at Pestilences biddin, began ta roil and ripple. The smell in the Shelter almost becomes unbearable.... So I
I stopped and flicked tha gore off his sword and sheathed it, then looks at Pestilence, and cracked my whip at her, snappin it in front of her face so that rat gore sprays her. Fuckin godlings. Least I can show my contempt fer their breakin tha cycle, by paintin them with their own wastage. I see Lia gaggin as she takes in tha scent. Then try ta keep her food down, she slapped a hand over her nose.
I stood amidst the whelter of my gory display and waved the others out "you others, who aint stood knee deep in tha blood of yer kin, out”
Strong Gal blinked in bewilderment, poor luv, she ain’t used ta this kinda SNAFU. She watched as the rat bodies piled up and at the first whiff, she brought her sleeve to her nose and blinked hard.

I saw Raven's Song grimace, trying her best to hold on ta tha contents of her stomach as she contues her chant, "Dimitre... Kali... Inanna." Again and again, she calls upon Goddesses and Watchtowers, buildin her Inner Self to send out in Golden auric waves toward me fer me ta take, and use, as needed. Bloody grateful fer that. No idea what Pestilence was gunna throw at us next. It just tilted her head back, acceptin the spray and smilin. She opened her lips, and tha expression crossin her was like she was is deep in passion. Maggots begin to drip out of her mouth, falling to the floor, rippling through the slain bodies of the multitude of rats lying at her feet. She opened her eyes fuly, looking at Raven’s Song, then at me, and laughed a sparkling, tinkly laugh. I coiled tha bull-whip and coughed, wrinklin my muzzle up, and again, I felt the light of Others reflectin through me, making my fur to glow golden. Tha Messenger glanced at the ones near her, "Come. We don't need it escaping." I slungs my whip over my shoulder and kicked a rat thigh off my paw. “we're gunna need shovels . . .” Lia gagged again even through she was coverin her mouth. Raven's Song 's head came back up and in lighter mimic of Joah's pose, her own in contrary bliss as her chantin continued, gainin in tempo; a sing song of a mantra from a soulful voice. Nice and all, but there mighta been something building. Plague Rats don’t bring much good. “out, all of you's out, this aint tha place fer plant-eaters” Strong Gal looked around at the couple of hundred of dead rats that were brought. Each of them in different levels of decay. "Um....how can we get them out of here....?" Raven's Song blinked, openin her eyes and noddin, backing her way out though still concentratin as Tha Messenger lightly tugs at her arm.

I tell them “shovels, Strong Gal, we'll need shovels but later, now, we need you out, or ya'll get sick” Pestilence bent low, pickin up the bloody corpse of one rat and rubbing it against her cheek. Tha maggots drop from tha little broken body, wrigglin away on the floor. Dropping the rat, Pestilence walked outta tha Shelter without a word. I try ta calm things, now It’s gone “Strong Gal, once this is over, we'll burn these and use tha ash ta make fertiliser fer flowers, hows that sound, nature dont abide waste” Pestilence lookd at tha Messenger as It walked by, saw her weapon and grinned. Tha Messenger glares back, "I'm coming for you."
Tha Messenger stood back. Pestilence stops turning slightly toward me. "Tilt at windmills, dog. Tilt all you like." I give It a hard look, seein if I catch a glimpse of Spirit Gal in there “till my debt is paid, you should know that, i gave my all ta two of yer kin, and i did it good.” Tha Messenger growls, knowing Spirit Gal’s still in there somewhere too. I go on. “ask yer sister how good a servant i was.”

Some fresh Fleshie chick wanders up and get slapped in tha nose with tha smell. stopin short lookin over the floor, " Oh My and i sleep here" I just opened my mirror and got out of there, back home to tha Library. Raven’s Song, and Tha Messenger ran on back after me. I picked fragments of rat off my fur and popped it in my mouth, chewin as I thought. Tha Messenger looks me over again, her eyes were still glowin white like her sword, "Did it flee?" and Raven's Song 's eyes and skin still glow with the light of Inner Self, Watchtowers ain’t something easily called or, as easily, put away. Raven's Song said “We... were up to our eyeballs in Grr's lunch. I don't think it went very far.” Pep talk time “yeah, i think we're startin ta piss it off, nice work, tha lot of ya” I finished picking big globs of rat off myself and moves to inspect the rest of my Family. Tha Messenger nods slightly, "It was.. right there.. but, so is she.." she released the sword back to the aether and the glow left her eyes.

“yeah one lob of a sword, problem solved, and . . .no Spirit Gal” I didn’t like tha thought that I might have ta do that, not thinkin in, not thinking of thinkin of it. And sure as fuck not anyone ELSE thinkin of it neither. Raven's Song sobered a moment, sendin out her Sight before calling, and thanking, the Cardinal Guardians and Goddesses alike... sending them back to their resting places. There as a feelin like altitude change, pressure let off. Blinkin again, she let herself to sink to the ground, trembling in exhaustion. Tha Messenger said “I will not take Joah..” I plucks chunks off Faye, popping each into his mouth nad chomps then away. I gave her a good lookin over, she’s been real stand-up through all this. Raven's Song said “I... I hope it doesn't have to come to that...”
It might though, if it comes ta that, better it were me. She’s make tha trip over tha Wide River better that way, I think, but I got tha feelin that tha Messenger knew what she was doin too. Somethin about that mark she put on my head, and tha Words she spoke. “it aint goin nowhere, if it comes ta that, i'll collect its fuckin head, and see her over tha River myself.” Tha Messenger nods slowly, "I'll go with you.." Raven's Song said “As will I.” I looked at them both shrewdly "you just might at that . . . " Tha Messenger said “You see why it's so hard.. accepting this..”

But I couldn’t let em all taste that cold water. I looked ta Raven’s Song, that bright, glowin gal, young and fresh, full of life and wonder “Raven's Song, no offence intended, but i think yer place is more in tha realm of tha livin. if i judge right. you dont wanna be treadin tha Realms of tha Dead.” I finish snackin off Messenger’s gore coat and moves to Raven’s Song next as Griff tha Righteous Fanger came in “good evening Omegans” Raven's Song gaze lifts ta meet mine "I'm not afraid to face my mortality. I told y'all, once, it's what I do with what I have that matters. I will stay behind, though, if that's what's needed of me." Tha Messenger said “I don't want to take her.. I didn't want to have to ever make that choice.. so I don't accept this, not what I am.” I was bein a bad host, but I managed ta get out ta Griff “not much fuckin good about it, but, hello” as Blake came in too. Raven's Song turned to Blake offering a warm smile. "Hey, boo." Tha Messenger turns, noddin a slight hello to Blake too "Hey.. sight for sore eyes.." Griff raised an eyebrow at me "Grr you look like you’ve been on one hell of a pub crawl" I was splattered with rat, burnt and charred from fightin off tha cold of Death with thermite, and still coated and matted with tha mud from tha Dark Jungle by tha side of tha Wide River where I took Joah, after Tha Thing tried ta end her ta fuckin spite me. Bastard. Tha Messenger walked up ta me, dusting herself off on the way sayin “The blood may wash away, but your blessing is true.”

“yeah, all tha best bars from Bali ta Beirut, Mogadishu ta Baghdad, i'm gunna go swim some, and get kinda clean” I bobbed my head in thanks to Tha Messenger, then puts a paw on Raven’s Song’s shoulder and padded away out the door and around the corner, too tired to walk up and down stairs. Bereft of my Spirit Gal, burnt by Sacred Fire, chilled by tha Wide River, then burnt by science, then frosted by Death Herself, then two combat-folds, and splattered in rotten scavenger as summoned by tha very Thing that stole my Spirit Gal and rode her body. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I wish Her Ladyship would come home soon, I need her strength and her wisdom.

I miss Featherpants. I miss Spirit Gal, I miss Her Ladyship. I need backup.

Cookbook 2

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more pencil scribblings, splattered with "sauce" dated 27/9/08
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"cazuela del tamal de la rata"

400g shredded city-meat,
beans
salsa
sword sliced tomato
half a block of cheese, hacked into pieces
old, dried up tortilla

cook the meat, mixed it with the beans, put it in tha tortillas, layered them in a frying pan, dump in the salsa and some water, top it with tha tomato.

bring tha whole thing to a boil, then cut up tiny strips of cheese to melt on top after it had reduced a bit.
(( with thanks to Joah, how she learnt to make it escapes me, she don't eat solids . . .))


Grr's Amazing Choc-Chip Can-Cookies
2 cups and 2 tablespoons spelt flour
2/3 cup almond meal
3/4 tsp baking powder
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup white sugar
2/3 cup butter
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp cardamom
1 egg

mush up this lot in a bowl, then add this stuff

1 cup rough chopped dark chocolate
2/3 cup dried cranberries

bake in hottish oven, have a cup of tea, don't let it burn

-note: when makin cookies, go Fleshie, or wear gloves, its fuckin hard ta get it outta fur . . .